Darnay Road
by counselor
Summary: Starts out in summer of 1963. Sweet little ten year old Catholic school girl Bella Christine meets 11 year old smoker with armpit hair who really does live on the wrong side of the tracks Easy. She and Alice May are mystery solvers in their spare time, and Easy (E. C.) and his brother Jap (Jasper) will keep these two little ladies on their sleuthing toes. Warning: Might get hairy.
1. Chapter 1

Darnay Road 1

We live in the biggest house this side of Darnay Road. Every time after the two-fifteen chugs through town the Mr. Softie truck comes and I get one quarter and a dime out of the penny jar. I know it's dumb to call it a penny jar when it holds all kinds of silver money but that's what we call it, the penny jar, cause my granma is the one who started it in the depression. If you don't know what that is, it's this long time ago when people didn't have any money and they were poor and put cardboard in their shoes. If they had shoes probably.

So I run to the corner and wait for the truck and it always pulls up there and I get a cherry bomb pop or a chocolate swirl cone. Alice gets a banana pop or a vanilla cone and we sit on my porch steps and lick, lick, lick. She always talks too much and whatever she gets it melts onto her hand and one time it got on her dress and she couldn't play flashlight tag that night and I had to hide without her and I got so scared when Disbro Peak found me hiding in our favorite place, behind the washtubs by the back shed, I peed my underwears a little and I took them off on the backporch and stuck them in between the pop bottles so Granma wouldn't know but then I forgot and she found them and said Miss Bella we do not take our undies off on the backporch mercy me.

I go to the Catholic school and we're almost out for summer vacation. Every day when I get home I lay my schoolwork in a fan-shape on the kitchen table cause every paper has a star and they are all colors. I like purple best until I see the red. I like the gold ones too but mostly red is my favorite color and cherry. I like cherry anything at all.

My best friend Alice likes yellow and banana. Every year her mother makes her a banana cake for her birthday but I always get cherry with cherry cream cheese icing and my name in chopped up cherries. My name is Bella with two l's and that's good because L is my favorite letter. My whole name is Bella Christine but Granma says there aren't enough cherries at Moe's's store to spell all that so she just puts Bella. My last name is Swan so don't even think about it.

My room is pink too, and my bed has a dust ruffle with two ruffles. Alice May has one ruffle and hers is white and she spilled Kool-aid on it at the beginning of spring and she got a spanking. She says she did and I believe it. I just have to stand in the corner though cause Granma can't hit me on account of my eyes. She says they are just too beautiful.

We are nearly out of school but we still have the parade and the school picnic and it will be the best picnic there ever was. I am going to walk with Alice May and we are working on our banners. Each of us makes a banner to hold out of cardboard and broom handles and crepe paper that always fades on our hands. Mine is red and white and on it is a big picture of a cowboy roping a cow that Granma let me cut out of Look magazine. And I cut out words Granma traced that say, "Yipee-ki-yay School's Out."

Alice May's is yellow and white and she has pictures of flowers on hers and it says, "Have a Blooming Good Summer."

I have five whole dollars saved for the picnic. I've been saving all year. Alice May has three dollars and seventy-two cents so we are going to put that money together and divide it right down the middle. Right down it. We are going to ride the tilt-a-whirl twice, the wild pussy-cat once, and go through the haunted house which is really the top dusty floor of our school and the old stage made to look frightful by the eighth graders who'd as soon scare your liver out of your throat as look at you.

Alice says it really is haunted up there because she has looked up during recess and seen the face of Sister Mary Sponza our second grade nun who died during the school year when we were just seven years old, right there in the window. Sister Sponza came to school without her habit, just a veil she clutched under her chin. After that we didn't have her again, and then she died.

Now she haunts that top floor and Alice May sees her sometimes still clutching that veil that barely covers her bald head. Alice May also sees her Granma Ninny or Nettie, she calls her both. She says Granma comes at night and sits on her bed and smiles at her. That scared me so bad I slept with my Granma for a week until she said I couldn't no more cause I kick her all night.

I was going to be a nun but now I'm going to be a movie star or a folk singer. I haven't decided. But Alice May and I have many songs we've learned and she sings soprano and I sing alto. She says I sing like a boy but Granma says I do not sound like a boy at all I sound like a girl who is nearly nine who has a nice full voice and then she says I kind of sound like Patti Page, but Alice says Ricky Nelson.

Alice May slapped me once, so I pulled her hair. But we were way younger then. But sometimes she makes me mad and Granma says we must take a break. I watch her from my window then. She lives across the street in big gray. We call my house big white.

When Alice plays by herself without me it makes me sad.

She looks too small and I don't know what she's saying cause she always talks to herself and she needs me to remind her it looks crazy.

Our favorite games are paper dolls, the Lennon Sisters are best. We divide those two each. And our Barbie dolls. Alice May got black haired Barbie and I got blonde hair Barbie. She has three outfits for hers and I have two. Hers is Barbie and mine is Barbra. That way we can tell them apart. I wanted Barbie, too, and I called it first but that's what she slapped me about and she was sorry so I said okay I'd be Barbra cause Barbra Stanwyck is okay and blonde.

I hate, hate, hate boys. They are stinky and dumb. I was in love with Timothy Bart last year but this year I think he has cooties. But he won't leave me alone he always tries to walk home with me. So me and Alice run.


	2. Chapter 2

Darnay Road 2

I am the only 'only child' in my class where a lot of them are from big Catholic families so they have lots of babies—Catholics do. Granma says me being the only child is the best thing ever cause if there were two of me she would have to hop that train behind Alice's house and ride it to Siberia.

Siberia is not in America just so you know. I'm pretty sure Nikita Kruschev loves Siberia. He is a big fat Russian man. Russians hate Americans. They may be dropping a bomb on us sometime. If they do I'm going in our cellar with Granma and Alice and her aunt May which is why Alice is Alice May, but not her brother Riley. He hangs out with the worst boys I know and they smoke cigarettes so Alice says he will probably go with them and live in the stinky sewers. That's pretty bad cause we think our poop goes there when we flush but those boys probably wouldn't even mind.

Alice says my Granma's cellar is as good as a bomb-shelter anyway because it has the best doors but I still wish we had the real thing. Sometimes at night I think of everything I'd put in my bomb-shelter and I could live for years and years and Kruschev could never find me. Alice says if you come up first the Russians may shoot you or you will turn to ashes. And even if something looks good like grass and water if you don't wait twenty years it will kill you.

But Alice and I fixed up Granma's cellar with many great things we'll need for survival. Granma and her Aunt May have no idea, but we have all kinds of things down there like cans of Franco American spaghetti, Alice's favorite, and one can opener and Kass potato chips, my favorite. Two bags each. We have canteens, her brother Riley's old Davy Crocket one and his old Boy Scout one. And four blankets, one for each and candles and one flashlight we still need to get batteries for and Riley's old transistor radio also without batteries, and a diary so we can keep track of our captivity like Anne Frank. If you don't know who she was she was a Jewish girl who was in hiding with her family in World War II. She got killed right when she fell in love.

Oh, I'm in love. With James Darren also known as Moondoggie in the Gidget movies. When I have a boyfriend, and I already do, lots and lots of them and they're all so stupid. But when I get a good one, an older one that's not stupid, I want one like James.

Alice doesn't like James Darren. She says all boys are stupid but that's because of Riley. She likes Bud on Father Knows Best. So she wants to marry him and I want to marry James Darren someday, or Elvis maybe. I don't know.


	3. Chapter 3

Darnay Road 3

It's got to stop. Alice gets Kookie off of our favorite T.V. show Seventy-Seven Sunset Strip and I love Kookie. "Kookie lend me your comb," she says over and over. I get Efrem Zimbalist Jr. He's the older detective. I always get the older ones. She gets Little Joe and I get Adam. She wanted Moondoggie and Kahuna made my stomach feel funny but he had a hairy chest so I put my foot down and she got Kahuna so finally.

Alice says boys have these hot dogs down there. Weiners. I remember the first time we got Ken and we ripped his shorts off to see but it wasn't anything, just kind of a bump. "That's it?" she said.

I was relying on her to know something but Riley was older so she didn't know anything about 'the bump.' And Ken wasn't helping.

I'm so tired of it. Not about the bump, but about Alice May wanting all the good ones. I try to tell Granma but she says to get her the Bufferin I gave her the headache again.

We have a club. We call ourselves the Bobbsey Twins. We read those books when we were younger, Alice and me is who I mean. Then we read all the Nancy Drews only I read each one first because if I didn't Alice would tell me how it ended and I was so, so, a hundred million so's in so mad.

But this year since we're nearly ten I think we should change the name to Darnay Spies. Alice says Darnay Sisters. I say The Darnay Sister Spies. Then we decide to just say Darnay Spies like I said if she'd ever listen.

She gives me the headache sometimes. She won't wear a skirt that doesn't have twirl and then all day at school and on the walk home she twirls and twirls and I swear you can almost see her underwears but she says unt-uh. But fourth grade is over for summer so she wears sunsuits and they don't twirl usually, and I wear short sets. I have three, light pink, shocking pink and red. Alice has about a hundred sunsuits and they tie at the shoulders and when I get mad I grab one of the ties and pull and she grabs at it and screams like I ain't seen those polka dots on her chest about a million times.

We both have brown hair and brown eyes, hers in a pixie cut and mine long and mostly I wear two braids. Alice's Aunt May says Alice looks like Hayley Mills but she doesn't have blonde hair. My Granma says I look like Natalie Wood, and Alice went home mad when I told her.

But back to what I was saying about mysteries. We are spies. Me and Alice. We spy all the time. All the time. Alice May never ever stops spying and I almost never do.

See that's why we exchanged blood, she pricked her finger, then mine and we rubbed them together and swore a pledge. We are sworn to secrecy about the mysteries we solve.

We solved two already since third grade summer when we started the club. Our first mystery was the case of the little dog that got trapped under the porch of crazy Miss Little's front porch. Now going up to that porch took some courage. Miss Little wears red, red lipstick and some of it goes around her mouth instead of on her lips and she walks outside in her full slip, up and down the sidewalk and she calls to cars that pass. And one day we were walking to Moe's market and she just appeared behind Alice May. We didn't even hear her or anything and Alice May was talking about us putting on a carnival and we could have bingo, fish pond, ring toss and next we knew there was Miss Little talking about her dead husband John killed in the war and in that slip and the red lips and long red hair some in curlers, some not, and Alice screamed and I froze and Alice had to grab me and we ran off screaming.

So going for that little dog and then going door to door and finding its owner was the bravest thing we've ever ever done.

We've got about six mysteries that we work on all the time. Day and night we never stop.

Our biggest case is about the Hardy Boys. They live on the other side of the railroad tracks behind Alice's May's house.

They don't really live on Darnay, they live on Scutter Road but their backyards face the tracks and then the backyards on Alice May's side of the street. But me and Alice don't recognize Scutter Road except by its backyards cause Granma won't even let me sell chance tickets or anything on Scutter, I can only play on Darnay or one block over the other way when we skate in front of Moe's market. And of course I can walk to school, but that's in the opposite direction from Scutter Road too. Granma calls Scutter the slums.

But the Hardy Boys come in the night. They stop outside Riley's window and do frog calls and Riley climbs out and goes with them…to the slums.

Riley thinks Alice don't know, but he doesn't even think about us being spies. I watch in my window and signal to Alice with Granma's big silver flashlight she can never find, and Alice signals back with Riley's Boy Scout flashlight cause he quit scouts and Alice pretty much took everything for the bomb shelter and our spy ring.

Oh yeah, the other mystery we solved was the mystery of the altar at our church The Lady of the Bloody Heart. Not really, it's Our Lady of the Sacred Heart but we love, love Bloody Heart best.

So the story was there are the bones of dead nuns and priests in the big altar. And being girls we can't go in any of the backrooms like the boys get to, Riley even, cause they are altar boys and we are not.

So it was Alice's idea that we needed to look into that altar and settle it once and for all cause we couldn't even pray during morning mass we were so busy always wondering if the dead bones were in there.

So we went to Saturday mass and we never, ever, ever do that because we have to go all the other days during school but not summer. So we went and then we each had our rosaries in our hands and we waited after mass, kneeling there with our black lace veils hanging along our faces which always makes Alice feel like she has long hair and it makes me feel like a bride, but we wait there and Alice pretends to pray but I really do because we're about to commit a really big sin, one I'll have to confess but I'll disguise it as much as possible.

So after the last old lady finally leaves we breathe a big sigh of relief and Alice leads the way and we get in the aisle and genuflect, make the sign of the cross and I put my rosary in the velvet pouch and she does too, and we put those in our purses, mine red with sharp brass trim and hers straw for summer with daisies on it. We put our missals in there too though mine won't hardly close now, and then we keep our heads covered cause we're still in church what do you think.

We have never been inside the gate that surrounds the altar and keeps people out unless they are in vestments and are boys or old men. So I don't even know if girls can go in here or ever have.

But Alice says nuns have to go in cause someone has to clean it and put in the communion so even though we're not nuns we are Catholic and Alice says that's probably enough.

So my heart is pounding so hard. I hope God's not mad about this. But we go up to the fence and Alice goes over. I almost die. Seeing her put her butt on that marble fence top and lift her legs and flash her underwears and then be on the other side, I can't believe it. We're going to get burned at the stake for this.

But I go right over after. Lord Almighty I nearly faint. We are standing in here and it's so different. "It's too holy," I say and I say it so loud my words echo.

But Alice is already moving up the marble steps closer to the altar. I can't believe her nerve but I follow her skinny white legs and her ankle socks and her Mary Janes.

She goes up the second set of steps and my knees are weak and I have to pee. That altar is so, so tall I can't even look up at all the saints crouching in the little spaces because I know they would give me teacher looks and I would have to faint.

She is at the altar now and I'm biting a knuckle.

"C'mon Bella," she says and I wish she wouldn't have told all the saints my name.

So I get next to her and she goes around the side and there's a door cut into all that gold and she unlatches it and pulls it open and gasps at what she sees.

I look over her shoulder cause I am a spy at heart and great balls of fire. Mops and buckets.

She closes the door and sets the latch and I am already going over the fence. She calls for me to wait but I don't stop. I see that confessional and I know I'm going to be in there once school starts in the fall and I'm going to have to come up with something to tell Father Anthony but for now we've solved our second mystery and it feels…great.


	4. Chapter 4

Darnay Road 4

Disbro Peak has a withered arm. He was born with it. He holds it against his chest like a broken wing.

He's skinny. And he's mad. Sometimes he goes with the Hardy Boys, sometimes he's with two younger boys my and Alice's age, Mike and Eric. I hate them.

Thing is Alice May says she saw Jessica at the five and dime and her mother was buying her a bra.

I can't believe my ears. Alice May and I still wear undershirts. My Granma wouldn't even believe she has to get me a bra cause I'm flat as a board.

"Was she embarrassed?" I ask meaning Jessica.

"I was," Alice says.

Well I'm embarrassed just hearing about it.

"Imagine your Aunt May buying you a bra in the five and dime and along comes the Hardy Boys," I say, barely able to.

Alice squeals and kicks her feet. We're in the bomb shelter by the way. We're lying back on the blankets rolled up. It's cool down here. When I tell Alice to imagine that she squeals and kicks her feet and her flashlight goes rolling off her lap.

Granma yells down then. What is going on down there, and I say nothing. "Come on out of there and go play in the sunshine," she says.

"Yes ma'am," I say and we sigh and get up.

Later on we are wearing our new sunglasses from Moe's. He got some in in pink and blue and Alice May wanted to buy the pink ones too, and I got mad and said fine I just won't get any, and she gave in and got blue and I'm telling her they are real nice as we skate along. Oh yeah we're skating and we got our new shoe skates on, our Roller Derby Street Kings we both got last Christmas. No more keys and clamp-ons for us.

Hers have yellow pom-poms and mine have pink. I wanted red but Granma got mixed up so I got pink.

Anyway we skate at Moe's most evenings after supper. That way we don't terrorize the shoppers, as Moe puts it, cause we take that corner where the stoop and the door are located pretty fast and mean. Luckily he closes at five so it's a pretty dead corner and paved without cracks, just one big L of smooth, smooth.

So we get pretty fancy and folks are used to the two of us going back and forth around Moe's.

Now catty-corner to Moe's is the other store Mac's. Granma and Aunt May don't deal there except after Moe's closes if we want ice cream or we get desperate for something.

Mac is real nice to kids if they got a big person with them, but if a kid goes in to look at the comics he won't even let you look he says, "Hurry up there. Hurry up there now," cause he lives in back and he wants to get back to his television. But if I go in with Granma he plucks at me and gives me a sucker and he smiles so big it looks like the Twilight Zone. "That big phony," Granma says.

But we've been skating a while when I hear this whistle, like Frank Sinatra might whistle at Marilyn Monroe if he knows her.

I'm rounding the corner at Moe's, going fast like I do, and sometimes I lift my foot even and I'm getting ready too, and there's the whistle and I look over at Mac's and there are the Hardy Boys and I go right off the curb and half-way into the street and a car comes to a screeching halt and I'm on the ground right in front of it. Alice May is screeching her head off and I think I'm gone for a minute, like out cause I'm coming to and it's James Darren, I swear, right over me. And Alice says later I say, "Moondoggie?"

But I don't think I say that at all.


	5. Chapter 5

Darnay Road 5

After my famous almost getting killed skating show I have to stay in bed for a couple of days. Once my broken arm heals I'll be good as new the doc says.

I have a cast made out of plaster. It's huge. I can't believe it. And I lay on the porch when I get home and over the next couple of days kids from school come by, well three or four do with their mothers, and neighbors come and I tell my story again and again and again. And they sign the cast with red pen.

Now I can't go swimming but I can put on my swimming suit if I want but I tell Granma what the heck for? I can't even go to the pool or anything. What about swimming lessons? And how will I make a necklace out of Indian beads at day camp or dance with Alice? And my spywork is over. Mostly. Alice says it's like Rear Window, almost my favorite movie ever. So now I'm Jimmy Stewart? What is she, Grace Kelly?

I should never have gone up to the altar. God is punishing me. I say rosary after rosary that he won't punish Alice too. I ask that my punishment is enough for us both. But I don't tell Alice. I do give her my lucky rabbit's foot, the pink one because it's not working for me, and I don't say this, but she needs all the help she can get.

When God is mad at you you're in so so much trouble because he owns everything and he can use it.

Granma says God is not mad at me, for heaven sakes I'm dramatic but she doesn't know what I've been up to. She says if God was mad at me I would have gotten hit by Mr. Ferguson instead of scared silly and getting my skate caught in the bricks and going down like that.

But I broke the wheel off my new skate and one of the pom-poms are gone and Alice May tried to find it and she couldn't.

Who would tear it off of me, a poor kid lying in the street? I don't know what to think.

But I know what I think about, yes I do.

James Darren. I know I hit my head, but it's not hitting my head that made me see him. He was the first thing when I woke up and he was right there. I call him Frank Hardy. Alice says a hundred times I said Moondoggie but I don't let her know I saw him—Frank Hardy. I don't tell her that because how else can I deny it? I didn't say Moondoggie. I would never say that.

But as the week goes by and I'm lying on the lounger on our porch licking on a cherry bomb pop that Alice brings me about everyday even if her hot little hand makes them melt some, Disbro Peak rides by, that one good arm working the banana handlebars, and his two Devilish sidekicks Harpie one and Harpie two are behind him, also on their bikes. Mike has a couple of baseball cards pinned on his spokes and he's making a lot of noise. They see me lying there and Disbro calls out so loud Miss Little up the street probably heard him, "Moondoggie."

I know I pee a little. And I'm so mad I don't even know the first ten times that bomb pop stains my white eyelet crop top.

I can never leave this porch again.

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I do like to go to the show. Alice and I go every single Wednesday, two movies and cartoons for fifty cents. Granma always lets me go. When I come home she's sitting on the porch drinking out of the dark green glass singing, "Kansas City Here I Come."

But before that I go to the matinee with Alice. Her Aunt May drives us, I mean we don't walk like usual now that I'm practically a mummy.

"Why do you hold it like a baby?" Alice says.

"It makes my shoulder tired," I say like she just can't understand because she can't.

"Where's your sling?" Aunt May asks me looking in the mirror.

"It gets too hot," Alice May answers for me from beside Aunt May. So I close my mouth because Alice May has all the answers in the world. She got her pixie cut fresh just that morning at Edna's beauty parlor and Aunt May is all poofed up and ready to go nowhere.

I sigh. Granma pinned my braids on top of my head like a crown. I think I look like Heidi, almost my favorite story but one of the pins is digging my scalp. Granma always says we must suffer to be beautiful. I sure hope I'm beautiful someday cause I am suffering, that's for sure.

Then I think of Miss Little. She is suffering. I think that, I don't know why. But she is not beautiful. So I just sigh again.

When we get to the show there is a long line. We are walking to the back and everyone is looking at us because of my arm and me almost getting killed. So I'm a little proud and a little embarrassed. Well a lot embarrassed cause Disbro Peak is last in line, but he's by his skinny self. So we get in line and it's so embarrassing. Disbro's elbow sticks out to the left and mine sticks out to the right. I just feel so dumb and then he turns around grinning and says, "Moondoggie," with a face like a jack-o-lantern. Apparently he's never suffered. Well except for his arm, but he doesn't seem to mind, I will say that.

I stare at him like I don't know who he is but I feel those dark red splotches burning into my cheeks. Alice May steps in front of me and stares at him. I know she's crossing her eyes. She can get by with it cause of Riley.

Then what do you think. This just gets worser by far and I think the skin on my cheeks will split like two plums cause Riley comes out of nowhere and he says to Alice, "Hey give me some money."

I have to back up a little cause Alice swings her purse, the patent leather one with the silver snap closure that can double for a weapon cause she brings it when we're on a case just like I bring my red one with the sharp brass corners but I don't have it now because of my mummy baby growing where my arm used to be.

Then he's right there, behind Riley standing with the other one. Alias Frank Hardy standing with alias Joe Hardy alias the Hardy Boys.

I wish they had wrapped my face too, like the invisible man. Thank goodness I'm wearing my sunglasses. Maybe he can't see my eyes. But he's kind of looking. And he's smoking. I think he's eleven but he's tall and he has big hands and somehow, I just don't think his mother loves him like she should. Either one of them with their thin, ripped t-shirts.

"Hey Kookie lend me your comb," Alice says to Frank. I mean right to him cause his hair is long and he combs it back with his hand but it flops onto his forehead. He smiles and takes a pull of that Camel. I see it's Camel. Joe laughs too, this kind of punk smirk. I cross one ankle over the other.

I can't believe she said that. It's like what a big girl says. I can't believe it. And he liked it cause he's laughing and so is Joe, calling him Kookie and he knocks Joe's hand off.

Riley waves his hand in Alice's face like the three stooges would and they move off and I can't speak. Someone nudges me from behind because the line is moving and I am stuck.

I turn around and it's him. "Hey ballerina," he says, and he does this thing with his lips so he doesn't blow that smoke in my face but he blows it to the side in a stream then he pitches that smoke and I'll tell you one thing…brother.

They really do leave then. Alice says they'll sneak in. Big boys do it all the time. They go around back and sneak in as soon as the cartoons start. I look at Alice. "He called you ballerina," she says.

But Disbro is right there. "Swannie has a boyfriend," he says like three times.

"Shut up Disbro Peak," Alice says right in his face. "Don't you talk to her."

Oh we are gonna pay for that. But I can't even be scared right now.

Why would Frank Hardy call me ballerina?

This might be the best summer of my whole life.


	6. Chapter 6

Darnay Road 6

We saw The Nutty Professor and we loved it, loved it, loved it. But not as much as what happened before waiting to go inside.

I watched the side door and the Hardy Boys came in during cartoons and they got thrown out before the movie started cause Timothy was working, and he's the owner's son and he's a senior in high school so those boys had to run and get out and everyone clapped.

So on the way home we're not talking to Aunt May and Alice is sitting next to me and we're slid down in the seat, well me not so much with mummy baby, but we have our heads close and I can smell the cubesteak sandwich on Alice's breath because we went to Tillman's after the movies and ate lunch.

We've already talked about the ballerina thing in Tillman's, not that we're done with it because I'll be talking about that the rest of the summer probably, but he touched me on my back and I'm flat as Olive Oil and he probably noticed there was no bra.

"I'll bet Jessica…." I can't even finish that sentence. I'd die if I saw him with another girl.

"I know," Alice said excitedly. She sunk even lower, "we'll go to Woolworth's and buy each a you know what."

I am staring at her. I know all of her faces and she means business.

"There's nothing to put in them," I remind her, barely able to think about such an embarrassing thing as standing at that counter and picking out bras then walking through the store holding them, then standing in the check out. I know my face has the blotches again.

"That's what toilet paper is for," she says, pinching my good arm.

I shove her a little for that, and she licks where she pinched, then I say ew but I can't get my hand over there to wipe it off so I'm telling her to wipe her cubesteak spit off of me, and Aunt May tells us to settle down.

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Later that evening after supper we're hanging around on my porch while the sun goes down and the crickets start up and the lightening bugs twinkle. I just love everybody.

Alice has been singing for me and Granma, dragging the hose nozzle up on the porch and a good length of hose with it so she has a microphone. Right now she's singing Easier Said Than Done by the Essex. She has the whitest teeth and she sticks her hip out when she croons. It's very funny.

I'd be singing with her, but of course my arm. And I'm a ballerina now. "Granma, how much are dance lessons?" I say when Alice finally plops in the chair to drink her Coca-Cola.

Granma is reading her stories. Alice May and I are not allowed to touch her paperbacks or her magazines. But sometimes, well one time I spied, of course and we took a couple of them to the bomb shelter to check out. They were pretty grown up, every lady had her dress hanging off one shoulder or the other and lots of necking and lovey-dove. One had a pair of black stockings with holes and she had her dress up enough to see her garter and she wore high heels. I don't know what Granma is up to with those stories of hers. "That Troy Donahue can't act," she says flipping the page then she goes on reading like I'm a little buzzing bug or something.

"Granma could you answer a person's question please?" I say.

She lowers her story a little and peeks at me.

"Kilroy," Alice says and we both laugh and Granma squints like she's not wearing her glasses.

"Just get it out of your head, honey."

"Why?" I say. Granma knows I'm a perfectly good dancer. Cha-cha, twist, waltz. I got those three down.

"I've taught you all the dances you need to know to have a good time," she says.

"Ballerina," Alice says, then she grins at me when my mouth drops open. She better not tell Granma.

"You don't need to be a ballerina. For heaven sakes you have a broken arm." She goes right back to reading.

I get up then cause Miss Alice May has a big gigantic mouth. And I can see kids are on their bikes and meeting at the fire hydrant. I grab my flashlight and Alice gets hers. I can't ride a bike, skate, hula-hoop, nothing. But still, I'm pretty good.

I let Alice May have it about telling Granma 'ballerina.'

"I didn't say it," she says. "She don't care about anything but her old stories anyway."

Now we stop. "What's that mean?"

She gulps cause she knows when she goes too far. "I don't know."

"Don't say it then. Don't say something you don't know anything about," I say cause Alice May can make me see red, my favorite color, sometimes.

"Well so so so sorry," she says with a stinky attitude and her hands on her hips just like Aunt May does her.

"I'm gonna march right over there and tell your Aunt May," I say.

"Tell her what?" Alice says showing those little bright teeth.

He goes whizzing past then, the three of them. Last one past throws a water balloon that splashes near Alice's feet. Alice is already yelling after, "She ain't supposed to get her cast wet you know."

I turn to look and that last, the one who threw the balloon was Joe Hardy. I think he tried to hit Alice.

Frank is standing on the pedals going faster and faster, then he puts his foot down and fishtails around. No wonder their bikes look all rattle trap, just stripped down to nothing but frame and wheels and banana seats and handle bars. Frank peddles back to us and I close my mouth so quickly my teeth clack.

He skids to a sideways stop right in front of me and his tennis shoes are so beat up and no wonder using them like Fred Flintstone would. But up close, even sweaty, grimy and tattered he has that boy smell they get which is ew on some and hum on others. Or just a couple.

"Got a pen?" he says looking at my cast like he's fixing to sign it.

Why would I have a pen in the middle of the street? I'm shaking my head no, cradling my broken arm like usual.

"I'll get one," Alice says. She runs right off and leaves me alone with him. Joe and Riley are circling back.

I hear Alice's screendoor slam and all I can do is look at Frank, who is lighting a cigarette right where Granma can see but she's probably so deep in her story she don't notice. He lights that smoke right there and I swallow so loud I'm sure he can hear.

"Why'd you call me Ballerina?" I say, but I don't plan to say it or anything, it just comes right out.

He shakes out the match and pitches that and takes a drag and he lets it out and I'm just so patiently watching. He's looking at me and he says, "You're pretty."

Riley and Joe go whizzing past and they call to him, "C'mon leave that kid alone," Riley says.

That kid?

He takes off then after them like I ain't even standing here. Alice is getting back with the pen and she calls to him but he doesn't even look he rides off into the twilight and leaves us side by side.

"What'd he say?" she says.

I come to life then. "Why'd you leave me? I was all alone with him."

"He likes you."

"He said I was pretty," I say like it's the biggest mystery of all.

"He did?" she's both excited and worried.

"Yes. That's all. I asked why he called me Ballerina and he said I was pretty."

"Well…he must like you," Alice says. "But he's a heathen."

I know he ain't a Catholic and he goes to public and he lives on Scutter Road. I know.

But I don't care very much.


	7. Chapter 7

Darnay Road 7

Around eight in the evening our mothers and grandmothers and aunts start to call us home. Alice May and I never say goodnight, we just disappear. We go straight to the cellar. Usually I lift the big outside door for her and then she holds it for me while she stands on the stairs and I get under it and we slowly lower that old gray painted slab of wood with our hands over our heads. But tonight little Alice May has to do everything herself with not much help from me. It's not easy but we do it. Then we go down the small cement staircase that smells like mildew and open the door at the bottom and we're in the cellar. It's okay, we already have our flashlights.

No one knows where we went, we just disappear. It's so much fun, then we sit on the blankets and talk for a while then we go upstairs and Alice leaves through the kitchen.

But tonight we have so much to talk about we need a sleepover but since we didn't ask for one we have to be happy with whispering in the dark about boys. We've never talked about boys like this, always loved and hated them from as far away as possible, except for all our boyfriends at school since the first grade, but it's so different now.

We go over and over what happened at the show then in the street, all in one day. "I wonder if he likes girls at public," I say, and it hurts my stomach to think about it.

"Probably not cause he likes you," she says squirming around, and kicking her feet, then she says, "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know," I say. "I'm not doing anything. I don't know what to do!" We laugh again.

"Well Wally Cleaver likes Mary Ellen."

"But they're big kids. They go to dances and stuff," I say.

"Well he's just your boyfriend."

"No he's not. He's not my boyfriend."

"Well you like Moondoggie and he's way old."

It's just not the same.

She gets up on her knees and declares, "If Moondoggie came up on your granma's porch right now you'd go off to Hollywood with him."

"What about school?" I say like she's being the dumbest kid in the world.

"They have schools in Hollywood," she says.

"Well James Darren is a big man and I'm a kid."

"What if you grow up and marry him?" Alice says, her flashlight under her chin so she looks scary.

"I told you not to do it that way," I say knocking her flashlight away so she can't make the fright face.

But she puts it right back. I can hardly talk to her sometimes.

"Riley told him to leave me alone," I say.

She pulls the flashlight away. "He's the dumbest brother in the world."Then the light is back. "You have to keep a pen with you all the time," Alice says.

"I can't do that."

"Sure you can. What if he pops up and asks again." Then she mimics him, "Hey Ballerina you're so pretty, can I sign your sweet little Boris Karloff arm?" She says this in a high creepy voice.

I push her over. "I don't know. Do you think he will?" Suddenly I feel like I'll never get to sleep tonight cause now I'm over-excited like when I drink too much red Kool-aid. I feel like all this wonderful stuff could happen.

"He'll sign your cast in big red letters, 'Easy,'" Alice says still laying on her side.

"Easy?" I don't know much about him, but I know his name is not Easy. It's Edward.

"E. C.," she gets back on her knees and stresses those letters like I'm deaf. "They call him Easy cause it sounds the same."

I can hear it now. "Easy." I'd heard that before. I heard Riley say that. "Easy." I don't know about such a name. "What about Joe?"

She doesn't answer right off.

"Alice May?"

"He's Jasper," she says.

I knew it was something so strange. "I never heard a name like that."

"Riley calls him Jap," she says. "He's same age as us."

"Easy and Jap," I repeat. I pretty well knew that, just didn't pay attention. I named them right off though. Hardy Boys. I knew they moved into one of the houses further down Scutter during the school year.

"Behind Miss Little. Scuttertown, going down," Alice says like she's the conductor on a train. "Should I tell Riley you like Easy?"

I shine my light on her face cause she better be kidding. "You better ever not," I say. "I'll tell Jap you like him cause he threw that balloon."

She jumps on me, heedless of my arm. She likes to pinch each of my cheeks and pull until my lips almost rip apart.

"Alice May," I rebuke her real loudly knocking her off and then we wait to see if Granma opens the door but she doesn't.

"Well I'm sorry but you shouldn't say that," she says. Then she stands and dusts her behind. "I'm going home now."

"You shouldn't say it you mean. Don't you ever ever tell Riley I like Edward."

"Easy," she says.

"Don't you ever say that. He smokes." I've got a million reasons why I can't be in love with such a boy.

"Is he the cutest boy you've ever seen?" she says picking her shorts in the back.

"You going to the show?" I say cause she's picking her seat.

She giggles her head off. "Is he?" Then she burps loudly. When we drink Coca-Cola we have a burping contest and I can never beat her. So we're laughing again.

"Don't you think so?" I say in there cause she must see it too.

"Jap's the cutest."

"No he is not," I say.

"He looks like Dr. Kildare," Alice says like we're fighting about it.

I stand up. "He don't look like Dr. Kildare." I love Dr. Kildare but Granma loves him more than me even.

"He does too. If you push his hair back he looks just like him." Hands on her hips. I don't know why Granma ain't at the door.

"He looks like Eddie Haskell maybe," I say.

Alice stomps her foot and growls like she's all upset.

"Well he does not look like Dr. Kildare, that's just crazy."

"I'm not going to play with you," Alice says.

"Fine. I'll just solve the case by myself."

"What case?"

"Where those boys go every night."

"You can't solve it by yourself cause you're a fraidy cat."

"Go on home you little stupid girl. You're the fraidy cat. Go talk to your old dead Grandma."

I shine my light quick on her face and see the tears. I didn't mean to say it and I don't know why I did. But I'm not sorry enough to say I am. Anyway she goes stomping up the stairs, lets the basement door slam against the wall and everything.

I've really really got the headache now.

I think of Gidget and all those boys around her, and I'd never have nerve like that. I'll be ten years old Fourth of July. That ain't nearly old enough to have a bra like Jessica.

I am just a kid. But him thinking I'm pretty makes me love him pretty much. And it sure makes this summer about as interesting as it could be.

So I hurry up the cellar stairs into the kitchen and almost past the living room where Granma is asleep in her chair holding onto the green glass. I tiptoe in and turn off the T.V. and slowly take that glass from her hand and she wakes up. "Bedtime Granma," I say.

"Well you are the sweetest thing," she says.

"Yes Ma'am. I'm gonna take my bath now," I say.

"Did you lock the door?" she says while she works to get up.

"I will." And then I've got to get to my window and watch for the boys to come around. I have an interest so keen. I get up there and I turn on the bath water and it has to be shallow cause of my arm. Then I get my notebook for taking spy notes, then my flashlight of course. I know Riley has to be in by eight-thirty and it's eight fifteen. So I hurry in and get my bath and check my chest and it's still as flat as ever. I try to hurry up and get on my nightgown that says, "Ho-hum sleepyhead," embroidered on the pocket. It's pink and the letters are red. But I get all tangled up and have to start over. Then I unravel my braids and my hair is wild and crazy crazy and I run the brush over it just a few times.

Then I'm at my window and I give the signal, two flashes. Wait. Two flashes, and Alice doesn't answer with the same signal.

It's nine on the dot. She knows it's time to be at her station. What kind of spy is she? We are never going to get this mystery solved at this rate.

Nine fifteen the light comes on in Alice's room. I can see her yellow curtains below the shade pulled halfway down. Why is her light on? I wish to St. Peter I could call her and ask her what in the world is going on? But of course I can't. Being a kid makes me so angry sometimes, especially when I'm on a case. I wait and wait and Riley's got a lamp on in his room but the Hardy Boys don't show and Alice May's light don't go off.

Then I see the most amazing thing. It's dark on Alice May's porch, but the door opens and Alice May comes out all sneaky but as soon as she clears the porch she runs into the middle of Darnay Road and she looks right up at my window and waves her hands for me to come down.

At first I just stare, then I flash twice.

I almost put on my robe but it would take forever and I can't go into the middle of the street in that so I find the shorts Granma laid out for tomorrow and I pull those on and that takes forever too with just one hand to pull them up. Then I stick my feet in my pink thongs and I go out in the hall trying not to let them flip flop on my feet too much. I listen at Granma's door and she's got her radio playing softly and she's snoring.

Then I tip-toe across the landing and try to take the stairs slow but I already know Granma can't hear me and won't wake up until morning.

So I get to the front door and I go out and leave it open some and I close the screen softly and Alice runs up in my yard and soon as I'm down to the gate she is hugging me and crying.

"Is Aunt May dead?" I ask horrified.

"They can't make me go. I won't go," she's saying the night breeze ruffling her pixie.

"Alice May, Alice May," I'm saying kind of in a crazy whisper while I try to get her hands away from her face.

She's just blubbering.

"Where's Aunt May?" I ask.

That's when I hear them. The bullfrog noises the Hardy Boys make.

I look over there and Riley is coming down the trellis on the side of the house. We're standing close to the gate to my front yard, and one of those boys sees us and there's discussion going on. I just keep holding onto Alice and she don't seem to care who's around us.

So here comes Riley and the other two behind. They're on foot now like always when they come around at night.

"You get back in the house Alice May," Riley says.

He doesn't seem worried that we caught him going out.

They come clear across the road to stand by my gate.

"Go on before she comes looking," Riley says, but Alice just clings to me and ignores him.

I look right at those boys. "What happened?" I ask Riley.

"She's just being a baby," he says.

She does lift her head now. "Shut up you meanie."

"Hey what you cryin' about?" Jap says, but he means Alice.

Alice sniffs. "Who wants to know."

He grins and looks at Easy and he grins back.

"C'mon Alice," I say, ready to walk her home. But now that I had a better look Jap does not at all look like Dr. Kildare. But that other one Easy, he might be the cutest boy I ever did see in my life.

"No," Alice pulls away wiping the backs of her hands under her eyes. She steps back from me. "They want to take me to Florida," she cries again.

"Who?" I say.

"Mommy," she says.

I look at Riley. "Who's they?"

"Get in the house, Alice May," Riley says through his teeth.

"No," she says and she takes off running down Darnay Road.

Riley takes off after her, but no one catches Alice when she's wearing her Keds, and she is.

So Jap runs back to Alice's yard and here he comes on his bike taking off after the Brandons. I step out near the road. All I can think is Aunt May's going to come out that door any minute looking for Alice and we'll all get in trouble.

But there's another thing I think too. Easy is standing nearby, nearer than I realized and he's lighting up a smoke like Aunt May showing up ain't even a thought. I look at him and he bends a little, staring at my chest, and my hand goes there and he carefully moves my hair back behind my shoulder and he says, "Ho hum sleepy head?" Then he pulls on that smoke but he's smiling some.

And I know my face gets as red as those letters but I make myself look straight at him cause no boy ever makes me afraid to even talk or something. But then no boy is ever allowed to touch my hair.

So I just say, "Yes."


	8. Chapter 8

Darnay Road 8

The last thing I expected to see in my whole life was Alice May sitting in between the raised handlebars on Jap's bicycle with her arms lifted like she was on the roller coaster called Red Baron at the school picnic. But that's what I saw all right, her whizzing past while that big boy pedaled and grinned like a fast pumping fiend.

I nearly had no words except to whisper her name, "Alice May." Well, she wasn't crying any more, that's for sure.

Poor Riley was somewhere up the street where he'd gone on a run for Alice.

"You want to ride?" Easy says to me.

I hold up my cast.

"It won't get in the way," he says.

Well I am so scared to say yes to such a thing. It is nearly ten o'clock even though I'm not wearing my Cinderella watch because of my bath. And my Granma is upstairs sawing away and God only knows if Aunt May is also in the land of dreams or staring from her window right now—staring in shock and horror.

"Well…I…," I say.

Then Easy looks in the direction Riley went and he takes my good arm and says, "Come on."

And that's what Granma always says. If someone asks you to jump in the lake, Bella Christine you going to do that too?

If it's Easy doing the asking, I guess it's possible I'll jump right in.

We run across the street and along Alice's side yard and through the back yard and Paterson's old dog goes to howling and Easy's bike is back there laying on its side and he lets go of my arm and gets it, and I see how big he is again, and I just swallow my good sense and I hitch up my nightie with my good hand and put the backside Granma is going to wallop regardless of my beautiful eyes right there in the middle of that u-shaped bar and Easy is breathing loud as he pushes off and takes off on the grass, and I feel the power in his legs as we go right over that rough patchy grass, but we don't go for the street, we ride behind the yards, setting the dogs off one by one, and he says something and I say, "What?" and he says to take ahold of my hair cause it's pretty much attacking him I guess, so I sink my behind more over the bar and I have to let go with my one hand and I gather my hair up then and he's breathing right by my ear and I keep my eyes straight ahead cause I don't know what the heck I'm doing.


	9. Chapter 9

Darnay Road 9

Honor thy Father and Mother (and Grandmother too, I know cause I asked Sister Mary Sponza once before I knew she was pretty close to playing a harp in heaven forever and ever) that it may go well with thee.

Well I do honor her, but those little questions under the commandments that Sister Karfarik, then Sister Eladine, then Sister Sponza, then Sister Margaret Mary her replacement, then Sister Mary Elizabeth always asked before we made confession, those are the ones I hate, hate. They just get about everything a kid can think to do.

But I can't let Alice May go riding off into the night with a boy from Scutter Road now can I?

So Edward is pumping his legs off behind me and I wonder how he can be so strong, but the arms either side of me have muscles and smoking has not stunted his growth at all.

But it's so dark and scary along these tracks. Many's the time Alice May and I have looked back here during hide-and-go-seek and said, "Not back there, compadre."

And here I am now and Easy don't seem to know he's supposed to be scared of the bums that run along here. He's pretty brave. Well strong and brave but I'm still so wide-eyed I wouldn't blink if a bug hit me in the eye.

Finally he goes around the house on the corner and hits the sidewalk and my teeth can stop rattling. He hits the street like he knows where he's going. "Where we going?" I say.

"Trestle," he says.

The Trestle Bridge? Is he out of his mind?

"Where's Alice May?" I say.

He don't answer for a minute and I let my hair go and grip that bar cause Lord a mercy I'm being kidnapped and I suddenly want Granma so powerfully.

"Whoa," Easy says cause I sit up some and I hear his shoe slap the ground a couple times, then he's got it again. Even if he's kidnapping me I pretty well knew he wouldn't let us fall.

"Take me home!" I say.

He slows to a stop and we're there near the curb and I hop off and it makes my arm ache. Facing him is harder than I thought. He's a really big boy and I don't know what I'm supposed to do but I'm trying not to cry.

"Are you afraid?" he says.

"No!" I say too loudly.

"Get on. I'll take you back."

He has the kindest eyes. If he had a bath and some new clothes he could be in the movies maybe or in the Mickey Mouse Club for sure. But then he'd meet Annette Funicello and so long Easy.

"Little girl?" he says.

Well he shouldn't call me that. I ain't so little I can't answer to my real name.

"Where did your brother take my friend Alice May?" I say ruffling my feathers like I do when Granma calls me Missy and says something about my high horse.

"The trestle," he says and he's got a half smile. Just one side. It's very interesting and I'm afraid I do the same thing just to see what it feels like cause I generally lift both sides at the same time if I smile at all. But I do not show my pearly whites. I hate to look like a beaver.

Wait a minute. We're solving a mystery here. This is number one in our notebook even. Well that makes everything so much better.

"Is that where you boys go every night?"

He puts his hands behind his head like he's in a hammock or something instead of this street in the pitch black of nightness.

He has hair under his arms. Ain't he eleven? Lord a mercy what am I doing with a man?

Then we hear, "Cullen." It's Riley on his bike. He's mad which is pretty much like usual.

"Get on," Easy says, and I do, and Riley is saying not to, yelling that, but Easy says get on, and I just do.

And I am telling you it is the ride of my life after that, that's for sure.


	10. Chapter 10

Darnay Road 10

Riley does catch up eventually, but I know that's because we hit rough ground again and Easy just doesn't seemed worried about a thing. You can't get to the trestle without going over hill and dale. So I tell Easy, "Let's walk it," and that's when Riley catches up, his scowling self that is, cause he takes this world very very seriously Alice always says.

"You and Alice May are going to get in so much trouble," he tells me moving off his bike while it's still going. He don't even care, he lets it go off by itself and just fall over and it's an almost brand new ten-speed he got for Christmas with money his mom sent from Tampa.

No sooner am I looking at that then a fight starts right behind me. Riley went for Easy and Easy's bike has fallen over but it don't even matter for that bike and he is holding Riley's arms which is making Riley madder and madder.

"You don't ever take off like that," Riley's yelling at me while he struggles.

Easy ain't saying a thing, and his arms are a little longer than Riley's cause he's holding him tightly enough that Riley can't get away, but Riley's trying to kick so Easy just gets Riley turned around and he holds him up close with his arms under Riley's and hands clasped at the back of Riley's neck and I feel real sorry for him and very scared cause me or my granma have not seen anything like this except for Wrestling at the Chase on Sunday mornings on channel eleven and it's just terrible to behold in real.

Next I know Easy is taking Riley down to the ground and he's got himself on Riley's back, he's kneeling on him and telling him to settle down.

Riley has his face turned to the side and he's yelling at me and yelling at Easy and I am trying not to cry, but I say, "They didn't do anything, Riley. He's taking me to find Alice, that's all and I saw her and she's real happy."

I tell Easy not to hurt him, not to hurt Riley. I don't know who to help, or what to do.

"Just stop Riley," I say cause maybe that will fix this.

Riley says, "Get off me damn it. Let me up."

Riley curses when he's mad. Alice told me. He says the thing that holds back water, and the place where the devil lives and he says poop only that bad way. Aunt May says he's going to have to suck on a bar of soap, but she can't make him cause he's too big.

"Let him go," I tell Easy cause he's looking at me like I've got to decide.

Easy kind of leaps back off of Riley the way Clint Eastwood leaps off a cow he just roped. I swear even in this terrible fight I can't help but notice that Easy could be Rowdy he's so tall and strong.

Riley gets up and takes a sissy swing at Easy, but Easy just slaps at Riley's fist and barely pushes at it.

"Did he take Alice to the Trestle?" he asks Easy.

"Yeah," Easy says. "She wanted to."

"That is my sister," Riley says. "You and your ape of a brother have no right." He's telling me to come on, Riley is.

He grabs me too tight and I say, "Ow," and Easy is picking up his bike and he says, "Leave her alone. I'll take her back."

"You will keep your filthy hands off her and my sister. When I find Alice May I am going to kill Jap." He looks at Easy and he's squeezing my good arm and he says, "I'm going to kill him."

"Don't do her like that," Easy says. He's laying his bike on the ground again.

I'm picking at Riley's grip but it ain't doing me much good. But Easy is taking a couple of steps. "Let her go," he says.

Riley is telling him to get the hell away from him, keep your filthy hands off or something. He swings at Easy with his fist but he don't let go of my arm and Easy grabs the wrist where Riley grips me, grabs Riley's wrist and squeezes and Riley lets go and there they go again. I back away, and Easy has him on the ground real quick again, but this time he sits on Riley's stomach and has his hands spread out and he's close to Riley's face. "You're going home," he says.

Riley says stuff.

"You're going home," Easy says again. He just keeps saying that.

"What about Alice?" Riley finally says.

"I'll have him bring her home," Easy says in this deep voice, real sure.

"Let me up," Riley says.

Easy takes a big breath and he gets off him again. Riley gets up and goes angry and mean to his bike. He gets on it then. "I'm going for her," he says. "Her dad is a cop. I'll be telling him about you and your brother."

Easy looks at me like I just grew horns.

"He don't ever come see me," I say really quick. I don't know why I tell such a personal thing. Granma says I get diarrhea of the mouth sometimes.

He's staring at me, and Riley calls back, "Come on." He's not going home like Easy said. Looks like he's going for the trestle.

I don't know what to do. Maybe Easy doesn't want me any more.

He's standing there waiting, staring at me and waiting. I walk slowly forward and turn to get on and he surprises the bejesus right out of me and takes hold of me around the ribs and lifts me up like I'm a feather or something and I sit there in the middle.

"You want to go home?" he says pretty close to my ear.

"No," I say very quickly like there is another girl speaking inside me.

I don't know why but I feel like I picked him somehow, picked him over Riley and maybe my dad. And I don't even know him. But I want to. It's just true inside me.


	11. Chapter 11

Darnay Road 11

Pretty soon we get close to the bridge. I know Easy is fighting my hair but I can't hold it right now cause I have to hold on. I see the big bonfire first and the others running around, their shadows sprawled on the nearest gigantic stone leg of the trestle. It looks like a Pow-wow is taking place there, so strange and terrifying. Easy stops close enough and I get off his handlebars and my bottom is sore-ore.

Alice May yoo-hoos and waves to me from up high on the bridge. Jap Cullen is standing near her. She is so small and he is so tall and the full moon is up high behind them. She knows only a fool would go up there. We're usually in bed right now, or at our windows flashing signals. But we're never near a bonfire in the dead of night with boys so wild they might turn into wolves any second. And Alice May is never walking on the trestle bridge, not even in the sunshine, not anytime is she up high on the same path as all the trains that run between Darnay and Scutter deepening that line that separates two roads and two worlds—ours and the Twilight Zone.

Riley is calling for Alice May to come down and for Jap Cullen to bring her down, but she is ignoring him and waving like it's Sunday in the park. She gets like this, mad and determined to get her way. She can be stubborn. Aunt May says it's her Irish. Granma says Alice May needs a spanking sometimes and she just don't get one because Aunt May feels too sorry for her. I think what's there to feel sorry for? Alice May is strong and kind mostly. She is cute as she can be, cute as Hayley Mills for sure and the best reader in our class. Everybody loves Alice May. I don't know what Aunt May would feel sorry about.

Here's the worst thing of all-Disbro Peak is there and Eric and Mike. I guess this mystery is solved then. Well I had no idea.

A shrill whistle sounds out from right beside me. Easy is looking up there whistling like that, and Jap answers with a whistle real close to his brother's for loud and strong. Me and Alice just have a call. Whoo-oh. Whoo-oh. We don't whistle much, and then not like they do.

Then I think, is he the one whistled at me that day I broke my arm? I always thought it was Disbro Peak.

I am staring at Easy for a minute and he looks back and when he does I just feel something.

So I swallow a big ball of nothing. "Will he bring her down?" I ask cause Alice is more important than all of it and a train could come anytime.

They are so high up but Alice May never was afraid of it. I know this cause she has waved to me from Aunt May's roof when she climbed out the attic window once with Riley. And she loves the ferris wheel. She never closes her eyes up top like I do.

Riley is so mad, so mad, threatening to go up there and whip her all the way down.

Easy pulls my hair a little when he goes on by and heads for the fire. I get a little closer to that trestle and Disbro is already yapping away asking Easy why he and Jap brought us along.

Easy goes to the big part of a tree someone cut down and piled there. He pulls that big branch along and hefts it up and gets it on the fire and sparks fly and faces glow. Disbro never stops talking, telling me there's a nest full of kittens near the other trestle leg. He says he's gonna put them in a sack up on the tracks.

I hold my stomach such a notion is so dreadful. "You better not," I say so mad.

Easy makes some kind of sound at him and Disbro don't like it. "I got me…got me a sack," he's saying, and he goes on about those kittens. "You want to see 'em?" he asks me, only he says it three times.

"He's lying," Eric says to Easy. "He ain't got nothing."

"Get down here Alice May," Riley says. "I come up I'm bringing a switch."

"You ain't the boss," Alice calls down, even though she's following Jap across the tracks toward the trestle we're under. They must have walked clear across that narrow bridge that looks to be not much wider than the tracks would be, and now they're on their way back.

Everyone laughs at Riley getting ignored, well not me, and not Easy so much, but he does that half-smile.

But I'm not smiling. That Disbro Peak is such a meanie to say that about those kittens.

"Aw she's gonna cry," Disbro says.

I put my hair behind my ears and I fold my good arm along my cast. I got Irish in me too.

"You want to see them?" he says.

Easy is watching, but he picks up some sticks and throws them in the fire. Then Disbro comes closer and tries to read my pocket but I won't let him, I put my good hand over it. Easy is breaking a branch into sticks and throwing them in the flames but he's watching us.

I look up for Alice. In my mind I'm moving Riley's way maybe. Well I am. I get by him and I watch for Alice to come on down. When they get off the bridge they can work their ways down the hill.

That's when we hear it, the whistle in the distance announcing that a train is on its way. I back up so I can get the best view. "Alice May," I cry.

Next I know she's on Jap piggy-back style and Jap is running. They have one third of the way to go, and Jap just runs and runs, and Riley goes around to the hill and starts climbing to meet them.

They are halfway down the hill when the train goes whizzing past overhead. I have followed Riley to the bottom of the hill at least and Alice May runs right past him all the way to me and I turn so she doesn't plow into my arm.

"Did you see?" she's saying. "It was so much fun."

Riley is yelling at Jap and Jap tries to go around and Riley is after him and there they go, wrestling at the Chase again.

I mean to pull Alice May aside and all the way home if she will allow, but those boys roll down the hill and we barely get out of the way in time.

Easy runs past me and gets in the middle of those arms and legs and fists flying. He gets them apart and even then he's quiet about it. Well it seems so with the train rushing so close by. When it's done and moving past us into town a quiet is there and Easy tells Riley, "Go on home."

But I don't think Riley wants to go home. I don't think he's listening. He's saying Jap could have gotten Alice May killed.

"You're not the boss of me," Alice calls out, and then nobody knows what to say.

Then Disbro Peak is calling from up there, on that bridge, holding his shirt made into a sack, his skinny white half glowing in the moon while he slings that sack around and yelps how he's gonna put those kitties right there for the ten fifteen.

They know when the trains are coming, sure they do. They're here most every night. Jap Cullen got Alice up there just so they could run like that. He had her right there to show her a thrill. This is what they do. No wonder Riley is losing his mind. He does it too. Well this mystery just keeps on showing itself.

And now Disbro has kitties and he's gonna kill them so heartlessly there is no sunshine in this world if he makes such a thing happen.

"Make him stop," I say out. "He's going to kill those kittens."

Alice May is already going up, but Riley won't allow it and he grabs her. But Easy is ahead of her. Easy is going up the hill, long strides like it's as easy as his name.

I just run after. I need to see Easy when he gets on the bridge. I stay on the top of the hill and that's bad enough. I don't go onto the tracks and walk on that narrow ribbon of track that seems to float across the sky with nothing below but death for sure.

Disbro is standing up there swinging those kittens back and forth, back and forth looking down the tracks for a train to come so he can leave that sack on the rail. I'm screaming at him, and soon enough Alice is beside me telling him how hateful he is.

Easy is already walking that track toward Disbro. Alice is jumping up and down yelling, "Get him Easy."

Disbro says he'll throw that sack over if Easy keeps coming toward him.

We get quiet then, so quiet.

"I'll throw them over 'fore you ever touch me fucker," Disbro says, and me and Alice May gasp cause we have never heard that foul word used, not ever.

"I'll throw you over," Easy says. It's just one sure sentence.

"You cain't," Disbro says. "For a bunch of kittens?"

Easy takes another step toward Disbro. Then another.

"Give me that sack," Easy says.

"You trying to be the big man? See the big man?" Disbro calls to us.

Easy keeps coming, his hand out now. Disbro Peak straightens his arm and he's holding that sack over the side. All he has to do is let go. That's all.

Below I see Jap move. I think he's going to try and catch that sack if Disbro lets go.

Easy takes those last few steps quick and he takes Disbro's arm and wrenches that sack from his hand. He slaps Disbro in the face and his glasses fall off and go flying. Disbro screams and he's mad, and Easy turns his back and walks off carrying that bundle. Disbro is going crazy cause his glasses flew over the side and no one worries about it, least of all me and Alice. I am waiting with my good arm out for Easy to give me Disbro's nasty shirt with those poor kittens.

Easy has a big grin as he walks toward me. Both sides of his mouth this time. Alice is clapping her hands and jumping still. And here's one thing I know, I'll always know, Jap and Easy are good inside.

But Easy, well he's my hero.


	12. Chapter 12

Darnay Road 12

We find where the kittens had their nest, but Disbro has driven off the mother or maybe killed her. I'm too tired to figure it out but Eric and Mike are helping him find his glasses and Easy and I are searching for the mother while Alice and Jap hold the kittens.

She is nowhere to be found so Disbro insists on getting his shirt back and Easy has the kittens and he doesn't want to hold Disbro's shirt anyway so Alice and I each take two kittens and Easy throws Disbro his shirt. Then Easy pulls his shirt off over his head before I know it.

He's big like Moondoggie, he really is but he is bruised down his side, on his ribs.

"Did Riley do that?" I say.

He laughs at that. "He can't hurt me." That's what he says.

"Did you fall off your bike?" I say.

He bends his arm so I can see the long white scar along his forearm. "That time," he says. Then he turns so I can see his back and there is a jagged scar there too, and some bruises.

"Does all that hurt?" I say cause it scares me. I don't know what he's done to be like this. Did he get hit by a car?

Riley is making a fuss for Alice May to come along.

"I can't take any kittens, Bella, but…." She doesn't finish but we both know. The bomb shelter.

"What did you say about going to Florida?" I ask.

"We're going home," Riley says.

"I'll tell you in the morning," Alice calls as Riley pulls her away. "Good-bye Jap," she says, but Jap is just looking after her his hands clasped on top of his head.

"I bundle Easy's shirt in my nightgown and he puts the kittens in there one by one, a yellow, two grays and a black. They've got plenty to say about it. I gather that whole thing closed at the top but he has to help me get it gathered in my one good hand.

The fire is burned low and Jap leaves off looking after Alice May to kick dust around the edges. Disbro and Mike and Eric are still searching for his glasses but even with the moon they ain't going to find them.

I am walking with the kittens then and so tired I stumble. But my hand is weary already so pretty soon Easy separates his shirt and the little kitty selves from my nightgown and takes them and I offer to push his bike so I do but it's pretty troublesome with one tired arm so he gets the bundle in one arm and pushes his bike with the other and at first we do it together but he says, "I got it Sleepyhead." Well he gets that off my pocket, but it's the cutest thing in the world the way he says that.

"What you gonna do with these?" Easy asks, and I like the way he asks questions like if I answer and get going I won't give him the headache.

"I don't know," I say. My plan is to go straight to the cellar but I don't have my flashlight. "Put them under the porch," I say, newly inspired.

Then it's quiet and just the sound of my thongs slapping a little and the ten fifteen going over the trestle and if Easy wouldn't have saved the kittens they'd be jelly about now. "Disbro Peak," I say, but he's just too terrible to talk about.

Jap catches up and Easy hands him the bundle of kittens. He takes them in one hand. "Put them under her porch."

"What?" Jap says.

"Be quiet so Granma don't come," I say, but I know she don't rouse unless I go to her bed and shake her and say her name ten times. "You can push the trellis in on the north side."

Well he takes off then, riding with one hand and all.

"Come on Ballerina," Easy says and maybe he's tired too, but it's just lovely that I've got nicknames.

"Why you call me that?" I say like before.

But he don't answer. He straddles his bike and reaches to help me on the bars again. He's pretty much a wonderful boy.

We are riding at night and I hold my hair again and at one point Disbro and the others fly past us, but Disbro rides doubles with Eric. I think it's because he don't have glasses. They don't ever yell or make a sound, and we don't either, but I feel safe with Easy, so safe.

We fly down Darnay Road and I look ahead and there is no Calvary in front of my house or Alice May's so I am strongly hopeful that Aunt May sleeps as soundly as Granma. Easy pulls up to the bushes and Jap is coming out of the yard. "I put them under there. Want to see?"

"Did you pull the trellis in place?" I say.

"Yeah," Jap says.

"My shirt?" Easy says and Jap just grins so I guess that shirt is a lost cause.

"Well," I say then looking at Easy.

But he says, "Go on in 'fore the boogie man comes." He has that half a grin once more.

Jap laughs and I do a little. So I wave a dumb kind of wave, only kind I have, and I go in then and I get to the door and pull the screen but the big door is still open a crack like I left it, moving back and forth a little cause there's a breeze coming off the river and working its way here somehow. Granma always says that—the river and the breeze.

I go in and the house is dark and silent and I look out the crack in the door and Easy and Jap are straddling their bikes but they're talking to each other. I close the door then. It clicks in place and I take off my flips and carry them up to my room.

111111111111

"Bella Christine are you sick?" Granma asks.

That's the first thing I hear except for the man calling out to sharpen scissors. His cart rolls on the bricks and makes all kinds of noise and he calls out and you can't tell what he's saying.

I am lying on my back and trying to imagine where I am. My room of course. My fan is on and pulling in hot air and the knife man's voice.

Oh my eyes are stuck shut. I try to get them open, then I rub them with my good hand and pick at the bucket of sand and remember one name only—Easy cause I've been dreaming about him too. And then everything comes rushing and Granma opens my door and says, "Lord a mercy it's ten o'clock! Are you sick?"

I groan all right, but not because I'm sick, because I'm not ready to come out of my dreams and face Granma.

She's rushing around and raises the shade over my fan, and the other and all the sunshine comes streaming in on me…and my lies.

"Hey Granma," I say all dry and raspy.

She comes to feel me for fever and she says, "What in this world?" Then she pulls the covers and looks at me the way a nun might look if you missed every word in your spelling. I suppose God is looking at me that way too about now.

"Your face is filthy and look at your nightgown and you didn't braid your hair before you went to bed and it's as wild as a bird's nest."

She continues to peel back the covers and there are my filthy legs and feet. "Bella Christine how in the world did this happen?"

I can hear that scary sound the organ makes when we go to the movies on Sunday and Stan Kahn rises up out of the floor playing his organ at halftime.

I start to cry.

But then I remember the kittens and I gasp pretty loudly and get up really quickly and say, "Excuse me Granma," and I get around her and before I go pee-pee even she's calling my name, "Bella Christine," but I'm running downstairs and I don't even stop.


	13. Chapter 13

Darnay Road 13

Well I don't let grass grow under my feet before I'm pretty well out the door and around that side of the porch and there they are mewing and wrestling around under there and I can barely catch my breath.

One of them has his paws on the trellis and he's stretched out showing me his soft kitty belly. "Hey there," I say as I quickly count four. I hear Granma come out on the porch cause she wears the same black shoes as the wicked witch in the Wizard of Oz and they clack so loudly I can always stop any wrong thing I'm doing before she ever gets in the room. But I usually end up telling on myself cause I can't bear to keep the truth from her. And I eye Easy's shirt under there then and I need to get it and wash it or something cause he probably needs it from what I've seen.

"Tell me I do not hear cats under there," she says looking over the banister. She's wearing her flowered apron with the pink rick-rack trim I love over her black and white housedress with the flowers and birds and she looks tall as Jesus might upon his return when he separates the Catholics from the heathen and lets us good ones into heaven.

"Yes ma'am you do hear cats but they are kittens and I need to keep them please please please. They don't have a mother." I pull the trellis and get that one and he's so cute, so soft and warm and I rub my cheek on him and look up at her.

I don't know why her hand goes over her mouth like that. Then she pulls her hand away and bunches them in her apron. "Oh you sweet thing," she says to me.

Then I remember I am an orphan, well almost Alice May says Aunt May says.

I do not know what to say now. It's not Granma's fault. I told her that before, but she says my daddy loves me, he sends the check every month and if that's not proof she doesn't know what is. So I can't be an orphan, can I?

"I see what happened now," Granma says. "You been crawling around under there hiding those kittens from me."

I open my mouth, but this story is telling itself so I think I might wait a minute.

"You think I wouldn't find out?"

"Um," I close my eyes for a minute cause I been of two minds on it—telling the truth and not telling it. "Can I have a can of Tuna fish Granma? And a dish of milk?"

"Tuna and…," she repeats, then she runs out of steam.

So I get both of those things and I take first one to the kittens then the other. They're so cute I can hardly bear it and now I don't have to pen them up until we're done playing. But Granma calls me in for a bath cause we are going shopping it being Saturday and Granma says I look like I rolled around in a pig-pen.

So pretty soon I am in the shallow bath with a Wonder bread wrapper over my arm and she leaves the plug out and I lay back and she puts pitchers of water over my hair. She is saying she might call the dog-catcher to come get those kittens and I am feeling mad and sad all at once. "You can't do that," I'm saying, though I hardly look at her cause I am heavy-hearted.

"You're getting attached already and we are not keeping four cats. They will soon be twenty-four."

"No ma'am," I say, meaning they won't be twenty-four. They're just babies.

"Your daddy would not like you holding cats that could have worms Bella Christine." She pours another load of water over my hair and it creeps onto my forehead and I have my eyes shut tight.

She is sure bringing up Daddy a lot today, like the cats got her going. She sets the pitcher on the side of the tub and gets up off her knees and they crack a couple of times and she seems to barely make it. She uses two words, lumbago and rheumatism. And headache so that's three.

"Well we don't have to tell him," I suggest wiping the dry washrag she hands me over my face. It's just a possibility is what I mean.

She leaves the room and comes back with a big fluffy towel which she holds out for me. Another is under her arm for my hair. I get out and she wraps the towel around me then I bend over and she wraps my hair then I flip back my head and I look like the maharushie. That's what I call it. She takes the Wonder bread wrapper off my arm and she's drying me all over. "Well that's a sight better."

I take the towel and wrap up again and run to my room while she scrubs out the tub. I know I left a ring.

I get my favorite underpants with the pink ruffle around the back and my pink Keds and my cut offs and my sleeveless blouse with the little blue dogs on it.

Well Granma isn't going to roll my hair cause it takes forever and ever and I'm not going to the store in curlers, no way. I'm going to let it be long and dry in the sun, and just that quick I think of Easy touching my hair so many times cause it blew all over him, like an octopus might, but that don't make sense cause an octopus can't blow around like my hair.

I am smiling so big thinking about what a friend he is. He's my friend now.

So Granma comes in and she's pulling the sheets off my bed cause I slept on them dirty.

"Alice May says her Mama wants to take her to Florida," I say.

She keeps bustling around my bed. Maybe now she doesn't want to look at me.

"Granma?"

"Well I don't know about that," she says. "Guess we'll wait and see."

"I don't want her to go," I say right away.

"Course you don't. Remember Alice's mother said this before and nothing came of it," she says putting my sheets in the basket for washing.

"How old were you when you met Grampa?" I ask her.

"I was twelve."

"I'll be ten years old in two weeks. Two handfuls."

"Yes you will."

I lay on my bed and try not to think of Easy and I say, "Tell me that story how you met him." I mean Grampa.

She sits next to me and takes the brush and I get in front of her and sit pretzel style and she starts to brush my hair. "Well…he was the new teacher and they introduced him in front of the church. Most handsome man I ever saw. Looked a lot like Anthony Perkins."

"Not when he played Norman Bates," I say because that's what we already figured out when she tells this story.

"Right," she says pulled out of that dream where she's seeing Grampa standing up there right out of Hollywood, or Salem Missouri take your pick.

"Then what happened?" I say to get her going again.

"Well we had him to dinner because folks did that you know, had the new teacher in. And we were friends for a while and I finished school and I was sixteen and we married."

"That's not all," I say cause she always rushes that part about the four years unless I ask her at night. "He was a Baptist man and they had him to dinner and when you got sweet your family said he had to get made into a Catholic, but his family said you had to get Baptist, but the Catholics got him cause he had to sign papers and that's where you had the wedding, so he went your way and oh his mother was mad, and then he didn't practice anyway—being Catholic that is-but everybody was pretty happy with it cause he was also a carpenter, like Jesus, and he could fix most anything so they didn't stay mad for long, and then you had my dad and they forgave all of it mostly."

"Well…that's about it I guess."

"Well, they shouldn't have judged someone they didn't know," I say as she pulls the brush through my hair.

"That's right," she says.

"Cause someone might be a good person even if…they're not Catholic. Like Grampa wasn't Catholic but he was good."

She just keeps brushing.

"And if someone's poor they can still be real good," I say.

"Yes."

"So it wouldn't be right…right?" I say.

"What wouldn't be right?"

"To hold something against someone else that they can't help."

"Course not, now get downstairs before you give me the headache."

But I talk almost all the way to the market. We walk there when the weather is good. It's eight blocks, but they aren't all long. Granma pulls the wire cart and its rubber wheels don't make much noise on the sidewalk. I can't wait because I'm getting a pack of Hostess Cupcakes, but mostly I'm telling Granma how I can find homes for the kittens. One for Alice May, one for me, and I don't tell her, but maybe Easy could take one. Maybe Jap. Then we could let our cats visit and play and they'd be so happy.

Well I would, that's for sure.

And what do you think it's about that time he goes riding past so fast on his bike and Jap is with him and a couple of boys I don't know, all of them riding so fast and he pops a wheelie and circles around and passes me again and I almost take my good hand out of Granma's and wave, but I catch myself because he isn't looking at me. And I'm thinking he is just as handsome in the sunshine as in the moonlight.

And Grandma looks at me. "He came with Riley the day you broke your arm," she says.

And I say, "That's Easy." Because it is.

And she keeps looking at me and I look at her.

"He's nice," I say.

Then we just keep walking.


	14. Chapter 14

Darnay Road 14

When we get home I see that trellis pulled away first thing. I say oh no and run to the side of the porch and the kittens are nowhere to be seen. Easy's shirt is still under there. I wiggle between that trellis and the footing and grab that almost rag as if I might shake it and those four babies will fall right out.

I'm coming around to the front and Granma has the cart parked on the walkway and she's still standing on the sidewalk and I meet her with that shirt in my hand.

"They are gone," I say in a terrible voice. "I know someone took them, maybe Disbro."

She is taking that shirt from me, shaking it out and holding it arm's length like it's the most nasty thing.

"Hold on," she's saying. "Now hold on." And she's looking at that shirt, thin and tattered, dirty white.

Maybe Easy came for his shirt and thought he should take the kitties so I didn't get in trouble. Maybe that's what he was saying when he circled back and went past me.

But why would he? It doesn't make sense. I just know it was Disbro Peak. "He'll put them on the tracks. He'll put them on the tracks." I am crying, but mostly I'm mad. I go running out of the yard.

"Bella Christine," Granma is saying, but I'm not talking now, I'm running across the street for Alice May and I get to her yard and on her porch and I'm looking in her screen. "Alice May," I'm huffing and puffing.

And I see into the living room, it's off to the side and the pocket doors are opened wide and she's in there sitting in the chair and across from Father Anthony with a saucer on his knee and he's drinking tea or something.

"Alice May," I say again.

They all look then, and Aunt May is at the door first, and she says something to me about Alice can't play now, and behind her Riley runs upstairs and he's shouting he won't go, and Aunt May goes after him.

I just slip in then, cause Alice don't know what's happened. And she comes around the wall where her chair was and Father Anthony is setting his saucer on the coffee table where the magazines are fanned out and the big ashtray with the gold speckles sits with the lighter that looks like Aladdin's lamp and we've rubbed it many times believe me and it's fake.

Alice is hugging me, crying on my shoulder.

Her mama is coming for them. A new man. She's going to marry him and she wants Alice and Riley to come to Florida and Alice May says she is not going.

"Alice May," Father Anthony says, "sit down and wait for your aunt to return. Should you be here Miss Swan?"

Alice May says she is not sitting down without me and she keeps holding me. She disobeys Father. I move us toward the chair and get us into it, and I'm looking right at Father, but I'm saying, "It's all right Alice. It will be okay."

But I don't think it will. We have got problems with a capital P. I think of the music man, but he can't help us now.

"I'll stay with you, Bella," Alice says. "I can live with you and Granma if Aunt May don't want me no more."

Aunt May comes down the stairs then. She enters the living room and stops when she sees me like she's getting the headache. "Bella Christine?" she says like she'd say, Gomer Pyle? What I mean is, she can't believe I'm all the way in the chair, I guess.

I have my good arm around Alice May and I'm just looking at Aunt May, then Father, cause Granma says over and over, look people in the eye and I'm trying to. "Please don't send Alice May away," I say to them.

"Now I don't need another one," Aunt May says, mostly to Father Anthony.

"You should run on home Miss Swan," Father says in that same voice he uses to give me penance after confession—you should say three Hail Mary's, ten Our Father's, twenty Glory Be' 's pretty much my usual. And come to think of it, I have a few sins piling up I need to tell him about. Hopefully he won't know it's me when I finally have to come clean. That would be so embarrassing.

I try to peel Alice May off me, but she makes a whimper and clings tighter and I have to get her off my cast some. Plus, I have those kittens to search for.

Now Aunt May comes over and tries to pry Alice off, but she mustn't know how no one can cling like Alice. Even Riley can't throw her off when she's determined.

Father finishes his tea and stands while Aunt May looks about mortified and nearly ready to slap Alice though she hardly can with Father looking on I don't think.

"Well I am just ashamed of this display," Aunt May says red-faced to Alice, but Alice don't care, I can tell you that for a fact.

And Aunt May, she gets thrown by children. She never married. Granma says that very thing sometimes when Aunt May is working out in the yard in her curlers and bandana and long skirt and blouse and with her saddle shoes on and her black socks. Granma will be sitting on the porch and she'll look over at Aunt May and out of the clear blue she'll say, "May never did marry. I don't know as she ever had a beau."

And then I'll look too and we'll just be quiet and look like that.

But she's red-faced now and it's not unusual to see that, I get that way too, but it's not as scary I don't think. And I try not to look at her Adam's apple cause Alice May always makes me laugh when she talks about it, how it bobs when Aunt May is excited. It sticks out more than anyone's and bobs like a fish is nibbling, that's what Alice says, and her Mama too so she tells.

"Can Alice May come over to my house for a little bit?" I ask. "She's awfully upset."

"Well…I am not rewarding such disrespectful behavior," Aunt May says, mostly to Father Anthony.

But Father gestures with his two fingers, those holy ones that bless over the communion chalice, those same two he waggles toward my house.

Aunt May shifts her feet a little and plucks at her skirt. "I suppose for one hour. Not to play. But to calm down. Hear me Alice May? You will calm down."

Alice May doesn't even look at her aunt but she stands and holds her hand out for mine and I stand and say to Father and Aunt May, "Thank you kindly," and I do not even have the 'ly' out of my mouth and Alice May is yanking me out of the room and out the door.

"You have got to see," I'm saying as I am now pulling her across the street.

She is speaking a mile a minute, saying that they can't make her leave Darnay Road, and I pull her through my gate to the side of the porch and tell her quickly about the kittens.

"No," she gasps. "It's Disbro Peak. We have to tell Jap and Easy. They'll get them back." She slams a fist into her palm.

"But I don't know," I say frantically. "They're the only ones who knew I put the kittens there. Jap did anyway. So what if they took them? To find them homes or something? We have to find out."

"Well I can't ask Riley. He's so mad he says he's never running with them again."

"Well…this is the worst mystery we ever, ever had!" I say. "You know what we…."

Lord I cut it off just in time cause here come the shoes. She's on that porch with plenty to say to me for running off. She declares I was nearly run over by a car when I crossed the street, but I didn't see any car at all, not even that big black one parked outside of Alice May's that Father Anthony drives.

Alice May is taking over, the first one to run up on the porch and appeal to Granma. She gets this off of Perry Mason. She says Perry would never ever break her on the stand not even with those eyes ringed in black that don't blink. And I pretty much believe it. She says having an older brother who has tortured her for years has made her very strong. So now she's making her case to Granma about living with her so she doesn't have to go to Florida.

Granma sits in her chair on the porch. She is rubbing her hands together while Alice May goes on. My guess is Granma's wishing she had her green glass full to the brim about now, but it's too early and Alice doesn't hardly take a breath.

Granma has her hands on Alice's arms. "There now settle down. Settle down."

She waits until Alice calms down a little.

"Wait and see," she says to Alice.

Alice quiets down a little more and I have four fingers crossed behind my back cause I know what's coming, I know.

And there she goes. Granma thinks she's Doris Day sometimes. She loves to sing Ka Sera for everything. And that's what she is doing now, and Alice looks at me, her face so happy and her nose so wrinkled.

And Granma sings on.

And then he goes by-Easy, an old baseball glove hanging from his handlebars. Jap is behind with a bat under his arm. They are pedaling furiously, like usual. Other boys are behind, one after another they go whizzing past to the ball fields.

I don't know when Granma stopped singing and there I am all the way to the steps looking after that herd of boys.

Well I don't know. I'm just looking. He couldn't have taken those kitties, he's so busy all the time. But somebody did all right and he'd want to know.

Granma starts to speak slowly. "How about I call Aunt May and the two of you can have a sleep-over? We'll pop corn and watch Roy and Dale and The Lennon Sisters."

I look back at her and smile. She'll never make it to Lawrence Welk. She'll be snoring away by then.

And we've got a mystery to solve.


	15. Chapter 15

Darnay Road 15

Alice May and I have combed the neighborhood looking for those kittens.

Now we've walked to the ball fields and the boys are playing a big game there. It's about all they do. For hours and hours they live here, even Disbro and Mike and Eric. Truth be told even those horrid three don't look like cat thieves presently, they just look like disgusting boys chattering, 'We want a pitcher and not a belly itcher,' while they spit and scratch.

We watch from afar from behind the broken wooden fence. We can see the Hardy Boys currently known as Jap and Easy, and they play ball very devotedly which does not surprise me at all. Riley is that way too, but he isn't playing now.

"Riley says we can't talk to the Cullens again," Alice May says.

"He can't boss me," I say because he's not my brother.

"He says he'll tell if we do it again," she says. "And I told him we'd tell on him then. And I have lots of things I can tell Aunt May."

Alice fights Riley sometimes, well practically all the time, but he doesn't hardly notice it seems. He just thinks she's funny little Alice, like she's a buzzing fly.

"Well I think Easy is the kindest boy in the world. Way nicer than Riley sometimes," I say, but I hope I don't hurt Alice May's feelings because she flips one way then another on Riley.

"Well he sure wouldn't miss a game like this if he wasn't mad."

"He mad at your Mom?"

"He's mad at everybody for everything in the world. He's mad at Krushev and he's mad at Santa Claus."

We start laughing at that, but not too loudly cause we've no wish to get caught spying on the boys.

"Is Jap your boyfriend?" I ask Alice.

"Yes," she answers with a big grin. "Easy is your boyfriend."

"I don't know. I can't have a boyfriend and anyway, he didn't say it."

"Well boys don't know. You have to tell them," Alice says. She is the one who knows cause she has Riley.

"But I don't even love him," I insist. But secretly I do. He is not sickening at all like some boys are, well almost all of them.

"Don't say love," she's giggling and I feel so stupid. I didn't mean it.

"I don't," I say, but I did say it. Then I leave that fence and run a little. Granma is home by herself watching the back of her eyelids instead of Roy and Dale. Once Roy walks Trigger on his hindlegs there's nothing more Alice and I want to see so we went out to play by the hydrant like we were waiting for kids to finish supper and come out and play.

But we're not really playing at all. That's our cover. While Paul Tucker is covering his eyes and counting for hide and seek, Alice and I run for the ball fields, see. That's how we end up here.

Granma won't know. If she wakes up she just listens for Alice May. She says Alice is louder than all the other children and if she hears her she knows I'm nearby. But this time of evening, she just knows I'm around.

So we're leaving the fields and walking home.

"They were so cute," I sigh.

"The Cullens?" Alice May says. She's laughing.

"No. No. The kittens. They were so little and we bought them a bag of food. I surely don't want them to be hurt." I sniff.

Alice is quiet, then I see she's crying too.

"Are you crying?" I say.

"No," she cries. "Are you?"

"No," I say.

"Well I just don't want to go to Florida and now the poor kittens. We can't even find them." Then she just bawls and I have to hold her again.

"But we will. Who do we have for suspects?" I sniff again.

Alice pulls away then. She's pretty easy to distract. Granma does it to her all the time.

So Alice gets out her small notebook with the pencil stuck in the spiral at the top and she turns a few pages and says, "Disbro Peak."

He's top of the list, of course.

"Eric and Mike, though they can't do anything without their leader."

I agree with that.

"Then we have Riley, but he wouldn't," Alice says. "Then Jap and Easy because they knew the kittens were under there but they probably wouldn't," she says. "Then Granma."

"My Granma?"

"Yes."

"Well I never said to put down my Granma."

"Well you know a suspect can be right before your eyes but if you're blinded with love they can get clean away with it. Like the Bad Seed?"

"My Granma is not like the Bad Seed!" I declare. The Bad Seed is one of the best movies I've ever seen in my whole life. It's about a little girl who is the very age I will be on July Fourth and Alice May will be on August Sixteenth. This little girl, played miraculously by Patty McCormack, is a cold-blooded killer. I mean she's killing everybody. And her mother is just blind about it. She can never imagine that her little dear daughter is a murdering maniac. But my Granma is nothing like that.

"I have to put her on the list of suspects because she knew about the kittens." Alice may licks the pencil lead like she's Lois Lane.

"Then put yourself on there," I say pretty mad.

"I will but I'm putting you too."

"Go on. I have nothing to hide. You think I got rid of my own kittens?"

Alice is writing furiously, and she writes my name bigger than all the rest.

I try to grab that notebook away, but she won't let me, then she runs off. So of course I chase her. She is the most exasperating girl I ever knew.

I can't run as fast as usual with my broken arm, and no one can catch her anyway. But she stops running and I catch her pretty quickly. She has her purse and she swings it at me and I duck just in time. "Alice May!" I yell cause she just doesn't think sometimes. "You could have hit my arm!"

"I don't even care," she shouts, then she takes off again.

"You're not spending the night at my house," I yell after.

She stops and throws her purse at me and it lands near my feet. I am wearing my white patents with the small bows off to the side and anklets. I am also wearing a full skirt and a white eyelet blouse with no sleeves. I have my hair in a ponytail and my pink headband skimming back my hair. I am kind of dressed up and Granma doesn't know. Alice is also dressed up, wearing my clothes which are a tiny bit big as a rule, but my white crop top and my pink pleated skirt fits her pretty fine.

I pick up her purse and take it to her. She is still holding the notebook. She takes the purse and puts the handles on her skinny arm. She is wearing my pearl pop-bead necklace and bracelet. The necklace has popped open so it's hanging around her neck in a broken loop. I go ahead and fix it by snapping the beads back together. "There," I say.

"Thank-you," she says feeling the beads to make sure they're back to normal.

"Sorry," I say. I'm about to add, 'But you shouldn't throw your purse.'

"Sorry," she says, so I don't have to.

So we're walking home and the crickets are singing like they do, just the boy ones who are looking for lovers, Granma says. So they're singing away and I'm wondering how we can interview all of these suspects and get to the truth, and here they come, all those boys, 'Get 'em up, move 'em out rawhide.'

They go by and they are so stupid mostly, Eric riding along and singing, "Come on Baby take a chance. I left my underpants at my aunt's." And other boys are laughing, and Alice May yells for them to get away because they're so disgusting.

So those boys go on by and bringing up the back is Jap and Easy.

Well Jap is first. "What he say?" Jap asks Alice.

"He's so stupid," Alice May says about Eric.

I see Easy riding by the curb and that old glove is swinging on his handlebar like earlier. Well here are two of the suspects. I look at Alice and she's twirling her purse while she walks along and Jap's feet are off his pedals and he's walking his bike along with that bat under his arm.

Easy says, "You go to a party?"

He means my outfit. I laugh at that. "No," I say like, 'No!'

I can hold his eyes a little longer, even though they make me feel so funny. But I have to be able to cross his name off the list of suspects so here I go. "I can't find the kittens."

He just looks at me. He pedals a couple of times to right his bike, then one foot goes down and he moves it like his bike is a scooter. He has the most beat up tennis shoes, those kind boys wear for basketball, Converse, just beat up, but I know he's so hard on them. He likes shirts with short sleeves or no sleeves. His hair is longer than ever. It just grew overnight.

I hear Alice squeal and there she goes on those handlebars of Jap's, purse and skirt and oh my. Jap is riding her in a big circle. Seeing her foolishness makes me more determined than ever to stay on the case.

"You didn't see those kittens or something?" I say.

"No," he says like I'm pretty crazy to think he had.

"What about Jap?"

"No," he says.

I just stare at the ground. We are not moving now.

"Why you along here?"

"Just walking," I say.

He looks away, but he has that little smile like he's got a joke or something. Boys are too difficult.

"I best get home," I say. I call out to Alice May and she acts like she can't hear me, but Jap does. He tells her she better answer.

"I'm coming," she says and Jap rides over to the curb and Alice hops off. Then she twirls in her skirt but it just bells out some. I can't believe it. There is no telling what Alice May will do next.

So she comes by me and we start walking but those boys are behind us. "What should we do?" Alice says clinging to my good arm and walking with me.

"Nothing," I say horrified. We should get out of here is all I can think. "They don't know about the kittens," I say. But I wish they'd offer to help us find them. Mostly I wish they'd ask Disbro Peak, but he wouldn't admit he'd taken them, would he?

"We have to find if Disbro has them," I say.

"Let's ask them to help," Alice says excitedly.

"No," I say. If Easy wanted to help he'd of said it.

But here they come on their bikes. Easy is beside us riding along the curb and Jap comes up on the sidewalk behind Alice.

"Beep, beep," Jap says.

Alice squeals and laughs.

"Hey Bella," Easy says, "you want to go to the Quick Shop?"

The Quick Shop is near our house. We never go there because the prices are higher than Moe's or Mac's and it's just a hangout for bigger kids. And they sell magazines behind the counter with bare ladies who show their bottoms and tops. Granma says it's a terrible place that will bring down the neighborhood. They sell slushies there, red and blue. Alice May says Riley goes there and gets one all the time and he says they are better than snowcones. Aunt May doesn't know.

"I'm not allowed," I say. I look at Alice May and I know she wishes I'd said okay. But we are not at all going there. "We have to find the kittens," I say.

I take Alice's hand then. I pull her along. She looks back at Jap, but she doesn't fight me right off. Then she breaks away and runs back to Jap. "Hey," she says, "will you ask Disbro if he has the kittens?"

I am waiting. I know Easy is beside me again, but I don't look at him. I wanted him to say he'd look for the kittens, and he didn't. So now I just feel so embarrassed about it, and about going to the Quick Shop. He's too old, and he smokes and he goes there and there are other girls, older girls there he probably knows. And I can't find the kittens, and Alice May might have to move. Sometimes it's really unfair, and just so hard.

"Hey Bella," Easy says, and I look at him. I might have tears in my eyes, but I might not. "Can I sign your cast?"

Well I don't know. All we have is Alice May's pencil stuck in our sleuthing notebook. Here she is, sticking that pencil in my face, and I snatch it from her cause gee wilickers. So I take a couple of steps toward Easy. I hand him the pencil and my fingers touch his a little. Then I lift my cast a little closer to him and he's really almost pretty is what I think. He has eyes that just make me silly. So I'm smiling a little cause you can't look at him and not smile.

But I know he knows it. I just know he does. So I nod and he lifts my cast with one hand, and his hands are so much bigger than mine or Granma's. I think he bites his nails too. But he lifts that cast slowly and a little higher and I think, what's he doing, and he looks under my cast and he finds a spot and he pencils in there pretty quickly, but not too quickly, and then he lowers my arm again and he smiles at me. His eyelashes are the longest I've ever seen, and his smile is wide and his teeth are just a little crooked. He is purely a boy, but not like any other I've seen, and I don't even know what to do with all this big feeling in me.

So I just get serious. I tell Alice we have to go and I take her hand and the Cullens ride in circles near us until we're practically home, then they take off. And they've popped a hundred wheelies, but we haven't talked anymore.

"They didn't take those kittens," Alice says.

"I know."

"After they talk to Disbro, Jap will come along and give us the sign."

"What sign?"

"The frog. Two ribbets means it wasn't Disbro."

"Disbro won't tell the truth."

"Jap says they'll find out," Alice says so sure.

"Well I don't know," I say.

But we get close to home and Granma is waiting by the fence. I expect Aunt May to be with her, but she is not.

"What are these giddups?" Granma says meaning our special outfits.

"We been walking," Alice May says, which Granma never ever buys. She tells me to never let someone else do my talking, no sir.

"We've been walking," I repeat. "Looking for those kittens. We went down to the ball fields to see if any of those boys took them."

"By yourselves? Was that wise Bella Christine? You may go to the fire hydrant, but not off this street. You know this."

"Yes ma'am. But we thought maybe Disbro Peak took them," I say, knowing how thin this sounds.

We're doing that looking at each other. It's new. It isn't, but something about it is. I am not telling the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, but I'm not telling a lie either. I am sparing her. That's all. We are on a case and we promised and rubbed our blood together. We are spies first. We sacrifice.

But there's something else. I have a name on this cast, it's under my arm almost. It's Easy.

And all the names on this cast, and the broken bone itself, it's Easy's name I feel the most.

Once we make it to my room, and it takes about ten minutes of lectures and 'I'm sorries,' but once we make it, Granma is popping the corn, and probably filling her glass, and Lawrence Welk is already playing, and the only part of that we can stand is the Lennon Sisters, of course. But we finally, finally get to my room and turn on the light and I go to my mirror and raise my arm and Alice bounces on her toes and holds her hands like a bouquet of twining fingers under her chin and we see it in the mirror at the same time, near the top almost under my arm where my cast is still unsigned and very clean, we see it penciled in small letters, all capitals, EASY, framed in a heart.

"Oh my," Alice whispers. And I don't say a thing. I can't speak about it. But I feel it. Like I said.


	16. Chapter 16

Darnay Road 16

We are up in my window for the longest time before Jap Cullen does his froggie sound. He's on foot cause we barely see him. Two Ribbets and cross Disbro, Mike and Eric off the list. Cross off ourselves and there's Riley and Granma left.

"It's Riley," I say, disappointed I don't see any sign of Easy.

"You just want to take the spotlight off of Granma," Alice May says.

But she went to the store same as me, and Granma wouldn't be mean like that. She wouldn't do that. She didn't mean it, that we'd have twenty-four cats. My gran…my gran. If she took those kittens…well I might never get over it.

"It wasn't her," I say. My Granma is not the Bad Seed.

"You know we have to interview the suspects," Alice May says.

Yes I know that. I helped write those rules for spies, didn't I?

"Then go on over and talk to Riley," I say.

I know she's mad now.

But we watch out the window and we don't see Jap anymore, and Easy never was there. And Jap don't go for Riley. Well, Riley is mad at them and all.

"It's not him," Alice says while we stare over at her house. Alice's house is dark so Riley and Aunt May must be asleep. But we are so surprised when her front door opens and there are two in the doorway and one separates from the other, a man wearing all black who is situating a black hat on his head. He leaves Aunt May's and latches the gate and walks down the sidewalk with his shoulders hunched.

Well I've never seen the like. Is Aunt May sick?

But we are both quiet, watching that ghostly figure walk out of sight.

"Alice May," I say.

"He comes sometimes," she says.

"But where's his car? It was there before."

"He parks on Scutter and walks back. He likes the exercise."

"Is he supposed to leave the rectory this late?" I check my Cinderella watch and it's half past ten. A good spy always checks the time when she sees something fishy.

And this is fishy.

"I don't come out when he's there. Aunt May wouldn't like it. She says once I go to bed I cannot get up except to bathroom."

"But…."

"He's her friend," Alice says like she's mad at me. "I'm not supposed to tell because priests are not allowed to be friends with anybody."

"He has Father Sukas and Jeffries though," I say. I can't imagine wanting to be friends with Father Anthony. What would you do? He's always in the black outfit.

"Priests get very lonely," she says hotly.

"You don't know," I say. "Can't they ever see their families?"

"Sometimes they are far away like in Germany or something."

"What about the nuns?" I say. We've already talked all this to death, many times. But now we need to talk about it again.

"It's not a mystery. All right?" Alice says then she goes to my bed and flops down.

I end up lying beside her but I don't want to fall asleep this way, lying cross-ways. Alice May don't care what way we lay. She just messes the bed all up, but I like to lay with my head on my Mickey Mouse Club pillow and the covers all neatly over me.

"You can't tell Granma. Or anyone," she says.

"What about Riley? Does he know?" I ask.

"He's always out with the Hardy Boys."

"What about tonight?" I say.

"I don't know," she says like Granma does when that's the end of it. "You can't tell," she says again.

Why does it seem like there are more and more things I can't tell my granma? Well part of it's spy stuff. But now there's other stuff.

Easy. I think of every word I know that rhymes with his name. I like Breezy best. Easy breezy. I always liked that.

So what in the world would I do at the Quick Shop? I could buy some Turkish Taffy or something. Maybe one of those slushies. Red. I'd like to try that. But I would never ever go there. Not me.

Alice May flops over on her other side so her back is to me. Sleeping with her is never easy.

There it is again. Easy. I never knew how many times I use that word. And now I'll always think of him probably.

I tuck my hand under my cast so I can feel that heart.

I want to see Easy's house, that's for sure. I say that to Alice.

"Didn't Granma just say you can't leave Darnay Road unless she gives permission for something like roller skating?" Alice says in a real sleepy voice.

"Yes," I allow.

"Bella? Rub my hair," she says all sweet now.

And I have to roll a little on my side to make my arm long enough to reach her little pin-head. I rub over her little hairs, so short and dark and shiny. It about hits me then, yells into my face seems like. Her mama could come and take her away. From me. And that is just not a possibility. Without Alice May…well I don't know if I could live.

I feel some tears coming, but I cry real quiet, I don't even sniff. In no time she's asleep.


	17. Chapter 17

Darnay road 17

I am so sleepy come Sunday morning. Alice May is bouncing around. Mass is at nine-thirty, and Aunt May drives. I groan because Alice raises the shade all the way up and the sun is dancing rainbow splatters right through my eyelids.

"What you looking at?" I say.

"Big Gray," she says staring out the window.

She loves that old house pretty much.

"I had the most terrible dream. In living Technicolor—a Brontosaurus rising out of the river and demolishing the trestle bridge. We'd gone there to look for the kittens and it came bursting out of the water chewing on a tree," I say.

"Did we find them?"

"What?"

"The kittens!" She runs to the bed and jumps on it jarring my arm.

"Are you even listening! One second ago I was running for my life from a Brontosaurus!"

"He's a plant-eater," she reminds me.

"I know that," I say. We know all about dinosaurs. I have the Golden Book set of encyclopedias, and we go to the library all year long and we've looked at every picture of dinosaurs we can possibly find.

"And he wouldn't be alive in the river. He's be spotted. He wouldn't be underwater he'd…."

"Alice May," I say, my voice all raspy with sleep, "I know all that. But in my dream he was acting just like Tyrannosaurus Rex."

"Well whenever I have a bad dream you tell me all the reasons why it isn't true, so I'm just telling you," she says, lying on her back so she can get her toe up to her mouth and bite on her toenail. She knows that drives me crazy.

I push her some and she straightens out and hops up laughing. She sure is happy this morning for a girl whose mama is threatening to come around and drag her all the way to Florida.

"Well thank you very much, but that man-eating dinosaur was very true while I was asleep," I say like I've got the headache.

"Don't tell Granma about Father Anthony," she says.

We look at one another for a minute. "Don't tell Granma about Easy signing my cast like that," I say.

The 'don't tell Granmas,' just keep piling up.

111111111111

Mass takes forever and ever and ever. I put my imagination to good use and think of Easy signing my cast, the way he wrote there so carefully, holding my arm up so gently. My good hand is under my cast right now, my fingers running over that heart.

Someday when I do get a boyfriend for real, I hope he's as nice and beautiful as Easy. Well maybe it will be him, maybe he'll wait and I'll grow up and be so beautiful, like Natalie Wood. And maybe we'll have a convertible, red with white seats would be so, so fine. I'd wear a silk bandana and sunglasses and Easy, or Moondoggie, or someone so handsome will be driving us down the highway and we'll see wonders I imagine, maybe even go to Hollywood.

Granma nudges me. It's time to go up for communion. I get up and move out of the pew behind Alice May. The doily on her head has blown up on one side, folded over the bobby pin she wears in the center of her head to hold her head-covering on. I reach up and smooth it flat again. God wouldn't be punishing her now would he? I have the broken arm and she has to move? And Riley, he's getting punished too, and sneaking out every night, well it's obvious to me, a true spy, that he's in trouble.

Maybe I shouldn't take communion. Maybe I need confession instead. I sure can't go now. They only have it on Thursdays. Pretty soon I'm kneeling at the railing beside Alice May, my head bowed while I watch for Father and the altar boy, one of the big boys I don't know, make their ways down the row of us doling out the wafer we can't bite but must let dissolve on our tongues like Fizzies, only this is a very holy thing, so holy that if you bite the wafer, it will bleed and probably cause blood to run out of your mouth and people will look at you and scream.

Now it's my turn and I lift my head.

"The body of Christ," he says.

"Amen," I say and stick out my tongue and I feel Father Anthony's wet fingers touch my tongue and for just a split second he looks at me and I look at him, and that's a first time cause the priest always just looks at your mouth like he's trying to aim communion right in there, so I can only think about how I saw him leaving Alice's house so late, and he's friends with Aunt May when he's not supposed to make friends.

Then he's moving on to Granma and Aunt May and I follow in Alice's path, my hands folded, my steps so soft as I walk back to our pew.

One good thing. Mass is nearly over and there's a pancake breakfast after and I'll have a chance to watch Father Anthony and Aunt May. And I will be watching.


	18. Chapter 18

Darnay Road 18

"Give me the notebook," I say to Alice while standing in line for our pancakes.

I am speaking very low and out of the side of my mouth the way that old actor Humphrey Bogart might speak. I don't want Aunt May to hear me. And she doesn't want me…or Alice, to hear her, but I know she's filling Granma's ears about 'you-know-who,' and her brother not wanting to go, 'you-know-where,' with their, 'you-know-what.'

Alice May looks at me and rolls her eyes. We are just too deep in the spying business not to be able to figure this out.

Riley is standing in another line. He looks like he's part of Tim Barton's family. He likes Tim sometimes, but not lately with the Hardy Boys around. I guess we both ditched Tim, me and Alice too, but he shouldn't have fallen in love with me and chased us home every night. I tried to tell him.

Then his mother had to come down and talk to Granma about it, how mean I was treating Tim, well me and that Alice May Brandon. Her little darling boy.

My Granma said, "Why Virginia I wasn't aware that Bella Christine was running away from your Timothy, but I imagine if he'd quit chasing her that would solve the problem."

Of all the times I've eavesdropped in my whole life, that is the time I almost gave myself away from the need to laugh. Mrs. Barton did not complain about me again and she was there to walk Tim home from school after that.

So I can barely look over there now. Alice gives me the notebook and I take the pencil from the spiral and hand the book back and slide that pencil down the top of my cast and saw it up and down and around. It feels so good to itch my arm that way I almost howl like an old dog.

Then I think of all the dogs set to howling when Easy rode me past on his bike that time and I wonder what he's doing, being a heathen but very very handsome as he must be, wherever he is on this Sunday morning.

Finally we get up there to get our pancakes. Alice May is in front holding her big china plate. I am surprised when Riley appears out of nowhere to take my plate. I was waiting for Mr. Young to take mine for me as he is helping folks to the long tables and the lady serving told me to wait. Granma already went on and Alice May never thought to look back neither, but I know Riley is mad at Alice and I, so the last thing I expected was for him to leave the Bartons and be a gentleman for me.

He has his plate too, and without a word he leads us to the table where our families sit. He puts my plate down and takes his back to sit with the Bartons. He never looks at me or says anything, so I don't either because I don't know what to say but thank you and he didn't give me a chance.

So Alice just shrugs and she's already chewing because we said a big grace together before they started to serve. Now I'm looking around and then I spot him, Father Anthony wearing the hat that looks like a king's hat only black and without the crown part, just a big snowball on the top instead.

Makes me think of my missing pom-pom. And that makes me think of the missing kittens. And that makes me think of Alice May leaving. "You think Alice will have to go?" I ask Aunt May.

But she doesn't hear me, she is watching someone, and I fake cough into my hand and look quickly for where she's looking, and she's looking at him, the man in the dress, Father Anthony. He's talking to Miss Amanda Dunbar. She is the other unmarried woman, almost same age as Aunt May might be—one hundred and five minus fifty or something. I can't imagine. All I know is Alice May says Aunt May loves, loves President Kennedy. Well everyone does, but Aunt May has his picture hanging in the hall at Big Gray. Alice May says Aunt May told Edna she wanted her hair cut like Jackie's, but Edna said that style wouldn't work for Aunt May as Aunt May has all that natural curl and Aunt May said, 'do it anyway,' and Edna was right cause you can't really tell what Aunt May was going for. But she might be going for Father Anthony if that's possible. He has red hair and it's thick like the president's, and he has that red-head skin and freckles and if you squint a little he is a little like President Kennedy. Maybe. He could be a cousin at least.

But I cough again and turn around to my food and Granma is pointing at me with her fork. "Eat," she says.

And I cut a triangle of pancakes and poke that in my mouth and chew chew, but soon as Granma quits looking at me, I am peeking at Aunt May and she is flushing red while she looks in Father's direction.

The thing about spying, until you do make yourself notice everything and everyone around you, you just don't notice much. Alice and I will sometimes give one another 'spy tests,' where one gets until the count of ten to look at everything in a picture in a book and then without looking at the book again you have to say as many things as were on the page.

Alice and I almost tie most of the time.

But I look at Alice and she is eating her syrup, which is what she always does, lays her fork in the syrup and lets it cling like honey then she licks it off. Granma says Alice May lives on air, but I say it's sugar she likes the most. But she's not spying right now at all, and I know what she means about The Bad Seed, her mother. Sometimes it's so close you just don't see.

So I look at my granma, and what do I really know about this woman who seems pretty innocent as it goes, but could she have made a phone call to someone to take those kittens away?

She looks at me and I cut another triangle really quick.

"Better get busy," she says.

But I am busy. I am very busy.


	19. Chapter 19

Darnay Road 19

"The Edge of Night," the dramatic voice says long about this time every afternoon as the creepy dark shadow covers the city on the T. V. screen.

I don't know what Granma would do without the perils of Constance. Granma swears if I love mysteries like I say I do, I should watch this show. Then she ups and says it's not for children, but truth is I can't put up with that show for long it's just so boring.

We've already been to Moe's for the cherries to put on my birthday cake. We've already gotten Daddy's phone call how he meant to get here but he has to work. And I've been paying more attention and I did hear something I might wish I wouldn't have, but then again I have to be prepared to hear things sometimes if I'm going to do spy work.

Granma thought I went upstairs, and I did, but I came back down and she was still on the phone with him and normally it's hurry up, hurry up because we can't run up the charges for long distance from Chicago. And I hear her say, "You're missing everything."

And then she's listening and then she says, "Out of sight, out of mind."

And then she listens, and then she says, "She needs to know she has a father."

And then she listens, and then she says, "You can't just put her away until you're ready. She'll be all grown up. And she's special. You don't even know it."

And much as I wish to be like Nancy…Drew, it's just too hard to be me at that moment and I run back upstairs.

I don't know if he really loves me. I haven't thought about it because all the times I hoped he'd come and see me, Granma says he loves me, so I figured he did. But now hearing her upset, I just don't know. It's like there's something to be mad about and I didn't know I should be mad. I mean…Alice May might ask me if he's ever coming, but still I don't feel mad. Her mom doesn't come around either, but we have Granma and Aunt May. Really…I don't want him coming around. Not if he's going to try and take me away. I think we should just leave him alone before I'm in trouble like Alice and Riley.

I wish I could tell Granma this. "Just leave him alone," I'd say. I wish he wouldn't come by. I don't even miss him.

But I can't say that to Granma at all. When she comes upstairs we don't even talk about it. She just says real jittery how she doesn't think Daddy can get off for my birthday or Fourth of July, them being the very same thing, and I say okay. I don't want her sad about it.

The worse thing is Alice's mother is coming to talk Alice and Riley into being good about Florida. I know Alice misses her mother. Not terribly, but some. More than I miss Charlie. He's my dad—Charlie Swan. But I don't even miss him. Alice May does miss her mom. But not so much she wants to leave Big Gray.

If she went to Florida for good, I don't know what I'd do. Aunt May says she could come here in the summertime. But that's not enough. Here's the truth, if I had to give up Daddy so I could keep Alice, I would say, "Bye-Bye Charlie Swan."

"I'm not being nice to her," Alice May tells me, biting off a long string of red licorice then tipping back her head and slowly dropping that long string into her mouth like she's eating a big worm. We're holding bags of penny candy and walking slow because it's hot as a boiling kettle of missionary soup. Made with real missionaries.

I blow a big pink bubble and it's as big as my face and I hit her arm to show her and she tries to pop it and we fight a little and she doesn't pop it but it pops on its own from all the fighting and it's all over my face now. "Alice May!" I yell.

I pull what I can off my face, my eyes at least, and Alice is telling me shhh.

We're in front of Miss Little's. We forgot to cross the street. That house up close is scarier than House on Haunted Hill with Vincent Price. Normally Vincent Price does not scare me or Alice or Granma either. We think he is cheesy doodle. But that movie does scare me some. Just some. But Miss Little's house is the worst on our street. It's so shabby it's like the old crone amongst the beautiful sisters.

But today it's all shut up so tight. I am chewing my gum and still trying to peel off that big bubble.

"Alice May," I say, "there's just too many mysteries around here."

"There's only six," she says. We solved number one about where the boys went at night. But then we got a new one about Aunt May and you know who, dominus, dominus.

We haven't seen the Hardy Boys around for nearly a week. Riley made up with them, we know because we saw them playing at the ball fields, but Riley played for Darnay and Jap and Easy were playing for Scutter. Riley used to cross over and play with the Hardy's, but he's not doing that now and good thing because he's the best player Darnay has. But he's hanging at the Quick Shop. I know because Aunt May came to the fence and talked to Granma about it. She said he fought with her about going there and Aunt May said she didn't know what to do with him. My Granma said to speak to Father Anthony about it, and Aunt May just got quiet.

I know priests can't have girlfriends. Me and Alice talked about that. Being spies we say things sometimes that spies have to say to think of evidence. They can't be like…in love. That would be right off of The Edge of Night. Worse than Constance even. I don't know that such a thing has ever happened.

Alice May says I'm a dummy to even say such a thing.

'But May never did marry." Ain't that what Granma said? It surely is. And he came out of the house at night. And it wasn't the first time as Alice May said.

But back to the new mystery—not the Aunt May one, the Hardy Boys one. Where would those boys be? I mean, I plan to save a big piece of my birthday cake for a certain Easy Cullen. I am going to do that for sure cause I don't think he knows it's my birthday and I don't think he gets a lot of cake and never a cherry one. But I can't give him cake if I can't find him.

Also Alice May and I have decided to sneak in our school and go to the top floor and see if it's haunted once and for all. You can't do real sleuthing around while eighth graders are chasing you and screaming like at the school picnic. Alice May and I have decided to ask the Hardy's to go with us so we won't be so scared. One thing I know about those boys they are very very brave.

"We need to go by their houses," I say. "They could be in terrible trouble."

Allice looks at me like I got two heads, or plenty of bubble gum on the head I've got.

"I will," she says.

"It would be the worst thing we've done," I say. Worse than looking in the altar, and sneaking out at night to ride on the handlebars of boys that aren't Catholic or even very clean. I am under punishment and possibly Alice too. So this is almost like thumbing our noses at our Lord though I don't mean it and I hope he's kind enough to know. I wonder if my guardian angel is still around or if he's just given up.

I always believed my guardian angel is Michael the Archangel and Alice thinks hers is Gabriel. Of course Gabriel talks to her and I say, "You sure that's not your Granma Nettie?"

It makes her so mad. "My Granma Nettie does not have big gold wings!" she says and I might try not to laugh or be terrified cause she will never take it back.

But my dad doesn't love me, and Alice May's mother is kidnapping her, so why should we try to be so good all the time? And anyway, when two boys just disappear shouldn't the Darnay Spies pay attention?

I said I wanted to see where those boys live, didn't I? "If your mama takes you away from Big Gray, don't you want to at least know where Jap lived all this time?"

"Yes," Alice May says feeding another mile of licorice in her mouth.

I wish I was really brave, but I'm not. But if I was I would march right past Miss Little's house and up her yard and all the way through her property to the tracks. Then I'd cross those and go through Easy's yard and knock on his back door and say, "Easy, where in the devil have you been?"

But I am a good little Catholic saint. And I'm so so tired of it. You just can't solve mysteries being a saint.

I face Miss Little's house very squarely. It's just a house, just boards and nails and a crazy lady. I've seen her before haven't I? I've been all the way to her porch once to rescue a dog! And wouldn't Easy do it for me? Wasn't he the first one over me when I nearly died in the street? And didn't he ride me to the trestle and face Dibro on that bridge and save those kittens? Didn't he put that heart around his name on my cast…just for me? And I won't do this for him?

"Come on Alice," I say, and I work Miss Little's rickety gate open and it drags on the ground, but that don't stop me. I'm in a mood, maybe on my high horse, I don't know, but something inside me is waving a fist.

"Oh no," Alice says.

"Oh yes," I say.


	20. Chapter 20

Darnay Road 20

I am clutching what's left of my bag of candy in my bad hand, and holding Alice May's hand with the other. Well I'm pulling her along and her candy machine ring with the pretend pink pearl is digging into my palm and she keeps stepping on the backs of my Keds but I don't even care cause Miss Little might come out and she is so frightful. She looks like Betty Davis in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane. I said that when we watched that movie and Granma said I must not ever say it again it is so unkind, she said it's even unkind that Betty Davis looks like Baby Jane.

But I do think it anyway—about Miss Little I mean.

So I pull Alice May along and I would rather do this than go up on the trestle bridge, and she did that, and at night. So I give her a yank and we move to the side of the house and I squint my eyes so I don't see the whole thing at once. There's a dead bird and I nearly step on it, and something rustles in the overgrowth that keeps the neighbors even being able to see how badly Miss Little keeps her yard.

I wonder if we can even get through the backyard, and the gate is hard to see it's so covered with thick vines. We are very close to the house now and Alice May is so quiet, and there's a window and I make myself look and it's more horrible than looking under the altar, when Alice pulled that door wide open, but there sitting in that window for all the world is that yellow kitty. And that's not all, hanging in the center of the window, from the lock is my pink pom-pom. The kitten is batting at it, first all by his lonesome, then another kitten appears. It's one of the grays.

The kittens are in Miss Little's house. Miss Little has kidnapped my kittens and my pom-pom.

I am pointing, but Alice May already sees.

"It's them, it's them," she says nearly squeezing my good hand with both of hers and her bag of candy. "Holy smokes!"

"Come on," I say. I pull her to that gate but she's pulling back.

"We have to go tell your Granma. We need the police I'll bet!" she says.

But I'm not going to the police. My dad Charlie is a policeman. I don't want anyone like him on this case. "We're going through this yard and we're going across the tracks and we're going to find Easy. He'll get those kittens back."

I sound like Flint McCullough on Wagon Train having just scouted the road ahead and unwilling to take another trail even if there is a war-party of Sioux.

Alice doesn't fuss. She already knows Jap and Easy are better than any old policeman who can scold us or take us to jail. So we pick our ways through that back yard that has never ever seen the spinning blades of a lawnmower. Or not for a while. But there is a well worn path through the weeds that leads to a back gate in the tumbledown fence. I have not been so happy to push a door open since my last confession. It is like a different world when we get out of Miss Little's yard and onto the tracks. This is what we see from Alice May's yard anyway, this bleak and dangerous timber and rail that eventually leads to the trestle bridge and after that it goes clear across the United States of America or at least to the next town.

Our legs itch so we stop to scratch and go on and on about the kitties and my pink pom-pom. Alice is crying and I am too a little and I didn't know. Those little kitties are alive, but I still don't have them back. And crazy Miss Little, all we know she is cooking them one by one and eating them for dinner.

But my neck is stretching as I look at the back fence leading to Easy's house. He's that close. Maybe.

So I take off running, holding my cast which itches all the time but doesn't knock me off balance as much as it used to. Alice is behind me sniffing while she runs, and she passes me up and reaches the gate and we pull it wide and a big German Shepherd comes running and I pull Alice back and shut the gate and click the latch and the dog hits the wood and it looks like it's coming open, but the latch holds.

"Saints and mercy," I cry, wanting to yell at Alice, but I can't, I'm just so glad she's alive.

Alice May is really crying now but I know she cries easy but she doesn't give up, it's just she's so small she has to cry to let the steam off so she can go again.

"Neighbors," she says. Just that. And she takes off running and me too so we can get away from Easy's fiercesome dog.

So we open the tall wooden gate at the next house and look first and no dog, just a yard with not much grass cause this is Scutter and they don't grow grass over here I guess. So with that dog of Easy's running the fence and barking we walk quickly through this yard and get out soon as we can and go around the front of Easy's tired looking house and up on his porch with the creaky steps and we knock on his beat to death door.

Jap opens the door. He's holding a plate of noodles with no sauce at all, just bare noodles. He has one partway out of his mouth and he sucks it up. He is looking at me and Alice and it's probably almost a surprised look but he never seems to be excited, not even when he was looking ready to catch that shirt filled with cats Disbro nearly dropped from the trestle bridge.

He is a tall boy, and wearing blue jeans and one of those shirts him and Easy wear, sleeves torn off. His feet are bare and if you look back up on top his head is shaved and that's pretty different.

He is skinny so it's good to see him eating I guess. The house behind him is dark and it smells like Granma's cellar some.

"Your dog is me-ean," Alice says.

"Yeah," he says and laughs a little, but it's not the laugh you do when something is really funny, more like 'what are you doing here?'

I am not expecting Easy to pull Jap back and step in front. He really can't believe his eyes. Well I can't either. I haven't seen him for days and days, no sign of him at all. But it's the worst. His head is shaved like Jap's, and it's all right, just different.

But his eyes, well one is bruised around it. He has no shirt, but tape around his ribs, and his arm is wrapped, and his shoulder is blue and cuts and scrapes, red lines of broken skin.

"Oh," I say. I put my good hand over my mouth. Cause his hands are the worst, knuckles split and red.

"Why did you come here?" Easy says, and it's worse than anything. He is not happy to see me at all. Not at all. He is angry. I have not seen him angry before, not even when Disbro took the kittens. Not even when Riley hit him. I didn't think he could ever be angry. But he is angry now. At me.

He comes on the porch and pulls the door some, but Jap stops him from closing it, but he's a little bigger than Jap, a little heavier and bossier, and he pushes Jap back and Jap says no and they stare some, then Easy limps, yes limps like Chester out onto the porch, and all I can do is notice all of this. I don't care that he's even more grown looking than last time I looked, or I know there's the man-hair under his arms. I don't care about any of that. He's hurt. And he doesn't want me here. He hates me I think.

Alice tries to tell them about the cats.

"No," I say to her. "We're going now." I have her with my good hand. I'm pulling her toward those rickety stairs.

"Don't come around no more," Easy says. "Don't ever come here. Hear me Bella? Don't ever come here again."

He's so stern and so mean.

"I…what happened?"

"It ain't your business. You stay away."

"I will," I say, but it sounds shaky, even to my own ears.

Alice pulls away though, shrugs away and stays on the porch. "But Miss Little has the kittens," she says, and she's looking mostly at Jap and he doesn't give one way or the other. "We saw them in her window. She took the kittens."

"It don't matter," Easy says. "Get on home."

"What happened to you?" Alice May says, still not moving. "You used to be a nice boy."

"I ain't nice," he says. "You go on home little girl," he says.

"We will," I say, and it's stronger, but I want to run from here. Run and never stop.

"But she took them," Alice says cause she pushes Riley, but these ain't Riley. "It ain't right."

"You don't know anything," Easy says. "Let her have them."

Alice is still going to fight, but I get ahold of her and finally she comes my way.

"You're the meanest boys ever!" Alice yells.

But once we get on the ground I pull her along and we go down Scutter in the direction of Alice May's house. I don't know where we'll cut back, or when, but we have to get away from here. From them. From Easy.


	21. Chapter 21

Darnay Road 21

"Happy Birthday to you," they all finish singing.

And who are they? They are Granma, of course, Alice May, Riley, Aunt May and Alice's mother Tanya Sue, but I call her Mrs. Brandon and she keeps correcting me, it's Mrs. Figley now.

Absent, of course, are my dad, and Alice May's new special 'uncle,' that Tanya Sue upped and married. He looks to be right out of Mayberry and I don't mean Andy. I mean Gomer Pyle. That's what Alice thinks and I agree. Gomer Pyle with a suntan and a Cadillac.

Well they cut my cake and put my cake and one scoop of hand-packed cherry ice cream on each plate. I am served first for being the birthday girl. Granma bought pink party hats but now that I am ten years old for really real I do not think a hat is so becoming. Not a paper cone shaped one because isn't that what dummies wear?

Tanya Sue is wearing a hat. "I'll just take a small, small one. Watching my figure," she laughs, and Aunt May appears to bite her tongue.

"Bella Christine, Riley just asked you a question," Granma nudges me.

I look at him. He is having a growth spurt Aunt May says. Had to get new jeans even. He's always been comely like Alice May, but it's hard for me to really see it since I find him so angry and bossy and generally about as delightful as a mosquito bite.

"I said you should open mine first," he says.

I honestly didn't know I was supposed to open my presents.

"Okay," I say and he picks up the one wrapped to look like a stack of comics. I remove the paper and yes, inside are Casper the Friendly Ghost, and two Richie Rich my very most favorite.

"Thank you," I say.

Granma nudges me again. I frown at her because she has the sharpest elbows ever and I don't know what I did wrong.

Tanya Sue is holding a Barbie doll-shaped box toward me. I so very dearly do not want it from this thief of my best friend and blood sister Alice May.

I take the box before I get the elbow again. I quickly and sloppily rip the paper off and the box says Midge. I don't want Midge now. I was only getting Midge because Alice May was getting Midge for her birthday in August, mine with red hair and hers with blond, mine named Midge and hers named Madge. We were going to play like they were friends. But what good is she to me now when her friend will be in Florida? Anyway, I'm thinking of not playing with dolls anymore.

"Thank you kindly," I say.

Alice May gives me stationary so we can write letters, and a friendship bracelet with a heart dangling from it that says Alice May and Bella.

I don't ever want to see a heart again.

"Thank you," I say, then she starts to cry but I can't. I just can't. I'm just mad.

So I act like I don't see her cry and she lets Tanya Sue put her arm around her. Granma gets me new skates with red pom-poms. But I won't skate alone. I never would. And I know my pink pom-pom is in Miss Little's dirty window with my kittens and Easy told me to let her have them and never come around. I can't feel that heart on my cast anymore. It's just a shadow now.

"Thank you," I say.

Lastly Aunt May goes in our house and comes out with a box with holes in it. I take the box and it's moving and little clawing sounds inside so I open it up and there's a little wiggling puppy in there, a little chihuahua like on the back of our comics that Alice and I have admired forever, the dog who can fit in a teacup.

I lift her out and she licks my nose. Everyone laughs, but I don't.

"She's from your Daddy," Granma says.

I look at her. I don't care who she's from, I love her anyway. I know I shouldn't, I should give her back, but it's not her fault. None of it is.

That evening when the sun goes down they light the sparklers. I ask Granma if I can take Little Bit inside because all the popping and whistling from the fireworks is making her shake.

Alice May is running around like Sky King with a sparkler in each hand. Mostly I would do that with her, but I don't want to now. Granma says, "Go on then." And I do.

I put a pillow in the bathtub, put the plug in the drain, then set Little Bit in there with my teddy bear for company. I put her little saucer of water in there too and my clock wrapped in a towel so she thinks it's her mother. Then I turn out the light and close the door. Then I take off my shorts and put on my blue jeans and my Keds. I'm getting really good with one hand.

In the kitchen I get a paper plate and put on a piece of cake and cover it over with waxed paper.

I go out the back door and yard after yard is neighbors lighting fireworks. It strikes me how they are all in families. I don't know why it never mattered before, but I always had Granma and Alice, even Aunt May and Riley. I guess we had everything and I didn't know it.

I sneak off then, go around the front and Granma is on the porch but she don't even notice how I go out the gate and just keep on going toward Miss Little's house. I'm taking her a piece of my cake. I just want to see if they are all right. I just want to know she is taking care of them.

He said to let her have them. I know he meant it. I don't hold it against him, but I want to understand. I can't take anyone's word for it, that they're all right. I have to see for myself. That's all.

So I go down the street, the boys in the street throwing black cats that pop and pop so loudly. I can just imagine Disbro Peak at the trestle lighting M-80's and cherry bombs the only cherry thing I never liked.

I get to her house and right away you can see the cold and silence. I'm afraid but not so much I won't do this. So I go in her gate. Not a light on anywhere. I am walking up the broken walk toward that eerie spooky blackness where my kittens live.

But I hear it then, side of the house, fireworks going off all around us, but I still hear it, the awful sounds, and I know what they are. I heard something like them once when Riley fought with Easy. But I walk around there and I'm not sure what is happening, I can't think. It's Jap, it's Easy and they are working awfully hard in that tall grass, bent over, dragging….

Jap sees me first but it's Easy who charges me like his dog that day, fast and mean. He is telling me to go on, to get home little girl. Don't you come around here. I must say something about the kittens but he puts his hands on me, turns me around. I get to the porch and set the cake there, on the part where the floor hasn't fallen through, but he is there and takes that cake and tries to make me take it back and I say no, it's for her. "Why are you being so mean?"

But he don't say, his eyes so big in his face with his hair gone like that. He don't answer, sets his mouth in a line, sees me to the gate, pushes me out.

"Easy," I say.

"Go home," he says, in a terrible voice.

And I do.

"Where you been?" Granma says when I come in the gate, up the porch. "I thought you were upstairs with Little Bit."

"No," I say. And that's all.

"Alice May is looking for you. They ran up the street to watch the fountains."

But I go inside and let the screendoor close so quietly I barely notice myself.

111111111

Next day Alice May comes running over in the morning. I am sitting on the last step watching Little Bit sniff at the grass. It's almost as tall as she is.

Alice falls on her knees by Little Bit and picks her up and kisses her all over. She didn't spend the night last night. I slept in the bathroom, in the bathtub with Little Bit. Granma knocked and I said I had a tummy ache and to tell Alice May I'd see her tomorrow, which is today.

"Too much birthday cake," Granma said through the door. But I never ate my cake.

I am holding so much sorrow. I recognize it now. It's not just over Alice, it's over Easy. It's over Jap. It's over whatever they were doing at Miss Little's. It's over Miss Little and me not knowing if she's safe. It's over my kittens and my pom-pom. It's over me I guess, a girl her own father doesn't love even if he did give her the best dog in the world.

But this is the first time I am full of a secret so big it outgrows the edges of myself and I can't share it, I don't grab Alice and head for the shelter so I can spill.

I don't even want to.

The Darnay spies are already broken. Alice May is moving to a street called Seagull Lane and I picture her riding on the back of one of those giant birds and leaving me here, by the tracks, with a cast on my arm with a name wearing away into memory…like our friendship…like my childhood left on the other side of a cherry cake.

I am ten years old. Two handfuls. It's me and Granma now. And Little Bit.

There will be more mysteries, there already are—two boys at the side of a house in the dark night. There are questions I will have to carry alone.

111111111

Long about evening the first police car pulls up in front of Alice May's house. We are on the porch playing with Little Bit and eating tuna fish sandwiches. Alice sees that car she stands up and boys come from nowhere on their bicycles to stop and be nosy.

The second car comes soon after. The policemen walk along Alice May's house and go in the backyard. Alice goes running over there and I stay with Granma. We are on the porch and I'm holding my dog and we are looking at the growing crowd, the dads mostly who are still home from the holiday.

It's a few minutes and Alice comes, Aunt May behind her. I know by the way she walks that Alice is on the job. But it doesn't matter now. She's leaving me.

"A man on the tracks," Alice says. "They don't know who."

"The engineer reported hitting him. Must have been the two fifteen," Aunt May says.

"They don't know who he is," Alice says. "Probably some old bum."

"Well how could they tell if he was hit by a train?" Granma says.

"They couldn't," I say. "They couldn't tell. They could never tell that."

Everyone is looking at me. Well I just put in my two-cents, that's all. But they keep on looking, and I pick up Little Bit and run up to my room where they can't look anymore.


	22. Chapter 22

Darnay Road 22

Alice May and I share the last night. We lay in my bed facing one another. "We should prick our fingers again," she says.

Close as we lay, like two hamsters in the sawdust, that's what we've said before, but I feel so strange. A pricked finger is a fire-fly in all the dark.

I used to feel like things wrapped around us, this house, my room, my double bed with the thick green paint on the headboard and the decals of Bo-Peep and Jack and Jill and Mary with the Lamb. But all I can think, it's like a bike-ride in the night, I'm going fast, looking scared into the dark. Are the answers really blowing in the wind? I can't hear them.

She's going to Florida. It's a far away planet at the end of the line.

I feel it's all bigger. There is Darnay Road and the tracks behind the house, and Scutter too. And all the trains that come through. And all the trains…that come through.

We say we ain't the same as folks back there with their thin clothes. We don't know what they believe. We say don't go there and we'll be safe. It will go away, those houses thirsty for paint, those houses frayed and frazzled from mysteries inside.

We went there. We smelled that sour dark thing that came out of the open door. Easy's head shaved and dark red marks under his skin. Easy's eyes and Easy's voice. Jap's lips pressed so tight.

The fires that burn inside a person like love and hate maybe, like mystery, and I know something so big, so big and deep, mystery is on the inside before you ever see it, smell it, mystery is the inside.

Scuttertown, Scutter Road. A boy that lifts my arm so gently. A boy on a bridge who saves, for a while. A boy with a terrible light in his eyes who says I must go away, a boy who scares me.

"Hide your eyes," Granma says.

But I have faced that altar, our Lord's treasure chest. Mops and buckets underneath the gold chalice, the sacred wine, the wafers we must not bite into so the blood runs down our throats and not our chins.

I am crying now, but it's not just what she thinks, her going away. I got deep and mysterious tears for that and they aren't ready to show. I know it.

Riley said the man was dragged a distance of eight cars. He was lying on the tracks and he was mincemeat. If he'd been standing he might have been thrown and maybe lived, but a man dragged under would be cut in pieces and he was and they had to find them—the pieces-and they had to count them to make sure they got the whole person.

Prick our fingers she says? It's a firefly in all that blood.

While I lived on Darnay Road, a crow's line, a skip, a fast ride on someone's handlebars, a man lay on the tracks and a train came barreling down and it didn't slow, it couldn't.

I'm crying because for hours I didn't know if that man was Easy. Or Jap. I just didn't know, and it wasn't okay not to, to even have an idea. But I can't tell that to Alice May when she has to leave in the morning. I can't say it.

Door to door the police went, all along both sides of Darnay Road and both sides of Scutter. They called Miss Little. There was evidence the man might have come from there but it hadn't rained and it was dry and they'd been paroling the streets watching for fire and everyone knew Miss Little's property was a cut through.

I know it best, I know the line that makes us safe is cut there, a doorway where two worlds run together, like the place where the rivers meet and crash, one green, one brown, but there it mixes in and muddies up and you can't hardly tell unless you know, unless you look, so it flows…and flows…and goes.

But nothing was said about who it was or who it was not on those tracks, but it wasn't a girl, that's for sure, though they could barely tell at first Riley said.

I would think it was Miss Little maybe, but it was not. It was not.

So we didn't do so much, we spoke more quietly, we waited is what we did.

Riley came with the news. "Adult male, they said."

And I went off then, in the cellar to cry, but I couldn't cry.

And I knew it was Alice May's last day and there was no joy in us. It was already over. I felt like she was already gone. She had her mother and it's the strongest thing. I just didn't know, but I can feel it with Tanya Sue around. Alice is near starved for her so I don't take that rope, I don't pull.

So now we're almost nose to nose, but far enough back to really look at each other. "We never did buy those bras," Alice says.

"Or go up top at the school," I say, but I don't mention Easy or Jap. I don't want to.

"We never did rescue those kittens," she says.

I don't know what to say, what I know.

"I'll write everyday," she says.

"You will not," I say.

"I will."

"Don't say what you cannot do," I rebuke her.

"Don't tell me I won't when I say I will."

"Well I won't write you everyday, that's the truth," I say rolling onto my back to get off my cast.

"I won't get to see your pruny white arm when they take off the cast," she says.

"I don't care."

"Well that's mean."

"You're talking like you feel sorry," I say, and she knows I hate that.

"Well Mama says you can visit at Christmas vacation if Granma says, and I will come back here for summer as Florida is just an oven."

"I ain't coming on Christmas. I can't leave Granma alone."

"She can come too. On the bus."

"She won't leave. She barely goes to the market."

"She said she would."

"No she didn't. And what about Little Bit?"

"Well what about next summer then? It's not so long."

"You won't come," I say. I really believe she will not cause people lie all the time and once they go away they don't see how special you are, if you are special, and maybe you're not.

"Well you're such a sad sack I don't want to talk to you." She gets on her other side and rocks the bed and I stare at the ceiling and hear the ten fifteen wail and rumble.


	23. Chapter 23

Darnay Road 23

"I'm going to stay here and play with Little Bit," I tell Granma next morning. I don't even look her way.

She is almost all the way down the cellar stairs, standing where I can see the tops of her nylons rolled to the place before her knees start up, and Granma has really big knees. So I don't look anymore, I am sitting on one of the blankets like I do with Alice May, lying back mostly. Little Bit is chewing on my fingers like I don't have a care in the world.

Granma sighs. "What do I say when that nice Mr. Figley is waiting on you to say good-bye to Alice?"

"I already said good-bye," I tell Granma, looking at her very quickly.

"Sometimes," Granma says, "you have to make yourself do something you don't want to do." But she just stares at me for another minute then she goes up.

She is so mad she snaps out the light and it's dark down here, but I am not afraid of the dark. What's lovelier than a sky filled with stars?

There are no stars in this cellar.

I take hold of Little Bit and walk slowly until I reach the steps then up I go.

I meet Alice May in the kitchen. She is coming for me. She's been crying, but not now. She is angry and we stop near the table.

"You won't even say good-bye?"

"Well go on then," I say.

I have Little Bit and my cast.

She swallows it down cause Mr. Figley honks the horn.

"Tell Jap good-bye for me," she says quick.

I shake my head no and stare at her feet. She's wearing the sandals with the blue flowers and red centers that look just like gumdrops.

"Good-bye I guess," she says.

I just look at her. I can feel those tears rising now. She needs to go.

She comes for me and hugs me on my good side. Then she lets me go and runs out. Then she runs back and gives me a paper waded up, two papers. She almost knocks me over she pulls away so hard.

She's back out the door then and it slaps shut and I watch her brown pixie cut disappear.

I set Little Bit on the table even though I'm not allowed. I open that first paper and it's from Riley. In it is a ribbon he got from winning a race. Well I don't want that. He writes he will never forget me. I open the second and it's from Alice. It says, "Darnay Spies forever." It's signed Alice May Brandon—Blood Sister.

I gather up both papers so Granma will never see them and I go up to my room.

I put Little Bit on my bed and I hurry to my window just in time to see that Cadillac disappear.

It's loud enough I hear it for the count of ten, then nothing. I feel her going away, like I'll go to the mirror and my reflection will be gone. So I go there to check and my braids weren't done over this morning. I can't see any hope that my smile is there so I try Easy's smile, just a half, but it's so dumb, so I try a whole smile and it's dumb too and I break out crying then, and there's drops on the mirror, spit or tears of something. I don't make it to my bed even, I fall on the floor and all the mystery comes out of me, the way I feel about Alice I guess, all of it gushing like the fire hydrant end of the street when they open it up and you can't believe the force.

But I stop pretty quickly. I can stop it so I do. It just won't do any good, that's the thing about it. It just won't change a thing.


	24. Chapter 24

Darnay Road 24

A week later I got my cast off and a week after that word came round it was Carl Cullen they found on the tracks. That was Easy and Jap's dad. He's been missing but the family said he'd go off sometimes so they didn't know. He never made it home that fateful night so the police had been looking for him and they had reason to believe it was him.

The paper said he left Don Kenny's tavern about an hour before that train was due. What it did not say was how it happened. How he got on the tracks.

He was watchman at the electrical plant and he got off work and went about having his beer and all the while that train was somewhere headed for here. Headed for him.

He lived on Scutter. After the funeral Jap got sent to Tennessee Aunt May said. Well she said, "The younger boy." And I knew. My ears were growing long and pointy out my head to hear any word of the other, the older boy with a half smile and eyes that have sharp points of light that pierced me through in my memory.

So here's what Granma offers since Alice May left me. Dance lessons.

I say, "No thank you I am not a ballerina or something."

I could go to the pool, but I don't want to go to the pool and watch some baby pee and some stupid boy swim too close under water and say bad things when he comes up close while his friends laugh.

I was brave for her. Alice May made me brave. But I went to Miss Little's alone, with my cake. "Now how would a piece of your birthday cake get all the way to Miss Little's? It can't grow legs and walk," Granma says.

The police found that slice of cake I'd dropped at Miss Little's. They asked up and down looking for the owner of that cake. They were looking for a witness and they believed it was possible the dead man came from that yard.

But I say I don't know. Granma calls me out on the porch and I just say, "I don't know."

The Bad Seed. They never suspect you if you have pigtails.

"Maybe Riley," I say.

But Riley doesn't know. And I wait to be found out, but I never ever am. Without Alice May I'm invisible.

So Granma calls Daddy and Daddy sends the money and I get a nice new basket for my bike, and I can put Little Bit in there, on my pink sweater of course, and we ride and ride and ride up and down Darnay Road.

But I never see Easy. Not even when I ride to the ball fields. Not even then.

So I go to the library and I wear my sweater even though you could fry an egg on the sidewalk, and Alice May and I tried once last year, and you really can it just takes a lot longer than a skillet. But I take my sweater in my basket, put it over the books I'm returning and Little Bit on top of that. I get to the library I put on the sweater, Little Bit goes under my shirt, then I put on the sweater and button it up, then I take the books, careful not to press them against my dog.

So the whole time I'm in there Little Bit is trembling against me under my shirt. I find my new books and fold my arms while I check out. Then I take out the new books and take off the sweater and put Little Bit on top and I ride home.

But I don't hardly smile except for her. Little Bit that is. Cause none of this is her fault. And she deserves some happiness. She's just a dog.

But then one day I'm riding her up and down. I stop to watch some kids skating where me and Alice used to skate, the L around Moe's. I'm watching them take that corner, but they're a bunch of babies the way they do it.

I wonder what she's doing right now, this minute. I look up at the sun, and even with my sunglasses I have to shield my hands over my eyes. That is the same sun over Florida. If she's looking up right now our eyes are connecting sort of.

"You're gonna see spots," he says. And right away I know.

He straddles his bike beside me. He rests his arms on his handlebars and lights a cigarette right there in the sunshine. Then he sucks it in and I can't look cause…I can't.

Well I don't know what to do. Alice May would. She'd say something and he wouldn't be looking at me like this. His dad. I mean…his dad. Jap. She'd say something.

Does he know about Alice? Well…what's it matter.

"C'mon," he says and he takes off a little. He stops then and looks back because…I ain't moving.

Little Bit sticks her head up then and yap, yap, yaps, and she hardly ever does, and then just once, but never three.

"What in the world…?" he says and he sticks that smoke in his mouth and walks his bike backwards until he's next to me. "That a rat?"

I am pretty hurt for Little Bit. "She's my dog."

Now he is laughing and laughing. Little Bit has on her pink collar and she is looking at him, holding her neck alert, her tiny eyebrows are twitching.

He's trying to say something, but he looks at me, takes one more pull and pitches that smoke. "Can I see?"

"Well, she don't like anyone but me," I say putting my hand on her.

"Oh." He's just smiling now. "Where'd you get a dog like that?"

"For my birthday," I say, then the guilt cause that was that day.

Maybe he remembers. He gets quiet looking at my dog. "Well today's my birthday," he says.

"It is?" I can't believe he's out here all alone in those same shabby clothes.

"Yeah."

"How old?"

"Twelve."

"I'm ten," I say.

"I know," he says.

"You're eighth grade?"

"Seventh. Got held back in fifth."

I nearly gasp. Just nearly. I never knew someone held back. I can hardly think of it.

"I'm not stupid," he says and he does that half smile.

"Oh. No."

He laughs. "You don't sound like you mean it."

Well I don't know what to say.

"I had trouble reading. But I'm getting it."

I can't believe he told me that. I would never tell it.

"C'mon," he says again. "That dog like to ride?"

"Yes," I get out.

"Well c'mon."

I know I should make an excuse. I've got to get home. That's all. But I just go after him. I don't know why. It's like I don't have a mind I guess.


	25. Chapter 25

Darnay Road 25

I can barely keep up with Easy even when he goes slow. Plus I'm careful so I don't throw Little Bit out of the basket. I never know what I'm doing with Easy around, but I barely stop looking at him.

We ride away from Moe's toward Bloody Heart. I can only go this far with permission. Right now I just have the permission I'm giving myself.

He slows down and I catch up, then he goes in the street so I can ride on the sidewalk and unless there's a parked car, we're not separated by much.

"You lost the cast," he says.

Well I don't say anything like, 'you lost your dad.' Well I can't talk about that.

"What do you do on your birthday?" he says.

Well this I know something about maybe. "What do you usually do?"

"Nothing," he says.

"Not anything at all?"

I have to slow down for a raised crack in the sidewalk so he gets ahead again, but he slows it down, so much he's turning his front tire left and right.

I figure I shouldn't have said anything about him doing nothing for his birthday. I think of his house and I know there's never been a party in there. And I think of the cake I held at Miss Little's. It was embarrassing how it was. I know his face now, when he's hateful.

We're just riding again. I pick up good speed.

"We should take the alley," he says.

I stay out of the alleys. There are bad people in those sometimes, men who want to show their things. Granma and I used to take the alleys for a shortcut then it happened one time and Granma told me to close my eyes but I just looked down and Granma yelled, "You dirty old thing," at him. But we never took the alleys again.

But now I'm turning into the alley with Easy.

We ride pretty quiet, past the backyards, the trashcans. These are places people rent so there are no dogs. Most the time you can't have pets. We hit the street and Easy doesn't stop, he looks left, right, then stands on his pedals and so do I. We make it across fine and we're in another alley.

"You eat cake," I say, about out of breath. Surely he remembers how I brought that to Miss Little's.

"What?" he says.

"Cake. For your birthday." I lose one of my thongs then. I hate that. It's so embarrassing.

He notices I'm gone and he skids to a stop and comes back. "I'll get it." He goes back and gets my pink thong and hands it to me. I drop it near my foot and work my toes in there.

He's smiling and shaking his head. "Cake," he says.

I hate the word 'dreamy.' But he's dreamy in the eyes. I wonder if he sees it when he looks in the mirror. But Granma says I'm like Natalie Wood and I look in the mirror and I don't see it.

"I got a quarter," I say. I'm thinking of the little store near Bloody Heart.

"What's that mean," he says.

"We could get a pack of Hostess cupcakes and an orange drink."

He just looks at me.

"Or a milk if you want," I say. I just feel dumb saying, 'milk' to Easy.

He smiles. "Where's this?"

"Little store by school."

"Who's that?" he points at Little Bit.

"Little Bit," I say.

"Little this, Little that," he says. "Lead the way Little Girl."

And I do, but I feel like he's watching and I'm showing off a little, flicking my braids over my shoulders like I don't give a care.

We get to Hoagy's shop and we pull up there and I am getting off and lowering my kick-stand and he says, "Go on over to the school and I'll catch up."

"What?" I say. That doesn't make sense.

"Go on," he says.

Well I don't want to do that, but he'll need my quarter. "Here," I say digging in the pocket of my cut-offs.

"Keep it," he says. Oh. He's got money I guess.

"Orange drink or milk?" he says.

"Well orange drink I guess."

"Go on," he says. "I'll catch you there."

Why's he so particular about getting rid of me? Is this a joke maybe where he'll run off and leave me? I'm taking off then, kind of slow. I don't want to be made a fool.

He watches for me to go, and I'm kind of mad, but I push off and head for the school. It's barely half a block away and it's fronted by a really busy avenue with six lanes. But I don't go that far. I go in the school lot from the back way, a quiet slice of street. It's here where it hits me—Alice May. I look at the building and that top floor. I suppose if I'm going to see Sister Sponza's ghost it wouldn't be so bad if Easy was with me.

That's if he's really coming. I get off my bike and walk it along the building. Little Bit wants me to hold her now, so I lean the bike against the stairs and hold Little Bit so her nose touches mine. "How you doin'?" I say. I always say that to her and her little skinny tail whips around.

Easy about scares me to death when he pulls up. He rolls two cartons of orange drink and a wee bit smashed package of chocolate cupcakes out of the front of his dirty shirt.

There's no bag. No small white receipt.

"Why is it in your shirt?" I say because it just doesn't hit me until I ask that stupidest question. "Did you steal this?"

"They won't miss it," he says, waiting for me to take the carton of orange drink like I don't have a care in the world.

"No thank you," I say. I am so disappointed to know he's a thief. Too.

"What's the matter? You look thirsty," he says, shaking that cool sounding drink.

"I don't steal," I say. I just don't.

"You didn't steal it, I did," he reasons just as friendly as the Devil must.

It would hurt my Granma too much if I drank that. I've been bad, I know, but thou shall not steal and my very church is sitting right there in front of me like a big old ship run aground. I might do some venial sins, but the mortal ones I generally stay away from.

"Did Mr. Hoagy see you?" I ask looking over where the rectory empties into the schoolyard we stand in.

"Nah," he says, putting one carton under his arm and opening the other, leaning back his head and drinking it down in a few interesting swallows.

Then he opens the cupcakes and tries to hand me one.

"No thanks."

"For my birthday?" he says.

"I can't. You didn't pay."

His face falls a little. Didn't he know that? Didn't he know I don't steal?

Easy is pretty broken inside. He's mystery all right. I know it's been bad for him, and I got questions no one should have. But my Granma says they went through the whole depression and they did not steal. They would not. She said the girls wouldn't. She was never so sure about the boys. I know it's harder for boys to be good. It just is.

I think it's real hard for Easy to be good. He's just wayward.

"Not even for my birthday?" he says.

"Is Mr. Hoagy going to arrest you?" I say.

"That old buzzard didn't see," he says eating half that first cupcake with one bite.

I am so thirsty. But I'm not going to hell for it.

"Sure you don't want any?" he says shaking the second carton.

I swallow and it makes noise. "I'm sure."

He eats the rest of everything. "Where'd you get the dog?" he finally says.

"Um…my dad."

"You got one?" he says.

We are leaning against the building.

"Doesn't everybody have one?" I say, almost as clever as Alice May would be. But I'm watching his eyes because we're on that subject.

He wads up the trash in his big strong hands and drops it in the stairwell near our feet.

"Every Litter Bit Hurts," I say going for that trash in that icky well.

"What are you going to do with it?" he says.

"Take it to a trashcan," I say fumbling around trying to hold my dog and get the trash that leaks a line of orange drink on my hand.

"Let me hold that dog," he says.

I straighten up still holding Little Bit. "He just likes me."

"Then give me the trash, girl."

"There's a can in the school," I say.

He takes a few steps back and looks up. "Think it's locked?"

"Would that…stop you?" I ask.

He grins at me. I am so happy to be grinned at by him.

So we end up walking around and trying a couple of doors. I can't believe he still holds the trash. We get in the building and it's rules for me and memories that echo with our steps. So I'm breaking through everything even being here, this far from home and Granma not knowing, then walking wrong side of the hall, looking in rooms where I've served countless hours in all kinds of weather. And Alice May.

"Come on," I say, Little Bit in my school it's just so funny. But Easy will go anywhere I say. He goes in my old third grade room and dumps his trash in the can next to Sister's desk.

"I sat there," I say. "When I was little."

"Little," he repeats looking around like he's never seen a school before. "It costs a lot of money to go here," he says.

It does? "That's news to me," I say.

He laughs but he's not loud. He knows how to move like a spy. So we go up, and up, to the third floor.

"Why they always smell like this?" he says softly.

I never know why that is. But it might be knowledge that smells.

So we get to the top and no one is around. We stand there and right away it's so different. One big room and the card table still set up where they take the money for the haunted house in the spring.

There's the big stage and the purple curtains.

"Hey come on," he says.

"Easy," I call, taking soft steps behind him.

"What?" he says turning toward me.

"It's," I swallow again cause I'm so dry and when he looks at you, it's just…you feel it, "it's haunted up here."

"Good. Let's go find Casper."

He makes me laugh so hard I bend over some. He seems pleased with himself and he comes back for me, puts his arm around me and I straighten some and look at him. That's when it happens. I know he does bad things, but he's good too.

Maybe I love him for real.

So we look all around and it's not long we take turns on the stage. He's finally holding Little Bit, and she licks his face and he's so kind with her. He can hold her in one hand. She sits there so polite and he's so strong it's like she's a feather. He just loves Little Bit. You can't help it.

So I do three cartwheels across the stage for my act. He is sitting on the stage holding Llittle Bit.

"Where'd you learn to do that?" he says.

"Alice May," I say. Well she taught me.

"You're like a fairy. Like Tinkerbell," he says.

So I go to him and I'm puffing a little and he hands me Little Bit and gets on his feet, and right off he gets on his hands and walks about ten steps on his hands, and his shirt works its way down, and there's his whole stomach. Like Moondoggie. But he don't even care, the tail of his shirt tickling his chin. He's watching me and I just don't know what to do. He's very strong. So he pushes off his hands and leaps onto his feet and he's pulling down his shirt and looking at me.

"What's wrong?" he says.

"Nothing," I say quick cause I don't know.

"Well you ever see that before?" he says.

"Ed Sullivan." They always have acrobats on there.

He laughs, and when he does it's just…Christmas. His face is so powerful or something. He smiles and I have to smile and he's laughing and now I am.

He takes Little Bit again and she likes him so much she puts her front paws on his chest and reaches to lick his chin.

So I put my hand over my mouth so we can stay quiet. I reach for Little Bit and he gives her over and he plunks my nose before he hands her all the way back. I smile a little. It's nice. But it reminds me what a kid I am.

"You ever see the church?" I say cause it's just across the yard and I got business there.

"No," he says. "It haunted too?"

"Probably," I say, so excited to show him the amazing beauty of Bloody Heart.

We cross the yard quickly staying as far away as possible from the eyes of the rectory. But the side entrance to the church goes right by their door, so we have to sneak along the church most of the way and Easy is very, very good at sneaking. So we get to the staircase and we have to crouch so the railing hides us. We get to the big arched doors and pull one enough to slip in and he slips in behind me. I dip my hand in the holy water and make the sign of the cross. He watches me, then does the same then he smiles. He's about the funniest boy I ever knew.

So we creep to the entrance cause we've just been in the foyer, and we look in there and it's enormous, and empty. It smells like incense, layers upon layers of it from all the Tuesday high masses. First off I walk him along and show him the confessional and he pulls the door where Father would sit, he pulls it wide open and I can't believe it. I have never seen in there, and it's just a booth with a bench, nothing to it in there.

Easy looks around and smiles at me. He goes in and sits and I'm not sure. It just isn't right, I know it. But I look around again and ignore all the saints and their suffering and I get in the smaller side booth where you get in to kneel and tell your sins.

"Easy?" I say, my face pointed at the sliding door that Father opens to hear all the things you've done wrong.

He opens the little door. Little bit has her nose against the screen sniffing at Easy and he puts his fingers there and says, "Hey Little Bit. And Little Girl."

"You tell your sins in here."

"You do?"

"Well what did you think it was for?" I say.

"For praying I guess. Don't Catholics pray all the time?"

We laugh some.

"Yes," I say.

It's just so so weird to see Easy where Father sits. I can't see him very well, but enough.

"What do you say in here?" he asks.

"Um…Bless me Father for I have sinned. My last confession was a month ago or something like that. Then I tell him my sins and he tells me to pray some prayers."

"And why do you tell him?"

"Because that's his job. One of them. To forgive my sins."

"How does he forgive them?"

Easy is not stupid. These are very hard questions.

"He forgives them for God. He's God's worker. God wants to forgive our sins but we have to say them…like admit them. We say what they are and the priest has the job on earth to forgive us." I did not even know I knew that. I think I said it very well. I think that makes up for Easy being in the priest's booth.

"I wouldn't tell him shit," Easy says.

I can't believe he cursed in church and in the booth.

"We better come out," I say.

"I'd tell you something."

I don't speak, just breathe. "What?" I say.

"Did the police come to your house?"

I don't know what this is. I am looking at him through the screen. "Yes."

"You never said anything."

I touch my pigtail, my braid. It feels like a rope. It holds me to myself. "There's nothing…."

"You brought the cake."

We stare again. There's usually a purple light in there, but it's not on now and we can barely see one another, but we are sharing the air. Little Bit licks my face and I pull him away.

"Let's go," Easy says.

That's why he's with me. He wants to know what I'm going to do.

He's out first and he pulls my door and I look up at him. He gives me his hand.

I let him help me off my knees. He's going to pull me toward the door, but I don't move and he looks at me.

"Hold Little Bit."

I know my head isn't covered, and there's not much I can do about it now. But he takes my dog and I go around him and through three sections of pews to the center aisle. I am walking slow toward that big altar and a million memories. "Bless Easy Father, for he is a heathen and he doesn't know better."

I get to the rail and take that quarter out of my pocket and lay it there. It clicks solid against that white marble top and I think of Alice putting her bottom there the day she threw her legs over and I went after.

I look at that big gold altar going up and up. I figure being Catholic is me doing right, but Easy is going into the flames on that terrible day of judgment. So I'm trying to make it right, this one thing at the store. I can't go in and pay Mr. Hoagy, I can't chance it for Easy's sake. But I can give it to God, all I have at the moment. I can leave it here and hope some poor person will get it.

I make the sign of the cross and I turn and run down that aisle, the sound of my thongs flipping filling the domes and echoing like the wings of angels. Easy is holding the dog and he adjusts to meet me at the door.

He has questions, I see that, but he doesn't ask. He just follows me out.

We get in the foyer and he stops me, hand on my arm. "He was bad," he says.

"I'm sorry," I say.

"For what? You didn't do anything."

"I'm sorry…for your dad. It's what you say."

He stares at me. He swallows like he's dry too, but not as dry as me. "Don't be scared of me," he says.

"I ain't."

He lets me go then. "I'm not good," he says. "But I will be good to you."

"I know," I say. Maybe I should clarify. Sometimes Alice May would yell this at me, "Clarify." But I don't think I can. I just know both things he said. I know.

"If you have to tell," he says, "then just let me know so I can go."

My tears are burning. "I don't…I don't know anything," I say.

"Well…what about God?"

"He knows," I say. "But not me."

"I mean you and God. Not me. And God."

"Well I'm Catholic. That means I'll go to heaven. Worst can happen I'll have to go to Purgatory for a while. But eventually I'll get to go in when everything burns off," I say.

"Well I don't know about all that, but I'm just saying you go to church and get all worried about everything…."

"I'm not worried," I say. "Just about Granma. I've been gone a long time and she'll be looking. But Easy…don't you worry?"

He smiles and shakes his head. "Not so much anymore."

We go then, get our bikes and go toward home. It's pretty fast and we don't talk, and end of my street he goes straight for Scutter and waves and I turn on Darnay Road. I am not lighter, but I am solidly in myself. I'm carrying things and maybe that makes me bigger. Older. That's all I know.


	26. Chapter 26

Darnay Road 26

"Are you going to read your books?" Granma says because I dumped them on the table in the hall when I came in yesterday and didn't take them up to my room right away. Usually I'd have two of them read by now.

I can't say I've been too busy to read them because I'm not that busy. But the spying hasn't gone away, and that's good. I didn't know for a few days after Alice May left if I'd ever spy again but I had, first at the school, then in the church, then that same night, watching out my window, trying to ignore Alice May's dark and silent room, but looking for something, maybe for Easy, I don't know. But all I saw was Father Anthony leaving Aunt May's at eleven thirty pm. Talk about creepy.

Her first letter came today. Granma didn't even say cause she hadn't sorted the mail, just set it on the same little table where I'd plunked my books. The return address said Twelve Sea Gull Lane, Apartment B. That's where Alice May lives now.

If she tells me how wonderful it all is, I will hate her. And I don't want to. If she tells me that, I will be so angry, like when Cain killed Abel, but I'll kill her in my heart only.

So I take that letter and run up the stairs and throw myself across my bed and tear it open, but I don't tear the return address. I pull out the letter, three sheets cause Alice May writes like she talks, I know that, but I'm pleased, pleased she wrote so much.

Then Granma calls me and I can't believe it. Right when I'm getting ready to read, 'Dear Bella.'

So I keep that letter and go to the top of the stairs and say, "Yes Ma'am?"

"Well there is a boy outside cutting our lawn. Do you know about this?"

I hear the blades whirring.

"No," I say.

I think back on yesterday after I left Easy. I pretty much stopped at Aunt May's because she called to me and she wanted me to know Tanya Sue called and said everyone is fine. Well Aunt May looked sad when she said that so I said, "Thank you Aunt May," as polite as possible.

Maybe I was so generous because I'd had the most surprising day of my life sneaking around with Easy on his birthday. Maybe I was so full from that I didn't have time to be boo-hooing like everyone expected.

"You doing all right?" May asked looking into my eyes like they were slides on a microscope.

"Yes," I said, pulling my chin back a little.

Then she had to hold Little Bit and say hi and ask me to bring her over some, and then I had to stand there straddling my bike and needing to go to the bathroom while she decided she had enough little licks and put Little Bit back in my basket. But Aunt May said then, "Tell Granma she can hire Tim to cut her grass."

And I'm thinking, 'not him.'

"You know who told him to do this?" Granma asks me now concerning the 'him' who is cutting our lawn.

"Why would I know?" I ask her, and it's crabby, but I didn't mean it to be.

She is standing there, just home from going two houses up the street to her friend Nelda's. I know there will be a new batch of magazines on the porch by her chair now.

Well she looks at me with her brows pulled down and I feel this gulp in my throat because maybe I'm guilty about all my spy-work. I give her the eyes cause they are all I have, and I go past her to the screen and look out and handsomest boy in the whole world is cutting our lawn. And his shirt is off and sticking out of his back pocket, and he has some muscles as he pushes that contraption through our grass. Saints alive.

"Well Riley's not here anymore," I remind in case she ain't noticed. Riley has cut our grass for the last two summers.

"Did you hire this boy?"

"No ma'am. I didn't even think about it. The grass I mean." But I have thought of Easy. Many times.

Granma is beside me and she pushes through the door and goes on the porch and she's waving as Easy comes past. He stops then.

"Young man you get that shirt back on," she says.

He looks at her, at me beside her, and I am saying with my face, 'What in the world are you doing?'

Well she knows him now from the broken arm embarrassment and his wheelies and his father dying on the tracks and all.

He takes that shirt out of his pocket and flashing that underarm hair he puts it on quick like boys do.

"I suppose Bella Christine has forgotten her manners," Granma says to me.

"This is Easy," I say. Then I say, "This is Granma."

"Mrs. Swan," Granma says. "And what do you think you're doing?"

Easy looks at the mower and at Granma. He plucks at the neck of his shirt like it's sticking. Granma doesn't like it when someone lets their whites go gray, and it's real obvious that Easy's mother has no gift for laundry.

"Well that shirt has suffered," Granma says.

Easy stares at her. He is just waiting on her to be still I think.

"But we have another belongs to you," she says, and she folds her arms and looks at me.

I just stare at Big Gray. I forgot all about Easy's shirt from the kittens.

Easy says, "Can I finish Ma'am?"

"Don't you generally ask first?" Granma says.

"I am," Easy says.

"Oh well in that case you doing this from the goodness of your heart or trying to start a business?"

Easy rubs his chin against that raggedy sleeve. "Can I?"

"How much you charge?"

"Nothing," he says.

"Well we can't have that. I think a dollar fifty should go along fine if you do a good job and don't leave raggedy edges," she says.

He looks at me, but he doesn't smile and me neither. He takes off pushing that grass eater then, and I stare after.

"Bella Christine, I imagine you could get him some cold water from the jug," she says.

She settles herself right there on the porch. She's already holding a True Detective Magazine with a cover she doesn't have to hide this time. But some issues, whoo-ee.

And never mind she's living with one—a true detective-and doesn't even know she can't hide anything. And…it seems I can hardly either with her guess on Easy's shirt.

Well I can't imagine that Easy is cutting our grass. I open the cabinet and get the big glass. I get the jug out of the icebox and carefully fill the tumbler. Little Bit comes clicking down the stairs, one big hop at a time and tap-taps her way into the kitchen. She stands there wagging her tail while I get the cookie jar and get out two big chocolate chip cookies my very very favorite.

I get the water and the cookies and I go out the back door. I make Little Bit wait inside. I go around the side of the house and Easy is cutting across the front, but we're in the far corner now.

I'm walking pretty quick and some of the water sloshes on my thong and it is co-old. So I take smaller steps and he sees me and pushes the mower right to me which means he makes a wavy line that wrecks his neat pattern.

I give him the water and he drains the whole thing. Then I hand him the cookies and he takes those and puts a whole one in his mouth and smiles at me while he chews and real quick sticks the other one in there too. He winks at me and pulls a u-ee with the mower and gets right back to cutting.

I just don't know what to think about Easy sometimes. But I do think he's hungry or starved or something.

But maybe that dollar fifty will keep him from having to steal.

Then I remember, oh my gosh, Alice's letter. So I take a last look at Easy and he is slicing through another row, and I run to the backporch and set his empty glass there and I pull that fat letter from my back pocket and read, read, read.

Well she doesn't like it, sounds like. She says it right off, "I hate it here." They've got flying cockroaches and Lord she hates those, goes screaming if she ever sees one, screaming all over. And they got them in Florida, she says, the way Missouri has sparrows. That's how she writes it and I love her so much. Miss her so terribly there's a hole in my heart so big my heart is just a frame with no middle at all.

I wipe some tears from my eyes so I can keep on reading.

She says Mister Figley is a prune. That's what she and Riley call him. Behind his back only because Tanya Sue won't allow disrespect.

"How can I respect a prune?" Alice May writes.

And I am laughing and crying. Laughing in my mind anyway cause he did look like a prune. Like Gomer but shriveled.

Well she misses me.

"I miss you," I say out loud.

They live in an apartment, one in a long row and all alike. She has to share a room with Riley! That's the most terrible thing I ever heard. They have bunk beds. That's something I've always wanted to try. But of course Riley gets top. And if she cries at night he yells at her to shut up or he'll hold a pillow over her face, he says. Well he ain't changed.

And Mr. Figley doesn't like children to make too much noise. He says that old, "Children should be seen and not heard." And Tanya Sue says they should be more quiet, that Aunt May must not have worried about their manners very much.

How insulting!

Well I'm so mad now. It's not fair the way Tanya Sue treats her own children! And Prunley cleans his ears with bobby pins then hides them under all the doilies and when Alice May has to dust she finds them and most times she just leaves them there and dusts around.

This is too too horrible!

And sometimes Prunley takes Tanya Sue to dinner and Alice May has to stay home with Riley and be babysat by her own brother! And he's so mean they can't watch her shows but just his and he loves Combat, the most boring show ever made and McHale's Navy and we love Ernest Borgnine, but not that dumb show.

She said there is nothing good to spy about there, just a lady next door who sits on her patio and plays the ballgame, but it's the wrong teams, and that lady talks real mean to her husband about his old girlfriends, but Alice May says she don't even care to hear it.

And shrimp cocktail makes her sick. But the ocean is really pretty and she loves the beach but she had a dream she fell in the ocean and a shark came and tried to swallow her.

And the Catholic church, she says I wouldn't believe it. It looks like a Chevy, she says, so modern and bare. Nothing like Bloody Mary, no spires and porticoes, and ceilings that make up the hills of heaven. She says she can hardly pray or think of Jesus at all in there. Jesus hangs over the altar that is just a table almost, covered in a big tablecloth, and Jesus is all one color—beige, and he doesn't hardly have a face. She said he looks bar-be-qued, and that makes me laugh cause I can see it.

No drops of blood anywhere, no frozen tears on his cheeks or bloody wounds on his hands and feet.

She can hardly stand it.

She says she's coming home for Christmas if she has to hitchhike. Can she still be a Darnay spy if she lives on Sea Gull?

Well I don't have the answer to that. But of course she can.

"What you reading?" Easy asks. I look up and he's so sweaty.

I didn't hear him at all. The whole backyard is cut.

"Are you crying?" he says sitting on the step near my feet.

I fold the letter like he's caught me red-handed. I don't know why I'm so jumpy.

"Alice May," I say. Maybe I didn't mean to tell him, but I did.

He looks at me, and I guess he wants to know what she said.

"Riley," I say cause I don't know why, but they were friends once, "is gone with her."

"I heard," he says. I jump up and take the empty glass inside. I fill it in there and bring it to him. He is still sitting there and he says thanks this time so that's good.

He drinks it all down again.

"You want a sandwich?" I say.

"What kind?" he says with interest.

"Bologna," I say already taking the glass. I go in and Little Bit hurries past and runs to Easy and he is laughing and holding her. I sigh because she's just impossible sometimes slipping out when I told her to stay in. But she just loves Easy.

So I get the bologna and mustard and Wonder Bread that builds bodies twelve different ways and I make two bologna sandwiches. I even slice a tomato. And that stack of food looks just like a Dagwood.

I put this on a saucer and fill the glass again with red Kool-Aid this time as I always have so much with Alice May gone. I take all this outside and he takes the plate from me and I sit carefully on the step beside him, and I don't spill a red drop.

He eagerly takes the drink and drinks half. I look to see if he made a moustache and somehow he didn't. He has the lightest fuzz on his chin. I don't know if it's the first sprouts of a beard or something.

He tears into the sandwiches, just not embarrassed to eat in front of me at all. The tops of his legs are way longer than mine and kind of hairy.

"So you live with your mom?" I ask.

He stops chewing for just a dot, then he goes at it again. He looks at me and I've taken Little Bit cause she is so interested in his food but bologna gives her diarrhea.

"My mom," he says licking his fingers and taking the last bite of the first sandwich. "It's not like this. You can't come over."

Well that hurts my feelings. Aunt May wants me over and Alice is gone.

He looks at me before he bites that second one. "It ain't because I don't want it, but Mom…she's…sick."

Oh. Oh no. "What's…you don't have to say."

He shrugs and eats. And he doesn't say.

Well the embarrassment is there for me. He was so awful that day, and Jap behind him looking at me, at us. Doesn't he know I'd never just show up on his porch again?

"I don't want to talk about that," I say. My feelings still hurt.

"What?"

"Nothing."

He laughs and finishes and swipes his hands together. Then he drinks the rest of the Kool-Aid and wipes his mouth on his sleeve.

"Got any more?" he smiles.

My eyes get big. More than two sandwiches? Holy smokes.

So I make two more. I never in my life knew a person could eat four sandwiches. But as long as he keeps eating, I'll keep slapping that bologna on bread.

So we have a great time. I rake the grass and he trims along the flowerbed with Granma's handshears and she gives him two dollars. Our yard looks swell as can be.

Then he asks me if I want to help him do Miss Little's.

"What for?" I say. I don't go to Miss Little's. Well just that one time.

"It's too long," he says.

A million things go through my mind. Mostly Granma, but more than that. Why would he care about Miss Little? Nobody does. Nobody seems to. And the kittens. If I find them now, Granma will not let me keep them since I already have Little Bit.

"Maybe she likes it all a mess," I say.

"Maybe she don't," he says and he's getting that angry look that scares me. "Maybe she can't help things."

I swallow. "Well she might go crazy if she don't like us being around."

He nods. "She don't like it we'll leave. I'll talk to her." He has the prettiest eyes. They are not so scary deep inside, they are just very sad in there.

"I have to…ask Granma."

"Just get the rake and come on," he says.

"I'll catch up," I say.

He pushes that mower down the street and I go up the porch stairs.

"What are you cooking up?" Granma says from behind her magazine. Pretty soon Edge of Night comes on.

"I'm going to help Easy," I say.

"With what?" she asks her glasses showing over the top of the page.

"Down the street with another lawn. I'm gonna bring the rake. I'll bring it back," I say. I turn to leave and grab the rake.

"What about lunch?" she calls.

"Already ate," I say and I'm walking a little more quickly.

"Bella Christine?" she says, but she doesn't get up, I can tell by the set of her voice.

"I'll be home later," I call, but I don't look back. I've got the rake and I'm running now.

Easy is already in Miss Little's yard. He's walking through the tall grass, kicking it aside while he looks for rocks and trash that might break his blades. I look at the house. I don't know about my kittens.

The windows aren't open even and it's hot as an oven. I don't know what it's like in there.

Is she even alive?

"She's asleep in there probably," Easy says going past me with a broken chair that he takes to the curb.

"You think so?" I say. Well how does he know?

He don't answer. He picks up an old rusted trashcan that's been laying on its side half buried. There's holes right through it all around. He takes this to the curb too.

I look around and I don't know where to start. My arm already aches from raking Granma's. But it's getting stronger everyday. I see a mat for wiping your feet at the front door stuck so deep in the hardened mud I don't know If I can get it out so I start to pull and Easy sees and he comes over and takes hold and I let go and he has to pull and twist before it comes free. He flings it through the air toward the pile on the curb.

There are boards from where the porch broke through, and they aren't any good anymore so Easy takes them to the curb. There's an old breadbox near the wobbly fence along the front. How would that get there? And old coffee cans everywhere. Soup cans too. Hasn't Miss Little ever heard of taking out the trash to an actual trash can? Doesn't seem so. She's even got an old TV tray out here, all ruined and rusty. And this is just the front yard and part of the side.

I keep looking at the house, at the windows. Just those old yellowed and broken blinds.

So he starts trying to cut a row and I keep finding more and more junk. It is a terrible effort but Every Litter Bit Hurts has never proved more true.

It takes over an hour just to get the front yard down. Miss Little never shows. We turn the spigot on at the side of the house, and I cup my hands and get some water and it tastes like rust. Easy drinks too, and he throws a handful of water on me and I forget not to squeal, but it feels so good we throw water on each other then.

"Let's go swimming," he says.

"What about this?" I say, meaning the rest of the disgusting yard.

"We'll come back when it's not so hot," he says.

"I've got a pass for the pool," I say. Granma got me one even with my broken arm.

"Not there. I don't go there. I mean the river," he says pulling off his shirt and wiping all over.

Well I don't know. I mean…the river?

"I um…."

"I'll go home and get my bike. You wait here."

"By myself?"

"Miss Little don't bite."

"I ain't waiting here."

"Well you go home she's never going to let you go," he says meaning my Granma. He already knows and has a way around it.

"What about her rake?" I say, fishing for a reason to say no.

"Leave it here. Miss Little won't use it," he laughs and then he just goes and I want to follow him and I do some and I see how much more work we have to do to set this place right.

So I'm waiting and looking at the window where I saw those kittens of mine that day. I about scream when Miss Little pulls back the blinds and looks at me. That red hair and those eyes. I go running toward Easy's house. I wish I'd gone the other way but I can't now. I follow that path and the long grass swipes my legs. I get to that back fence and there is still no sign of him. I go beyond Miss Little's to the wide open grassy place the tracks run through. I'm looking at Easy's house, but I know he has that terrible dog and he said not to come there.

So I just sink to the ground to sit and wait. I'm about so tired I could fall asleep, but I never will with Miss Little about. It's hot, too hot to sit in the sun so I move where Miss Little's back fence growth throws out some shade. "Come on," I say. I'm saying that for Easy to come.

And I look there and what am I thinking about? Two boys dragging something. I don't want to think it, but I am. I hear the whistle and I know it's the two-fifteen. I don't want to be back here when it goes by, but in my mind I see it. Two boys dragging something alongside Miss Little's, and how it must have been. I don't want to think about it, but that train comes along and there it is, I look up the track and the trains go through quick, but not so quick, not if you look at them. Riley said if Mr. Cullen had been standing the train would have knocked him some, but laying on the tracks, he got dragged eight car lengths. And they had to….

That train ends and Easy stands there with his bike. He pushes it across the tracks real quick and then I stand up and he already sees me. He looks troubled. "I thought you left," he says.

"Why?"

"Well…I was gone a long time," he says.

"What were you doing?"

"Mom. She…wanted oatmeal."

"Oh," I say. "Why did Jap go to Tennessee? Cause of your dad?" There it is. Maybe I have to ask something about it.

"I'll tell you at the river," he says.

So we walk behind the houses, that long row and we go back there all along Darnay, and I've never seen things from this side, from near the tracks, from behind, same houses I had figured out, but they are different from back here, bigger, smaller, like they have a whole other life. Even Aunt May's, and I bite my salty lips and it's hot but I don't mind, walking with Easy. I don't hurt inside and I don't feel so alone when I'm with him.

111111111111111

We get on his bike once we're past my block. It's fast then. I can see we're headed for the Quick Shop, and I hold on tight to the handlebars when he shoots into the parking lot.

I hop off and I can't believe I'm on this short sidewalk in front of this place. Granma would wear me out if she knew.

I see Jessica and a couple of girls from sixth standing next to the door.

"Wait here," Easy says, already digging in his pocket. He pulls out that money Granma gave him.

I don't know what to say. Soon as he goes by those girls they say, "Hey Easy," in voices so high and gooey.

I am holding Easy's bike. He asked me to of course. Those girls talk amongst themselves and then they come over to me, Jessica leading cause she knows me. They have thongs on and painted toes, teased hair and tight flips and make-up. I try not to stare at Jessica's chest, but she has that bra on probably cause she has two pokey things under her shirt. Well they all three aren't as skinny as me, just a kid.

One of the girls is smoking. She has stuff on her face that is orangey. It's Cover Girl. Me and Alice see it at the five and dime. Well we did, I mean. But this girl has a line along her jaw and then her neck is white. I don't think it looks nice and I probably will never wear it, but that girl has pimples and I hope I never get those.

"Hey Bella," Jessica says.

"Hey," I think I say, well I try but nothing comes out.

"So how come you're with Easy? He your babysitter?" Jessica says and they all laugh.

I can feel my chin rise some. I clear my throat to get it working again, though that is more Alice than me. But it does help to think of her cause she would already be saying plenty like, ha-ha real funny or something.

"What's he doing with some child like you?" Jessica says and she looks hateful now. She takes that Salem cigarette from the other and takes a puff. She's only ten like me.

Easy comes out then. He's carrying two slushies. I would be so happy if these girls weren't looking at me. They are around him and he smiles kindly and keeps working his way to me.

"You babysitting?" one of the older girls says.

He just keeps smiling and gets around them and hands me a slushie. It's red. His is blue.

"Thanks," I say cause I'm polite when I remember and he shouldn't spend all his money like this, but I'm kind of so glad he did.

He takes a big drink of his. So I ignore those girls and take a drink of mine. It is so so good, better than I imagined. It's a snowcone you can drink. That's how I'll describe it to Alice if I write soon.

I'm careful to lick the corners of my mouth so I don't get the moustache. Easy takes another drink of his and smiles at me. "Brain freeze," he says after he swallows and I laugh because…well because he makes me so happy.


	27. Chapter 27

Darnay Road 27

It's like a dream drinking that slushie with Easy then riding away on his handle bars. How am I ever going to tell Alice May about this? That mean Jessica and those girls, like hah-hah-hah, but I would never say it.

Granma would have plenty to say though.

"I can't be gone long," I tell him.

He don't answer, he just keeps pedaling. I think he just needs to go to the river. I don't know why other than it's hot and I'd barely know him if he wasn't pretty much dripping sweat all the time.

So we get there and he's worked very hard to ride us and it gets rough enough I hop off and I hope I don't have the red moustache but that slushie was the best thing in my life pretty much.

So we are walking there and I remember what he said about Jap, that he'd tell me here why Jap had to go away. I hope he hasn't forgotten.

He is walking his bike then he stashes it in the woods and we keep walking and there's a path pretty much. It runs along the bottom of a hill, and I say, "You ever imagine there's Indians in here, how frightening such a thing would be?"

He looks back at me and smiles because he's in front and he is pushing leaves and branches aside and I'm not nearly as tall so I just go under most of what would like to smack him in the face.

He doesn't answer and I feel pretty much a fool. That's the kind of thing I always said to Alice, but he's not Alice, not nearly so, and I might need to not say the first thing I think of.

"One time," he says out of the blue, "we made bows and arrows and hunted along here," he says, and it couldn't have been so long ago. "I shot Jasper and it went in and stuck."

I stop walking cause my legs just decide.

He looks back at me and he laughs some. "What?"

"It went in?" I say.

"Quarter inch," he says, more serious. "It was just a stick."

Then he keeps moving so I follow.

We get up the hill a little and there's a cabin someone built a long time ago. It's known some good old times from the look of the fireplace, trash in there and beer bottles. It's such a great cabin, made out of real logs, just one small room and two windows not broken out. The door is slabs of wood. It seems like Abraham Lincoln got born in here or something.

I wish we could live here—Easy and me. He could make a bow and arrow and shoot food and catch fish in the river. But I wouldn't want him to shoot anything where I could see. But I could set up house here, like the bomb shelter only with a table too maybe.

"What are you looking like that for?" he says using the side of his foot like a broom to move some trash into the fireplace.

"I don't know," I say. "Living here would be fun."

"At night? Ain't you afraid of the dark?"

"Oh I've thought about that…Alice May and I. We ain't afraid of the dark. Maybe something in the dark, but not the dark itself."

He looks at me for a minute. Then he just does this little laugh and finishes with that trash.

Diarrhea again. Tongue wagging. Lose lips. Granma is so right about me.

Well, much as I never want to leave, I said her name again in my mind and I know time is running out.

"We better go," I say.

He doesn't argue. He goes out first and I follow after. We go up a big hill then, really work and climb. Below is the river. It's deep here, I see that. I can see the trestle in the distance. But the water barely makes it there now. It's rerouted itself here.

"We got to climb all that way," I say.

"We don't climb, we jump."

He grins when I look worried, then he takes my hand and we start climbing down. And do you know once he took my hand he could have pulled me right off into outer space and I wouldn't have argued. Only Alice May or Granma ever hold my hand.

So we go down, and it's steep, and he helps me the whole way and it's the nicest feeling in the world.

We get to the bottom near the water and he is taking off his shirt. "Keep your shoes on," he says. "There's sharp things in there."

Well I'm keeping everything on. But he steps in and I am going right after.

There is no stopping me it seems.

He gets in pretty quick and turns and goes under and comes up and slicks a hand through his hair and he spits that river water. "Stay in this same line as me," he says.

Well I walk out there, my arms out like I'm walking a tightrope. But I get to where it's high on my legs and I can't help but yelp when it gets to my waist. He laughs and comes toward me. "You want me to hold you?" he says.

Well I can't say yes, but I don't mean no.

So he reaches me and he says to put my arms around his neck and I do. He has the longest eyelashes in the entire world and they hold water. "Are you scared?" he laughs.

"I don't…no!" I say.

"Well you look scared." He is not shy looking at me so close.

"I get excited," I say. Granma always says that. I'm excitable, but not so much as Alice May.

"Well hold on," he says, and he gets my arms off his neck and he turns and I am on his back now. I think it's okay. He's so strong. I have my legs through his arms and they're like toothpicks Granma says—my legs, but Easy doesn't care. We are laughing and the sun is so bright and the water is so big and brown.

"You know how to swim?" I say.

"Learned in this river," he says. But he's not swimming, he's walking along sloughing through the weight of the water. It's cold and wonderful.

We walk so far along the bank, but it's up to his neck and I never felt like this, except when I put my head on Granma's lap and she sings "The Man Who Got Away." That always makes me so happy when she sings Judy Garland, and she sang that song on a record just a couple of months after I was born, same year and everything, so I feel like me and that song are the same age.

I don't know when I put the side of my face against Easy's shoulder, but I'm looking at that long bank, and the grass and trees swaying. It's right now.

"You going to sleep?" he asks.

But I don't answer cause I'm not going to sleep. I might cry a little, and if I stay quiet, he won't know.

His dad. And his mom. And Jap. "Are you sad?" I say.

"Sad?" he repeats like he ain't thought about it.

I lift my head, "Ad-say?" I ask in pig-latin, mine and Alice May's favorite language next to English.

"O-nay," he says. "R-ay ou-yay?"

I laugh so much and I pinch his side and he dumps me and I mean to squeal but I get a mouth full of water instead.

I get up but it's deep and I'm gasping and treading water and he goes under then, under me and threads his head between my legs and I know what he's going to do cause I saw it in Gidget a million times, he stands and the water is streaming and I am on his shoulders holding onto his head, curled over it. He's holding my legs so the only way off is if he throws me and I can't stop laughing and I'm trying not to squirm.

It's happening. To me.


	28. Chapter 28

Thank you readers, reviewers, PMers. I appreciate you all so much.

Darnay Road 28

Lying on our backs on the bank of the river, hands on our stomachs and Easy wearing a wreath of clover flowers and me wearing a long necklace of the same, and two bracelets, we're figuring out pictures in the clouds. I see them all the time, and Easy does too. He's just a big surprise mostly.

Then I tell him about the Darnay spies and all the mysteries we've solved, leaving any mention of the Hardy Boys—him and Jap-out of it. Well they've been my biggest mystery ever.

"One mystery I don't know is—where's Jap?"

"He's with my mom's cousin. He had to go after…."

I swallow, but he doesn't look at me, he keeps looking up.

"Was he so sad?" I say.

He doesn't answer, eyes on those clouds. He finally says, "Yeah."

"Is he ever coming back?"

He doesn't answer for long time again, but I've already learned he does that.

"Maybe."

I stare at him. His face is so pleasing and interesting. I have to remember not to touch him, though I never would I don't think. But I wonder what his nose would feel like if I touched that bump on its bridge, so I touch my own and there's no bump like his.

All I know is Easy is the best boy I know and you can take that to the bank—or hide it in the garden shed in a mason jar like I know Granma does.

I am telling him about the Nancy Drew book The Mystery of the Old Clock. He likes the whole idea, and that's when he says something so strange I can't believe my ears even though he was held back for it but Easy does not like to read.

I know some people do not like it so much. But Easy says he only likes comics.

I practically sit up and say, "I have stacks of comics."

"You do?" this gets his interest.

"Archie and Casper and Richie Rich, some Little Lulu. Oh man I love comics."

"What about Horus or Tales from Beyond or Superman?" he says.

"Riley has those," I say, slightly disappointed he isn't excited about Betty and Veronica's struggles to win Archie. I have to be Betty and Alice May picks Veronica, of course. It drives me crazy cause Betty never wins. But what I really think, Veronica and Betty are too good for Archie. Archie is a fool and he treats them poorly, but they don't seem to mind.

I start to lie back down and it hits me and I shoot right up again. "What time is it?"

Easy shoots up too. We're on our squishy feet really quick. I just start running back in the direction we came from. My Granma…"What time is it?" I ask again because I am not wearing my watch and good thing with going in the river. I almost wore it in the bath once and saw it just in time. But I'm running along that path, stumbling a little. Easy is behind me.

"Just tell her we were mowing someone's lawn," he says kind of loudly as I am running and he's just walking fast.

If I knew the time I would know what story she was on, be it magazine, book, radio or T.V. But it's close to suppertime is my guess and that gets her looking at the clock and thinking about me. She will not believe it if I don't show for supper. She told me not to be gone too long, didn't she? And not showing for supper is like…missing Mass on Easter.

If Alice May was still here she wouldn't worry so much and Aunt May would be sure and call her, but she might not know Easy's last name even, and his mother surely doesn't know where Easy is, but he's a boy and she's sick so she won't even worry probably.

"Will she be mad?" he asks me when I reach his bicycle. I don't even wait, I take off running because I can't stand still now that I let the worry bug get me.

He calls after, "Bella," he says, and he doesn't say my name and I know it's very nice to hear it, but I know more I'm in so so so much trouble.

I get on his handlebars and he gets us going, and he's working so hard to get us over the ground. "I can run," I say so he doesn't have to work like this, but he says, "No."

So we finally get out to the road and it is Darnay but it doesn't even look exactly like itself yet we're so far down. And a car is coming toward us and I know it right off, but I hope it's not what I think. "Let me off," I say. "Let me off."

He comes to a perilous stop and I hop off and there we are, broken flower chains and stinky damp clothes, and it is Aunt May driving the Buick and Granma sitting beside her with a terrible expression on her face. I see her lips move in my name. "Bella Christine," she says, but she doesn't believe it I don't think. And Aunt May just looks sorry and she's shaking her head.

"Ma'am," Easy says pulling his bike a little closer to Aunt May's window.

"You go on home, young man," Granma says cause she will never let someone do my talking for me.

"You should know better," Aunt May says to Easy. "We will be talking to your mother. Shame on you."

Easy looks at me. "My mother…."

"Just go on home like they said," I tell Easy. I want to say more, how I'll do everything in my small powers to fix it, but my Granma never gets in Aunt May's car unless it's for church, and she's in there now and this shows me how worried she is.

I pull off the broken flowers and crank that big door and get in that big backseat and then I slam that door and Granma speaks in a tone I have never heard except that time she said those things on the phone to my dad when he didn't come for my birthday.

I wait to see Easy pass the car and when he doesn't I turn and Aunt May is going slow, and Easy is pedaling hard to keep up. "Go home Easy," I whisper.

"Are you listening to me young lady?" Granma is saying, and I do turn around, but I can hardly hear.

Aunt May sees him, looks in that mirror at me, and keeps her lips pressed tight. But Granma just carries on.

"I'm sorry," I blurt.

Granma starts again and I say, "I'm sorry."

But she hardly listens she just goes on, and I turn around and he's still coming.


	29. Chapter 29

Darnay Road 29

I lift up enough on Aunt May's seat to glance out the back window just in time to see a terrible sight-Esay standing on his pedals coming on so strong, then his foot slips and he falls over, he actually rolls a little.

"Easy," I scream, then to Aunt May, "Pull over, pull over."

Aunt May slows down but before she can pull over Easy gets up and gets back on his bike and he's riding again, just not as fast.

I can see the blood running down his leg. Good thing we're just a few houses from home.

Aunt May and Granma are saying what in the world and May is telling her what's going on and I'm kneeling on the seat watching him so worried I could burst into pieces.

Aunt May stops in front of our house and Granma gets her door open and I am already getting out and she is saying, "Young lady," something, and here comes Easy and he stops and I'm asking him if he is all right cause he has some more scrapes than I knew, on his arm and hand. He's looking at Granma, not me, but her.

Granma says, "Are you trying to kill yourself?" to him, and Aunt May is out too, just staring at him, and I have my hands on his handle bars and he is breathing so hard and the skin is scraped off his leg and it's bloody with a small rock sticking to it.

But Easy can't seem to find words, he's just breathing and staring at us.

I think he's just trying to catch his breath.

"Don't," he finally says straight to Granma, "don't be mad at Bella."

And that's all.

1111111111111

The four of us end up sitting on our porch.

"I was this close to calling the police on you," Granma is saying to him. He is sitting on the top stair drinking water and holding a wet rag Aunt May got him on his leg. They tried to dab at all his wounds but he said he could do it himself.

I wonder if he ever had someone do a thing for him.

"I wish you could live with us, Easy," I say. I can't help it. I wish like anything he could.

"Bella Christine go inside and get the Bactine," Granma says very sternly. "And the Bufferin," she adds. I don't know if that's for Easy or her.


	30. Chapter 30

Hey.

Darnay Road 30

While Aunt May oversees the care of Easy's wounds, Granma says, "Bella Christine I will see you in the kitchen."

Easy looks from where he is cleaning his leg to me and I wave a little and he doesn't even blink. I hope he will not tell Granma not to be mean to me again because she might not take it so well this time. So she holds the door and sweeps her hand and I go in and I walk back to the kitchen. I get in there and go around the table and hold to the back of one of the chairs.

Granma gets her glass and gets out a silver tray of ice cubes and runs that under the faucet so the cubes come lose. She pulls up the handle and cracks the tray and plunks some cubes in her glass and they tinkle.

She puts the rest of the cubes in the freezer and gets a Coca-cola and takes it to the opener on the wall.

I have already gotten a glass of cold water for Easy so I just stand there rubbing my palms against the hobnails on that chair and waiting for the speech.

"Easy is not a puppy Bella Christine. You do not just take in a human being."

Granma goes to the high cabinet and gets that little silver flask that was Grampa's. She tips some of the whiskey in the Coca-cola. We don't talk about it being whiskey cause she says it's her business, but I have climbed up there and smelled it and it smells like one of the bottles in the dining room bouffet.

"You took me in," I say.

She makes a sound she hardly ever makes. It's that sound like when her pearls came unstrung right before church and I had to get under her bed and find them.

"He has his own family. Here I've told you never to ask if Alice May can spend the night in front of her and you go ahead and ask if someone can live with us? Knock me down with a feather and pick me up with a shovel," she says holding the green glass against her forehead.

"Granma we have to help Easy," I say.

"Easy has a family," Granma says lowering the glass and taking a big drink. Soon as she can breathe she says, "His mother might have something to say about us taking her son. And Easy said he never asked you for such a thing. You embarrassed him."

I don't think I did. Easy understands I want to help. He just doesn't know how to take it.

One good thing, I am not in so much trouble. Granma explained to Easy that a twelve year old young man has no business carting off a ten year old girl. Good thing she don't know about the other time Easy rode me to the trestle, or when we went into the school without permission. And the confessional-ooo-eee.

"But I went as a free American, Granma," I explain. That's always been important to me since I'm born on July the Fourth. America is the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave. Kruchev wants to make all of us Communists, but Americans get to live in freedom because many men have gone to war and fought very hard and sacrificed their lives. Like Alice May's dad. Or Miss Little's husband. There are more too but Granma knows them and not me.

"We were cutting grass for Miss Little and it got so hot," I say.

Well that was another thing. I am not allowed to disturb Miss Little.

"You know she is not in her right mind and she could hurt you and not even know it," Granma says. "What were you thinking to go there and not even tell me? Did Miss Little have any say in this? She did not."

"I knew you would say no, and Miss Little has my kittens and Easy wanted to help her."

"You knew I would say no so you snuck around like little Miss Free American. You are not free to break rules. And if she has those kittens like you say then thank the saints and let it be. Maybe they can do her some good. Poor thing must be lonely as an old maid on a mountain."

"I thought it was a good idea…to help others," I say feeling somewhat confused because I know what I mean but Granma is getting me jiggered.

"If Easy wants to help her that's up to him and his mother. You are not his right-hand man. You are a ten year old young lady who is only going into the fifth grade and has been raised to know she must let her granma know where she is and what she is up to at all times. And that doesn't mean going in the river…the river for pity sakes—with an older boy."

"I'm sorry Granma. I know I did wrong. I'm sorry." I am giving her the eyes, holding my eyelids up high as I can.

"What's the matter with you? Why are you looking at me like that?"

I relax my eyebrows and scrunch my face and blink a few times.

"Please, please don't be mean to Easy," I say using Easy's perfect sentence about me.

"Mean to Easy? When have I ever been mean to anyone?"

Well the man in the alley, showing his thing. But that was okay cause I sure didn't want to see it.


	31. Chapter 31

Darnay Road 31

Once Granma is done with the discussion she pulls out a chair and sits down. I can see the pot on the stove behind her and the cranberry red pot-holder on the lid. Granma just loves cranberry red and luminous green. Luminous is almost my favorite word. But it looks like Christmas all the time around here and that used to make me happy.

But now, I don't know why she's sitting down when I have to say good-bye to Easy. So I leave the kitchen and she calls, "Where do you think you're going?"

"To talk to Easy," I say.

"Aunt May is taking Easy home."

"Well he has his bike," I say, this worry hitting me. How did they get that going? I was listening to every word and no one said anything about Aunt May driving Easy home.

"You stay put right here and eat your dinner," Granma says following me as far as the hall.

"Granma I have to see," I say, and I run for it. I get to the screendoor and I can see he's not there. Aunt May left the Buick out front instead of pulling it into the driveway under the shelter. But Easy's bike is gone and so is he.

I march back to the kitchen. "Why'd you make him go?"

"Do not take that tone with me," she says opening the oven and taking out the meatloaf and criss-cross baked potatoes I love. Normally. Tonight I can't eat a thing with Easy practically starving to death and being taken away without supper.

"I ain't," I say, but I kind of am taking a tone, but gee willickers this is so unfair. I didn't even get to tell Easy good-bye and he had to ride his bike with that terrible scrape and he's hungry from the river and there's no supper I know. I just know.

"Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country!" I tell Granma.

"Lower your voice young lady."

"President Kennedy says we are supposed to do what we can to help America. And Darnay Road and Scutter are in America! And Easy says his mother is sick! So what can we do, Granma! What can we do!"

She is looking at me like I'm speaking Swahili.

"You can sit your bottom on that chair and eat before I send you upstairs without your supper."

"I can't eat. Don't you know Granma, I can't eat when Easy is hungry!" I just start crying then because it's so wrong and terrible.

She comes for me and gathers me up and I really cry then. I am sadder than I knew and all the awful fear I felt when Easy fell off his bike so hard, it's all right there.

11111111111

That evening after my bath I come downstairs quiet with Little Bit on my arm that used to be broken and now is fixed and almost good as new except for a tiny bend in it. I hear Granma on the phone. I think of running upstairs and lifting the other phone in her bedroom off the cradle and listening just for a minute, but I don't.

See, I know that is my dad because she has that special tone, as she calls it. It's her, 'this is my son,' tone. And so I just sit on the top steps and she is sitting at the little desk for the phone in the hall.

"Did you think she would never discover boys Charles?" she says. "It's happening very early."

What in the world is my Granma saying that for? Are boys some kind of discovery? I would have to be blind not to notice there are girls and there are boys. Remember Alice May and Riley?

"Hysterical," she says next.

Hysterical like the Red Skelton Variety Hour? Or hysterical like me when I think of Kruschev and probably Castro coming to Florida in a submarine and getting out at the beach and coming straight for Alice May down in Tampa?

Then, "Maybe if she knew her father loved her…."

And, "She's growing up, Charles. I'm sure this new woman is very exciting but…no I do not. I have never said I don't want you to…that is just not true. But you have a daughter."

I sneak back up the stairs then and into my room. A new woman? She's exciting? Is she a tight-rope walker?

Well I don't like her very much already. She better never, ever think she can take me from my Granma. And Easy.

I think of Alice May and I don't know how she's standing it—being kidnapped by Mr. Figley. I don't know how I let it happen. I should have done something. But what can I do? I'm just a kid.

I get in bed and snap off my light. After Granma talks to Dad she needs to come around and stare at me and tuck my covers and sigh. So I get ready for that. I let Little Bit sleep with me. Granma will allow it because she knows I'm upset.

So once that happens and I keep my eyes closed the whole time, she goes out and it's not long before I know she's settled in for the night.

Well I can't sleep. I have to look out the window. The road is quiet, and a train is rumbling through. I think of Easy and wonder if he's at home and what it's like for him right now? Is his mom so sick she can't get out of bed?

Big gray is quiet. It stabs me like I'm just now knowing Alice May isn't there. Such a powerful longing rises up in me I don't think I can bear it. "Alice May," I say.

I go to my desk and get paper and my sharpest pencil. Using my silver flashlight I get in bed and get the light set on my paper and I start in.

"Hey Alice May," I write. Then I tell her everything.


	32. Chapter 32

Darnay Road 32

I love waking up because at first it's my room and all the things I love, especially my books, and my pink world as Granma calls it. But I wonder if I'm just a girl in one of God's shoebox rooms.

I say that for a very very good reason cause one of my favorite things to do, well mine and Alice May's, is to make little rooms out of shoeboxes.

Alice May made rooms for her paper family and I made rooms for mine. Alice May's family had six children, and she always says she is having six, and my family had just one child, a girl. I don't know how many children I'll have someday, probably four, but Alice May says Aunt May says Catholics have to have a baby every single year or they go straight to hell. I asked Granma and she said we'd talk about that when I am in high school. She says that about a lot of things, so we'll be talking for years by the time I get there.

Anyway about our shoebox rooms-we'd make our own wallpaper and furniture. We would play together with the rooms we felt like carrying under a tree in the backyard or up here in my room or across the street in hers, or on our porches.

We never played in Aunt May's backyard so much. That belonged to Riley and with the tracks behind, it drew him and not us. But every inch of Granma's, the backyard and the cellar, the attic, every inch belonged to me and Alice May. Granma got the living room and her chair on the porch and the kitchen and her bedroom of course, but there is no part we weren't welcomed in.

I don't know what Alice May did with all of her stuff. She only took a bag Aunt May said. They are going to ship the rest but there is no room in the apartment. So it must all be in her room still. Her yellow world. Her banana world. That makes me laugh, but then I'm sad and I think of all those empty shoe box rooms, and I think of Aunt May all alone in that big house and Alice so far.

Easy. Oh Easy. He makes me so happy and he makes me so sad. He makes my heart bump and he makes my heart feel heavy as lead.

I think of so many things and my stomach rumbles because I didn't eat supper and I won't be eating breakfast either. Nope. Not until I know Easy has food.

So I get up quick and pull my shorts under my pajamas and take Little Bit with me and set her on the floor while I go pee-pee and brush my teeth. Then I get my thongs and go downstairs. I can hear the hiss of the iron in the kitchen cause Granma is ironing clothes. I go in there and she's sprinkling over one of my dresses. She has this red and white sprinkler stopper in a Pepsi-bottle. There are just certain things that are Granma's, and this is one of them.

She looks at me. I am holding Little Bit.

"Did you take her out?" she says, meaning Little Bit. "Best do it then get in here and eat your breakfast."

"Luminous," I whisper because she is wearing the green apron that matches the potholder.

"Say what?"

"Um…I'm not eating breakfast, Granma."

She sets the iron on its tail and throws her weight to the good hip that doesn't have the 'misery,' and stares at me with her lips pressed flat. Granma has silver hair and it's long and thick like a pioneer's. I love her hair, and she rolls it in a bun high on her head for workdays and into a French roll for church. Right now it's in a braid over her shoulder cause she hasn't pinned it up yet. She's just my granma, that's what I keep telling myself so I can stare back and hold my ground. I got that from John Wayne—holding my ground cause he says that in one of his movies which are all my favorites.

"I suppose this is for your country?" Granma says.

"No ma'am. It's for Easy."

"I have put your supper in the icebox and you will eat that for breakfast Miss Smarty-pants." She snaps up the iron and goes to digging it around the big white collar on my dress. I have never fought with my Granma in my entire life!

I start crying. "Granma please don't be mad at me."

Well she takes one glance and here she comes and puts her arms around me and I reach around her. I just love her to pieces but of course I'm still not eating that meatloaf.

111111111

Aunt May's Buick is running behind me at the curb. I am knocking on Easy's door and it is a terrible door for being dirty and needing paint. So Easy answers and he is looking at me. I hope he isn't angry, but he just looks like maybe he's surprised. And he isn't wearing his shirt, just some cut-offs I've seen before. But he's pretty handsome anyway cause he just always is.

"Easy, Granma and me were wondering if you could come to lunch today. Well Granma says you can bring your mother if you'd like. Aunt May will pick her up if you need."

"Why I want to do that?" he says looking past me at Aunt May's Buick while I try to look past him and I see on the far wall a big framed picture of Jesus praying on his knees in the Garden of Gethsemane. "I don't want to do that," he says kind of sternly.

I clear the fear right out of my throat. "Thing is Granma has some bushes need trimmed and the back fence needs cleared and she didn't know if you would be willing to do that. I could help you cause I know you still have to finish Miss Little's. Well we drove by there—Miss Little's and I saw your mower still there in all that tall grass. And Granma's rake. I'm not allowed to um…be your right-hand man, Granma says," then I rush to add, "…and I don't agree, but Granma says so…." I take in a big breath because those words took all my air.

I scratch my cheek a little and I'm so worried, but he smiles and looks down. But he looks up quick and he's so stern. "I told you not to come around."

Well I'm a little mad now. Not so much, but a little. "I don't know your phone number." It's the truth.

He looks down again, at my sandals. I go back on my heels some and tap one foot then the other. It gets him to look up and I have to smile and he does too a little. "What time?"

"Soon as you're done at Miss Little's."

"That's gonna take me all day. I'll come to your house first."

I get so excited I turn to go, and he says, "Bella?" and I turn and he's out the door a little. He's very strong. I mean his arms.

"Yes Easy?"

"Mom don't go out." He has this very certain look in his eyes.

"All right. I'll tell Granma."

He nods and it's okay again.

I know it is.


	33. Chapter 33

Darnay Road 33

"Every year soon as school starts I have to write that essay about what I did over summer vacation and every year I say the same old thing but this year I'd like to be able to write that I helped clean up my neighbor's yard. I'd like to say that if you please!" I stress to my Granma.

I am dressed in my red short set and my sandals, with my braids pinned up on my head, and I'm waiting for Easy. Granma says I can't just wait around for this boy, I have to do things like fold the dish towels. So I do that lickety split and every time she gives me a job I do it really quick and I come back and say, "Now what?"

So she just gives up. And now I'm trying to say that once Easy comes it would be fine, just fine if I could go with him to finish what I started in Miss Little's yard. I already swore with my hand on my missal even that I would never ever go to the river again without her permission. I did that right in front of her and said the words like in Perry Mason, "I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me God." I don't know what else to do.

"Miss Little looked out the window and saw us and didn't say a thing," I tell her.

She gets that look and I just go get her the Bufferin and a glass of cold water.

1111111111

So Easy comes on his bike and he's sweaty but not too bad because he didn't have to go far to come here. "I had to straighten out my wheel," he says.

He is wearing the same bandage Aunt May put on him the day before I think because that is Granma's bandage I know, she tears white cotton into strips and keeps it handy for when I do things like get a gigantic scrape on my knee. Last summer I had two skinned knees the entire summer, but this year I decided to just break my arm.

But the bandage is dirty and blood showing through. Oh Easy. You can't stay clean to save your soul, can you.

So I am holding Little Bit and she is sticking her little nose toward him and sniffing. "It's Easy," I tell her, but she knows. She gets her paws on my arm and stretches her neck and he keeps his hands round his waist and I say, "Well take her." And he does.

Granma is at the screen then. "Best come and eat young man."

"Should I work first?" he says.

"There is a young miss who can't afford to wait any longer," she says heading back to the kitchen.

I take Little Bit. "We best go," I say because I am the young miss and I'm about starved.

So I smile at him and he's looking at me, he doesn't smile, but runs his hand over his hair and it is no longer shaved off, but it is growing again.

I get the door and he takes over and follows me down the hall. I look back at him and he's looking around, his eyes darting to look at the stairs and up.

"My room is up there," I say.

He nods and I smile. I nearly tell him it's pink, but I don't.

So I carry my dog into the kitchen and put her in her basket by the door but she don't stay, she never does, and Granma says she'll step on her one of these days and then what? But Little Bit is too quick, tapping one way then another.

Granma tells Easy he can wash up in the sink and he looks like he ain't thought about it, but he does go there and washes. He uses the cup towel instead of the hand towel, but geez Louise, he don't know any better.

So we get in the chairs and Easy sees his luminescent placemat and the plate setting there that Granma collected with Eagle stamps. They are our everyday and she has bone china for special she collected one piece at a time from the grocery. I still remember carrying home the gravy boat.

So I sit there with Easy around the corner on my right and Granma in her place around the left. We are having the meatloaf and Granma's potatoes with cheese added because they are leftover since I didn't even eat any, and corn and peas and applesauce. We have this on Tuesday usually but now we're having it on Wednesday. So we get everything all around and Easy watches what I take and I pass, and then he does like me. I take sliced tomatoes and cucumbers cause I can eat those everyday.

He doesn't want those. I set the glass dish by his plate, but he just ignores them.

I pick up my fork and he does too, and I cut a piece of my meatloaf and stick it in my mouth and he does too, and it's so so good. And Granma says, "You want some ketsup?"

And Easy lights up some. "Thank you," he says when she passes him the bottle of Brooks. He puts it on his potatoes, and his meat and even his corn. I can't believe my eyes and I say, "You sure like ketsup," and then he looks at me and I can see him blush some.

Well me and my Granma don't know what to say so Granma points at my food with her fork so I just get back to eating. I sure hope I didn't embarrass Easy with my diarrhea words again.

"And how do you know Miss Little?" my Granma says.

I can't believe she is going to talk about that. I can see Easy doesn't expect to tell his business. He looks at me, then at his plate and he just chews some and swallows. "We live behind," he says.

"You's moved here just this year?"

"Yes ma'am." He doesn't take another bite, just drags his fork through a ketsup river.

I want to tell her something wonderful about Easy, but everything I think of is something I can't say.

"This your first summer to mow lawns or you do so before now?" Granma says and these are really hard questions. I don't know where she's getting them from.

"I mow since I been strong enough to push it. Back home I drove a tractor."

"A kid can drive a tractor?" I ask because I didn't know.

"We bale hay down there."

"Where is down there?" Granma doesn't miss a lick.

"Tennessee, Ma'am. Shoehorn."

"Well that's a crazy name," I say, but there I go again. He is blushing and he goes on and takes a bite of potatoes.

"Well how…," Granma says.

And here I come to save the day and I say, "The Patty Duke show is on tonight."

Granma has a forkful of food she was holding in the air over her plate while she gave Easy the third degree. Now she looks at me. "So it is," she says and finally, finally the airplane goes into the hangar.

I about let out a breath and I shovel in that food and we barely say another word.


	34. Chapter 34

Darnay Road 34

"Intuition is like…well if you're a girl…you just figure something out. You think you know…because you do," I say.

Granma is doing her chuckle she does when she eavesdrops. She doesn't usually say anything, but she listens.

Easy can ask some way harder questions than my granma. I have just started reading The Secret of the Old Clock by Carolyn Keene to him and first page has Nancy saying how her dad needs her intuition and Easy wants to know what that is. He's heard of it before of course, but he never got around to figuring it out I guess.

I could give him some examples—like how my intuition tells me he is good, and maybe in some trouble, and often hungry, and alone, and worried even if he says he's not. But I don't say any of that so maybe I am learning how to hold back my words just a little bit.

He finished Granma's yard after we ate lunch. First he went to Miss Little's and dragged his mower and Granma's rake back here. Now it is pouring rain. I mean the sky has opened up and buckets are coming down and I have invited him onto the porch to wait it out and then I show him my favorite book which is lying right there on the little table next to Granma and her magazines which I tell him we're not supposed to touch and he looks quickly at Granma and says he wasn't going to. And Granma gathers them up and slides them under her lounger.

So I tell him to sit on my chair and I sit on the top porch step cause I can still be dry with the overhang and I say, "Want me to read you some?" and he says to go ahead.

So the whole time I'm reading he's just watching me and Granma is reading her magazine rolled up so we can't see the cover.

I wish my braids weren't pinned up so I could hold one, but I'm holding Little Bit anyway until she goes to Easy and he ends up holding her and scratching her all over. She loves him so much and stretches out and gets her real dopey eyes like when Granma has had too much out of the glass and sings about Kansas City. Little Bit is just happy.

But Easy likes Nancy Drew. I finish chapter one and I look at him and raise my brows and he nods like I should go on.

Me and Alice May love when Ned Nickerson shows up. That's Nancy's boyfriend. I think it's probably really great to have a boyfriend like Ned and someday maybe I'll have one, that's what I always think, but it could be Easy cause that's what happens with Moondoggie, Gidget doesn't know he'll love her like he does in the end and she's so so happy, but with Ned he helps Nancy solve mysteries and me and Easy already did that, solved two, about the confessional where Father sits and also the top floor of my school. I don't think it's haunted at all. I don't think Alice May saw Sister Mary Sponza. It was probably just a pidgeon. Or a penguin. That makes me smile.

Well the rain lets up and Easy says he best go, and Granma is sound asleep and I say we should change out that bandage so he follows me back inside and he sits in the kitchen and I go in the bathroom and get the supplies and he says he can do it. He peels off the bandage and it is gooey and red and I put the Bactine on his scrape and he hisses like a flat tire.

"I'm sorry Easy," I say because it takes all my courage to be a nurse like this.

And he does the strangest thing, he touches the braids pinned on top of my head.

I just hold still and stare at him. He's looking at my hair, not my eyes so it's not even hard to keep looking at him.

Then he does look at me. He pulls back the hand that's not holding Little Bit but touching my hair so lightly.

I just smile at him cause he looks so serious and life is just a bowl of cherries, Granma says, but I never know what that means.

He takes over then and I hold Little Bit while he wraps his leg with a new bandage.

"Easy?"

"Yeah."

"How's…how's your Mom?"

He looks at me then. He finishes pinning that bandage and he's looking at the wounds on his arm and hand. "She's all right," he says.

"Well what's the matter with her?" I ask.

He shakes his head. "She don't go to the doctor."

"Does she want to? Cause my Granma…."

"Bella…just leave her alone, okay? If you get your Granma coming over and even Miss May, then I can't be your friend."

Well that about hurts my feelings so badly I lift enough to sit on my heels just to get away from him.

"I…don't want to be mean like that. But she don't want to be bothered and I…take care of her, so you won't leave me a choice." This is the most he's said about almost anything.

"So I can't even meet her or you won't even be my friend?" I say, knowing he won't want to say all that again and I don't want him to. But I'd like to meet her at least.

He fiddles with his bandage and looks at me.

"Maybe I could ask my Granma to send her a plate…."

"No." He shakes his head a little. "She won't eat it."

"Then you could."

"No."

"I want to help you."

"Why? I don't need that."

"What does she eat then? She don't like meatloaf or something?"

"She don't eat much. Just a couple things. We're fine."

"Well…what about Jap? He ever coming home or…." Or is he like Alice May, just gone into a tunnel of nothing never to return again.

"He'll come back for school probably. I don't know."

"He with your relatives?"

"Yeah."

"So you're from there? Shoehorn?"

"Yeah."

"That's the funniest name ever."

"Yeah," he says and he looks away and pokes his tongue into his cheek and makes a bump like he's sucking on a jawbreaker or a gumball.

"You ever eat Sputnik gum?"

"What?" he laughs a little.

"Sputnik gum! Don't you remember it? A big blue ball of gum that looked like Sputnik."

"No," he laughs.

"Well you missed out then. They don't sell it anymore. Alice May wouldn't eat it cause she said each piece had a little dog inside."

"Why'd she say that?" he laughs.

"Sputnik Two had a dog inside. We don't know if he lived. The Russians are so mean. I'll bet that dog was so so lonely. If they come over here I'm hiding Little Bit. I'll never let her go into space."

He smiles at me but he shakes his head. "The Russians ain't ever getting into America," he says.

"What about Castro?" I say. We had all those days during the beginning of last school year when our teachers listened to the radio and we waited to see if Castro was going to bomb America. I was never so scared in my life, but President Kennedy didn't let it happen and Granma said that he was a gift from God.

"United States whips everybody," he says. "We never lose a war."

"Well I know we're the strongest in the whole world. I'm so happy to be an American. I wouldn't want to be from any other country ever." I'm just so happy that he seems so sure.

"Me neither. Soon as I can I'm going to join the army."

"Like John Wayne?" I say.

"Pretty much."

I whistle. "You'll have to do what they say," I tell him.

"I will. They don't scare me."

Wow. I am speechless. I can just see Easy in that uniform with ropes braided on his shoulders and that hat.

He's already brave, I know that. I have to think a whole new way now. Moondoggie is nothing like a soldier. I don't even think Moondoggie ever held a gun.

But Steve McQueen has. All I can think of is The Magnificent Seven. Easy would make the magnificent eight. I know that's cowboys, but he's that brave.

"You want to see our bomb shelter?" I ask him.

He does want to see that. So we go out the backdoor and he follows me around to the cellar and I feel a little strange showing him something Alice May and I have always guarded so carefully. But Easy won't tell. So I ask him to lift the cellar door cause that's always the hardest part, and he lifts it and I lead us down the stairs and into the cellar. I tell him to close the door and it's dark at first before I find the cord and pull the light. It's not bright, but you can see everything. All of Granma's jars on the shelves because she doesn't can anymore, she says that why God created Moe's.

"Those are our supplies," I say pointing at the blankets where me and Alice May, well now just me sit, and our box with the flashlights and the food.

He is smiling and he looks at me. "This is a cellar."

"Yeah but Alice May thinks we could make it in here cause it's solid and at least it's underground."

He keeps looking at me.

"Well you could come too, if anything happens."

He keeps looking.

"Bella," he says, then nothing else.

"I know you said they can't get here."

"You won't ever need a bomb shelter," he says. "No one is going to hurt America. Not ever. If Russians came I would keep you safe."

"You…would?"

"Yeah."

"What about Granma?"

"Americans will fight. We'll always fight and we'll win," he says. "I do it now. I'm not taking anything anymore."

It takes me a minute. I hear what he's saying. "You're not?"

"No."

We're looking at each other. "I didn't know…did your dad hurt you sometimes?"

He looks behind him at the door, then back at me. "It doesn't matter now," he says. "You can't tell. Don't say that to your Granma."

"I told you…I wouldn't."

"If you have to…."

"I won't."

He thinks he has to go then and I hear the Mr. Softie truck but I don't even care.

"He hurt you?"

"You can't tell."

"I wouldn't. Those marks on you…?"

He bows his head and he's pinching top of his nose and I can't see his eyes. But I walk over to him and I pat his arm. "Easy," I say.

He looks at me, and he's so sad in his eyes. He can't even cry.

I take his hand then. "I'll always be your friend, Easy."

He puts his arms around me then and I'm holding Little Bit, and I have one arm around Easy and I pat his back. I already know I love him. I hope he knows it too.


	35. Chapter 35

Darnay Road 35

I finally get a letter from Alice May. She got my fat letter and wrote me this one. She starts out saying she does write all the time like she said but she just doesn't mail one everyday. Mr. Figley says writing everyday takes too many five cent stamps and money doesn't grow on trees.

Well hogwash on that. Old Prunley is Mr. Scrooge.

Anyway, Alice asked Riley if he wanted to do The Parent Trap backwards. In that movie, one of the best ever, Hayley Mills plays twins and the twins join forces to get their divorced parents back together. Maybe I love, love that movie because I am the only other kid I've ever known who had parents that divorced. My mother and dad divorced when I was a baby even though Catholics are to never ever divorce. And Dad brought me to Granma the way the stork brings babies to parents all over this land. I was nearly two years old and Granma said that stork never worked so hard. By the time he got to Missouri he was exhausted.

I know she doesn't mean Charlie. Or maybe she does. I love that part about the stork though.

Granma says she asked that stork, "Why is this kid so old? I wanted a nice fresh baby. A boy. What the heck am I going to do with a little girl?"

And the stork said, "Lady, just take this kid and don't ask questions."

So she did.

Sometimes I need to hear that story. I lay my head on her lap and she runs her hand over my hair and she says that part about the stork and her not knowing what to do with a little girl and it makes me laugh because she knows everything there is to do with a little girl—with me. And if she doesn't know, well I help her.

"Is that why you always get the headache?" I ask.

"Yes," she says. "Bottles and bottles of Bufferin to raise this small girl."

It makes me so happy when she says that. See I'm not really a headache all the time just some of the time. She's just saying that because I'm not giving her a headache. See?

"Tell me about Renee," I ask, and Granma says how my mother appeared in lady's magazines.

I have a picture but it's like a drawing of a woman with short dark hair who looks like Elizabeth Taylor, only so elegant she's like black-haired Barbie in one of her gowns. She's so beautiful I try to imagine I grew in her tummy, but I can't imagine that I ever knew her.

She's just a drawing.

I asked Granma if my mother ever wanted me and Granma says Renee, that's her name, was young and frivolous and she couldn't take care of a baby and be a famous model. She had to go to Europe to work and so Dad divorced her. Then she got sick there and died.

It used to make me very sad, but now I'm just sad sometimes. I only remember one thing and it's a shadowy living room in what I now know was Chicago and I'm sitting on the couch and I won't go to bed and Renee is standing in the dark in a beautiful flowing white nightgown telling me I can sit in the dark if I want to but her and Charlie are going to bed. I guess I'm on my high horse even though I'm very small.

But she isn't angry, she's just going along. That is all I remember.

Alice May lost her dad in that war with North Korea. I'm not happy about it, but Riley knew him just a little, and Alice May never knew him at all so we both have a parent gone for good and it helped…to have Alice May. Sometimes Alice May would try to get us to be sad together, but whenever Alice tried to get us sad I ended up laughing. I know it's very terrible, but Alice is so funny when she's trying to get me sad. She talks in this low voice, really slow, and she doesn't even know what she's saying half the time. I just laugh.

Anyway when Tanya Sue went to Florida for good we shared that too, both our parents leaving us to go to work in a faraway city. Only Alice May stayed with her aunt and I stayed with Granma, of course.

Alice May wants Riley to help her get Tanya Sue and Mr. Prunley also known as Mr. Figley apart so she can come back to the real home she loves. She said she is very very homesick and her mother has no time for her as she always works or goes to the country club to play cards with Prunley or to go dancing or to play bingo.

Riley told Alice May to suck an egg. He doesn't like living in an apartment and he hates Figley and Figley can't tell him what to do, but he loves the beach and he's learning how to surf so he stays out all day and Alice is alone at the apartment.

Well that is just terrible. Riley says Alice May needs to keep her pointy little nose out of Tanya Sue's troubles.

Alice May says Prunley says Tanya Sue doesn't need to spend so much money on her and Riley. He says Riley, who just turned twelve like Easy, is plenty old enough to earn some of his keep.

Riley mowed lawns here but that was just for extra money. I heard Aunt May tell my Granma that Mr. Prunley is going to realize it was way cheaper to just send money to Aunt May and let her do the rest. She said he's in for a rude awakening. I never know what that means exactly except for a big lesson. But the rude part, I'm not sure.

Anyway Prunley wants Riley to be a box-boy at the grocery but Riley says he ain't doing it, or anything that old fart wants.

I don't know what costs so much when it comes to raising a kid. We can't drive or anything. My dad always sends money to Granma for me. I wonder if he wants to send that money. I mean, maybe he wishes I'd never been born or something. That would be terrible. For me. Maybe for Granma but if she didn't know me she wouldn't be sad. Man my head could explode with all these ideas sometimes.

Anyway, Alice May does not want to go to school in Tampa. Prunley says they have to go to public cause Catholic is too expensive and too far away and there's no bus. So Alice May has been crying everyday about going to public cause they don't give as good an education and no religion class and the publickers know one another and she won't know anyone.

Well I think of how nice Easy is and he's a heathen and a publicker, but still he's the best boy ever. I'll have to write that to Alice May but I pretty much already did. I just wish I was around to help her make war on Prunley like the twins in The Parent Trap. I would be Susan to Alice's Sharon. But I can't help her now I don't think.

Can I?

11111111111

I finish reading Easy the Secret of the Old Clock. He says he likes it, but he's laughing too.

I say, "Easy what is so funny?"

And he says, "Nothing. You just…you're a good reader."

Well I feel about so so proud.

Later Granma says, "I believe that boy would sit just as rapt if you read him the phonebook."

"You mean he's faking?" I say cause he does listen very well.

"Oh no. He's not faking," she says.

Granma and her ideas. Sometimes she doesn't make sense to anyone but herself.

But Granma does walk me down to Miss Little's with a plate of cookies the next day. She says she doesn't want to get it started, and I say what and she says Miss Little coming to our house and being crazy.

Easy told us over supper, another supper which was fried chicken, what we have every Thursday, and my Granma makes the best, also mashed potatoes and gravy, but Easy told how Miss Little behaved when he finished her yard. He says she came outside holding a kitten, one of mine though we do not say it in front of Granma cause she said the whole subject gives her the headache. Easy said Miss Little walked all over the yard just talking to herself. She thinks her husband cleared it out, he says, and now she's worried the bad people can see her.

So I say to my Granma, "Did you ever see Miss Little be regular? Like before her husband got killed in the war?"

And Granma says Miss Little was never anything but peculiar but everyone just loved John and he seemed to help Miss Little look more normal.

Easy says Miss Little has something broken inside, in her brain maybe. But I think it's her heart and when I tell Easy he says wherever it is, it's not her fault.

So I get to thinking about it, how Easy has worked so hard for Miss Little and what a great American he is trying to be. Granma tells me not to get on one of my campaigns. But I don't think I ever get on a campaign. I'm not running for president, I'm just a kid.

"Granma just think about it. If Darnay Road was a farm like in the Little House books, we'd all be on the same farm!" I say. I mean forty acres and no mule. You think of all the houses around here on the same one hundred and sixty acres and you get what I'm saying.

"The funny farm maybe," Granma says. "Here we are close enough we have to give one another some space. I say Miss Little has a right to be anyway she wants long as she's not hurting anyone. You learn this when you are older. You learn to look the other way and let others be."

That doesn't sound exactly right. "We are supposed to help our neighbors. What good is religion class if I'm not supposed to do any of it on my free time? And you read me President Kennedy's address how many times? We are to work to abolish poverty. Granma, what can we do?"

So next day we take the cookies, well my Granma is holding them and all the way fussing about how she better not miss The Edge of Night and I'm walking too fast cause she has bunions which sounds like onions in her shoes, but I don't say that either cause she also has corns and I say onions and corn in her shoes and she never thinks that is funny.

We get to Miss Little's and it is all creepy and shut up tight and Easy has cleaned the yard and now all the bald patches show, but at least there's no trash around. We go on the porch and Granma steps right up and knocks with her free hand that's wearing the cotton glove and holding the other glove as the other hand is holding the plate, an old one she doesn't expect to ever see again, she told me, and I think she might be right.

Well Miss Little doesn't answer.

"Oh Miss Little," I say. I sing it kind of. That's how we call one another around here. But she don't open either. My Granma is trying to get me to look at her so we can go, but I 'look the other way,' cause maybe Miss Little is trying to find her housecoat or something not that being in her slip usually stops her.

"This is why we hire priests," Granma says mostly to herself and she knocks again. "…never does work out when I go against my own intuition," she is saying, and I keep looking the other way.

The door cracks a little. Miss Little is looking out, first at me, then her eyes, well eye gets bigger when she sees Granma.

"Vie?" she says.

Granma clears her throat. "Well for heaven sakes Lavinia I didn't know if you'd remember me or not."

The door widens some and you can feel the heat come out, and the smell, ooo-eee.

"I remember," Miss Little says. "You brought John's lunchbox that time."

Granma laughs. "Well he did leave it sitting on the side of that truck and it fell right in the street in front of my house. Don't imagine he had much to eat that day come noon."

Now you could blow me down with a feather and pick me up with a shovel. Granma knows Miss Lavinia Little more than I realized.

"Well I ain't fixed for company," Miss Little says.

It smells so sour around here. Worse than Easy's house that day.

"Well this here is my grand-daughter Bella Christine." Then Granma seems to remember the cookies and shoves them toward Miss Little. "We brought you these. Don't care about the plate, so…."

Miss Little doesn't even look at the cookies. She's looking at me. "She comes around," she says not friendly but more like she's suspicious of me.

"Well," Granma says, "she's up and down here."

"She looks in my windows sometimes," Miss Little says gathering a dirty housecoat under her chin…hairs.

I am open-mouthed looking at Granma. I didn't look in Miss Little's window on purpose, not up close. But I did see my kittens in there so pardon me.

"Miss Little," I say, "I meant no harm. I saw some kittens, that's all. You still have them…those kittens?"

Granma clears her throat and goes right on talking like I haven't spoken.

"As I was saying, we just brought those cookies. You doing all right Lavinia?" Granma says.

"They look in my windows at night and come in my house sometimes," she says, widening the door even more so we can see up and down her. She has the dirtiest feet ever and cracked toenails. I start over at the top and her hair is just a mess.

"Lavinia you got someone looking after you?" Granma says.

"I don't want them to come in, but they do."

Granma breathes in. "Who comes in?"

"They sneak in when I go to the bathroom. And night they are in the attic, the basement. I hit the ceiling with the broom and I say come on. But those kind never show."

"Are you eating?" Granma asks more weakly.

"They poison my food and my water," she says eying that plate suspiciously. Miss Little folds her arms and stands one foot atop the other.

"Family coming around? Your sister?" Granma says.

"She tries to tell me what to do, always telling me like Mother," Miss Little says. "Have you seen John?"

Oh boy. I can see how sorry Granma is that she didn't just stay in her chair.

11111111111111

Once we get home from Miss Little's Granma says to make her a glass of tea and don't talk to her for a while.

"Are you mad?" I ask.

"I am not mad," she says. "I am done with the troubles of this world. Get me some tea."

I go inside and sigh and leave my sun-hat on a hook in the hallway. It is so much work to try and end poverty. Miss Little did finally take the cookies though and there was a cat, one I'd not seen before. I get to wondering if her house is more like a pass-through for animals the way it is a cut-through for humans going from Darnay back to the tracks or Scutter. I think we could fill a whole set of encyclopedias with the mysteries I have not solved. One thing though, Granma had a life before I was born even, a whole life. I can barely believe it.

On the way home she said if John saw the state of that house he would rise from the grave. "From the grave!" she said. She is more upset than I ever saw coming. She made several declarations as we walked home so quickly I had to run every few steps to keep up cause Granma didn't seem to remember her corn or her onions.

Granma may not be mad at me, but she is mad at someone. I just don't know who.

111111111111111

Who in their right mind would ever ever know Easy would like The Barbie Game. He loves that game. It's about Barbie getting the best dress and the best boyfriend so she can be queen of the prom. It's the most wonderful game ever and I've only ever played it with Alice May and a couple of time Riley and now I'm playing it with Easy on Granma's porch.

I am lying on my stomach, my face resting on my hands and my elbows planted on the thick glossy paint on the porch floor. I'm so happy I could die cause Easy, who is sitting cross legged and kind of bent over the board, just got Poindexter. It's so funny. He's trying to make a mean face at me, and I would be scared if he meant it, but he doesn't ever mean it comes to me.

I got Ken and I've been so happy.

"Why you like Ken so much?" he says.

"Cause he's the handsomest one," I say like he should know that. "And he goes with Barbie." Then I pull forward and say, "Ken and Barbie?" I make my eyes pop at him, then I cross them and he laughs.

"They are going to stay like that," Granma says and I didn't even think she was looking she's so buried behind the pages of her book.

I back down and relax a little and I have to blink a few times to straighten out my gaze.

"Everyone knows that," I say rubbing my nose.

"You've got freckles," Easy says and I see Granma pull her book down a little.

"So do you," I say.

"I do not," he says.

I get up on my knees and move my pointer to his nose and I'm counting. "You've got twelve, one for each year," I say.

He reaches quick and tickles under my arm and I pull my chicken wing into my side and fall on the board laughing and the game is a mess.

Granma has laid her book on her lap now. "Bella Christine," she says like I'm pretty rowdy.

"Sorry Granma," I say getting up quick, but I smile at Easy. Sometimes I just do stuff and I don't know where it comes from. I get this energy and it's hard to sit still. I do eat Wonder Bread all the time and I think it comes from that.

We clean up the game and I ask Granma if I can go with Easy to Mac's and get a Fudgesicle. "I'll bring you one," I say.

Well the crickets have started up and the sun is going down, and there's Mass in the morning. That means she'll want to wash my hair and watch Roy and Dale but I'm starting to like Jackie Gleason best and sometimes we've been watching him. But right now with Easy waiting, I don't care.

She looks at me like she don't know what to do with a little girl again. "Get some money out of the jar for you and Easy."

I start to go in then I say, "Granma can I show Easy my room?"

Well she makes this terrible face like I asked her to tell me where Cain got his wife or something. "Five minutes," she says.

So Easy follows me in and he's walking lazy and I am already on step number seven and I say, "Get the lead out." And I run the rest of the way cause he takes the first three steps right off and catches up in one second, so I get to the top and he does too and we just look at each other so I take his hand and lead him down the hall to my room.

I run in first and dive onto my bed and he's standing in the doorway looking around with a big smile. He's looking all over and I'm lying there watching him admire it. Then I sit up, I think what if he's never had anything nearly this nice and it's like I'm bragging, but he doesn't seem to take it so. He takes one step in and he's still looking.

"You are a ballerina," he says.

My dolls are on my shelves. I forgot about those. But he doesn't ask.

"You like pink," he says.

Well I can't deny that. I'm sitting in the middle of it. "And red," I say. "And anything cherry. That's my very favorite flavor and Alice May banana."

Then I lose steam cause maybe I sound like a big baby.

"I know you like cherry," he says cause he should by now.

I hop up and go to my piggy bank. Easy is running a finger along my record player. "Dad bought me that two Christmas's ago. I put some of the records on top of my radiator and they melted."

He looks at me like I'm a Martian.

"Well I did," I say.

"Which ones?" he says.

"Frosty the Snowman and Alvin and the Chipmunks and I forget."

"Dang," he says.

My bank is a pink pig with daisies over her ears and a big smile under her snout. She has a rubber stopper on her belly so I can get the money out without breaking her. I learned that lesson the hard way on my first piggy bank. I saved all that money and when I needed it I had to break the pig to get to it. I'll never do that again.

I get some money out. A whole dollar. I only have a dollar seventy-two. I've been saving for Granma's Christmas present, but I can save more.

"C'mon," I say cause those five minutes are probably up. He's at my jewelry box and I see him take something.

I pretend I don't see it, but I do.

So we go downstairs and my tummy hurts. I know Easy took something. How could he steal from me? I know he has stolen other things, and I know it's because of poverty and being a heathen. But if he wanted something of mine, he only has to ask. He stole from me and I'm his friend.

So he wants to ride me on his handlebars to Mac's and I don't want Granma to see so we just walk. I am so mad, so upset.

We just walk quiet and I have my arms folded and I'm not even looking at him. Here he's been a real good influence on me and my Granma, helping in our yard and inspiring us to look after others, starting with him. But stealing from me when I took him in my own room? It's just unthinkable.

I stop there and turn toward him. "I saw you take something out of my jewelry box Easy. And I'm just so so mad."

His hand touches over his pocket first, then it slides in there and he pulls out a barrette, a plastic one I don't even care about. It's pink.

Well I'm looking at his fingers holding that. I love his hands pretty much, they're so strong and they are twice the size of mine, cause we compared. And that barrette looks so ridiculous held there.

"Why?" I say, I barely ask it.

He shrugs and he spits.

"Well you can have it," I say.

He holds it for me to take it. "I don't want it."

Well here he is just wanting this thing of mine. I don't understand him at all.

We're looking at each other. Easy seems mad at me now.

"I'm not mad anymore. I just didn't know," I say.

"So?" he says. Oh he don't mean it. He don't know what to say.

"I want you to have it."

"I don't want it," he says, so I take it. I am purely hurt over it now.

"Go on home," he tells me. But his bike is at my house. He crosses the street and takes off and pretty soon he's running.

I don't call after him. I want to, but he doesn't want my barrette and he doesn't want me.

I am walking along home my feet weighing ten pounds each. I don't think I can bear Easy being mad at me. What if he doesn't come around anymore? But his bike is at my house. He has to come for it.

That's when I see the strangest thing. I'm about even with Miss Little's but I'm walking on the other side of the street. And Disbro Peak comes out of her house. He jumps off her porch and he sees me and I look away cause he's so foul. "Moondoggie," he calls and he laughs and I just walk faster and faster but what in the world is he doing in Miss Little's house?

Such a powerful thing wells up in me. I miss Alice May. I need her. First thing I have to work on is getting her back. No, no that's the second thing. First is making things right with Easy.

I get home and I deal with Easy's bike and go back around to the front. Granma is inside and soon as I hit the screen I hear the laughter from the television. She's going to wash my hair. That's when I'm going to tell her about Alice May's letter and how Figley doesn't treat her well, not even letting her have very many stamps and Tanya Sue never paying attention. I figure Aunt May will know soon as church is out tomorrow. That's when I'll fill in the rest, over lunch—Alice alone all day and going to public cause it's too expensive and Riley needing to earn his keep.

It's all a very little girl can do on that.

For the rest, well Easy's bike is under the cellar door on the steps. But he won't be able to see it. Once Granma is asleep I'll be waiting for him on the porch. I know he's embarrassed. I think he is. But I understand, I do. It's just Easy. He can't turn away from me. I'll fight so hard for him. I will tell him how much I love him and that he can't go away. He'll see then.

And I'll tell him about Disbro Peak coming out of Miss Little's house. My intuition tells me it's no good at all. If anyone can get to the bottom of it Easy can. My Easy.


	36. Chapter 36

Darnay Road 36

My braid is heavy and wet against the back of my robe. I have on my pink nightgown with the small embroidered cherries all over it. The cherries are red. I have on my white eyelet robe and my thongs, of course and I am sitting on the porch in the dead of night and even with Mass tomorrow I have seen Father Anthony walk up to big gray and knock on the door and Aunt May let him in.

Lord Almighty, as Granma would say. But Granma is sound asleep upstairs and so is Little Bit. I am in the lounger and just waiting cause I've walked up and down hoping Easy will come. I've even thought of riding his bike to his house, and I will if he doesn't show. I will go to any lengths to set this right. I can't lose Easy because he's the best boy in the world.

I wait and wait and next I know he's waking me up. Well I nearly have a heart attack and I yelp and good thing you can't wake up Granma so easily or I might be in big trouble now. But we do see Father Anthony leaving Aunt May's.

I hold onto Easy's arm and put my finger to my lips so he'll be quiet. We watch those two walk to Aunt May's fence and then she goes in and Father Anthony walks down the street to where I know he parks.

"He goes there all the time," Easy says.

Well I'm so glad he's talking to me. "How do you know?" I say, cause I know, but I didn't think he'd know.

"I see him. He parks down the road toward Scutter.

"Old news," I say.

Well we are watching each other now.

"They are really really good friends, probably," I say. Catholic priests never fall in love with women and make them special girlfriends, but I am starting to wonder about this.

"How should I know? I don't care," Easy says and he walks to the end of the porch and spits over the rail.

I swing my legs off the lounger cause I'm not letting him get away so fast.

"Are you still my friend?" I ask him, the Barbie game on the table against the house. I wish we could go back to that and I could do things right.

"Where's my bike?"

"Why?"

"Cause I ride it?" he says like I'm simple.

"I mean…I put it under the cellar door."

"Why'd you do that?"

"So no one would take it. Or…maybe so you wouldn't just leave. I mean…are you mad at me, Easy?"

"You hid my bike?" he says like he's having trouble believing it.

"Well are you…mad?"

"No. It's just…." He looks off shaking his head.

"Well me and Granma love you pretty much," I say, and even I know I just laid my very best card on the table.

He makes this sound like, 'what?'

"It's true," I say. "We think the whole world of you, Easy. Please don't go away."

"Where would I go?" He takes a step closer.

"I don't know. Just get mad and not come around, or maybe go back to Shoehorn." I can barely stand to say it the thought is just so terrible.

"Don't cry," he says.

"I'm not," I say wiping under my nose with my sleeve.

He laughs a little. "You are," he says.

"I'm not," I say more fierce. I don't know why, here I am trying to get him to not be mad and I'm yelling at him.

"Why are you so mad?" he says.

"Because you make me so…so…." Now I am crying.

"Just get in the house. I'm going," he says.

"No. I," now I have hiccups, "I wanted to…give you…give you…," I'm fumbling in the pocket of my robe and my hand gets caught cause the pocket is so so deep. "I just wanted to give you this," I say.

It is the silliest thing ever. It's a troll doll and he isn't very big but he was so crammed in my pocket I could barely get him out because his arms are spread out wide. He has long cottony pink hair. "Me and Alice May call them dammy dolls," I say. "That one is my fav…favorite. I want you to have it."

He laughs. "Why you giving me this?" he comes closer and takes it.

"Cause," I say looking up at him, "I want to. You've my very very best…best friend Easy. That didn't leave town."

He plucks at that crazy doll's hair. I put that barrette he wanted across the hair like a clamp on all that wildness.

"Hope it don't…doesn't look like me," I say.

"Like you?" he says quick. "Maybe a little."

Well I smile, and I wipe under my eyes in case there's any tears left over cause I'm so happy now.

"Will you come around after church to…morrow then like we planned?" I'm going to show him how to grow a beautiful lava garden on a brick using basic household cleaners. He doesn't believe me when I say me and Alice May make one every summer.

He keeps looking at the doll, playing with the hair. He don't answer then he unclips that barrette and hands it back to me.

"Why…?"

"I don't want it," he says. "But I'll keep this," he says smiling and shaking the doll at me.

I put that barrette in my pocket where he won't have to see it no more.

"Say Easy…are you all alone?"

He is looking at me, his eyes so dark, like midnight. He makes my heart beat so fast. I hope he doesn't get mad again.

"Why you got to be so nosey all the time?" he says. "If you don't stop being nosey I'll have to stay away."

"You just saying th…at to be mean?" I ask, scrunching my toes.

"No. I don't want to be mean to you. I told you that."

"Well…I know you told me not to be nosey, but I saw Disbro Peak come out of Miss Lit…tle's house when I walked home earlier."

He is staring at me, so dark and silent. "What do you want me to do, Bella?"

"Well…why would he be in there? She told Granma and me those strange things." I've already told him all that she said.

"She's got madness," he says sternly.

"I know that," I say. I have lived on Darnay Road longer than him and I know that about Miss Little. "But what business could he have with Miss Lit…tle?"

"There are some things you don't know," he says, and he is so serious I don't think I want to know, but I am listening, ain't I?

"Then tell me," I say.

"Things aren't always good, Bella. You're just a kid and I'm not…I don't want to get you worried. But you need to mind your business sometimes. Then it will be all right. But you go poking in all the time and your little nose with those freckles will be like a stick in a hornet's nest, see?"

"I'm not afraid. If he's hurting Miss Little then we should t…ell."

"He's not hurting her. Not like you think."

"How do you know?"

He turns away and he smacks that dammy doll into his hand. "I know the things you don't need to," he says so firmly.

I am looking at him. "But I…."

He turns toward me again. "No. You are just a little girl and you got your nice pink room and your pretty little…toes and your nightie." He's flustered looking me up and down and I knit my fingers together I am so throwing a leg over my high horse. "You're the prettiest thing I've ever seen," he says. "Smartest too. And you make me laugh all the time. You're like that little doll that winds up in the jewelry box…going round and round."

I don't know what to say. I'm not mad anymore, but how he sees me, it can't be true. And I don't want it false cause it's so nice. And so wrong too. It makes me feel all lumpy in the throat and it worries me hugely. Really enormously. Going round and round?

"Did Disbro Peak take my kittens?"

He looks at me, his tongue in his cheek again. "Sure."

"Sure? For really real?"

"You got your fists digging your sides and I know how you get," he says.

"You didn't go after him?"

"I didn't see the point," he says. "He didn't hurt them and your Granma don't want four stray cats."

"I thought you'd protect them." Protect me is what I want to say.

"I'm trying to now, but you won't quit."

It's like he heard me inside. He says he's trying to protect me. But I thought he was…Superman.

"I'm going home," he says like he can feel my disappointment.

"No." I try to block his way. "He took her my kittens and you never said."

"He thought they were his. He thought you took them from him. You see how it works?"

"They weren't his!"

"Maybe they were," he says and his breath smells like cigarettes. Do I even know Easy? Or anybody? Or anything?

"You going to protect Disbro Peak?" I am going round and round now.

"No." He steps away a little. "I'm just letting it go until I can't. See? When I can't…then I do something. Sometimes I don't see it coming…what I'll do." He looks down.

"Easy?" I say, my hand going to his arm so lightly.

He looks at me. He's got a sadness in him so deep I can feel it coming into me. But I would take this for him, this bucket of blue-blue. "You should come to church with us tomorrow. The music just fills the church and it's all so beautiful."

He is looking at me and he laughs some. "I seen that church. It's fake too, just like everything else it's all for show. We looked, didn't we? We went in that booth. There's nothing there. Only thing that seems like something more is you," he says.

"Me? I ain't a thing. My own dad don't come around. I think he's so bored when he does he can't stay awake even."

He laughs then. He laughs so much he sits on the top step. "He's a shithead then," he says still smiling.

The cursing is powerful. I'm not used to it at all.

He pats the stair beside him and I hurry to sit there, close as I can. I thread my arm through his. I tell him about my mother too.

He can't believe it. "A real model?" he says. "No wonder you're so pretty."

Well I don't know what to say. He goes on about me being so pretty all the time. I don't feel pretty. I think I'm funny when I look in the mirror. I've got stick out ears and a little head and big hair and everything is the same dark color, hair and eyes and I make some crazy faces and I'm just me.

"Maybe if she loved her own child she'd be alive," Easy says.

I never thought of it that way, but it seems so grown up to be so stern about it.

"People bring on most of their own troubles," he says. He seems as old as Granma in saying that.

He gets out a cigarette then. I am leaning on his arm watching him light it and pull in.

"Not you," I say.

He looks at me, corner of his eye. I got my face real close since he likes it so much. I want him to be sure.

"Not you," he says to me. "I don't get half of what I deserve. I told you I'm not good."

I don't believe that for a minute.

"Easy…you think when we get big we could get married or something?"

He laughs and pulls on his smoke. "I'd marry you," he says blowing the smoke out. "But I have to get older and so do you."

"Would you turn Catholic?"

"No," he laughs still smoking.

"Why not?" I sit up a little. I know it will never go with Granma if he stays heathen.

But then Grampa had that same problem. But Grampa turned. Sort of.

"Well what about those older girls? Like at the Quick Shop?"

"Those girls? Look, I'm way older than you," he says.

"Two years," I say.

"You can't have a boyfriend now and I don't have any money for a girl. I have to get older and go in the army then we can think about getting married and stuff."

"But what if you fall in love with someone else?"

"I'll tell you," he says. "And you have to tell me. But don't talk about it anymore. You're too young. And you're innocent. You have to remember not to let boys get around you. They'll want to because you're pretty. They'll probably all be around you. But you have to not let them get close."

"I don't let them get close. Just you."

"I mean when you get older. Does your Granma tell you stuff? About boys?"

"No. I mean, I don't want to know it. I mean…what kind of stuff?"

"Well, she'll tell you. You need to listen. Boys are disgusting," he says. "You can't let them around you. C'mon, let's get my bike."

One thing, I don't have the hic-cups anymore at all. He is holding my hand and we go around the house to get his bike. He pulls the door and it's on the stairs. He says he doesn't know why I did it that way and I must be stronger than I look.

I am.


	37. Chapter 37

Darnay Road 37

A new schedule begins and it interrupts our usual schedule but me and my Granma do not mind at all. Easy comes at eleven and Granma gives him work to do around the house. I did not realize there was so much needing a 'man's' or boy's touch, which comes from Granma always singing, 'It's So Nice to Have a Man Around the House,' whenever Easy is working here, just like she loves loves to sing, 'I'm Gonna Wash that Man Right Out of My Hair,' when she washes my hair. But anyway, I thought our house looked fine but there is a long line of projects it seems.

Sometimes she gives him a job that lasts for two or three days but mostly it's a lot of different things. Sometimes she comes up with the job, sometimes he makes suggestions.

And one day she gets out Grampa's tool box and everything in it is in fine shape and well kept even after all the years he's been in heaven—if he made it, and I think he did.

Grandma opens that toolbox and she shows Easy. Easy looks at Granma and she gives the go ahead and he takes the hammer first and looks it over.

"He always took good care of things," Granma tells him.

Easy looks at her when she speaks, he always does. Me too, mostly, except when I'm nosey then he tells me to quit being a Darnay Spy and I almost wish I hadn't told him about that.

So after that Easy can use the tools without asking but he always has to put them back where they belong which is in the garage on the workbench, second shelf. And he does that.

I love love to watch Easy work and I get him lots of drinks. He makes me feel kind of safe and definitely happy. There's nothing he can't do. He even fixed our toilet from running water all the time—kind of embarrassing, but kind of really nice, too. He cleaned the gutters up high on the ladder which about scared me to death and he put putty around the attic windows and I sat near him and handed him the putty knife or screwdriver when he needed them.

He white washed the old garage in the back of the yard and it put me in mind of Tom Sawyer so I told him the entire story while he did that. He shored up the fence and cleaned the debris from every corner. He trimmed the big branches on the bottom of the trees and once I screamed because a branch came down and nearly hit him and he grinned and grinned.

He taught me how to climb the big tree and we sat up there in the Sycamore until I really wasn't afraid then he helped me down. Then he cut up the big branches so Aunt May could use them for firewood cause she still likes fires and Granma does not, and he tied the smaller ones in bundles and set them out for the trashman. I still have my red wagon so I helped him pull those loads, well watched him pull them mostly.

He scraped the bottom of the porch and painted, even the latticework. I read him the first Hardy Boys while he did that, top of my lungs almost cause I sat on the porch stairs while he climbed around with his brush.

He dug up all the rocks around the flowerbed and put them back and they look so pretty. I helped on that until a cricket got on me, then no thank-you.

He's a wonder, he's a marvel. He's Easy. I sing that to him sometimes and he laughs. I don't even mind singing to him at all.

Pretty soon Aunt May gives him work too, then Nettie further down. They are the three on our block besides Miss Little, without husbands around to take care of things. It makes me feel something—jealous. I guess that's what it is all right. Granma says so. I say, "Why they have to take Easy when he's ours?"

Granma just laughs and sings, "Jealousy is taking over thee. There goes your fingernail…into your gingerale."

I hate that song but Granma loves Frankie Laine and this is the funny version of his song Jealousy. It makes me smile and I don't want to.

Jealousy feels like a green heartache.

But mostly Easy is still ours.

Trouble is I don't see him as much with all his jobs. And the things I used to do that were fine and dandy just don't seem like enough. I have plenty to read and I know he'll be around. And Granma says to stop moping I should not be so attached to Easy. She still says I'm not his right-hand man. But it doesn't stop me.

What is worse-school is starting. Naturally the Catholics start a week before the heathen. We're just so eager to get trapped in those desks. I can't imagine going to Bloody Heart every single day, Mass every morning and high mass on Tuesdays, confession once a month, all of it without Alice May and without being able to see Easy.

It's unbearable to think on it. And Easy will be at public. His reading isn't so bad. He finally let me hear and he does pretty well. His problem is he doesn't finish his words all the way through sometimes. He just reads the beginning then makes up the rest. I heard that right off and he thought I was a magician to be able to tell him what he's doing wrong. But all I had to do was listen.

"What you doing?" I ask Granma on the very last day of vacation. She's got the box of recipes out.

"Looking for that yellow butter cake," she mutters, glasses perched on the end of her nose as she sorts through one section of her file.

She is a cooking fool since Easy. He loves loves my Granma's cooking and who doesn't. But she never cooked like this. We've had about everything she ever made in her life in the past few weeks with Easy around.

But that last night after supper we're sitting on the porch eating butter cake, me and Easy. My new school clothes are upstairs hanging in my closet and folded neatly in my drawers. They all came from the JC Penny catalogue.

Easy says, "Got me a paper route."

Disbro Peak rides by with Eric and Mike. They were starting to do that thing where they make fun of Easy for being here with me, but Easy took off after them on his bike one night and they haven't done it since. But Little Bit lifts her head where she lays on my lazy stomach while I try to fit another bite of cake down my throat cause why in the world would a boy that works so hard get a paper route?

"How you going to do that with everything else?" I ask, licking my fork. He goes sun-up to sundown. He's become the handyman of Darnay Road. Pretty much. Yep.

"I worked harder than this in Shoehorn. Worked those fields."

"Not when I met you. You and Jap were just doing what boys do all the time."

"It was supposed to be better up here. But I was taking care of them, so…."

I perk right up. He never as in ever talks about himself like this. "Jap and your mom?"

"Yeah it was…supposed to be different."

"Your dad…?"

His eyes shift to mine. "Got killed," he says and I figure he'll end it now.

"I won't tell," I say. He should know that by now.

"Tell what?"

"Whatever you tell me," I say.

"She was gonna have a baby…but um…." His eyes fill with tears so quickly. He's staring off poking his tongue in his cheek like he does. He breathes in and I wonder if he's not holding so much in there's no room for air.

Granma's program is playing in the background beyond the screendoor. I know she's already sipping from the glass so it's not likely she'll come out here. It's time he told me something.

"Easy…go on and tell me," I say.

He is looking at me, and I just hold steady and true. I don't know what I look like to him but it makes him smile a little anyway.

"You know anything about babies?" he says.

"Well…I guess so. I mean…I know people have babies," I say like I'm insulted but I'm not.

"I mean…sometimes the mother loses a baby," he says.

"Oh. I never thought much about it." Losing a mother, yes. But losing a baby…I just never looked at it from that end I guess.

He looks at his empty plate like he's trying to find some words in-between the yellow crumbs.

"Thing is…she lost the baby." Then he looks at me, his eyes reddish and he sniffs, but it's kind of mad maybe. "She lost more than one."

"You mean your mom."

"Yeah."

"Were they born? Or…."

"They weren't born," he says angrily. "They didn't get a chance even."

I am barely breathing. "How…did it happen?"

He looks away from me. "It just happened. I wasn't sorry when he died. I wasn't a bit sorry," he says.

"Your dad?"

He nods, his mouth so set. "Jap was. Sorry. But not me."

I decide to stay quiet then. I truly don't know what to say.

"Guess you think that's pretty strange," he says.

"No," I lie. I mean it's strange but I know he's speaking the truth.

"It is. It shouldn't be that way. I know that. I told you I'm not good." He looks at me, he's pretty fierce now. "Jap is. He's good. But not me."

"He went back home with your mother, didn't he?" I say. Oh Lordy I didn't mean to say it. Not a hundred percent.

He is looking at me, burning me up.

"I won't tell Easy. I would never tell," I say.

"That why you have me around here? You feel sorry for me?" he says unkindly.

"No," I say. "You know I love you Easy."

He gets sad then, so sad. He puts his plate on the little table. "If you got to tell, let me know ahead," he says.

"No. I don't have to tell. I would never tell. But I always knew."

"How? They won't let me stay if they find out."

"I just felt it. I just knew," I say.

"Does Granma know?"

"No. She'll pretty much stay with what you tell her," I try to comfort him.

"I ain't going into a home," he says. "They try that they'll never find me."

Fear just runs through me. He can't go away, just disappear. "You wouldn't just go off, would you? You wouldn't just…."

He shakes his head. I love him so much I can't breathe. He's all alone. But then he isn't. He's got me. And my Granma.

"I can't go back there—to Tennessee," he says.

"Is your mother coming back?"

"I don't know. She says she will, but there's no money leftover . I been trying to earn but I got bills on the electric. Twenty-four dollars. Sixty dollars rent."

"You can't pay that. You have to live here."

"Don't say that. Your Granma don't want another."

"She would if she knew."

"I got to keep the house so Mom and Jap can get back."

"But how will they pay, Easy? If your Mom can't get them back, how will they help you?"

He is quiet for a while. "I ain't going back to school this year," he says.

Missing a whole year of school when he's already been held back? I never heard of such a thing. Suddenly I feel so much worry over Easy and his troubles I just wish I could run inside and get my Granma. We need someone big to help us figure this out.

"You have to go to school Easy," I say.

"I have to earn money," he says. "I can't leave Mom and Jap down there. My Grampa is mean and my uncles…."

"Easy, I have eighty-six dollars and forty-seven cents in my passbook. You can have it," I say. It's money from my whole life—birthdays and my baptism, first communion, good grades even. I thought it was a fortune, but comes to Easy it's just a drop in the bucket.

He stares at me for a minute, then he bows his head and covers his face with his hands. It brings me right out of the lounger.

I didn't mean to make him cry. I'm so so sorry.

"Don't cry Easy," I say patting his back, then I smooth over his hair. It's so long he can't go to school that way probably, that's if he goes. But it scares me a little to see him break down. He never does.

He wipes his eyes on his shoulder. I go down on my knees. I'd do anything, anything at all to see him smile again.

"They could come home on my money, Easy. Then you could go to school. You can use your money on the bills, huh? If you need more I have savings bonds and silver dollars even. You just have to go to school."

He looks at me, and he blinks back those tears because I know he doesn't want them.

"Your Granma would be mad," he says, wiping his eyes on his dirty sleeve again.

"Granma can't know everything. That money is mine and she always says once you give something it's not yours anymore. You can use it to bring Jap and your Mom home. Then you won't be alone anymore."

He pulls me to him and we touch our foreheads and he cries some more. Easy has the whole world in his hands, just like the song. But I put my hands on his, one the side of my head, the other where he holds my arm. I am sending love into him, just sending love.

I am so so happy to be able to do something, really do it. Tomorrow morning I'm marching to the bank with my passbook and pulling out that money.

"You're not alone, Easy," I whisper. "Didn't you know?"

I've never been hugged as hard as Easy hugs me then. It's a little hard to breathe, but I'd never tell him to stop.


	38. Chapter 38

Thank you to The Lemonade Stand for three wonderful reviews for Darnay Road. The reviews are written by Layathomemom, Tgb McCray, and Edmazing. They are so kind as reviewers and so appreciated as writers and readers. This means so very much to me. Thank you with a bow (tied) and a bow (and sweep of my hand.) Thank you. And Happy Birthday to you, Edmazing.

Thanks readers and reviewers as well. Love to you all.

Happy read, write and you.

Darnay Road 38

Saving my money has always made me feel really wonderful. Well it hasn't always made me feel wonderful. For most of my life Granma was saving it for me and I hardly knew. But she has shown me over the past year and now I have the passbook in my desk instead of Granma having it in her roll-top.

And it does make me feel so happy to be an American when I put my money in the bank and watch the balance rise. If I was a Communist I probably couldn't even have my own money so God bless America and please don't ever let Kruchev put one big hairy toe on American ground. Amen.

So I'm a teensy sad to know it's going down now—my balance, but I'm not very sad. I am mostly very happy because Jap and Easy's mom can come home and take care of Easy. I can't imagine living in big white without Granma. And I love big white, but not so much I'd ever want to take care of it all by myself and pay for everything when I'm just a kid.

So I get dressed that Saturday morning at the end of the first week of school and I ride my bike to Grand Avenue where the grocery and the show and the Five and Dime and Tillman's and my bank are.

Of course Granma thinks I am at the library. And I did ride past the library so I'm almost there, just further. I have my square purse in my basket and no Little Bit. My square purse holds my passbook. I am not taking all the money out, just thirty-six dollars. Easy has been very clear on this. He's added up and he figures this is all his mom and Jap need to get up here on the bus. So I am going for thirty-six.

I get to the bank and park my bike outside and go in. It feels strange to be here without my Granma. I have never even thought of coming to the bank without her before. But I know what to do. So I go to the round table and get a pink form and fill it out. It's not hard. I've never taken money out before cause I just save my mad money in my pig. I rob her all the time, but I don't touch my passbook until now. But Granma has explained how I put money in and of course I wanted to use the pink forms right off and Granma said no, I had to use white. Pink are for withdrawals.

So here I am walking to the window with the pink paper in one hand and my passbook in the other. My square purse is on my arm. It's a metal box, it's sides cut out in a lacy pattern. It has a pearl top and handle. Fake pearl probably, but it looks real. So it's a little noisy when I set my purse on the counter and the lady looks at me with her drawn on eyebrows that look surprised even when she probably isn't all that surprised.

I give her the slip and my passbook and she looks at me. "Where is the adult on this account?"

I see Granma right away, at home sitting on the lounger drinking iced tea.

"Well Granma isn't here. There's just me today," I say.

"This isn't signed," she says turning the slip front to back. "I need to call her at least."

"Oh no," I say. "You don't need to. I'll take it back and get it signed."

I reach for it, and she gives it back to me.

"Thank you very much," I say, hastening to get out of there.

I'm outside and ever so grateful they didn't arrest me. Then I think no, I haven't done anything. But this is worse than returning my library books past the due date even.

So I look that slip over and see where I need to sign Granma's name. She is parent or guardian all right. I wondered about that but I thought she only signed it if she was the one taking out my money.

I know what I'll do. I put everything in my purse and walk my bike across the street to the Five and Dime. I go in there and look around some, but I can barely pay attention to the rows and rows of cute china statues of elves and kittens. I am hatching my plan to sign Granma's name and then go back in the bank to a different teller than before. I'll just let some time pass and I'll try again and it will be fine this time.

I get over to the lunch counter and get a seat. I order a cherry Coke cause I need some energy. I'm moving back and forth on the chair and I look around and there's just another lady eating a patty melt. So I keep my purse on my lap and get out the slip and my pencil. I lick the tip, look around again and set that slip on the counter and sign Granma's name in my very best penmanship. I'm checking it over when the lady sets my cherry Coke right there practically on my pink paper. I pull it out of the way really fast so she don't see it. But she doesn't seem to care anyway. I count out my money and put it on the counter and put the pink slip in my purse and my pencil. Lord my heart is thumpity-thump like I stole something, but I never would.

I take a drink and it goes down cold and fizzy. The girl comes back and swipes my money into her hand and counts it. "What's a kid doing by herself on this hot day?" she says.

I am taking another big sip and I have to break off and cough a little. "N…nothing," I say.

"All right kid, just asking," she says. Then she gets a rag from under the counter and starts wiping the surface but she doesn't move the napkin holder and I see sugar all around it.

I drink the Coca-Cola too quickly and when I get off the stool I burp on accident. I look around but no one heard I don't think. I get my purse then I stroll along the aisle like I don't have a care but all the little things that fill the counters and usually hold mine and Alice May's attention for an hour, I just pass those by now. I have something more important, and I wonder if this is how it feels to be big.

I put my purse in my basket and go to the corner and wait for traffic to thin out then I run my bike across the street. I get across the bank's parking lot and burp about three more times, then I lean my bike against the building and get my purse and in I go. There is a man at the window on the far side, and I don't want a man, but I guess I don't have a choice cause it's him or the eyebrows and I'm just too guilty to go to her again. But before I can take a step there is a hand on my shoulder and I look up and Lord a mercy.

Granma.

I swallow another burp. "Hello Granma," I whisper.

"Come outside," she says, and there is no hint of a smile not in her face or voice or in the way she grips my arm and marches me right back out.


	39. Chapter 39

Big thanks to Jamie Arkins for such a lovely banner for Darnay Road on The Lemonade Stand.

Love and peace to all reading.

Darnay Road 39

"Granma I have to do it, I have to," I say.

She pulls me to Aunt May's car and she opens the back door and I get in, then she gets in.

I am so embarrassed in front of Aunt May and my Granma. "It's my money," I say so they'll both know it's not like I was stealing or something.

"Bella Christine-I said to myself I can trust her, I know I can trust her. After all she would not say she is going one place and be in another after the problem we had earlier this summer when she was in the river while I thought she was up the street being a good American," my Granma says. I guess she's talking to Aunt May but she's looking out the side window and away from both of us.

I say, "But I knew you wouldn't be happy about it. It's mine. You said when you give something it's no longer yours so it's mine."

"Stop," Granma says. "You know it was wrong. I didn't raise you to be confused."

"Granma I'm not confused," I say, my eyes darting to Aunt May who is turned around in her seat. "Aunt May you and my Granma just don't understand."

"You were taking money out of the bank and Millie called me because she knew I never would have allowed such a thing," Granma says. "I have put that money in your passbook for years. You were getting that money for Easy and you were sneaking to do it."

How does she know that? Such a fierce need to protect Easy arises in me I shift my feet and knees to face my Granma. "It's not his fault. You don't know, Granma."

"Is he in some kind of trouble?" Granma says.

Aunt May is moving around, talking to herself cause I can't make out what she's saying but it is something like, "Bringing children in this world…," or something.

"I can't tell you, I promised I wouldn't, but it's not his fault. It's all my idea. I have my own mind and my own words and my own brain-storms and my own money," I say.

Granma is staring at me. "You are a ten year old child and you must ask permission before you go getting this big for your britches."

I hate to think of wearing big britches or little britches gone high-water or something. It's just the dumbest thing to imagine.

"Granma I have to get that money. Please. Please."

"What is it for?" Granma says.

I fold my arms and bite my lip for a moment. "Well I just can't say Granma. But if you knew, you would say it's okay."

"All the more reason to come clean because it would be wrong to take that money without my say so," Granma says.

"But this is a special case. Please believe me Granma."

"When you can tell me what it is for we'll see. For now you get on that bike and get home."

"Oh," I say. "You'll let me ride home?" I can't believe it.

"Yes I will," Granma says. "You need to enjoy this world while you can. It's the last you'll be seeing it except for school or church for a very long time."

I am looking at her and she is looking at me now. There are cracks in her skin but she has the prettiest kindest blue eyes. She's ever so pretty, my Granma. But she is about mad as she can be at me I think.

"You can do whatever you want, Granma. I'll stay inside for the whole year. I'll sleep on the floor and live on bread and water even. Just please, please let me get that money, Granma."

"Is Easy in trouble Bella Christine because I know there is no other reason for you to be after such a fortune. Unless you are planning on running away."

I am crying now. "What? I wouldn't do that, Granma. Golly you are just not thinking that I hope. But Easy doesn't have someone to love him like you and me. He doesn't have anyone to go to. No Aunt May," I say that to May,"and no Granma," I say to Granma. "He's just so so alone."

Granma looks at May.

"Why couldn't he come to us if he's in trouble?" May says. "We've certainly been good to the boy."

"Yes Ma'am. But Easy doesn't ask for help. He doesn't know he can," I say.

Granma hands me a hankie. I have one in my purse but I can't open that lest Granma sees that pink slip. I wipe at my face but I don't have time the words are coming so fast. "If you don't let me help him he's going to be in so much trouble. And he lost his dad and now…." I very nearly tell. I have to calm down. It's very hard. "He's just a kid. And no one…there's no one…no…no…."

"Bella Christine," Granma nearly yells like she does when I get overly dramatic. But I'm not dramatic now. I'm desperate.

I fall against her. I am breathing so hard. If I fail at my mission then Easy has no hope. None. I think I've told too much, but I can only keep trying now. The bank closes at noon and I try to look at my Cinderella watch, but I can't concentrate when I'm crying. Well not so much. I wipe my nose again. "Please Granma. Please. I'll never ask for anything again. Not even for Christmas."

"Hush now," Granma says and she pats my knee. I know she feels bad after she yells. "If Easy talks to me and I see he needs that money I will give it to him myself," Granma says.

"Of course we would," Aunt May adds as if Granma has said they will both give money to Easy.

"He's just so proud," Granma says.

I put my arms around my Granma and squeeze, squeeze, the way Easy did with me.

"Land sakes Bella, you're squeezing me too hard." She takes my arms away and makes me look at her.

"Granma, I told Easy I wouldn't tell. I promised. Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye."

"Oh for heaven sakes," she says.

"Please let me get that money and please don't ask any more about it. You can punish me if you think you should and I won't even fuss at all I promise, just please let me get that money for Easy."

"I thought I made myself clear," she says.

I can tell she is sorry for me, but she just won't budge.

"Well say it again." I need her to clarify.

"Easy can talk to me…," she looks at Aunt May, "to us. If he needs help we need to know what for. Do you think I wouldn't help him Bella?"

It's one of those questions best not answered. I am regretful for what I'm about to do. "Yes Ma'am," I say. I do think she would help him. It's just that he won't ask cause they could ship him to a home.

"I'll come on home then," I say opening my door.

"Are we clear Bella?" she says.

"Yes Ma'am."

"Straight home," Granma says. "Sure you're not too upset? We can put that bike in May's trunk I believe."

"Yes we can," May says.

I speak to my dear granma before I close my door. "I will be fine Granma. I am barely crying now," I say.

"All right. Straight home now." She's got the headache.

I close the door and walk to where my bike still leans against the bank. I get that far and watch as Aunt May pulls out of the lot with my Granma still riding in the backseat. Granma looks back at me and I wave and put my purse in the basket. Then I wait and look again and the car is gone down the street. I get my purse back and go in the bank. I am suddenly not afraid at all. Eyebrows is busy with an old lady. Goodie gumdrops. I walk to the man's window. I set my purse on the counter and get that pink slip.

"Hello," I say to the man.

"Hello young miss. What do you need?"

I lay the slip on the counter and he picks it up and reads it. He tells me normally the slip should be signed in pen. But just like I thought my Granma did not need to sign, only if she's the one taking out the money. So that Millie did not need to call my Granma. She just knew her is all. She tattled.

I can't believe when the bank man is counting out thirty six dollars with a twenty dollar bill, a ten and a five and a one. It's like Monopoly but all real.

I look around like I am robbing the bank. I nearly expect my granma to be grabbing my shoulder again. And once I have that money stuffed in my purse, I expect her and Aunt May to be in the parking lot. But they are nowhere around. So I put my purse in the basket and I prepare to go straight home. Or I will go straight home after I ride to Easy's house and give him this thirty-six dollars. Then I'll tell him good-bye cause I'm probably not going to be seeing him or anyone outside of my class or at the church for a good long while.

But when you love someone you have to be willing to sacrifice.

And I love Easy that much.


	40. Chapter 40

Darnay Road 40

I am glad to have the bike ride and I'm not in a really big hurry but I'm not exactly dawdling either because it wouldn't surprise me a bit to have Aunt May pull alongside the curb because I took too long to get home.

So I'm going medium speed and my purse is rattling a little in my basket. I feel the weight of a fortune in there. That is what Granma called it—a fortune. But I reach the place where I can turn off for Scutter, and I never thought I'd be so happy about it. I get over the grass and tracks and through a gangway that leads to Scutter and I am peddling faster to reach Easy's house.

I get there and I don't hear his dog, not even when I go up on the porch. I knock and knock but Easy doesn't answer. I call him too, but he doesn't show. Well, he could be at big white or big gray or Nettie's for all I know.

So there is a flower pot on the end of the porch. No flower, of course, just hard dirt. I drag that heavy pot near the door and I kneel and get the money out of my purse and put the money under the pot. I leave enough peak out that he can see it if he looks. I think he will cause this pot doesn't normally sit right smack in front of his door.

I get along then, back to the gangway and across the tracks and through Miss Little's. The yard looks strange without being overgrown. I look at her windows, but no sign of life shows.

Once on Darnay I look up at the trees, Sycamores mostly, lining the street. I guess I won't be seeing these for a while except from my window or when I walk to school. Maybe then, but not as a free American.

So I get home and she is on the porch and I'm coming from the wrong way and it doesn't matter now. "Hello Granma," I say leaning my bike against Easy's wonderful paint job on the porch. She stands very very tall at the top of the porch stairs and I take them slowly, my purse in my hand.

"Millie called," she says. "I suppose you did it."

I am looking at her. "You can't say anything to him. Not anything. You'll ruin it if you do."

"Oh my dear and darling girl I can do anything I need to do in a case like this," she says.

"Yes Ma'am. But I will take the punishment so you don't need to bother Easy about it."

She blows a big breath and looks at the sky. "I blame myself and Hayley Mills and that gosh-darn movie Tiger Bay."

I gasp. Tiger Bay is my all time most most favorite movie ever made. Mine and Alice May's. But Easy is not Korchinski. In the movie, Hayley Mills knows Horst Buchholz who plays Korchinski murdered his girlfriend but she'll do anything to protect him. I admit I admired the daylights out of Mill's character Gillie who is about the best girl I ever ever knew, and I did love Korchinski, too, but Easy hasn't killed anyone.

At least…well if he did…he didn't mean to.

"Granma, you can punish me now," I say.

She stands aside and waves her hand and I slowly finish my walk up the stairs and past my Granma. I hold my hands in front of me, wrists touching like I'm wearing handcuffs. I imagine black and white stripes painting themselves around me, and a little convict hat on top of my braids.

I'm a prisoner now. But I'm smiling inside where it won't look disrespectful. I'm smiling because that money is under that pot and Easy will find it now and Jap and his mom will come home.

111111111111

He comes over around two. I would have called him and warned him off but he doesn't have a phone. I should have left a note. Some spy I am.

I have seen him come up the walk. He puts his bike on the fence and pushes through the gate. As soon as I see him, the sun in his hair, I about know I would do it all over again—rob the bank.

But I hurry to the top of the stairs because she has him right off. He is on the porch and she is talking through the screen. I hear the word trust.

He looks past her at me cause I'm on the stairs now, my bare feet so quiet, me so quiet. He looks at me and I look at him and he is my Korchinski. He's dark like that. Granma knew when I didn't.

Granma turns cause she is caught between our looking. I have given him the money and no one ever has and it is in his look. I wasn't expecting anything. That is love. Granma has taught me that and taught me that.

But he hasn't had love. I am so glad he feels it now. Like me.

Granma turns some more, her hands going to her hips. I look at her, but I can't stop looking at Easy for long.

"You're in trouble," he says.

But he's in trouble. That's what this was about, not me.

"It's okay," I say, eyes darting between them.

"If you would have come to me," she says and I see then, the money in his hand.

"I meant to pay it back," he says to Granma. He pulls the door and tries to hand her the money and she takes it and puts it in her apron pocket.

"No," I say coming off the stairs. "Granma you can't. It's mine and I gave that to Easy so that makes it his."

"Easy knows it was wrong," Granma says. She widens the door and moves her head a little and he comes in.

"You come in the kitchen and tell me what this is about," she says.

"I'm so sorry Easy," I say.

"It's all right," he says softly. I just stop talking then. We follow my Granma into the kitchen. We sit around the table. I can see Easy is tired. He's worked all day like usual. I am so sorry to do this.

I jump up.

"Where you going?" Granma says.

"To get Easy a drink," I say in a meaner way than I meant. "And lunch," I add.

Now Granma gets up too. "Watch your tone Bella," she says to me. "And sit."

I don't answer, just look at Easy as I slowly retake my seat. I fold my hands on the table and while Granma is getting him a big glass of iced tea and making him sandwiches, cause he eats at least two and we know he's holding back, he reaches across that little table and around the salt and peppers that look like ears of corn, and with just one finger he touches the knuckles on my one hand.

I want to tell him it will be okay. But I think you should know some things before you say it.

He's not worried, but he expects things to go wrong.

Granma brings his food and drink to the table, but he cares more about looking at me than eating his food. I hope he doesn't feel sorry about my punishment. I heard Granma tell him at the door that I am grounded. But letting him in and me at the table is just pure luck I guess.

"Easy, I hope you are not going to make this difficult," Granma says.

"You didn't tell her?" he says to me.

"I said I wouldn't. But I probably did say too much. She knows it was for you," I say meaning the money.

"According to Bella you are in some kind of trouble," Granma says.

There is a knock at the front door and Aunt May calls and Granma calls she should come on in.

I fidget in my hands and feet cause this will make it harder than ever for Easy to tell the truth.

"May knows all about it, Easy," Granma says.

Aunt May enters the kitchen. "You in some kind of trouble youngster?" she says.

"No," Easy answers firmly. "Not real trouble. I was trying to get enough to bring Jasper home."

Granma and May look at one another like they just cracked the code to the secret passage.

Easy looks at me and my lips are pressed as tightly as two lips can be.

"I see," Granma says like this is a revelation.

"Well I never," Aunt May says pulling the last chair and sitting heavily upon it even though she is not so heavy as grown ladies go.

"I would hope you could come to us," Granma says to him. "Go on and eat your sandwich."

Easy looks at me and he takes one half of one sandwich and puts it to his mouth and nibbles at it like a hamster which is never the way Easy eats.

"Thirty-six dollars is a sight of money. Is your brother in Alaska?" Aunt May says. "Was there something more? Something you're not telling us?"

I swallow so loudly it sounds like I just crinkled my lunch bag at school.

"No," Easy says. He takes a bigger bite then.

"He got a paper route," I pipe up.

He's looking at me and first time I see the littlest smile in his eyes.

"Well where does all this money you're making go to?" Granma asks, and his smiles goes right back to nothing.

"Home. I help out," he says with his mouth pretty full but I don't know what they expect firing questions like this.

"We figured you did," Aunt May says. "What if we were to visit your mother and see what we could do? There is a fund at Sacred Heart, I could talk to An…Father Anthony and see if something couldn't be done for relief."

"No," Easy says very firmly. "Thank you Miss May but no." I am so relieved he knows manners. He does, they are just a little rough.

"Well if she is sick it may not be yours to decide," Aunt May says.

"She don't like company," Easy says, looking directly at Aunt May.

"We would not bother her, but there can be meals and cleaning. Maybe a ride to the doctor's office?" Granma says.

Easy stands now and he bumps the table and his tea sloshes. He looks surprised he did that. "I ain't asking for this," he says. "I just wanted to bring them home."

"Them?" Aunt May says. "Are there more children than the brother?"

Easy looks at me and he's shaking his head. I stand too. "It's all right," I tell him. "Don't get upset." But I am so upset my stomach hurts. "He means Jap. That's all," I tell Aunt May. "He's not used to questions like this."

"Let him speak his own words," Granma tells me while she's mopping Easy's tea. "Sit down son. We are your friends."

Easy looks at me quickly, then at the two of them. "I know you mean well," he says. "Folks mean well. But if you want to help someone, how about Miss Little? She lives right down there on your same road even. How about doing all those things for her? That would be fine."

He walks to the doorway then, not even taking a sandwich.

"Where are you going?" Granma says.

"Home," he says.

I grab his plate and run after him.

Granma doesn't try to stop me.

I go right out. "Easy," I say.

He stops. "Bella, I won't come around anymore. You're in all kinds of trouble and I probably am too."

"But what about Jap and…," I nearly say it. "Are you mad at me?"

"No. You…I'm not mad. You're the…well I don't think we'll make it until we're older. I mean…maybe I'll have to go back to Tennessee. I just don't know," he says looking off.

"I'm sorry…." I hold the sandwiches his way but he shakes his head.

"You've got nothing to be sorry about. Nothing. I'm the one who dragged you down. You tried to help me and I won't ever forget it. Not ever."

"Stop talking like this. If you go away I'll be so sad, Easy. I don't want you to ever ever go."

"I wish I could tell you all of it. I wish I could, Bella. But it's just too much. But I didn't know there was someone like you…your pink room," he laughs a little, he smiles and looks off.

"Well you just think I'm silly," I say.

He looks at me, so deeply, so true. I don't know how he does it, says so much with his face, his eyes mostly. "Oh no, Bella. I don't think you're silly. Not like that. You're just…a ballerina. Disbro gave her your pom-pom. It was in the street he said, but he saw it before I did. I was just looking at you, I guess. Anyway, she likes it so much I couldn't take it from her. Same with the cats."

"How you know her so well?"

"My dad…he went there. Some do. That's how she gets by. See? I tell you all the wrong things. Everything I say about it is wrong." He looks up at the house, but I know my Granma isn't following me now.

"Well, I'll see you around maybe. But we have to stay apart. That track over there might as well be a wall. Don't come to Scutter no more. It's not safe for you. This is your place."

"You can't tell me that."

He laughs. "You're a bulldog looking like Little Bit," he says, and there is love in his eyes.

"What about your work, for Aunt May and my Granma?"

"I figure it's over after this. Older boy tries to get money from their little girl? I wouldn't want me around either."

"That's not true. I gave it freely."

"I got that route and I don't know what will happen with me. But I'll be all right so you don't have to worry. Some get in the army early…if you get permission. I got an uncle went in at sixteen. I figure I'll try."

"Easy," I say and I grab onto his arm.

"Go on in. They're both in the window. Don't make them come out," he says.

I let go. I'm ashamed of myself for some reason. But I don't want to ever say good-bye. "I'll see you around, Easy. Hear me?" I say.

He just smiles. Then he gets on his bike and takes off.


	41. Chapter 41

Darnay Road 41

"President Kennedy has been shot."

That is what comes through our loud speaker during study time. Mother Superior enters the classroom and we are all a-buzz. "Has President Kennedy been shot?" someone cries out.

Of course he has not. Such a thing could never ever happen in the United States of America and I'm so mad it's being entertained.

Sister goes to the front of the room with Mother and we are all waiting. "Our president has been shot and killed. It's a very sad day. Let's pray."

I am staring at my desk. President Kennedy cannot be shot…cannot be killed? It just can't be possible. I am staring at the notebook and pencil and ruler that I'd been working with just moments before when the world was a mysterious but very wonderful place even though my heart has had more arrows shot straight through it than a small girl's heart can hold, but still, there are things that go on and are always strong and solid like our president. Our wonderful President Kennedy and First Lady Jackie. We'd been so happy. Our first Catholic president. It wasn't possible.

We are dismissed early. We are quiet and orderly. We get our coats because it's getting cold now, it's nearly Thanksgiving, just six more days, the time when we eat turkey dinner and Dad might come. For the first time ever I really hope he does.

The bell rings early and outside Granma is there and Aunt May. They are huddled with others, with Sister even all talking at once. President Kennedy has been killed. I check to see if the sun is still in the sky. Somedays, since Easy went away, I'm not certain, but I don't look like I do now because maybe I shouldn't take anything for granted ever again.

The sun is there, but its light is dimmed and the world, all of us are a little more pale and washed over in gray. No one told me this could happen. I read about it in history class, but all the bad things happened so so long ago.

I wonder where Easy is now. I wonder if he's at his school in Tennessee wondering if Kruchev will come and try to kill us all. I wonder if Easy ever thinks about how he was going to keep me safe.

I wonder if he ever thinks of me at all.


	42. Chapter 42

Darnay Road 42

Alice May wrote faithfully, but I did not write as faithfully. I meant to. But after Easy left, I just couldn't begin. There was too much, so I didn't write at all. But I wanted her to write. I needed her to write.

But I guess she got discouraged because for a month I had not heard a thing.

But Aunt May had. She had wanted them to come for Thanksgiving but they weren't coming because Tanya Sue didn't have the money. May wanted to send the money and the whole idea just made me think of Easy and it hurt. It shouldn't have, but it did. Why didn't they just trust me to give Easy that money?

Why?

It didn't do to be mad at them. I just wish Easy could know what a good influence he's been. After they realized he was gone because they went to Easy's house, the two of them and saw it was empty and a notice from the county was on the door. Eviction, it said. And he was nowhere to be found and Disbro Peak said he lit out, Easy did, just hopped one of the trains that ran through, but I don't believe that, but then I can't get it out of my mind.

He might have had some money from all his working. I guess he couldn't pay all the bills and got found out. So he lit out and I guess he's gone home to Tennessee, but I don't know.

I just know I can't think about him without feeling like my middle is scooped out with a giant spoon.

So after, they got Father Anthony involved and the church and they got ahold of Miss Little's sister and that one came and took Miss Little away. Her house is empty now and it was just disgusting is what people say. But her sister took her to Omaha and she's getting treatment there. Granma told Aunt May they were likely to put her in the nuthouse.

Poor Miss Little. I can see just what Easy was afraid of now. Good people. When good people find out about something look out world.

1111111111

We have lived in front of the television for three days. President Kennedy had been shot on a Friday so we had the weekend to huddle together with all the other families in all the other houses all over the world and try to believe all that was unfolding.

I tried to imagine how Lee Harvey Oswald could ever want to kill President John Fitzgerald Kennedy. He went to Russia and turned on the United States. He was a traitor to America. I tried to think of it, but it was not possible. Oswald had a wife and a kid even. He knew people here, what they were like. How could he hate us like this? How could he like Kruschev and hate President Kennedy?

I couldn't believe it. What would it ever be like to be his kid? Worse than having Easy's dad even. The very worst.

Poor Jackie. And Caroline and John-John. I couldn't imagine how they must feel. Neither could my Granma. Then on Sunday we watched Jack Ruby shoot Lee Harvey Oswald. I had just taken a bite of the sandwich Granma handed me on a paper plate and Jack Ruby went up to Lee Harvey Oswald and bang. I screamed and Granma said, "What? What?" Little Bit was shaking all over. Jack Ruby killed Lee Harvey Oswald and now we would never ever know why Oswald shot our president.

After that Aunt May came over and the two of them talked and talked and talked, "My Lands," this, and "Have mercy," that. I tried to ignore it while all three of us eked every bit of news from the television we could possibly get and read and reread the newspaper to ourselves and aloud. But inside I'm thinking there has to be more to being alive than just tsking and fainting over everything after it's gone and happened already.

Then sometimes they talked about Alice May and Riley, but not as carefully as usual. It's like we had all seen so much they became children and I became a grown up and we met somewhere new I guess. Aunt May said Mr. Figley was a tight-fisted son of Satan. They didn't even care if I heard. He didn't even try to be a father to Riley, and that one was running wild like a hoodlum. Her Riley. Then she boo-hooed, Aunt May did, and Granma patted her back like I wasn't even in the room having to hear all this. Fortunately forgotten.

I didn't know what was happening to the world, but I was not going to shrink away. Information is my life even when I'm very sad I make myself look. Alice May would.

So I just blurt out, "Get him back then. Get them back."

They both look at me. "I'm not their mother," Aunt May says.

"Yes you are," I say. "Why did you let her take them? They didn't want to go."

"Well…when you're a mother you have the right…."

"She didn't have any right," I say. "Her children didn't want to go. You didn't want them to go. What about all of those rights?"

They are just looking at me.

I just keep going. "Easy was living alone. He was living all alone and he wanted that money to bring his mom and Jap home."

They probably think I am as crazy as Jack Ruby. Aunt May is dabbing under her eyes and she blows her nose, but her and Granma don't take their eyes off of me.

"He'd still be here if you would have let him have MY money." I get louder on 'my.'

"Why…why in the world didn't you tell us that boy was alone?" Granma says tightening her collar around her neck.

"Because it was a secret so Easy wouldn't get taken away. Or sent to Tennessee where they are all mean to him. But you could have found out maybe. If you'd tried you could have found out she wasn't there."

My Granma is about struck speechless.

"Why in the world would she leave her child here while she went off to Tennessee?" Aunt May says all breathy like she's going to faint which I know she is not. She just doesn't want to hear me say they could have found out before Easy had to leave. I have never said anything like that before, but I want to now. I want to shout it.

"All I know is he wanted them back and he was doing all that work to hold the house just hoping and hoping he could pay the rent and electric and keep that place so they could return. He was holding place for them, like in line, holding it so you can let someone up like me and Alice May always did with each other before stupid Tanya Sue took my best friend away. But Easy couldn't do all of it so I was going to help him. Because he's my best, best friend after Alice May. But she's gone. And he's gone. And President Kennedy is gone. And Miss Little. And even stupid Lee Harvey Oswald."

Granma tries to get my attention to quiet me down but I just get louder, "And you don't change," I yell at Aunt May, "and you don't either," I yell at Granma. I don't know why I yell at them about change. I have no idea.

"Settle yourself," Granma says, but it's not like usual Granma, it's this new Granma whose president is killed.

"I'm mad," I say. I have stood up and Little Bit has jumped off my lap and gone under the ottoman.

"How do you know one thing that boy said was the truth?" Aunt May says.

"Because he was never ever a liar. But he didn't tattle either. When I told him about Father Anthony, he already knew. But he kept his mouth shut tight. Just like me when I saw. And just like Alice May."

Aunt May goes frozen. Then her bottom lip starts to tremble.

"What about Father Anthony?" Granma says. She looks from me to May. "What…about Father?"

My other almost favorite movie is The Unforgiven with Burt Lancaster. I wish Burt was my father, but anyway, in that movie there is a crazy guy who appears one day saying Burt's little sister is an Indian. Right before they hang the crazy guy he points to Burt's mother and says, "She knows," in a terrible crazy voice.

I want to do that to Aunt May right now. I want to scream and rattle some chains and stomp and howl. I want to do something, stop something, change something, yell at somebody.

"It's not fair," I say to Aunt May. "It's not fair what you," and to Granma, "and you did to Easy."

Granma is making the 'w' in why or what. But I don't care. "Unfair," I yell. And I have to stop myself from yelling it again and again.

Granma stands and takes me by my arms. I'm kind of sorry already, but not enough that I couldn't get going again—yelling like a hoodlum—in a pink room. A hoodlum and a pink room? I doubt it. But that's how I feel, like Riley must feel, Surfing USA, a hundred sharks on his tail and none of them fast enough to catch him.

If I was a boy, I'd hop one of those trains. I'd go to Tennessee. Shoehorn. I wouldn't be afraid of mean uncles and grampas. I'd fight my way in and no one would stop me and I'd get to Easy and I'd put my arms around him and squeeze, squeeze. And I'd never let him go.

"Bella Christine," Granma says, "you apologize to May. And you tell us what you mean about Father Anthony."

"I'm sorry," I say to Aunt May, but I do not feel sorry at all. "I don't know what I meant about Father. But I don't take back what I said about Easy. He wouldn't of had to go if you'd both just listened for once."

I go running out then. I can't watch television anymore and I can't listen to them talk so helplessly, like two old crows sitting on the washline, caw, caw and squawk. I am not going to take this lying down. I am an American and my president has been killed and my best friend was taken to Tampa and my other best friend hopped a train and disappeared.

I am not a boy and yet I know a lot of things a boy might do when he gets mad. But I don't know a thing about what a girl does when she gets angry. Maybe Alice May knows. She always fought for her way. But the girls I know, big and little, me included, we just bake cookies or something while everything in the world, the very world gets wadded up in God's hands and tossed like it ain't worth a dime.

Mad men kill presidents and kill those who kill presidents. They make wars and fight in wars and some don't come home and their wives go crazy. They stop being married to wives who want to be models and they forget to love their daughters. They say mean things and steal pom-poms and treat crazy women like they don't have souls. They try to boss and pick fights, they don't obey and they don't give money to their step-children or even want them very much.

They become priests and walk around in the dark. They try to fix everything and when they can't they run away. I know what angry men do, angry boys.

But I don't know what angry girls do but caw caw and squawk.

111111111111111

So it is Thanksgiving in a couple of days and my dad calls and he has to work so he might come after, or Christmas for sure. I only cared a little bit, but not so much I'm going to fall off a cliff of sorrow and drown in a pool of despair.

Well maybe I'm already there.

But then something good happens, something so unexpected I can't even close my mouth for five minutes…when it happens. I'm in the kitchen cutting noodles for my Granma for the Thanksgiving meal and someone knocks on the big door and Granma tells me to stay put and keep cutting.

I hear my Granma open the door and laugh and the steps, light and fast and there she is. Alice May. Hair longer, maybe a little taller, those little white teeth and eyes like firecrackers. I get up and I still can't talk and she runs for me and we grab each other and hug, hug and I trip a little, but I don't even care.

Well I start crying then, and she just holds me, Alice May does, and she's patting my back and I'm holding her, for dear life. And Granma is there saying, "Well."


	43. Chapter 43

Darnay Road 43

Aunt May comes to watch. I didn't hear her come in and when I can remember I'm in Granma's kitchen and not over the rainbow hugging my very very best friend other than Easy—Alice May. I see Aunt May standing there staring at us and wiping under her eyes.

"I get to stay for two whole weeks," Alice May says. "Maybe the rest of the school year."

"But how?" I ask from her to May.

And Aunt May is saying, "Now we don't know for sure."

"Mom is thinking about it. We came on the bus, me and Riley. Mom says she'll see about me getting to stay. I don't like it in Tampa and I missed everybody so much." Then she remembers to hug my Granma who hugs Alice May back and I realize how much my Granma misses her too.

Alice May has had a very different time of her life in Tampa. She goes on to tell me about the weather getting only slightly colder and how she didn't really need new school clothes because there is no winter like we're used to here.

Granma humphs on that and looks at Aunt May. Why wouldn't she believe Alice May doesn't need new school clothes? Granma rubs her thumb on her pointer and middle fingers where she thinks I don't see, but of course with eyes trained to notice everything, I do. So it's money and that means Figley and that goes with Prunley and that stands for tight-fisted fool.

So we're about so happy we can't stand it, and I have to admit this much happiness pushes against all the sadness I've been feeling and it makes me feel funny, dizzy even like my insides can't catch up. So Granma has Alice and me and Aunt May and herself sit around the table and May finishes cutting the noodles cause I couldn't think to do it anymore.

I feel like Alice was never gone and I feel like she's been gone a hundred years. There is so so much to tell. First off Alice May is so mad about President Kennedy. She tells us how they did it at public, announced it over the loud speaker just like at Bloody Heart and kids cried. Alice May says she hates to live in Florida cause we've talked a million times how Kruschev could come right there or Castro.

"He'll send Castro," is my belief cause Castro is so close. Then I remember Easy said it would never happen, and I feel a stab of sorrow that never goes away, not even when Alice is here I guess cause one person does not replace another. Alice May is the only one, and Easy is the only one. That's all.

Aunt May says we need to pray about it and God will always keep America safe, and Granma says Castro is another maniac and the earth burps one up straight from the pits of hell every few years. And Aunt May says the Bible says rulers are here today and tomorrow gone like dried grass. And she said to think about it cause that's exactly what happened to Hitler. All the mess he caused and where is he now?

"Well I'd take a good guess," Granma says.

And Alice May and me look quickly at each other cause we know who probably told Aunt May all that.

We talk a while but there's a lot of cooking going on and it isn't long before we make our escape to my room. Alice runs for my bed and crashes there and flops on her back. "I missed this room so much."

I flop next to her on my stomach. "Easy and Jap are gone."

She lifts her head and rolls on her side. "Gone…as in really gone?"

Oh it's so good to have her back. Only she would understand what it means to have Easy gone, but even Alice May can't know my heart. Granma says only God looks that deep.

I tell her then, pretty much everything.

"You're going to marry him? You're only ten years old!"

I lay on my back and my arms are folded. "I already know. It's Easy. Course I have to finish school and he is going in the army and all."

She is staring at me. "What if he forgets? It's such a long time."

"He won't forget," I say. Then I look at her. "He won't forget. I'm pretty sure."

"Then why did he go like that? Did he tell you not to ever have a boyfriend when you get big?"

"No. But I won't of course. I'll just wait."

"I will follow him," Alice May sings the new Peggy March song we love love. "Follow him wherever he may go."

She is sitting up and then I remember, "I'll tie back my hair, men's clothing I'll put on. Won't you let me go with you, no my love no," I sing Peter, Paul and Mary's song Cruel War. It's one of our very favorites. She sings with me because we know all the words. When we're done I fall to the bed again and so does she.

"You would go to war with him wouldn't you?" she says like it's the gospel truth.

"Yes," I say feeling very noble and grown up. I have a new story blooming in my head, Easy in an army uniform and me, also in a uniform though it's slightly too big. We are both wearing helmets and carrying rifles.

"I can't believe I went away and you fell in love!" Alice says.

But I loved him before she left. I loved him from the very first.

111111111111

We eat and play the Barbie Game with Granma and Aunt May. I win. Riley comes in then and Aunt May is upset that he wasn't there for the meal when she told him not to be gone long.

"I'm not hungry," he says, but he's looking at me.

He looks bigger, but it hasn't been but a few months since I saw him last. Thing is his hair is longer, like one of the Beach Boys, and it's gone blonder. He smiles at me and I don't know why.

"Hi Bella," he says.

"Hello Riley," I say like I'm reading the cereal box because he's just Riley no matter what.

And after that Alice wants to visit the cellar. She about loves that place. I haven't been down there since I showed Easy and we hugged. I have told her about it, but she wants me to again. Snow is on the doors so we have to get the broom and sweep them. I don't know why, but I don't want to go down there. It doesn't feel like before. I don't feel like before. One thing is sure, if Kruschev comes I'm going to stay up top and fight. I'm not going into a hole in the ground until they bury me for real. It makes me so mad that he thinks he can come to America like that, or worse, get some lunatic like Oswald to shoot our good president.

But I don't say all this to Alice May. I can't explain how I feel.

So we lift the doors like we used to and I try not to think of Easy so strongly I can't be happy to just be with Alice May. We get the doors up and go down to the cellar door and I push it through.

Well it always felt so mysterious here. I turn on the light and it's just a cellar. Just like Easy said.

But it's pretty warm since the furnace is here, but why would anyone want to be down here really.

"Still got the notebook?" she says. We do have a lot of mysteries to mull over, but I don't know as I'm in the mood. So I drop down on my blanket and she shakes out hers because of possible bugs or spiders, which we don't have because Granma has the bugman come regularly.

But something crinkles under me and I reach and it's a square of thick white. An envelope. 'Bella,' it says.

"What's that?" she asks and she tries to grab it and I turn and hold it away from her and I can't stop staring at it. 'Bella.'

I have no idea. But I have an idea.

She sits back and I hold the letter in front of me and stare at it. "Easy," I whisper.

"Gee manently," Alice May whispers. "You just finding it now?"

My throat is crinkly and I turn it over and slip my finger under the flap. There is no writing there like Alice puts on the flap when she writes—'D-liver, D-letter, D-sooner, D-better.'

There's nothing like that, just white.

I pull out the pages. They are lined loose-leaf like we use in school, heavily folded.

'Deer Bella,' I read, Alice May's head bent at my shoulder as she reads soundlessly while moving her lips only.

'When you read this I will be gone. I didn't give it to you for real becuz you know, your granma. So I knew you cood read it down here and she would not no maybe. Well I am going for good. I cood not do it in keeping the house and all. I colled Mom and she wood not come back. I thought she wanted to but then she changed on it. So I can't keep things goin so I'm sorry. I meen we talked aboot it all and you are the best gril I no and my frend. If I was in the army and you were bigger then we would marry like you said. When I am older and I can pay for a girl then I will want you only but by then you will forget me. I no you said you would not forget but I can't hold you to it when I will have to go ware Uncle Sam says, even to Afrika I guess. You can write me. I don't write good but I will always want to here what is goin on. I think you are very pritty. I have said that. Do you remember? I saw you that day by Moe's and I wisled. I scared you an I always been sorry. Very sorry about it. You are the furst gril I ever wisled at and I made you fall in the street. I thought you would die and it wood be my falt. But if you wood have died then I mite have to. All the time I new you Bella you were the best happiest thing I had. Not had, but new. Your Granma and Ant May are good to. They just don't know about things but it is okay. They helped me and I won't forget.

Will you forget me? If you write me I will no you don't forget me. Once I get to Shoehorn I will be back in the field come summer. But in the winter we have choors to. It's a little town and we haul wood and sell that, me and my drunk as skunk oncles. I didn't no I could write this much. This is the most I ever did write. I hope it's not so bad you are thinking you can't read it.

I am forever your friend and I hope you are not to sad.' I guess I love you even but don't tell. Maybe burn this. Thanks for all of the things. I want to give you something so here.'

Beneath the writing is a heart drawn evenly with an arrow through it's middle. It's really good, with shading and all.

Then his name—Easy.

PS – Look in the corner.

Alice gets on her feet first and hops up and down and looks at the corner but she knows to let me go first.

I can see the corners we sit between are empty so I hurry to the far wall and I see the small package wrapped in newspaper and I get it and Alice squeals and I tear the paper off and it is a little pink transistor radio and a square battery.

I have wanted one of these forever and ever and now I have one and it's from Easy.

All this time. If it wasn't for Alice May being here I don't know how long I would have waited to come back down here. I tell her that.

"It's like a miracle," she says. She asks if she can put the batteries in and I let her do that while I reread the letter aloud this time mostly so I can hear it myself. I know I will read it over and over until I have it memorized.

He tells me to write but there's no address.

"You could just put his name and his town," Alice May says.

But I don't know. I don't know anything but how much I love Easy.

(End of Part One)


	44. Chapter 44

Darnay Road 44

Part 2

I am reading over Tim's shoulder in Bloody Heart's cramped high school office belonging to the student newspaper, The Quill. Timothy, the one that used to chase Alice May and I home from grade school, wants to be a sports writer. We have an eight page rag, four of which is advertising. That leaves four cramped pages for six reporters. Our chief editor Sister Margaret Martha says we have to have a healthy variety of articles. So she has given each of us titles. I am the political reporter which means I can interview the same three people over and over about upcoming student council decisions.

I have worked with Sister on a new idea. What about politics that have to do with the United States of America? I have asked. Especially about Vietnam.

"No Vietnam," she says right off. "There are plenty of other issues," she says, "like should the church use mimes or puppet shows for its holiday and special feast day celebrations like the church is doing in London?"

Sister is getting very old. She is looking at me with great sincerity. It is the same quality Granma finds in my eyes. I hope, hope I don't look as sappy as Sister does now.

"We…we have a religion reporter," I remind Sister. She is the yellow block and I am lilac, possibly my new least favorite color.

We are all blocks of different colors, together building a fine student paper. That's what Sister said at the beginning of our freshman year. That's what got me on The Quill as opposed to, say, dance committee. I was hoping I could use my writing skills to break down some of the current issues for our student body. I was hoping I could write on The Quill not just for my school, but for my country.

Sister had to think about it. But after pretty much nagging she gave-in, allowing me to write one article about Vietnam with the understanding that she must first proof it and see if it fit the 'flavor' of The Quill.

God has spared me from mimes and puppets but the article may prove to be a greater fire.

Like I said, it's a small office. Tim is mooning over me all the time. I don't want him for a boyfriend. I had that one lapse of judgment in grade school and he's never gotten over it. Now I'm fourteen years old and way, way smarter. I'm tired of him approaching me every time there's a slow dance at our freshmen sock hops. He's sweaty and I can hear him breathe and after we dance I smell just like his Hai Karate cologne, his own personal sweat cocktail.

I seem to attract these A students who are so timid in class they don't understand I'm just being kind because I feel shy too sometimes and I'm wondering what they think about something so I might start up a conversation like we should if we care about others. That doesn't mean it's time to come off the walls at every sock-hop and make a B-line for me everytime some great brain requests, "My Girl." I love love the Temptations but man that song has made my life very very complicated.

Whatever I'm looking for it is not in Bloody Heart's stable of fine Catholic boys. I've watched them through all of their stages and even though we are now blended with others who have come to Bloody Heart for high school, I am not ever interested in any of them as more than fellow human beings.

Or how about this-me asking a boy if he thinks Vietnam is critical to the security of saving the United States of America from the ravages of Communism is not a coded message for rub my boobs please.

Not so for Alice. No one is rubbing those polka dots because we are not like that, and far as I know except for a couple of girls who went to public grade school and transferred into Bloody Heart for high school, and still tease their hair like greasers, people are not rubbing things very much. But I do not understand why Alice May must fall in love after every Friday night at the show or every school game/dance/English class/lunch period. It's like love, for Alice May is a Scutter Road pot-hole you fall into because you are not watching where you're going.

Alice is having lots of fun in high school. I want that too. But I'm trying to figure things out but I can't move as quickly as she does and inside I'm serious.

Not to put down Alice May at all. But I don't fit in with jocks either. I don't even want to. It feels to me like I'd have to lose something—myself-to do that, the very person I'm trying to find! That's why I gave up cheerleading after eighth grade. I thought Alice would too. But she's very good at it. So I can see why she made the team.

But I don't appreciate them—the jocks. That's all I can say. I admire some of their skill, like in basketball. You can't be a proper Catholic and not like basketball. But other than that I don't understand jocks mostly. They are so happy with each other they don't even notice the other students. What they don't know, many of us are really really happy not to be noticed. By them.

I just want friends. People that are kind. Not some jock inviting me to 'wear my check-out suit' to someone's party who has the house to themselves because their newly divorced mom works nightshift and they are willing to risk their very home just so they can get in with the popular kids. That's Jessica.

It is not luminous—allowing people to use you. It's like you've hit your sell-out price and it's…a nickel.

When that boy told me to wear my check out suit it was in front of Alice May. Alice May told Riley and he hit that boy and I told him to never ever hit any boy because of me, and I was mad at Alice for telling and she promised to never ever tell him anything else again.

Now after saying all that, what do you think, my first boy who is a friend is a football player my same age from another grade school who has now come to Bloody Heart. He is a really nice boy from a great big family. What I am looking for is someone who can at least talk to you without saying mean or disgusting things or acting like they are the best thing ever. And if they read books that's the best because they can tell you about their books and you can tell them about yours and it's like you read all theirs too even if you haven't.

Like Aunt May is reading an amazing book called, "The Arrogance of Power," by Senator Fullbright. Now I would probably never even try to read that book, but Aunt May tells me so much about it I feel like I am reading it. And guess what, she leaves it on the coffee table and I open the cover and it's inscribed, "To May from Anthony. Forever yours."

Forever hers? Not even Father Anthony. Well he did leave the priesthood so he can only be a father in the usual way now. I wonder if Alice has seen this, but even as I close it I know I won't tell. I know what loneliness feels like. I know what it's like to love someone you can't have and maybe…you added so much to it, you made them up. They become more of a lingering feeling and less of a real person, so private, so deep-in you can't even share it with your best friend—what you feel. And you start to lock things away and you become private. So private.

So I meet Dennis, my football playing friend at school and he is very nice. He is funny. I like that a lot because he makes me laugh in class and we seem to be in a lot of the same classes.

Alice May and I like him the best and we eat lunch with him and he says he is not very good on the team.

So we don't care at all. He cannot even play and that's fine with me. But he does play and he says he is always getting dragged around the field. We laugh at that. He tells me all these funny stories of what he goes through and I go to the games to watch him.

Then one day he makes a great play in an important game. Everyone is talking about it and talking about him. He may get pulled up to play on B-team with the sophomores. That's pretty great for just a freshman.

But Alice and I worry he will get a big head. We wonder if he will still be our friend, and guess what. He is just as nice as ever at school on Monday.

But Alice May and I don't pal around every minute in freshman year. She cheers football, then she cheers basketball. It's a lot of cheering, and I am busy with my work on the paper and student council meetings, then I get in Junior Achievement and it's one project after another.

We didn't know it would be that way when we signed up for all of this stuff. I'm just a kid trying to listen and figure out how to make this world a better place like John Kennedy said, then Bobby Kennedy, then Martin Luther King Junior. My heroes dead and alive shall live in me if I stay true to what they stand for. I've taken something from each—from John Kennedy the courage to live for something bigger than myself. From Robert Kennedy the courage to tell the truth even if it makes me enemies. From Dr. King the understanding that peace does not come without the willingness to step into the right kind of conflict.

I don't just take anyone's word for something because they wear a suit, or a tie-dye T-shirt, or a habit, or a uniform, or a dress. I've been handed a world that is tarnished, so tarnished I can't see myself in its reflection. And yet I stand, cloth in hand to find a spot I can shine. In.

Music…thank God for music. The same songs carry us, cradle us like mothers might and I'm guessing here. The same songs make us think and call to our hearts and minds, even when we enter the ring from different corners.

I am thinking all of this…all the time. But in back of it all there is the private thing. Easy.

"There's a soldier here for you," Tim says that Friday afternoon when we're all crammed in the office trying to lay out the stories we have labored over.

I am working at the light-table and I look up at Tim. How can he tell me this? How can he say 'soldier' to me?

"For me?" I say.

I try to think. I drag the scarf out of my hair. I'd had it folded, wearing it for a headband to help hold my long heavy hair out of my face while I worked.

I don't wear make-up. I've tried…just…too much trouble, and too little results to justify the trouble. There is no reason to look in the mirror. I look older…than ten. But not as old as I'd suddenly like to look.

I am rambling in my head.

"Who is he?" Tim asks me.

"Who does he say he is?" I ask.

"Just a soldier," he says.

I can hear him saying that.

But I can't leave this room. I can't even think. We can't have visitors during school time.

And just then the bell rings signaling the end of the day, the end of school for the week.

The halls are suddenly flooded with students. It hits me that I should gather all my stuff and go, so I do that, walk in a circle and try to think about how to pack up. I fumble to clear the desk and make a neat stack of books and papers. Then I fill my arms and leave the room, ignoring Tim's last question, "Who is he?"

I follow the rest of the salmon upstream and veer off for my locker. I have to try and remember my combination and it takes three tries before I get it right and lift the lever and it clicks open.

Then I'm barely able to figure out which books I need to take home and which I can leave in the locker. I do my best. Then I know. What am I doing wasting time. It must be. It has to be.

I walk quickly then, push through, my eyes looking and looking. He's at the exit. I see him, in spite of the uniform. I see him, and I am not going fast or slow, or in my body so much as my head. Just my head floating above it all as I move, I move toward him. And a thousand things. First, it's him. He takes off the hat and his hair is shaved. His face toward me, his body, so filled out and standing tall and different from the ones going past, in a singular league and I feel his curiosity and attention so sharp, and the students so curious, not daring to say anything. He has a dignity. He's older. I know the color, the greens make my heart ache in-between its speeding thumps. He makes my heart ache. I am eager and shy. Confused and so clear. Wanting and dreading…what I want.

He'll break my heart now. It was always coming. He didn't write like he said he would. Four times in four years. I didn't write much either. It was too heavy for paper, too hard to contain…in words.

He stained me with permanent ink. Inside. And it stayed.

He is here and long or short, it won't matter.

I get closer, so close, and kids hang around to see. I register this but it doesn't matter. I rise above self-consciousness. I'm just me, for a minute, not tripping myself up, not standing in my way.

"Easy," I say. I walk up to him, all the way up. I drop my books, my bag. He steps forward and lifts me off my feet. I make a sound, a sob, just one and I stop it. My eyes open then and kids take a look and start to move off. It's too real to ridicule. It's too real.

He is strong and he smells like clean and starch and Easy. I close my eyes and just feel.

Easy.


	45. Chapter 45

Darnay Road 45

Easy sets me down and I can't look at him. I've been flying, and now I land kind of hard. It's all I can do not to jump back in his arms. But I don't do that. I have never thrown myself on someone who wasn't Alice May or my Granma. Except for Easy. Just him.

I know their eyes are on us—students still straggling about to catch rides or hurry to practice, but Easy's eyes are the ones that matter most. He's looking at me, and I see it plain. He's real glad to see me.

I go to my books, squat there, try to keep my legs together so I don't flash him my underwear, push that whole horrible thought aside, and start to stack everything again. He's right there helping me, putting one thing on top of the other, his hands, still twice as big, strong. He's real. He takes the stack and stands.

I can barely get my bag. I struggle to get that on my shoulder cause I'm awkward now, all thumbs, and I'm looking at him and then away while I untwist the strap and he watches me with that half a smile and eyes so green, green. It makes me smile, too. He's…older but he's young. And handsome. I was right. Even at ten…I was right about Easy. He takes my bag, slips it off my arm and works it onto his own shoulder and smiles at me.

I can't believe he's here. A soldier and he's real.

I pull up my knee socks. "I have to tell my bus driver Frank I have a ride home. But…you don't have a car, do you?"

"I don't," he says, loudest on 'I.'

"I can ask Frank if you can get on…with me," I say.

"I ain't getting on that," he laughs. His voice is still kind, still deep. Full.

I wouldn't get on without him.

"Well you have a better idea?" I say cause it's a good jaunt home. He knows that. We could go with Riley and Alice but they will both be at practice for another hour.

He says he's got us a ride. He shifts my books to one arm and holds out his hand like I should take it and of course I do, in front of everybody and I will follow him wherever he may go, just like the song says.

We don't speak, and mostly I just feel how tightly he holds my hand. I even sneak a look at it, our hands together like all those years back. We've practically arrived at a big rumbling truck that I've never seen or heard in our lot before, but I know it all right. Disbro Peak? That's his ride.

"Oh not him," I say soft. I never even speak to Disbro anymore, well not since he's never on the street, just riding that dumb rumbling truck up and down Darnay Road so fast it makes the picture on our new colored television set do cartwheels. And he's not alone. Sitting in the passenger's seat is another. Dr. Kildare. But not hardly.

"He don't bite," Easy says. He pulls me around to the passenger's door and lets go of my hand. He lifts my bag and sets it in the bed, and sets my books back there too. But the passenger opens the door and hops out, long hair, tall and skinny and pretty cute all right. Old jeans and t-shirt, jacket doesn't look nearly warm enough. Jap Cullen.

"Hi Bella," Jap says and he's grinning and he's just…likeable. I think of Alice May when she gets a load of this one. Heaven help us.

I tell Jap hi and we do a loose hug, or we pantomime one. It's embarrassing.

I hardly know where I'm going to fit in that awful truck. I'm trying to look like I don't have a care, but it's too much. "I…," I say, but that sentence is doomed by a lump of self-consciousness that sticks in my throat.

"She can sit on my lap," Easy says to Jap and Jap turns to get in.

"I don't know," I say cause I just do not.

Easy sees my not knowing right away. "Get in back," he says to Jap knocking him on his shoulder.

Jap looks at me and grins again. I want to apologize, but he doesn't seem to mind, stepping onto the rear wheel and hopping over the side and he was always like that, I remember, moved like that.

Next I know Easy is holding the door for me and I climb in but here's the deal, I don't get close to Disbro. I barely give Easy enough room and he laughs, and he squeezes in and he gets the door closed, and I don't mean to force him into squeezing next to me, but I can't go any further.

But Easy keeps his hands to himself and Disbro says, "Told you she was too good." Then he takes off and he says dumb stuff like usual, under his breath, "She's just too good for us boys, just too good. Too good."

"Hey," Easy says to Disbro and he moves his cramped arm enough to put it along the seat behind me and for a minute I get so nervous I feel a little swimmy.

So Disbro pulls out, right in front of one of the buses and he squeals his tires and makes a crazy turn that practically throws me into Easy's lap and I put my hand on his leg and I briefly see the faces of students in the bus windows all along that yellow submarine as we pass.

"Watch what you're doing wild man," Easy says. He puts his arm more around me then and squeezes a little like it will be okay. "Sorry," he says and I snatch my hand off of him.

Leave it to Disbro to nearly kill us right after I'm finally with Easy again. But still I'm not as aware as a normal girl might be. Even near death hasn't brought me down to earth.

I can't even speak. I'm sitting bird dog straight and looking out the window then watching the speedometer. Easy moves his arm back onto the top of the seat. I know it's all wrong, but all I can think is I'm sitting beside Easy and my heart is taking off so hard I can barely breathe and behind me, other side of the glass sits Jap Cullen in a too thin jacket in dead of winter and I have no memory of how I left the Quill's office and got here, but I am…we are here, and it's now, and I have entered a new phase of my life on what was supposed to be a very ordinary day and I am no less surprised than the apostles probably were when Jesus called them away from their nets.

A new door has opened to take me from the ordinary and it's got heaven on the other side. That's if Disbro Peak doesn't kill me before I can get my Bloody Heart regulation loafer over the threshold.

Jap knocks on the window then and Easy shifts and looks back at him and says, "Shit. You got a pig on your tail asshole. Pull over."

I just think of my granma then, she flashes in my mind. I hope I'm not going to jail. One of the school buses passes again, maybe the one Disbro pulled out in front of, or maybe my own. Yep, I see that forty-nine on the back. That's me. Faces gawk at us out the back window as they go on down the road and we sit pulled over, red lights flashing as we await our fate.

Disbro practically lays over my lap as he rummages in the open glove box and grabs a Baggie of green crumbs, frantically pulls the cover off the middle of his steering wheel and shoves the baggie in there and fumbles to get the cover back on.

"You kidding me fucker?" Easy says to him, slamming that glove box closed, the old anger I've seen before in his face and voice and the f-word feeling like maybe it replaces the punch there's no time to give.

I hear Jap saying something to the cop and Jap hops out streetside and the cop knocks hard on Disbro's window and looks in and we're told to get out of the truck.


	46. Chapter 46

Darnay Road 46

"It's okay," Easy says to me and I know it's surely not okay but I smile at him and I don't think anything bad can happen to me with him around anyway which is probably why we didn't die when Disbro nearly killed us in front of the bus.

So Jap and I and Easy get behind the truck and the cop is already getting stern with Disbro. "What I tell you about driving with your head up your ass?" he yells. "You really think you can afford another citation?"

Disbro is mumbling dumb stuff and the cop is mad. He has Disbro put his good hand on the side of the truck, the other still curled on his chest cause it hasn't gone anywhere else ever. The cop walks back to the three of us.

"Where you headed?" he says to Easy.

"I just got home," Easy says going for his wallet.

"Keep your hands where I can see them," Cop says. "Put them up here on the truck. Not you young lady, but these two." He means the Hardy Boys should put their hands on the top of the tailgate. I just stand there. I want to say they didn't do anything, none of us did, but I can't talk again.

Easy is telling his name and Jap's name and they just got in town to see the folks before he has to go back to Fort Ord, Callifornia. I am thinking what in the world? California is as far away as you can get. Last I heard from him he was telling me he wasn't going back to school but he was going in the army like he planned. I wrote back and told him all I was reading and hearing about the war and I said maybe he should wait, but he never replied.

The cop asks if he's going to 'Nam and Easy says not directly. Not yet but soon as he hits seventeen he figures they'll send him.

I can't believe it. I figured as soon as I saw the uniform that Easy would end up there but until I hear these words I guess I just pretend I don't know. So now I'm staring at him. He looks at me and smiles and winks and it makes me gulp.

"I can see you're from the school up there. Your parents know you are with these fellas?" The cop says this to me and it pulls me out of my worry about Easy.

I clear my throat hoping to scare up some voice. I know I have to do my own talking. "Yes…um Easy is my friend. And Jap." I point to Disbro who is almost glaring right about now. "And he's my neighbor. Giving us a ride home."

"Well I can see this young man is headed for duty," he nods at Easy, "but I'll bet you're supposed to be on a bus and not in the truck with these boys."

I swallow. But then I'm kind of mad. Well I think of Charlie, and that's what I call him, Charlie or Officer Charlie or a couple of times in my mind, Pig Charlie. I am a free American and I can choose to ride with anyone I please. "We," I have to change my pronoun because what I'm about to say doesn't include Disbro, "I haven't done anything wrong."

The officer shifts a little. "How old are you?"

"Fourteen," I say and I have to clear my throat again.

"What's your name?"

"Bella Swan," I say. Strangely, I am not afraid.

"I could take you to the station right now and call your parents and we'll see how you haven't done anything."

"You'll have to call the cops in Chicago if you want to talk to my dad."

"Why's that?" he says, hands going to his hips.

"My dad's a cop," I answer like what does he think.

"That right? What's he doing in Chicago?" Cop says.

"Maybe harassing people, I don't know," I say.

I hear Jap snicker, but he's keeping his head down.

"Something funny young man?" Cop says.

"No," Jap says laughing, then I hear Easy from behind me clearing his throat and I think he wants my attention, but I don't look. I'm standing pretty much between them, and they both have their hands on the truck but I'm facing the cop who is standing on the side of the bed beside Disbro. He is almost a dead-ringer for Charlie, not in looks but attitude, and he's making me mad.

"Where do you live?" he says to me more firmly, just like Charlie would.

"Darnay Road," I say, and I think to myself, calm down. He likes uniforms, mine and Easy's, and I can get us out of this, I know I can.

"With?"

"My Granma." I admit that doesn't sound very fierce. It's not like saying I belong to the Students for a Democratic Society or something. He wants me to be innocent, and I am, but he still makes me mad.

"I wonder what Granma will think when she has to come to the station to pick up her daughter who should be on that bus and not running with this lot," he says and I have this wild urge to laugh like I'm Peggy Lipton on the Mod Squad saying, "Dig the police brutality," or something, but I stay quiet.

"Look it's my fault, Sir," Easy says.

Cop turns his buggy eyes on Easy.

"She wanted to get on her bus but I haven't seen her in four years and I talked her into going with us," he says.

I look back at him like shut up. I was raised to do my own talking and I admit he'd about stolen my words ever since I laid eyes on him but my words are back now and I think I'm doing fine with this nit-wit.

"She's an old friend and I know her granma. I'm just going home is all. They're like my family," he says nodding at me and I'm thinking, we are? You could have written more then or heard me out about Vietnam before you signed up, but I don't say all that of course.

"Is it against the law to ride home with people I've known all my life Officer?" I say.

I look at Easy and he's not smiling at me now, but come on.

"Is it prudent for a fourteen year old girl not to be where her Granma expects her to be?" Barney says. "Maybe a ride to the station is what you need."

"Don't get in his car," Disbro says to me or to Easy.

"Sir she don't need…," Easy starts to say.

"I ask you, Soldier?" Then to Disbro, "And you keep your mouth shut."

"I mean I can't let you…," Easy says.

"You can't let me, Soldier?"

"I can't let her go off alone when I'm responsible…."

"Let me tell you this, Soldier, I can do whatever I decide needs doing."

"Yes Sir. But I'll ask you to take me too cause she is my responsibility," Easy says. "She didn't do…."

"I'm my own responsibility," I say just so we're all clear. I don't need Easy getting in more trouble for me, and I am not going to go along with being taken to the station either.

"Just let us take her home," Easy says. "Please Sir. We'll take her right home."

We all wait and try not to fidget, I try. I'm trying to give Barney the wide eyes because I do not want Easy to get in trouble over me.

"Well you get in and get this girl home. Fourteen year old girl ain't got no business with you boys."

Then he turns from them and reads Disbro the riot act. He seems to know Disbro quite well.

Disbro pretends to be some kind of choir boy and I just hope and pray he'll shut up and get in this truck and drive us home in one piece.

So I follow Easy to the passenger's door and he opens it for me and I look at him and he is looking at me, just a sober expression, but last minute he winks, and I almost smile and I climb in and he is behind me and Jap gets in back and we wait while the cop warns Disbro and hits him between his shoulder blades with his stick, then pokes at Easy's big green dufflebag and what I guess is Chaps knapsack, and then my bag and books and all the while he's telling Disbro off.

So finally Disbro yanks the door and gets in and the cop is walking back to the policecar.

"I was ready to kill that mother-fucker he puts his hands on me again," Disbro says in his usual mutter as he puts the keys in the ignition and starts the truck. "He's always up my ass. Always up my ass. He'll beat the shit out of you. He beat the shit out of me before."

"Can't imagine why," Easy says.

"You got a mouth," Disbro says to me.

"Me?"

"You better watch it now. You better look back. He's gonna be up your ass now."

"Hey," Easy says. "Shut-up."

"He don't like it when you talk back. Don't ever get in his car. You get in his car he won't take you to the station. No sir."

"Hey," Easy says again.

Once Disbro pulls into the road we ride in silence cause the cop is following us and he stays pretty much on our tail all the way to Darnay and I wouldn't want to be Jap sitting back there having to face that car and look like he doesn't have a care in the world.

Once that cop goes left and we go straight onto Darnay we all let out a breath.

"He ain't gonna bother you," Easy says to me, but he leans forward, "What you doing with weed in the car, man? You get pulled over all the time and you got contraband in here?"

"A friend left that," he says. "He don't ever look in the steering wheel."

I knew it was wrong, that baggie, but I hadn't seen it before—marijuana. But this is just a day of firsts.

We get to my granma's and I can't wait to get away from Disbro. He pulls up there, stops in the middle of the road and Easy gets out, then me and he slams the door then Jap hands Easy my stuff, then he jumps out and goes around me and grabs the door. He gives me a big smile. "Power to the people," he says.

"Right on," I answer. We laugh a little.

"Hey," Easy says, and Jap is already in and he slams the door and Easy kicks the door cause his hands are full and Jap opens it again. "Hey…behave."

There's some words from Jap but I don't hear and Jap slams the door and Disbro pulls off.

Easy smiles at me, kind of shy. "Did you have…plans or something? I mean…I wanted to…is your Granma…?"

"It's fine," I say taking my bag but leaving him the books. "She'll want to see you." She will. She loves Easy. But we don't say maybe how much we want to see each other. I think he does or he wouldn't have come and I know now that I'm coming back to earth, I know I want to see him.

He's looking up at big white. "There it is," he says. "Ain't changed too much."

I look with him. It aged some. No one has been around to care for it like he did.

"Still got that pink room?"

I laugh a little. "No. Purple now."

"Purple Haze," he says grinning.

I laugh a little. We'd better get out of the street so I lead the way.

He walks behind me and I ask, "Where are you staying?"

"Disbro's," he says.

"Really?" I hope he's joking, but he's not.

I don't say anything more. Disbro's granma is not well, but there are always kids there. It's a hang-out.

At the door Easy puts his hand on my arm and I turn. When he looks at you, it's like he isn't looking anywhere else or even thinking about anything else. He knows how to pay attention and you feel like you're the most important person he ever met.

I forgot that. I forgot how it felt.

"You know she'll make supper," I say like we've been talking about Granma all along.

I hope she will anyway. Some nights she doesn't, but there are always leftovers. She doesn't eat all the time. She says she does, but not like she used to. She tells me she's on a diet, but it's not that. She has gone to the doctor but they say she is doing fine and maybe she is, but it's different.

"Bella…you glad to see me?"

I have my hand on the door but it falls away now and I step back from him a little and I didn't mean to, it just happened, like I'm afraid of that question, but I'm not. "Yes," I say. "I'm glad to see you, Easy."

"I'm glad to see you too. I came all this way…I wanted to."

His eyes, I can't even say, they are so beautiful. And when they are on you, they own you. He's taken off his hat and it's on top of my books. His hair is shorn, but I saw that before. But he's not all torn up like that boy was so long ago, the darkness of that house behind him. He looks healthy and strong. He looks….

"How…how long you staying?" I ask.

"I've got two weeks. I'll just see."

"See?"

"Well, you want me to stay?"

He smiles and I lean against the house a little.

I do want him to stay. My very blood seems to be happy he's staying. But…, "I've got school. I mean…not tomorrow…Saturday. Well I've got a meeting in the morning. Junior Achievement." I close my eyes in embarrassment. We are making Christmas wreaths out of used and worthless IBM cards. We fold the cards and put them on a Styrofoam circle, adding enough rows so it looks full, then we spray paint the thing red or green and add some holly. I think they are pretty cool but I'm kind of sick of the whole project. And it just seems dumb. I'm dumb to say this to someone like Easy, a real Soldier. "But I'm not going. To the meeting."

I just decided that. Granma won't be happy but maybe she won't know.

We're just staring at each other. "You stay away from the boys?"

I laugh. This is like boyfriend's talk. Oh God. "I go to a co-ed school in case you didn't notice."

He smiles. "I mean…you got a boyfriend?"

"No," I answer like he's crazy. "What if I did? What would you do?"

"Pay him no mind at all," he says without even blinking.

I don't have an answer to that.

"You had one…a boyfriend?"

I don't say right off. It's not exactly his business unless I allow it…is it?

"No."

"You want to…spend time with me?"

"Like I'll just ignore you now, living down the road with Disbro."

"You could," he laughs, "but I'll make it hard."

"What are you going to do, pop a wheelie in front of my house?" I think I'm doing pretty well with my answers but I don't know where they are coming from.

He laughs at that. "Take you down to the trestle," he says and there's something to it, and he's got this look, and it's sex. I know it because I'm in high school, but with him it is nothing like what I've known around boys saying stuff. This doesn't make me mad at all, but I'm pretty sure I'm blushing. He is. It's like another door just swung wide open and it's a jungle in there.

"I'm gonna ask your Granma if I can come around then. That okay with you?"

I nod and all my cool goes away. Come around like for dates? I'm trying to imagine kissing his very beautiful mouth saying things I can't get enough of. I'm trying to imagine that this exists on this earth where so many cruel and bad things are happening and he's preparing to go into the thick of. I'm trying to imagine having the freedom and courage to be naked with him, on the trestle, as we run from an oncoming train and jump hand in hand into the river. Not that there's water under the trestle anymore, but this is my fantasy and it's coming fast.

I've been told a hundred times no dating before I'm sixteen and then just double dating, but those rules are out the window in my mind. This isn't dating some Joe. This is Easy. Granma knows him and he only has two weeks.

"You're still the prettiest girl I ever saw," he says. He's smiling even more and it is melty. I'm melting like the wicked witch in The Wizard of Oz. I'm going into a puddle of goo. Moondoggie—was I serious? Easy is the most wonderful man I have ever seen. I don't have a thing to say back that isn't ridiculous. He's probably going to notice any minute how stupid I am. I realize I need to close my mouth though. And maybe lick my lips. He laughs a little at that. He doesn't seem shy at all, and that's exciting and so terrifying I end up turning and fumbling for the door's handle, and handing that off to him. Then I get in and drop my bag and put my books on the table and I hear those old black shoes coming from the kitchen. She gets in the hall and I can see she was going to let me have it for being late, but she gets a load of Easy behind me and I step aside and there's that uniform and him in it grinning at her. She comes straight for him and gives him a hug and he is so kind in the way he hugs back, and I wonder where he learned it, to hug so well because I doubt his mother ever did him that way.

"Look at you," she keeps saying, holding him at arm's length and looking him up and down. "Just look at you. Where on earth did you come from—a soldier!" Then to me, "Did you know?"

I am shaking my head and smiling big.

"Look at the handsome man you've become," she says. "And so respectable! A Soldier!"

He's blushing. It makes tears come to my eyes to see him so happy and blushing. I don't know what we're going to do with him.

"He's staying with Disbro," I volunteer.

She looks at him and her smile goes away. "Oh for heaven sakes you are not."

"Yeah, me and my brother Jap. It's fine."

"Well I don't know about that," she says. She looks from me to him."How long you here for?"

"I got two weeks," he says. "We're fine there. We paid him for it. It's good."

"Easy," Granma says, "I am never quite comfortable with where you go once you leave this house."

I know what she means. But she has always put me first. I know that—my safety. The rest of the world can go to hell, but she watches over me.

But people should help one another. And I am not allowed to ask in front of the person if they can spend the night. Not even for Alice May, not that I have to ask for her to stay at all anymore.

"I just wanted to see you and talk to Bella while I'm here. I guess I need to see if that's okay. I wanted to spend time with Bella. I know she's got school, but if she wants to…I'd like to spend time with her before I have to go back."

"Are you going to war?"

"No Ma'am. Not yet. But once I get back I won't get to come home for at least a year. If I ship out they'll give me leave before I do. But I know she's…fourteen. But you know me…and…if Bella wants…to," he looks at me and he's smiling.

"Enough of it," Granma says. "Come in the kitchen and eat and we'll figure out how to save the world," Granma says.

I take that as a yes but I know it' still kind of a no, like that will stop me.

She goes in the kitchen and I take two steps to Easy, and just like at the school he wraps me in a hug that takes me to the tips of my shoes. Here's what I know in his very strong arms with my face against his very strong heart. I am the luckiest girl in the entire United States of America.


	47. Chapter 47

Thank you Jedigirlsc for such a lovely Pinterest wall for this story. To enjoy her efforts type:

/ / www . pinterest jedigirls / darnay-road /

She has done an outstanding job of pinning some things right out of the pages of this story. Wow!

Darnay Road 47

We barely sit down to eat but Alice May and Riley are at the door, not waiting until I answer of course, but coming on in like they own the place.

Well Riley never comes over, not for ages anyway. That's fine by me he lives for football then basketball, anything with a ball attached so he can show everyone how tough he is.

But here they are now, making noise in the hallway. Granma has just sat down, and Easy is eating his first bite of pork chop, saying he remembers how she always made them with the crispy stuff on them and he's thought of them so many times and she's asking about the food at Basic and I want to hear everything, every word but I have a very strong urge to intercept the Brandons, not so much Alice May, though I don't want her to gush in front of Easy, like Bella and Easy sitting in a tree type gushing, but Riley is the one I'm not sure about. So I hurry to the hall and I end up listening to Riley when I don't want to listen to him or anyone but Easy.

"Why's he here?" Riley asks me, looking at me like Easy threw a rock at his car or something. "Tim said Disbro had Jap in the truck."

Alice May grabs my arm. "Jap too?" she says with her 'holding in the squeals,' face. "I was in practice when I heard—the whole school knows! Everybody says he's your very own soldier and he's handsome like a movie star. And he kissed you? Did he?"

"No," I say. Kissed me? It's enough we hugged…twice. I'm about scarlet thinking about it I know and the whole school saying all that? Well he is the most handsome boy any of us will ever see, I mean there is no one like Easy for looks, but I can't just spill that out, can I?

"Moondoggie," Riley says like he's going to throw up. "It's on your face."

"You don't make sense," I say and I'm so mad at him.

Alice May is already in the kitchen and Easy is laughing at something she said.

"What did he come here for?" Riley says, his hand on my arm.

I pull away. "What?"

"He's not going to be around," Riley whispers more loudly than most people talk. "Don't give it away."

"Give what…." Then I punch him on the arm but he's so big it doesn't even faze him. He steps around me and goes in the kitchen. Who does he think he is?

Easy is standing when I get in there. He shakes hands with Riley. He initiates because he's just so fine. Riley has to learn how to be a grown-up now and he seems happy to see Easy because you can't look at him and not be happy.

Alice May has gone around to his side of the table and pulled up a chair so close she is beaming. It makes tears spring to my eyes because this is what he deserves.

So we all eat, and there's plenty if we don't want seconds, but there's chicken from the night before and I get that out and the boys eat it cold and Easy tells us about joining up and standing in a long line of boys and dropping his drawers and bending over, and the cough. We laugh until there are tears and Riley says they're not getting him and Easy says he's got to decide for himself. He'll go wherever Americans need help, and I almost die. I have to clutch my chest because I have never known such bravery until Easy. But he's always been in the line of fire and stood so tall, so tall, that's what I know.

"How is your mother?" Granma says and I should have asked that, right off, but I've been so full of my own surprise.

"My mom passed last year," he says.

He looks at me.

Alice May, too. Well everyone but my Granma. Her eyes are on Easy.

"Easy…," I say.

He's shaking his head, smiling, but his eyes fill with tears and he goes back on the hind legs of his chair and looks to the side knuckling under his eyes. Alice May takes his hand cause she's right there. "I'm so sorry Easy."

He sniffs and sets his chair back on all fours the way Granma likes but she won't fuss now. No sir. He pulls his hand from Alice and clasps them over his plate, leaning forward some. "Well…I went in after that. My uncle signed."

First one he looks up at is me. He winks like he does and he smiles, and his eyes are so sad.

"Well she'd sure be proud of how you've handled yourself," Granma says and he thanks her then and I look at Riley and there's no more anger in his face. Just admiration. And I don't think I've seen that before. It helps out his face a lot.

But I'm watching Easy and Granma says there is pie and I nearly forgot. I made a cherry pie just yesterday because Granma had a taste for it, then she wouldn't eat it. So I get up, happy for something to do. The pie is in the bread box and I slide the front up and get plates and I know he watches me the whole time.

I cut his first, a big slice. I get the ice cream too. And Granma asks if he wants coffee and he does. I wouldn't have even known to ask him that. Only old people drink coffee. But I'm listening and I'm learning and next time I'll ask him that and I'll get that for him, but first I have to learn how to make it.

So I bring him the first piece and Riley says he wants some too, but I don't even look. Alice May jumps up to get more. I sit that there and he says, "All that?" and I just stand there smiling like a fool because I'd bring him the whole pie in a minute.

"Thank you Bella," he says and we are looking at one another and Granma brings the coffee and sets it there and she asks if he takes milk and he says no, looking from her to me. "I like it black," he says and he fiddles with the chair Alice May vacated like I should sit there and I do.

I'd left a chair between us before, but I sit there now and it's warm from Alice's skinny behind.

Alice May and Riley have their pie. They lean against the counter with Alice making enough noise you'd think she never had pie before, singing, "Can she make a cherry pie, Billy Boy, Billy Boy."

We all know the next line, "She's a young thing and cannot leave her mother."

Alice is smiling while she takes the tiny bites she's known for. But she won't look at me or the middle finger I hold against my cheek. Riley sees it, so I move my eyebrows to let him know he can have it.

Granma, God love her, brags on me for making such a good pie and Riley is licking his fork while he stares right at me and he's so disgusting, just like Easy said boys are, he was right. But I look at Easy and put my elbows on the table and tuck my hands in my arms. It's just so satisfying to see him eat something I made myself and like it so much.

"You made this?" he says between bites.

I just nod. "Glad to see you don't put ketchup on it."

He laughs then and Granma smiles. He really is home. And just as soon as I think it a dread fills me. It wants to speak to me, but I push it away. Two weeks is what we have. Two weeks to be with Easy and I'm not going to think about the rest until I have to.


	48. Chapter 48

Darnay Road 48

Alice and Riley can't stay long. Friday nights are game nights and they both have to be at the gym early. I must admit I am so relieved for Riley to be gone and if I have to sacrifice Alice May too, so be it. Before she left, Alice invited Easy to the game. He said it was up to me. I was proud of that, that he would make me the big deal.

I wouldn't say so without talking to him in private. I don't know if he is still sad about his mom, even though she didn't take care of him very well when she was alive. She left him on Scutter. Maybe he can overlook that, but it's harder for me. I remember how hungry he was, how worried he was and how alone.

I just don't want people to look at us if we go to that game. And I wonder if I'll ever get to talk to him without a bunch of people around. But then it's kind of terrifying too. I'll probably say dumb stuff. I feel so excited around him, but I remember how it was, the old Easy, and there is an ache in me for that friendship. Not even Alice May has been able to fill it.

But I think my Granma will allow us to go to the game. I'm pretty sure. Especially since Alice volunteered Aunt May to drive us. She wants me to get Easy to ask Jap too. Well I know she is dying to see him. Or more like dying for him to see her doing her twirl in the two-toned skirt.

"You should bring your brother here so we could meet him," Granma says to Easy. "Is he as well-behaved as you?"

"No," Easy laughs. "But he's all right. I mean…he behaves."

Alice and I laugh because it's just funny. Easy makes it sound like he's Jap's trainer or something.

"Oh please bring him to the game," Alice whines. How does she know without even seeing Jap that she will be happy to meet him again? He doesn't look like a jock, not with that hair and he doesn't wear the right clothes, matter of fact he looks like a hippie and that is certainly not her type at all not that she's been allowed to have much of a type .

We're not allowed to date because Aunt May and my granma have joined forces like Ozzie and Harriet or Ward and June and exchanged their ideas for the rules like they'll have better luck if they co-ordinate or something. And that's not even fair cause Alice May and I have given them no trouble at all, even Alice May, in love all the time, obeys mostly.

And speaking of, once Alice and Riley are gone, Aunt May comes next, carrying Little Bit. She often takes her over to visit while I'm at school, or to clip her toenails as she is the only one with the nerve to do it. She is all smiles for Easy and that's saying something because Aunt May doesn't smile so much since the 'Father Anthony also known as just Anthony,' experience.

It had caused a huge scandal when Father Anthony left the priesthood. Word got around that he'd been keeping time with Aunt May. Aunt May left the church over it too, not that anyone seemed to notice. She went straight to the Lutherans and it caused her and my Granma to get into it some, but this day and age people are searching for truth, or so Aunt May says, and she couldn't stay where she was condemned without a trial. So now she attends the Lutheran church and Tanya Sue insists she not pull Riley and Alice from Bloody Heart, even though Mr. Figley was probably so ready to finally have an excuse to stick them in public and save the tuition. But Aunt May said of course she would never do that, but she had a right to 'work out her own salvation.' Now that she reads the bible she quotes it all of the time and the whole thing seems to have been written to support her arguments.

May also reads about women's liberation quite a bit. She's got Granma wearing a short haircut and pretty much living in stretch pants now. I don't think I ever saw my Granma in pants until the last couple of years. She still won't wear them to church, and she doesn't like me to either so of course I do not, but people are starting to here or there.

And Aunt May had a book called, "The Feminine Mystique," by Betty Friedan and another called "I, Bitch." I told Alice May she has to get me the one called, "I,Bitch," but she keeps forgetting. If it's half as interesting as, "Valley of the Dolls," I'm ready.

So some of Aunt May's books Aunt May loans me, and some, Alice May loans me. Either way I return them so what's the harm? Americans are meant to be free thinkers. That's what makes us different from the rest of the world. We can imagine something, then make it actually come true, not that I'm going to make Valley of the Dolls come true, but I can read something and figure it out for myself. That's why people are trying to end the war in Vietnam. Americans believe in the power of Joe Nobody to change the world.

Aunt May wants Alice to finish her education and not get entangled with foolish crushes on boys. She tells Alice that a boy will only confuse her. They are all after one thing only and if a girl makes a mistake and gives in it can change the course of her entire life and ruin it probably.

Then she says there is so much more in life for a girl than being a housewife. She believes we girls should get educations and have careers. She believes women haven't been properly encouraged to reach their full potentials but get scooped up by men too quickly, before they can have fulfilling lives even. It almost sounds like she's saying men are like Martians invading earth and taking us on spaceships before we get to explore our own planet.

Granma just sighs when May gets going. After May leaves Granma usually says, "May never did marry and Father Anthony, that heretic, did nothing to help her out."

Granma has never read a book on women's lib in her life, and she seems to believe that the best thing that could possibly happen to me is if I fall in love. She seems to think it's to be expected. She is a romantic crazy lady from reading thousands of romantic stories. I don't think she knows about boys, how they really are, except for Dennis at school, but especially Easy. I've already hugged Easy twice and I feel fine. Fine. Maybe that's why I am so so happy around him.

Of course the two of them, Aunt May and my granma get to the bottom of every little thing about Easy. The way he seems so open to answering questions takes me back some. He wasn't like that before. He always seemed to guard a hundred secrets and that drew me then. Now, well this more open Easy works even better for me because I am fourteen and I need to know stuff.

His mother died of a thing called Pancreatitis, and she went quickly but she had not been well for a very long time, or ever. He said she was always weak and I think of what he said way back, about the babies. Back home he and Jap lived with an uncle and aunt by marriage and another uncle. His mother's father is still living and he's there too, the whole bunch in the family home, he says. And it's a harsh place, he says. He brought Jap to Missouri and Darnay Road to get him away.

May and Granma want to know if any of the relatives are upset about this. Jap is only fifteen, just a little older than me and Alice May. They wonder if someone will come looking for him or send the police. "Did you just leave without the family's blessing?" May says.

Well I can't look at the two of them—Granma and May for a minute. They have no idea we've done faced the police and the subject of Easy kidnapping Jap never came up.

Easy says, "I signed up and Mom was okay. She would get sick but she seemed okay when I left. I knew I had to get some money to get us out of there and it was always the army for me. I knew I could be a good soldier and maybe get them far away…back here maybe. Then she died and he was alone there and they were just working him, like they do. He'd have to fight to stay in school, and he wouldn't. I don't want him to end up like them. And he's looking for a way to get out. He's just a kid. So I went by and told him to pack up. I told them I was taking him and they said don't come back." He goes back on the chair legs again, but there's just a hard look this time.

I am so angry.

"What are you going to do with him while you're serving? You are leaving in two weeks!" Granma says.

"Disbro's granma will let him stay," Easy admits. And you could cut a knife through the silence after that.

"Easy," May says, "you are telling us there is no one for that boy?"

"I don't have anyone normal," he says, his Adam's apple working.

And so is Aunt May's.

"Well…," Granma doesn't finish it, but what's true is that Disbro and his granma are hardly what you'd call normal. That place is just a hang-out. Jap would have to be like Easy to make it there, and I'm pretty sure he's not that disciplined. Disbro pretty much runs the place. He talks to his granma like she's a dog.

Granma looks at Aunt May and she looks back.

Aunt May blows through her lips. "I already have two to keep my hands full."

"He gets sixteen he can go in like me," Easy says. "He's not sure he wants to."

"Well…," Granma doesn't finish that either, but what she'd probably say is, who in their right mind would want to go in the military with Vietnam raging?

I don't know if they can feel it like I do, Easy's desperation.

"Is this best, Easy? It may not be the best place but that's what Jap knows back home. Someone back there may love him and want to keep him. There's his school and friends," Granma says.

"It's small, the school there, but I ain't going to lie to you, he got in trouble a couple of years ago and it's so easy to get in trouble again. I'll be sending money for his keep. He just has to go to school and do his work. He'll be all right. Maybe one of you could ask after him from time to time."

Even I can see that hope of Easy's is built on sinking sand.

"Well he could stay here," I say.

Granma looks at me, and so does May. You'd think I said something terrible.

"We didn't help before. Not like we should have," I say. I am talking right in front of Easy and Granma's eyes are bugging. But May folds her arms and looks at Granma like she needs to do something.

"What are you looking at May?" Granma says.

"An ostrich," May says.

Granma looks more like a fish the way her mouth is moving. "I have a fourteen year old young lady under my roof," Granma says to Easy.

"I ain't asking you to take him," Easy says. "Disbro…."

"Hush about Disbro," May says. "Does this brother of yours listen? Is he foul-mouthed? Does he smoke that marijuana?"

Easy is speechless for a minute, then he laughs a little. "He's all right. I can make him listen."

"Does he respect women?" May says.

If May is worried about that she could work more on Riley. But I don't say it.

"I think so," Easy says. He's looking at me like maybe I could help him out.

"Um…he's a nice boy," I say, but I have no idea. He looked pretty rough and I don't imagine he's had to walk too much of a line, like no priests or nuns up his ass ever, no ten commandments held over his head. Probably no guilt a person could crank on when the need arose—like I just did with Granma and May.

"Well for how long? You think he'll go in the army?" Granma says.

"I don't know. Couple of years though. Maybe one," Easy says.

"He's a sophomore in school?" Granma says.

"Freshman," Easy and I say together.

"Oh," Granma says like that's terrible or something.

But Granma calls May an 'arm-chair activist,' well the shoe fits. If you want to change this world you have to start with what you can touch. Least it seems that way to me.

"Well May you've put me in a fine pickle," Granma says.

"You're confusing me with your own conscience," May snaps back and I've no idea what got into her and her attitude but I take Little Bit and Easy laughs and reaches for her and yep, she loves him just like time stood still.

"It's all right," Easy says, Little Bit licking his chin. "He'll be okay down there."

Then he winks at me, Easy does. And if I didn't know better I might think he meant for this to happen all along. But that would mean I didn't crank the lever of guilt on Granma and May until Easy cranked it on me.

I am looking at him and he smiles while he pets my happy little dog.

He's his own kind of altar with the truth trapped inside.


	49. Chapter 49

Darnay Road 49

Easy leaves to get Jap, and May and Granma fight it out then. "Don't leave," Granma says to me because I am in a hurry to get upstairs and try to look presentable. Do they know I had no inkling at all that Easy was coming and I've not been able to so much as look in a mirror? I'd like to get out of my uniform at least. I can't imagine any man, even one wearing his own uniform, finding a Catholic school uniform attractive or anywhere close to really cool on a dumb high school girl.

"The two of you ganged up on me," Granma says.

I can barely care to defend myself. My hair-braided or lose? Blue eyeshadow maybe? Alice wears some, not too dark. Or maybe brown. I've got it…I just ain't very good at using it.

"Are you even listening to me?" Granma says.

"We failed him the first time…," May is saying.

"We? So you're taking in this fifteen year old hooligan we haven't even met?" Granma says, emphasis on 'you're.'

"I've met him," May says. "He came around for Riley. Just another stray living most of the time in Easy's shadow. He's quiet. Stick skinny. He's trouble and you already know it Vi. You think you have one more good deed in your bones before you leave this earth?"

"How about you, May? I've raised my family and I'm doing it again!" Granma calls out.

Now I am listening. "Granma," I say.

"Pay me no mind," she practically yells at me. "But you've had a hand in this. What would your dad say…."

She flops her hands in her lap and leaves off on that one. We've already decided Officer Charlie doesn't care to have a say and even if he did I wouldn't want to hear it.

But I am kind of stuck there on this day of firsts. I called it that, didn't I? This is the first time I get an idea that maybe it was really hard for Granma to have raised Charlie then started over with me. Maybe she wanted to do something else. Maybe…that's why she's always in her stories because she's just…babysitting and she's about bored out of her mind!

"Granma," I say again. I barely have time to contemplate what should be a horrible discovery. I barely have the time!

"Now I didn't mean it like you think," she says in that voice she uses when she's lying as in LYING!

"I'm sorry I've been such a terrible burden," I say with a ton of emotion that isn't even coming from this alone, but from everything else all the way back when stupid Tim said there was a soldier there to see me. Maybe I've been storing it up and now it's all coming out. I feel about ready to pop. But one thing is for certain, I am not going to that basketball game looking like a turd so everyone can just wait to go crazy!

I run upstairs to my room and they are calling after me.

I go straight to my mirror and everything else falls away. And here's why. Easy is not the only one that can run through the maze that is my granma and Aunt May and even myself without getting his, or in my case her, own way. My granma will take on Jap now. She'll be about dying with guilt over letting me know what a burden I've been, and I am not happy about it, I'm downright sorry to have been born, but not really, but if Easy taught me anything in this world it's to use it, all of it, to make something good happen at least.

So that's what I'm doing as I pick up the little case of eye shadows I've never had the nerve to wear. I'm letting her and Aunt May fight it out while I try to beautify cause either way—Jap is staying with us.

Aunt May drives us to the game. I sit up front with her and Easy sits in back and he's no longer wearing his uniform but regular clothes, jeans and t-shirt and jacket and they are not as raggedy as in days past, not at all.

We are being so careful. And it's all new, he's new, and I feel shy sometimes and I'm fighting with myself to just be normal but I imagine he's looking at me and my head might blossom into a cactus flower any minute. Or something.

So all the way to the game Aunt May asks questions. I don't have to make small talk, or stupid talk in my case. Jap is meeting us at the game. I know he won't be with Disbro because Disbro goes to the games at public on Friday night and they start later. I don't know why Jap couldn't have come early and ridden with us to make a good impression on Aunt May but I get the feeling Jap doesn't care about good first impressions. But Easy might. And I do for sure. One thing I know, Jap won't be taking advantage of Aunt May's kindness nor my granma's. I plan to keep that 'hooligan,' in line.

"If Bella will look at me," Easy is saying.

I'm Bella so I turn around. Who is this handsome man in our backseat? It's just ridiculous.

"Miss May asked if I've ever been to Sacred Heart before today and I said you gave me a tour years ago," he says with that old half-smile.

"Oh…yeah I did," I mumble, then I give him the other half of that smile and turn back around and take a really deep breath which I let out quiet and slow and images of that day flood me, one after another.


	50. Chapter 50

Darnay Road 50

Once we get to school, I dig out my student pass and my money for buying my ticket, but Easy goes into the line ahead of us and tells me and Aunt May, "I got this."

It's nearly preposterous, and I try to argue but he doesn't listen. He just smiles at me. When he turns around I can stare a little. I like the back of his neck. It's…handsome. I like his hairline, his ears, his jaw. I don't know why I like so many parts of Easy. I never pulled someone into pieces before and thought about every little thing.

I would like to put my hand on the back of his neck. I'd like to know how warm it is. It's embarrassing to think all of this. It's taking my mind and my words and tying them up. But he is a head taller than me, and his shoulders are wide.

He gets the tickets and motions for me and Aunt May to go ahead and we go into the gym and get in the herd making their ways to the seats. Catholics do love their basketball. I look at Easy over my shoulder just to make sure he hasn't evaporated or something, and I smile. He has the best face. It is always interesting. I could just look at him, but if I do too long I get shy. I end up walking into Aunt May and mumble 'sorry,' and I don't plan to turn around again. Aunt May is wearing slacks and her winter coat and her hair is poofed up with a ponytail in the back. Granma says May should get a new style because Granma has and she says it is no longer the fifties and someone should tell May and that's funny cause May is the one that talked Granma into cutting her hair then May balked on getting hers cut.

So I am following along and Easy is behind me and I feel him poke my back and I turn around and he says, "What?" and we laugh a little, he does. I probably turn red, and with my blue eye shadow and pale face I probably look like the American flag or something.

So we get to the bleachers and have to climb about midway up and we file along the bench and then we can sit. It's pretty squeezy and Easy and me are so close our arms are touching, most embarrassing our legs also. Maybe I can't breathe so well now. When he talks to me he's right there. "Hello," he says.

"Hi," I say.

"What's that?" Aunt May says leaning forward.

"Nothing," I say.

She barely pays attention she is looking all over. The band is playing tonight, and it's loud and bright.

"Take your coat off?" Easy says and I feel his fingers move my hair a little like he's going to help me take my jacket off. I know it gets hot in here but I'm not ready to take my jacket off just yet. It's just too much. I don't know what I'm talking about but I do know some of the girls have noticed Easy there beside me and they are looking at me like they want my autograph.

"No," I say. And I smile at him again. I don't know why we're doing all this smiling.

So the cheerleaders come out, and there she is, Alice May. I never get used to this either. She's jumping up and waving her poms. She sees me and Easy and probably Aunt May and she waves and I about love her but I don't always understand her, but if anyone in this gym could understand what I might be feeling about now, it is Alice.

She is grinning so big. Then she takes off doing cartwheels and showing her shorts. All eight of them are doing that, going in eight directions and I remember how I did that for Easy at Bloody Heart and I look at him and he is watching all those girls, some of the prettiest Bloody Heart has, but he looks right at me. "That Alice May is about the same," he says and he's laughing a little.

"She's a card," I say. But I don't know if I should say that cause it's something Granma always says and who wants to sound just like their granma?

He nudges me with his shoulder. "Sorry about that deal with the cop."

"It's okay."

"I thought I was going to have to use my combat training."

I don't exactly know what that is, but I kind of do. "That cop was an idiot," I say, like I know all about it.

Easy said earlier I was still pretty. I don't have flash, not like Alice and those others. I'm just a dull lump of girl, but I've got something, I mean you have to give it…me time is all. I mean I have a good mind and I'm a good person. I'm probably annoying sometimes, but I can tuck it in if I catch myself. He asked if I missed him. He said he wanted to spend time with me. Did I have a boyfriend? It's all pretty great and embarrassing too because I could barely say anything interesting. Like now.

"But you were making him mad," he says like I'm the cutest thing, making that cop mad. I didn't have a plan in case he thinks I did.

"He reminded me of Charlie. My dad."

The players come running out then and the crowd stands and shouts and applauds each one. Riley gets a big roar and I see him scan the audience and May is waving and calling to him and he looks at us quickly, then again in the seconds his team mates run out he's looking our way with that scowl of his.

Dennis is on the team and he also gets a good roar from the home crowd. Everyone likes him. I say to Easy, "He's my friend," meaning Dennis. "He doesn't think he is very good but he is."

"What about Riley?" he says.

"He's the big cheese," I say and we laugh a little.

But we are standing and we sing the song that I love about the country that I love beside the boy that I love. Yes I love him. That hasn't changed. We clap after the song and there are a couple of boos shouted out, and "Stop the war," is shouted, "Stop the fucking war. They are killing children. They are killing your children." Then that is booed and there's a scuffle across the way and the long-haired speech-maker is dragged out by two rent-a-cops.

When we sit we are still smashed against each other. I smile weakly at Easy. I can see the war stuff upsets him. But he throws it off quick and gives me the same weak smile. "It's…everywhere," he says.

"Did anyone…?"

"Yeah. Everytime we leave the base. It gets old," he says.

Aunt May stands clapping and shouting because Riley won the coin toss, "Yes Riley." My granma wouldn't believe how May carries on at the games.

Then Riley has made a basket in the first few seconds of play and the protestor and maybe the war are quickly forgotten.

"I guess love of country is different things," I say, and I'm speaking more loudly for a moment.

"No it isn't," he says back also more loudly to be heard. "You wear a uniform you feel hate for this country."

"It's because people care."

"No it isn't, Bella. Do you really think that?" he says like I'm naive.

"I said it," I say, and everyone stands around us again, cheering and yelling, but Easy and I sit in this pocket, this hole in the crowd.

"You don't know," he says shaking his head. "If you're in…it's guys you know. Tell your aunt I'm going outside for a smoke," he says. He stands then and pushes his way out, and he hasn't asked me to go along, but I stand too.

Aunt May yells, "Where are you going?"

I say, "Be right back."

She has Riley the magnificent to distract her and Alice bouncing all over the place. I get out and I see Easy on the side of the court and headed for the doors.

I catch up to him in the lobby. There are groups here and there, but he crosses that quick and I don't call out I just keep going to get to him. He gets outside and he walks forward toward the end of the cement walkway and further out on the lawn of Bloody Heart, near the statue of Mary, the big one with the two spotlights on it, the rent-a-cops have the guy that caused all the trouble before the game and a cop car is pulling up in the parking lot off to the left and he's getting out.

I get beside Easy. He's just lighting his smoke and he takes a drag and uses it to point toward the guy who shouted about the war in the game. "Looks like Abbie Hoffman is getting his ass kicked."

He has one hand in his pocket and he's nursing that smoke a little more. Some kids have come out of the gym and they are hooting at the cop. It's not the same one that pulled us over earlier, but he's probably on his way.

The cops have that guy down and one of them has a knee in his back.

"I embarrass you coming here?" he says and that is maybe the very last thing I'm expecting. That and Jesus trumpet call.

"Of course not," I say.

"I mean…it's like that," he gestures with the hand holding the smoke toward the protestor, "around here at your school? I show up wearing my greens."

He's not looking at me.

"I was proud," I say.

He looks at me, feeds that smoke back between his lips. We're staring. I was proud and I'm holding to it. He's right. It's people. I'm proud.

The cop has reached the statue and they jerk the citizen to his feet and somehow he gets away and comes running toward Easy and me and the kids are hooting, "Run, run."

Easy drops his smoke and steps into the guy's path and grabs him in a bear hug and slams him to the ground and the guy is just as big as Easy. The rent-a-cops get there first, then the officer. They get busy cuffing the guy and getting him back on his feet.

Easy stands there, hands in his pocket and the guys all thank him, even the cop.

"Pigs," one of the kids in the growing group calls out. I'm just standing there and the rent-a-cops and that whole group go over to the squad car. They get the citizen inside the back of the car and the kids are yelling. But some of the kids are interested in Easy and a couple of them, three boys and a couple girls, all older than me, approach him. He's talking to them and I stay back.

"You with Bella Swan?" one of the boys says. They've got questions, and that tackle Easy did has the spotlight on him more than the arrest of some long-hair using the game for his anti-war protest.

Someone remembered Easy and Jap. Someone else asked if he went in. Did he have a low number? They wanted to talk about what they saw. It was the real thing. But the biggest question, you going to Vietnam? You going?

The cops are on their way back to break up the crowd. Easy gets away from them and comes to me. "I can't go back in there," he says. "You go on in with Aunt May and I'll see you later." He seems troubled.

"I…I'll stay with you."

"I'm gonna walk."

"I can walk," I say. Then we're looking at each other.

"She's not going to go for it," he says meaning Aunt May.

"That's okay," I say, knowing she'll give me hell. But not if I send Alice to tell her.

"I get them mad right off they won't let Jap stay," he says.

It is that. Maybe it is only that and I'm just a buzzing fly he'd like to shoo off. Maybe what he said on my porch was just to warm me up for working on Granma for his idea with Jap.

I'm just a kid, a dumb one. He's probably had girls. Lots of them. Those two girls just now—he could have them I think. "I guess you want to go off," I say.

He laughs a little. An older boy stops to ask him to a party. "Bring her," he says grinning at me. My hands are fisting in my jacket's pockets.

"Thanks man, no," Easy says and they shake.

"Don't let me stop you," I say. Of course he isn't walking. He wants to have a good time. Did I really think sitting at some dumb game with me and riding with Aunt May was fine and dandy for someone like him—a soldier? I am so stupid.

I turn toward the gym. I can't face Aunt May or the stupid game but there's a bathroom stall with my name on it.

He grabs my arm. "Bella wait."

I pull away and he grabs me again.

"Bella don't."

We're looking at each other.

"It's just close in there," he says.

Close? Close to me? "Did you just come for Jap," I say. I didn't mean to say it. Did I?

He's looking at me. Through me.

I'm waiting.

"No," he says.

I don't know. I don't believe him. "It's okay. Just tell me."

"Tell you?" he laughs. He looks over my head. "Tell you." His fingers are pressing his chin.

He pulls me away from the doors. We go a few steps, his hand falls away and we stand there. The rental cops are saying everyone back inside.

"Follow me," he says, and he looks down, hands in his pockets and walks toward the parking lot and I go after him.

He heads straight for Aunt May's Pontiac and he opens the backdoor and waits for me and I only hesitate…not at all, and I get in and he gets in after. He slams the door.

"They come by," I say. I mean the rentals. They don't like kids in cars during games and they come by with their flashlights every once in a while.

"So what?" he says. "We're not doing anything, are we?" he puts his arm along the back of the seat and smiles big.

"No," I say very faintly. We're not.


	51. Chapter 51

Darnay Road 51

Rent-a-cop is patrolling the parking lot now that the cop has taken the trouble-maker away and everyone has been instructed to go inside. He is walking through the aisles with his flashlight making sure there are no parkers hiding out. Like we are.

Easy puts his hand on my arm and we slide down in Aunt May's backseat and we're laughing. I don't want to get caught but when I'm with Easy I just don't feel afraid at all. He puts his finger to his lips and shushes at me.

We hear that cop call to the other, "All clear."

Then Easy gets up a little and looks out. He sits up a little more and so do I.

He's going for another smoke. Winstons. Filter tips though, not like those Pall Malls and Camels the old timers smoke.

He rolls the window down a little. "Don't want to stink up Aunt May's car," he says.

"Let me try," I say. I've never puffed one before.

"You sure?" he says.

"I just want to see what it's like," I say still on my day of firsts.

He hands it off to me and I get it between my fingers. It's almost to my mouth and he stops me, hand on my wrist and says, "Wait a minute. Don't suck it too deep. Just a little to get a taste."

He has this inkiness in his eyes when it's dark outside. He's always had it. It's gotten even more since he's gotten the whiskers just barely showing. But it's darkened him. I can just nod a little.

I put it in my mouth and he is watching so closely I want to get it right. I squint as I take a little in, then I hand it to him and dammit I cough and cough on the exhale.

He's laughing. "You all right?" He is patting my back.

"Oh, that's horrible," I say. It is really horrible. But not so much with his hand resting on my back. But I can't imagine being hooked on such torture.

He is laughing, the cigarette hanging from his lips as he puts his arm around me and fingers my chin with his other hand. "You all right? You looked good doing that but you should leave it alone." He's smiling like I'm adorable or something. My granma would not agree at all.

He gets more serious and I am just looking at him, like it's all up to him I guess. But he sits back, moves his arm up in the window. He isn't touching my chin anymore but looking out the window. "You wanted to know about that…what I was thinking back there. It's like you got it good here, real good. I can't bring anything to it. I mean…trouble. I can bring that." He smiles but he's smoking.

"You mean Jap?"

"I don't' know. Hope not. I mean me, I guess. They tell you when you get in to write home. At first you can't, they want to toughen you up. Then they say to write and I never did write you. I had to check on Jap, but that asshole never writes back, but I sent money, I sent letters telling him to be good. I wanted to," he looks at me, "write you. You're like a song…I can't get out of my head."

"I am?"

He just keeps smoking.

"Let me try again," I say reaching for that smoke. I don't want to but I think I'm trying to be cute or something.

"Here," he says. "Just a little, little pull." He holds it to my lips and I pull in a little bit and I'm watching him watch me cause I don't know why he puts up with me but his fingers are against my lips and…I don't know.

I don't swallow this time and it's okay, but that taste fills my mouth, like I licked an ashtray.

"You're so damn cute, you know it?" he says.

It's hard to talk. Is cute as good as pretty? He told me I was pretty earlier, on the porch. I know I'm not bad, but most people hardly notice me at all.

"These around here…tell me about that one…your friend," he says.

I try to think of what friend he's talking about besides Alice. "Dennis? Well…what do you want to know? He's just…nice."

"Nice…like Riley?" he repeats finishing that smoke and putting it out the crack in the window.

He doesn't know. Dennis is way nicer than Riley.

"You learn how to tackle someone like you did tonight from the army?" I say. It was pretty terrible and…maybe wonderful. Granma would be shocked and Aunt May might have a heart attack if she'd have seen him step right in front of that man and just bring him down.

"No," he says looking kind of restless and satisfied at the same time. "My old man taught me that."

Oh. "Was he in the war?" I mean World War Two. I think he told me but I can't remember.

"Um," he shifts around, slouches, legs wide, drums on his stomach a little. "I took him down a few times. He took me down a few times, too. So…I learned some stuff."

He is not looking at me again. It's the only way I get a breath.

"Easy?"

"Yeah?"

"Well you ever had like a girlfriend?"

He looks at me now. He smiles a little. "Everyone thinks that…like I'm some damn lover or something. I guess you're the closest thing," he says.

Well I can't believe that. I want to believe it, but how has he made it this long without falling for someone?

"I done some stuff I first got in. First leave. This…," he looks at me. "Well you don't need to know but there are some places out there that aren't nice. Places with women and I got drunk a few times. I don't remember much."

Well what in the world do I say to that?

"Don't worry. I learned my lesson. Got my pocket picked too." He laughs some. "Sorry to tell you that. Told you I'm not good," he says.

"You remember telling me that?" I ask.

"Yeah."

"You remember what else?" It makes me squirm some and make this funny humming sound for a second.

"What?" he says.

"Well you said…you'd be good to me."

He is smiling. "I remember that. You think I've kept my promise?"

Well talking about that bad place, I'm not entirely sure. He thinks I don't know about things but he doesn't know what I read and watch. Alice May and I see about everything. I've got plenty of ideas about a bad place. And it makes me pretty mad that he went to a place with nasty dirty heathen women. But what can I say now? He's like…confessing.

"Well don't do it anymore then," I say because it's not good for him to do that and I hate the whole thing, every which way.

"What, like promise you or something?" he says and it is a little surprising but it's almost like he's eager to promise me.

"Yes," I say. "Promise me you won't be foolish with yourself…your life."

"Why? You…?"

"I don't want you to get hurt," I say. "You're already going to go to Vietnam and that's bad enough. Maybe you don't know it, but you tell someone they are like your family then they start to believe it and if something happens to you then they are so so upset maybe they can't imagine living." I don't know why I feel tears just so close. This is the week before my period and they just straightened out to where I actually get one almost every month and before I do oh brother. I cry about everything.

"Would you be upset?" He touches my hair.

"Yes," I say, my heart picking up even more, like the drum solo in Wipeout.

"Why?" he says and he's being strange and making me feel tingly. It's the most wonderful thing, but also very powerful.

"I just told you. Me and my granma and Alice May and Aunt May would be so upset. So you just can't make us love you and…." Diarrhea. I just groan. "You make me crazy." I fold my arms and look out the other window.

He pulls on my hair a little to get me to look at him. "Tell me some more."

I look so sharply at him. Is this a joke or something? But his face, I don't think it is.

"There is no more. Just…promise."

"I promise." He's so close his breath hits my cheek. "What am I promising again?" he says with a happy note in his voice.

"Nothing."

"Oh? Nothing?" He has a very nice voice. I could listen to him say his nonsense…forever probably.

I swallow so loudly, and I am breathing funny. "Just don't die," I say looking at him and he's so so close.

He has this moony look and he's looking at my mouth and I feel my head moving back toward the seat, just taking off on its own like that.

He licks his lips and he's watching me like I'm about to say something so important.

"I um…," I say and I get so choked up and I sniff and tears are getting lose.

"Don't cry," he says and he lets out a breath. "You wanted to know if I came for Jap, and I did. But he isn't all. I'm sorry I didn't write you more but I was damn busy. But you didn't write me. I waited. For a letter."

"Well, I didn't know you were waiting. But I wrote last. And you were going in and I think I got mad."

"Mad?"

"Worried. But I didn't know how you felt. I mean…if you feel something."

"You asked me if we would get married," he says.

"I was ten," I try to defend myself kind of mortified that he remembers that.

He gets serious again. "You taking it back?"

"Um…of course," I say wiping my eyes.

He pulls on my hair then and moves back from me and scrubs over his face. "Yeah I guess that was pretty much a joke," he says. "We better get in there before Miss May delivers a calf."

"Easy…why are you getting mad?"

"I'm not mad," he says quickly. "I'm not mad at you."

"Well I feel like you might be sometimes. I really don't know why I didn't write. People go away…and no one knows if they'll come back. But…I thought you might visit me sometime."

His head is lifted, like he's alarmed. "You never asked me to visit."

"I didn't know I had a right. I knew it was far and…money."

"I had this feeling, after Mom died…like I was cut away…like I could disappear."

"I don't want you to. Don't ever say such a thing again. I've always been here, Easy. I…I'm holding on to you."

"You mean it?"

I nod.

"I wanted to hitch a ride but Mom got so bad and I was always trying to take care of her and Jap. I had a truck, but Jap wrecked it while I was away."

"He wrecked your truck?" I blow through my lips. "Well I thought you would tell me when you wanted to visit. I knew it was hard at home."

"Forget it," he says. "What about now? That's all."

"Don't be like that. You know I'm happy you're here. You say I got so much. I haven't had you."

He looks straight at me. "You've always had me."

"Easy."

I slide toward him and his arm comes around me. I'm not self-conscious now.

"If you would have asked I would have done anything to get to you. I knew you were young and I knew you were in your little pink pod with your bomb shelter with your game that made you queenie. I knew I could think of you and it would keep me from floating away."

I don't know when his fingers light under my chin and lift my face so my lips are there for his. He presses his against mine so softly and I hold my breath while it happens and there is no thought, no time, no worry, just him, just me.

My day of firsts.


	52. Chapter 52

Darnay Road 52

We have to go back in the game. But it's hard for me to think. Thank goodness Easy seems very sure that Aunt May is going to come looking for us if we don't make a show.

"Listen to me," he says, and I'm having trouble keeping my eyes open. I swear I'm in some kind of stupor. Easy's warm lips on mine, it's melted me like a lit candle. "You my girl?"

My Girl. That song that's given me so much trouble. But—his girl?

"Yes," I say, like I'm Mae West. I have this embarrassing slur to my voice. I wish I hadn't smoked either cause my breath is all Winston, but so is his.

"That's right," he says. "Don't ever forget. I'm going to kiss you every day I'm here. Okay?"

I nod. I really can't talk well. I've already got two handfuls of his jacket. I might kiss him again.

"C'mon," he says.

"Easy…like go steady?" I'm just trying to understand. I've never had a boyfriend, well except for him, but I mean like a real one that wasn't in Tennessee, so I'm leaping to 'going steady,' like in the Barbie Game, like I got a card that carried me to that space so I don't really know the steps.

"Yeah. I'll get you something before I go so you can wear it."

"Okay." I am staring at him. I just said I'd go steady and it's happening fast…everything is.

"But…well I've got this." And I do. I wiggle my bracelet from the cuff of my jacket. It's an I.D. bracelet, silver, monogrammed with my name, "Bella." Granma got it for me for birthday fourteen. I pretty much love it. But…it's way better to think of Easy having it. It won't fit his wrist, but he can keep it around to remember me by.

He takes it like I've given him the Hope Diamond. If you don't know what that is, it's at the Smithsonian, which I hope to visit one day, and it's a really huge diamond.

"Thanks," he says, staring at the bracelet. "Thanks Bella. I'll keep it with me. It'll bring me luck." His smile, it makes me take the shakiest breath. I pretty much wish I had the Hope Diamond cause I'd give it to him as well except it has a curse so of course I wouldn't. But my bracelet is nothing but lucky because it brought Easy back to me.

So he kisses that bracelet instead of me, and he puts it in his pocket. "You better not tell your granma just yet," he says like he's just thinking it out.

"Don't worry," I say. I will not be telling Granma.

"I'll get you something, too." We are just looking at each other. "Ballerina."

I laugh a little but it's kind of nice. I mean I like it fine.

"C'mon," he says.

We can tell it's half time by the number of people pouring out of the building even though it is cold, but some smoke in the gym, in the lobby where there are ashtrays, but some come outside cause it smells like old socks in there when it gets too hot and the smoke layers over. Easy gets out first and holds the door for me and I scoot out. He takes my hand.

"I…I thought you didn't want to go inside," I say. I mean about it being too close in there. I really wonder if he still wants to take off.

"Changed my mind," he says, and his smile. I guess he's feeling as loopy as I am.

So he's holding my hand, like hard, and we walk very quietly back to the gym. People stare at us. Everyone does. I can't blame them for staring at him. He did that tackle and he showed up at school in his uniform and he's holding my hand so I guess it's official that he's not my cousin or something. I mean, I've gone to kindergarten with a lot of these and now I have this older boy holding my hand. It's pretty remarkable. And sudden.

Once at the gym he lets go of my hand and holds the door for me so we've broken apart and I know that's how it will be. I put my hands in my jacket pocket and so does Easy. What happened in the car, it's ours now. It makes me think of sharing myself with him, how that would be. I'm not even sure what goes on, how it's done. But it must be pretty wonderful even if it's probably very embarrassing.

I just keep following Easy. Aunt May is standing in the bleachers and drinking a Coca-Cola.

She raises her eyebrows when she sees us, mostly me. Easy waits so I can go in first.

"Where have you been?" she says, her eyes on me.

"Outside," I answer, and I have the cold hands to prove it so I touch her cheek and she says, "Mercy me."

"You missed it," I say. "They arrested that guy who was shouting the protests."

I am telling the truth. But I'm a liar, too. It's like a dark power I try not to use, but now seems the time to use it.

"Are you sick? You're very flushed," she says feeling my forehead with the back of her hand.

I'm sure I'm even more flushed now. "I…need a soda," I say. I turn to ask Easy if he wants one too, and he's talking to a ragamuffin, also known as his brother Jap.

I wave a little, then rear back and introduce Jap to Aunt May. She turns her probes on him and she looks him up and down. Up and down, and I can see the 'mercy me,' in that look cause he has no idea but Aunt May has gone out on a limb on Jap's behalf and my poor, poor granma. That's what May is thinking about now is my guess.

Jap says, "Hi," to May and May says, "Young man."

Then he gets to talking to Easy again and I fold my arms and drum my fingers a little. I wonder how long I'll have to wait to kiss Easy again. I wonder if he'll kiss me again tonight. Did he just say every day like he was done for this day, or did he imply there'd be more? He kissed my bracelet and he could have gotten in another one. I mean, I was ready. But I guess it's like pie. One should be enough unless you're a glutton.

I just know I can hardly wait. I wonder how many girls in this school have felt like I do now? And nobody really prepared me or maybe I'd of done it sooner. But not with any boy in this school, of course, just with Easy.

I'm going steady now. He's got my bracelet in his pocket and his hands are in his pockets too so it's like he's touching me. Not as good…but good.

"Have you heard one thing I just said?" Aunt May asks me.

Has Aunt May ever been kissed? Did she kiss Father Anthony? Oh God, while they shared a book or something did he suddenly kiss her and spill his tea. That's just sick to think of.

"Bella Swan," May snaps.

I look at May, but Alice is suddenly there, standing on the bleachers a few rows down that are mostly empty while people mill about waiting for the game to start again. "Hey Jap," Alice is saying, her hands behind her back while she balances there on her tip-toes for some reason.

He goes right to her, Jap does, steps along the seats, wearing his raggedy jeans, and his dirty tennis shoes and pea coat with his hair so long it's sure to make some parents mad even though they are used to it by now. But still people don't always like it and here at school they make them cut it and some of the boys grow their bangs as long as they can and they get in trouble.

He goes right to her and she is looking up at him and her face is so sweet and bright. She is not disappointed in this grown up Jap at all it doesn't seem like. Of course I feel protective right off. He is tall and she is Alice May.

"Bella Christine what is the matter with you?" Aunt May hisses as she elbows me.

"What?" I say.

"I said is this Jap a good young man? I think Vi is going to throw rocks at my house when she sees him."

She has whispered this so Easy doesn't hear, but he is talking to someone, another boy who remembers him.

"Um…he's very nice," I say, watching Alice giggle at something Jap says. Oh my, Alice May. She better not kiss him. I don't think she could take it.

They blow the horn then and that means it's going to start, but Alice May ignores that and keeps talking to Jap and she never ignores that horn.

We all sit then and Easy is shaking that boy's hand, then he checks for his space and sits next to me, right up against me and I clear my throat and fold my arms and he's folded his and that's when I feel his fingers searching for mine. I give him two, no plan at all, and he wraps his around mine and you wouldn't know unless you were expecting it, which I sure wasn't.

"You didn't get your soda," Aunt May says. "And Alice May needs to get her little self into line."

The cheerleaders have lined up and they are waving their pom-poms as they await the team and the crowd is clapping and warming up as people still hurry to their seats and Jap stays standing as he watches Alice May run off and get her pom and jump around with the biggest smile.

I look briefly at Easy, and yes, he is real. And we're going steady. And I don't know what I'll do when he leaves. He smiles at me and I feel his fingers press mine so tight. Everyone stands as the team runs out, and Jap drops beside Easy and I hear him say Alice May is pretty and Easy laughs, and I just want now-forever.


	53. Chapter 53

Darnay Road 53

There is a sock hop after every home game. I don't know how Easy makes the happy decision we are going but we are and Aunt May is approving. Now often I go to the sock hops where I've had my difficulties like I said, and Alice May always goes to these disasters to show school spirit and twirl, but I am with Easy though I am not even standing by him as it helps me think…and not feel so guilty. I don't know why I'm guilty but I am.

Usually when we go to the sock hops Riley brings us home. Sometimes we stop to get an ice cream but sometimes he's mad about losing the game, or something else so we go straight home. He teases me about dancing with other boys, but it's the kind of teasing that feels mean. And what he doesn't know, you can't tell a boy no thanks when he's nice and he's gotten up his nerve. But mostly Alice tells Riley, "Shut up, fruit." She's very brave with him so I don't have to be. But when she says it we laugh and laugh and he swears he's not bringing us home next time or ever again.

At our school, 'fruit,' is the favorite put-down word. If a friend calls you a fruit, it can be kind of…endearing in a weird way. But it can also be said very meanly and insulting. It's also handy because you can say it in front of parents and grandparents even and not get in trouble. It's disrespect, but we just do it to each other. And not to teachers, except behind their backs.

It looks like we are going to the sock hop, even Easy. I just can't imagine him there, but he is laughing with Jap and Alice May is rounding us up, so it will happen.

"You don't have to do this," I tell Easy once we've said goodnight to Aunt May and been reminded of curfew which is ten-thirty. We are not to leave the dance, which is chaperoned of course, by a nun and priest and parents. We are to come straight home. She also speaks to Riley and he stares at Easy and Jap, though he and Jap have seemed friendly already, patting one another on the back and Riley making fun of Jap's hair and his bell-bottoms which no one here has yet to wear. Riley agrees then snaps another player with his towel and runs off. He's happy because Bloody Heart won.

So finally Aunt May leaves and she will tell Granma. So I stand far away from Easy and Alice May is jumping up and down with Aunt May practically still in ear-shot, and she's yelling, "Yipee, we're going to the dance to shake a tail-feather."

She goes in the locker room to change and I'm supposed to lead the Hardy Boys to the cafeteria where we have the dance. I'm a little worried about Jap's hair…and pants. The hair is longer than is allowed, but this isn't school time, just school property so I don't know how far that rule goes. Even the band playing tonight looks like the Midwest's version of the Beach Boys. Or they never would have gotten the job, believe me. And those pants, well they are almost un-American around here. Some wear them in public, but around here we're straight…about everything.

Easy still has his hands in his pockets. I am walking between these two and it's still kind of hard to believe.

"Do they have dances in Tennessee?" I say because I'm just not happy unless I'm embarrassing myself. Tennessee is not outer-space or something. It's one of the stars on the red, white and blue.

"I wouldn't know," Jap says.

"They got a couple," Easy says like he understands how to talk to a dimwit like me.

"You ever go?" I say.

"No," Easy says. "We're…not dancers."

"Well you don't have to go to this," I say. It certainly wasn't my idea. We like the band enough, Alice and I do, and the whole school too. They play at almost every single dance but they are good enough they have a record on the radio, a forty-five about a race car. Most of their music is about race cars or girls on the beach. And we don't have a beach in Missouri. Not a real one so they are the palest surfer-boys you'd ever want to meet.

I say all of that as we walk over. As soon as we enter the dance one of the dads stops Jap.

Jap says, "I don't go here. I'm not even from here."

"Who are you with?" the dad says looking at me. But I don't have a dad he would know as Officer Charlie doesn't even come to church on Christmas much less join The Knights of Columbus, like a lot of dads. And Officer Charlie has the new family Granma pretty much refuses to acknowledge.

"He's with me." I gesture to Easy, too. "I'm a student," I say digging in my pocket for my student I. D. which I flash quickly.

The man tells Jap to get a haircut then he walks off like we've been the rude ones.

"Sorry," I say to Jap. I don't know why I have to apologize for everyone in the world but I don't want Jap's feelings to be hurt.

Easy has been talking to a couple of kids but he heard I guess. He says to Jap, "Maybe you should wait outside."

I'm really surprised that's how he's going to take it.

Jap doesn't seem to care. It's like discrimination doesn't even faze these two.

"He can stay in," I tell Easy.

"He's all right," Easy says.

I look through the glass door and Jap is already talking to a couple of boys. He's also bumming a cigarette. Smoking is not allowed, but kids get by with it anyway.

So Easy takes my hand and we walk along the back wall and he leans there and I lean beside and he's got my hand and it's all I can think of.

"Why'd you say yes to this?" I ask, just so nervous he'll find it so stupid.

He pulls me away from the wall a little and even though it's a fast song he holds me like it's a slow one, his hands clasped at the small of my back, against my hair, and I put my hands on the back of his neck like I wanted to. And it is warm.

I could easily go all the way in and lay my head on him, but it's risky. If you touch like that you can attract a chaperone who will make you both straighten up. But I'm pretty impressed with Easy thinking ahead. Of course we can do things here we couldn't at Granma's. And it looks fine. I mean, we're just kids. I am.

"You dance fine," I say.

He doesn't comment. He's looking at me like he's trying not to smile.

Am I on a date? Really close to it. I mean, if he's asked outright, asked Granma…well he did say he wanted to spend time with me and Granma just blew it away, like she does. Ostrich, Aunt May said. I never really thought about her that way. But maybe. Maybe that is Granma all right.

But it wasn't me, was it? Pink room, bomb shelter, he said. I hoped he didn't see me that way. Just an ostrich. I'm just a kid in school. I'm trying to read and I have opinions, lots of them. But people don't want to hear it, hear me too much. "This isn't the Bella Swan Dispatch," Sister has said. "It's The Quill. You are one reporter, not thee reporter. Even the apostles came in an even dozen and shared the load," she says.

She doesn't know how she can hurt. Teachers can hurt and nuns can hurt. I wasn't trying to fill the whole rag.

She said my article was too long. I wonder what Easy would think of it, my article on Vietnam. I wonder if he'd hold me like this, like me this much if he knew what I really thought about the war.

"What's the matter?" he says and when he speaks, or I do, and I haven't said much, but when I do we pull back and look at each other. The band plays one song after another and we haven't really moved off this same spot.

"Why do you think something is the matter?"

"I don't know. I feel thoughts racing through you."

I pull in my chin. "I don't think so." How can he feel my thoughts?

We continue our strange non-dance which just means we hold each other and barely move foot to foot.

"You want to go talk to your friends or something?" he says.

"No."

"You want to dance like this?"

"Yes."

We move closer and continue to ignore the beat.

I didn't expect to love Easy when I was a kid. It just happened. And it keeps happening, this feeling. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with it, but I know it's giving myself to it that will change my life before it's even started very much.

And I do give myself. Which is saying something because I don't just give myself. Just to my country, maybe God, Granma and Alice May for sure. And Easy.

After another song we get a tap on the shoulder and I lift my head. I don't know when it found its way over Easy's heart, and I've barely been aware we are in the place where I eat lunch almost every day. I've been so lost in Easy I didn't even know time had passed in the usual way.

"You two need to straighten up," Sister says. "Bella Swan, who is this young man?"

"Eas…Edward Cullen. He's a soldier." I am only telling all this so she shows him some kindness.

"Not from our school? How old are you young man?"

"Sixteen," Easy says, his hands still on me and mine on him though we have allowed some space.

"Well you are forgetting yourself, and a soldier knows discipline, yes?'

Easy doesn't answer. He just smiles at her. He wasn't raised to fear…or revere women in veils, even modern ones that only reach their shoulders.

"Well you two need to dance with others. Come out of this dark corner."

She moves her hand and Easy moves his hands to take one of mine and we walk off some. I look back and she's still watching.

We practically walk into Dennis and I introduce him to Easy and he looks at our hands joined like that and I think he's a little surprised because I have never mentioned someone like Easy. But he is nice to Easy and they talk about the military because Dennis already knows Easy is the soldier who met me after school.

And while they are talking I say I'll be right back and off I go in search of Alice May.

I can't find her anywhere. Normally she is dancing right in front of the band but she isn't there. I get stopped by some older girls and they ask about Easy.

I know them but normally they do not give me the time of day. They play in sports, field hockey and volleyball and basketball and they date the boys that do the same.

"Is he your boyfriend," the biggest one, Rita asks me. She pretty well runs eleventh grade and she's the best in sports. Boys are afraid to go against her when we have co-ed gym. Riley took her to a dance once and we teased him, yes the mean kind, and he said she was too bossy. But the ones in these groups are very involved in who one another dates. There are the approved girls for the approved boys. I know how it goes because it started the summer of seventh grade, the order, and I was barely aware, Alice and me still working cases, mostly breaking the case of Aunt May and Father Anthony, occasionally dressing our Barbie's and pretending we weren't playing with them and loving it.

I can't believe these Bloody Heart jocks give one another so much say. They move in groups, packs. Teams. One brain. No brain. But they are the top layer of this cake called high school. I figure, let them have it. It's just a glorified Twinkie as in—stack of Twinkies.

I just nod. It's so strange to be saying yes to Rita's question, but I don't know what else to say. I feel protective of Easy. Like they could hurt him when I know they can't. They have no power to hurt him. He doesn't care. I don't care. It's kind of a great thing to suddenly know. Next to Vietnam they are fireflies.

I just walk away then. "He's a looker," she says to her friends. "I guess every good man needs a dog," and they laugh.

Riley is pulling on my arm then. "Hey, you don't even know what you're doing. Your Granma needs to leave them at Disbro's. I'm going to talk to her."

He's taken his hand off my arm and he swallows a belch.

"You gonna sneak him to your room?" he says, exhaling alcohol.

Riley came in my room uninvited just last week. Granma was up the street getting her magazines and Alice was there and Aunt May sent him over for Alice May, which was a lie and he admitted it. He says he knocked, cause he's supposed to unless Alice May is with him. But up he came and we were in my room listening to music. He looked at everything and Alice jumped on his back to get him out. He hadn't been in there for years and I was just glad my laundry wasn't all over like usual.

He plopped on my bed, on his stomach, and Alice May had yelled at him to get out and dove onto his back to hit on him and try to tickle him. He ignored her like she was a fly and he talked to me about the music and I was surprised we actually liked some of the same bands, so he ended up rolling Alice off and sitting on the floor beside me and we listened to music so long Alice May fell asleep on my bed.

When we all came down Granma was so surprised Riley was up there and she didn't know. When he left I told her how it happened and she said it was all right but he should never have made himself so at home and she'd talk to him or to May about it and I got her to agree not to because it was all right and he'd never done that before.

She asked me then if I returned his feelings.

I said, "What feelings?"

"He's like a brother to you?" she said.

"No," I answered. He was not.

"What if he's…you know?" she raised her gray brows up and down.

"Granma!" I had about yelled and that was the end of it.

Then the next time I saw him, the very next day he was just Riley, his usual jerk-self. He pulled my hair like we were still in grade school, and called attention to me so all the jocks could laugh and say dumb stuff and he could show them how he had a right to touch me or something, which I didn't give him permission to do.

So now he says he wants me to dance with him, and I say no. He doesn't do this usually. He ignores me unless he wants to insult me. He's no dancer, just a few slow ones is all I've ever seen when he's like this. "No," I say.

"You've been back there with him," he says. "Vi would kick your ass."

I really can't imagine Granma kicking my ass. These days my granma wears blood red thick soled Dr. Marten's oxfords. If she would kick anyone's ass it would be Riley's for driving us home when he's drunk.

"I'm looking for Alice."

It gets him looking for Alice. "Where is she?" he says.

So now I've got him looking for Alice and he leads the way outside, and soon as the door opens I see her, across the quadrangle walking on a handrail like it's a tightrope. She has her hands out and her shoes are parked on the sidewalk and she's sliding along that rail with her arms out and in her socks and Jap and a couple of other boys are watching and laughing cause it's pretty impressive. She's practically a circus performer and she's gotten in trouble for this before as this is a big no, but she's showing off which is her favorite thing…next to Jap. See I already know. I've seen it because I know what she feels before she does. Is that what Easy mean about feeling my thoughts? But he can't know me like I know Alice May.

I don't call out to disturb her or to make noise that can draw a chaperone even though it's cold out here. But Riley does call her, loud and gruff, "Alice May."

She teeters and the boys with Jap laugh, but she corrects and finishes balancing along the whole length and leaps lightly to the ground in her tiny jeans because she still has to shop in the little girl's department.

"What are you doing?" Riley says.

She hardly pays Riley any attention.

"Pay up," she is saying while she gets her feet in her Weejuns, and the boys are putting their heads together and trying to scrounge up the bet.

"I don't want it," Alice says.

"I do," Jap says and they pay him what looks to be a handful of change. He takes it and holds it out to her. "You earned it."

"For you," she says.

"C'mon," Riley says to Alice. "I'm taking you home." He looks at me, "You too."

"It's…too early," I say. And anyway, we're not leaving Easy. Jap too if he wants to come. Aunt May said.

"I'm taking you girls home. They can do what they want," he says like he's more my dad than Charlie who never knows where I am or who I'm with.

Alice grabs Jap's hand and mostly pulling she runs like she's going against the current, straight for the girl's field hockey court, Jap laughing in tow. "Run Bella," she calls.

"Alice May," Riley says all belligerent, "you get your ass back here."

But Jap is running faster than Alice now and he's pulling her along and she's screaming and laughing.

I get Déjà vu. It means I've been here before.

I turn and the same dad that gave Jap a hard time is coming out to see what all the yelling is about. Easy is behind him. He walks around the dad straight for me.

Riley is the one who has to answer the angry Catholic fathers. Riley is the one who has to toe the line. Easy doesn't say anything but keeps his eyes on me and takes my arm and we walk away. The dad is asking Riley if he's been drinking. I turn and Riley is looking after me but he's answering the man. "I haven't been drinking," he's saying.

"Don't look back," Easy says and I turn around then and we keep walking, walking, walking.

Until we run.


	54. Chapter 54

Darnay Road 54

We run to the upper yard to the tall castle that is the church. Easy can run, but I can't and I'm out of breath and laughing and I have to bend over and put my hands on my knees. "Easy," I huff and puff. "I…."

He wants to go in there, in the church. "Let's go in. I want to see it."

It's never locked, but it's trouble to go in there if you're caught. We walk in lines around here. They are drilled in from kindergarten and I've crossed them before and every year those lines are challenged, and in some ways they mean more…in others they mean less, but still, I haven't crossed any of them, not here, not since the last time I was with him.

This is—sacred. Do I believe it? He makes me question…maybe everything.

"I want to go in," he says. There's something different in him now. Older, sure, but a part of him I don't know, a room as overwhelming as the tall, up-sweep of the church.

So I take the lead and lead him to the side door, we run up the stairs that are visible from the rectory. And in we go and I put my fingers in the holy water and I think of flicking it on him, in his face like Alice would, but I don't. I can't. I make the sign of the cross. The only lights on are in the very front above the three storied central altar. The confessionals and the side altars are dark. The rows of pews sit silent, empty, like the furniture in all the empty rooms in heaven…waiting.

We are side-by-side just looking around. Even together we can't fill this…place. We wouldn't want to. God should be bigger, even our idea of God should be bigger or we're in trouble…so much trouble.

"I've thought of this," he says. He doesn't whisper, but his voice is soft.

This is not what I was expecting. "This church?"

He smiles but he doesn't look at me. He slowly lifts his chin and his head is back and he's looking up. "You…and this." And we're like that for a minute, looking up at the navy blue and the gold frescoed ceilings that capture sound like giant cupped hands.

Then he takes my arm and leads me into a pew and we sit like Sunday goers.

He smiles and spreads his arms on the back of the pew. "You live inside…of everything," he says.

"Inside?"

"Even God."

I don't understand. I'm listening. I want to know. I want to talk like this.

"I was always hanging on. My family. Just hanging on the outside ready to…fall off," he says. "Then one day…we fell. And we kept falling."

For a while we're quiet. I'm waiting for more. But I don't know if more is coming.

"You mean your mom?"

He is shaking his head, looking all around. "Before that."

He lost his dad. The terrible time back there…I still see the bruises, could put my hand along their path. The time they thought would be better that ended badly-his father torn apart on the tracks. I don't know about it, what he carries. But I chose him a long time ago over anything else.

"Is it better?" I ask.

"It will be," he says. "Don't be sorry about it. I'm fixing it. I'm…doing something, you know?"

"You are better. Than all of them. Except for Jap. I know you love him."

"I don't know. Remains to be seen I guess."

I don't know what to say but I reach behind me where his arm is stretched and I touch his hand and he does look at me. He smiles a little.

"Can you imagine…playing music in here? Rock music?" he says and he grins then.

"The Beatles."

"Maybe. "

"What?"

"The Stones. Hendrix."

"Okay. But rock music in a church? Never happening," I say.

"Too bad," he says. He's looking around like he can't get enough. "Let's go in there," he says, lifting our joined hands to point at the furthest confessional.

"I don't…."

"Come on," he says standing. It's on my side so I stand also and walk sideways in the pew toward it. Every time I go in one of these booths I think of Easy sitting where the priest sits. Now he wants to do it again, like when we were kids. I don't know why.

"You get in the middle this time," he says pulling the sinner's door.

"Easy."

"Go on, Bella. Equal rights. Who you gonna tell your sins to, your mom or your dad?"

"What? Neither."

"The cop or your granma?"

"Granma I guess."

"Exactly. Women can hear confession. They've done it for years."

"Vi would say you could sell an igloo to an Eskimo," I say pulling the door.

He lifts his heavy brows and smiles. I enter and sit on the bench not meant for my backside at all.

I open the sliding door between me and Easy, fumble for the purple light and switch that on. I see the outline, not in profile like last time, but Easy's facing straight on. He is kneeling. I lean close and his lips are right there.

"What do you say?" he asks.

"Hi?"

He laughs. "What do you say when you're in here?"

"My confession?"

"No. Unless…I could listen."

We laugh.

"Um…no," I say.

"How do you start? I don't remember. You say you've sinned."

"Bless me Father for I have sinned. My last confession was…then you say how long ago."

"Bless me Father…all that. I've…never…."

"Well you're not Catholic," I say thinking he's going to say he's never sinned.

"I've never confessed."

I'm quiet again. As a Catholic, we confess from the time we make first communion. At least that's when I remember it started.

"You're pretty…Father," he says and I'm glad because I've been stuck.

"You're…pretty," I say.

"Pretty?"

"Handsome. Pretty handsome."

He laughs. "You think so?"

"I must confess you're not ugly," I say, "my son."

He laughs again, his head crashing against the mesh screen.

"Is confession always this fun?" he says. "Do people ever laugh in here?

"They say God has a sense of humor…but I've never seen one lick of evidence to support that."

"Oh come on. Isn't that where thunder comes from?"

"No," I laugh.

"Hey let's do it again," he says. "You're beautiful."

"You're…beautiful."

"Beautiful?"

"Beautiful. Handsome."

He laughs again, but he's excited. "Kiss me through this," he says meaning the metal screen.

"No way," I say. "You know how many germs are on this thing?"

He's laughing. "Why would anyone put their mouth on it?"

"Exactly."

We're smiling and his hand is on the screen. "Touch my hand," he says.

I reach and do that, the pads of his fingers showing through the metal. I touch him. For a minute it's just this, and looking and it's weird and purple. Almost psychedelic.

"I don't know if you want to wait for me," he says.

"To confess?"

He laughs a little. "To…come home."

"Oh."

"You've got…all this. Why would you wait? For me? I don't know."

"I will. I'll wait."

"You've got these…guys around just waiting to be Ken. Part of me wants to be pissed off, but I don't have a right. I'm the one going away…."

"I don't want them."

"Oh? Maybe now…but guys like me go off…overseas…girls don't wait. You've got dances…prom."

I laugh. "I don't care about that. I want you."

"Want me? You won't even marry me."

I feel embarrassed. Maybe it is too much—a stupid thing to say—a stupid way to say it. But marriage? He isn't laughing and I'm fourteen.

"I just didn't know. I will if it comes to that, but I have to finish school."

"Well I feel that way," he says.

"But…this is our first day."

"It's not our very first. I knew the minute I saw you again. There is no one else."

I am out of words.

"I gave you my bracelet. I thought…it means I'll wait."

Noise then, and he's yanking the priest's door and I'm on my feet and he has me then, in his arms, kissing my hair and I squeeze him as I hold on and keep him from flying away.

1111111111111111

I don't know what wakes me. Voices and an echo. Soft under me, and hard. I am…I am in the choir loft. I am…Easy. I am laying all wrapped up in Easy. There's a light in my eyes, and he stirs, in our eyes there's a light, flashlight. The holder of the light points it to the floor and it's a shape, a big shape. "Are you Bella Swan?" he says.

I sit up. Easy sits up.

"Yes," I say.

"They've been looking everywhere for you. You're in trouble."

111111111111111

Three days later I am in my room. It doesn't seem like I'll be getting out. Not until Thursday for school. And then only school is what Granma said in the wee hours of Saturday when they brought me home. She wouldn't listen to Easy, wouldn't let him talk to her even.

So now she even brings me my food. No need to come downstairs to eat. I gave her a scare. I didn't come home. Everyone else did, but not me. Riley did bring Alice May home. So they searched for me for four hours, Riley and Jap going in the direction they'd last seen me headed, Riley already having searched for me, angry that I'd run off with Easy. Angry when he couldn't find me and so he tells Granma—she ran off with Easy.

Riley is the one who insisted I was still on the grounds. Alice is the one who asked if they looked in the church.

Officially I hadn't been gone long enough to get the police involved but Aunt May called Anthony and he called a friend at the rectory who alerted the convent who called the janitors old Jim and older Bob to help search the buildings. On his second search of the church Old Jim decided to check the loft and found us curled up on the old choir robes, sound asleep.

Here's what it means for me now—trouble. I've been in terrible trouble. Suspended from Bloody Heart for three days as the purple light was left on in the confessional. I was accused of playing in the church. It was shameful, Mother Superior said to my Granma.

My article on Vietnam missed the Monday morning deadline and wasn't published in The Quill. And as disgusting as that is it's nothing compared to not getting to see Easy for the rest of the week while Granma simmers down. It didn't help that she also found out about getting pulled over by the police after Easy picked me up from school, thank you very much Tim who rides my bus and told his mother, who then called my Granma once the story got around I was found naked in the choir loft with that cute soldier Edward Cullen who's dad died on the tracks that time.

I was not naked or even undressed at all. Oh well.

Concerning being pulled over by the cop I tried to tell Granma it wasn't Easy's fault, it was Disbro's, but that didn't seem to matter either because I was, "Up to stuff with Easy from the minute he got into town and I'm only fourteen and I am her first concern, me and no one else."

Granma and Aunt May are united in this. Aunt May is the one who gave me permission to go to the dance. But just to the dance. And she went out on a limb for Easy and Jap. But not now. Now everything is under review.

I couldn't even get some mercy when I concocted a story about how Easy wanted to see the church, with going away he was having spiritual thoughts, questions about being Catholic. And we were in the choir loft as I was showing him around and we got to talking about things and fell asleep. That's all.

I must of said it a million times. We weren't doing anything wrong.

And it's sort of exactly what happened. But it's a point of view thing. My point of view being different from Granma's and May's. if something happened they wouldn't approve of, well I approve so get off my case.

It was a day of firsts—mostly good. But I'm not sure what is to follow. I do know this, they can't separate us. So they better not try. We didn't get lost in sleep. We got lost in what we shared and then we went to sleep. It was peace. We fell asleep in God's hand, not that they will believe it.

Last night, I dreamed of my mother. We sat around Granma's table and I told her about Easy. I said Granma wouldn't let me see him for a week. I said it was so unfair and I wished she was alive and she said, "Life is moving. It keeps moving Bella. It goes from one thing to another, one place to another, but it's never over."

I told her I didn't know.

She said there is a lot I don't know. A lot. But whether I know it or not, it doesn't make it any less real or true.

Then I woke up and stared at my ceiling. I may be in prison, but my mother, of all people, got through.

I got out a notebook and turned to a clean page and wrote myself a note before I forgot.

Life keeps moving. One…thing…one place to another. Never over.

We know it on the inside. We know. We're too special…too special to die. You can kill a body…but not their soul. The soul can't die.

Easy is going away but he'll keep moving, until he moves back to me. If he stays in this world, we'll be together again. If he's killed, he goes to another…level. That's all. He goes to another realm. I won't be able to follow until I'm done here, whatever it is I'm meant to do, but he'll just be far away…like upstairs. He'll keep living because Mom told me and she knows. She's there too. And for the first time I face that. I don't have a mother. And for the first time I can see some good come out of it. She's done something for me besides given birth. I'm thankful for that. But she's reached out and let me know.

I write this. "I'm a free thinker. They can lock me in my room but they can't stop my mind. I love Easy and we can't die." Bella Swan, February, nineteen hundred and sixty-eight.

I feel stronger then. I feel patient.

I hear what Easy whispered in that loft—all of it. I feel the mysterious move into me.


	55. Chapter 55

Love.

Darnay Road 55

It's Monday and I hear her come up the stairs presumably with my lunch. I look up from where I sit on the floor listening to Jefferson Starship on my record player. I am feeling very very sorry for myself.

"Granma…," I say turning down the volume. I am going to tell her again how unfair this is, how she can do anything at all to me that she wants once Easy is gone, just please, please let me see my own boyfriend.

"He's here," she says. She isn't holding the tray like I thought.

"Can…I?" I'm already on my feet, my heart slamming just thinking Easy is here, in this very house and she is going to have some mercy on me. Us. Did I brush my teeth? I don't even care.

"Your father, Bella. He's downstairs."

"What…why did you call him?"

"The school called him. He wants to see you."

"You called him."

She looks down at the floor, my betraying jailor, keeping her hand on the doorknob. She's not sorry, but she's not angry either. She's rattled. He's her son and she hasn't seen him in a long time.

"Mother Superior, Sister Baptista, called him," she says.

"She has no right. I don't want to see him. It's been…two years." I'm indignant.

He came right after the wedding. The new wife's idea. She was with him of course. They had a doll and upstairs in my room, when they come, in fact, I'm secretly reading Aunt May's borrowed/stolen copy of Elizabeth Elliot's Let Me Be a Woman. The doll sat on the living room floor until Granma finally put it on the pile for Good Will.

"You can say no and I'll tell him, but I think he'll come up here," she says. "I understand it's not what you want. But he's here now…and he's your father."

She's always understood most things. But she doesn't seem to understand now. It's like we split. Like an atom. I love her, but I'm looking at her and I feel alone. She is no protection. She's not stopping this.

"I barely know the guy," I say.

It hurts her. Because it's true.

"You have to show respect. Even if you don't like it. We do the things we have to do," Granma says and she looks old. I'm sorry I've given her so much trouble.

"He doesn't have a right…."

"Right? Don't be foolish. Brush your hair and come down."

She leaves me then like we're strangers. Like she's the maid giving me a message, and not my granma, the one who would be the first to tell me I didn't have to go down if I didn't want to. But she hasn't seen him either and I think it hurts her and I think she misses him even if she wants to strangle him.

But not me. I don't want to see him. I just want Easy.

111111111

She's with him—the wife. I come in the kitchen where they sit at the table, but not Granma. She is making coffee. I was going to learn how—for Easy. Now I stop in the doorway.

Charlie looks at me like I'm a ghost. "Well I'll be damned," he says.

I guess that's as good as hello. I lean in the door and fold my arms.

He stands up and jars the table, the salt and peppers. Granma has poured steaming coffee into the good cups carried home from the grocery. She turns holding these. I expect her to tell me to come in the room, but she doesn't. I know her and I see a flash of sympathy in her eyes, in her mouth, the first since before I got in trouble.

"You've grown," Charlie says.

"They tend to do that," Granma says. I know she's on my side.

"Looks more like Renee," he says to his mother. Then he looks at his wife as if he's not allowed to say the name—Renee.

"She is my mother," I say pushing off and going for an apple which I make enough noise biting into.

"She likes apples," Charlie says to no one in particular.

"You remember Charlie's wife Marsha," Granma says setting the cups before each of them.

I shrug. "Yeah." I mean—the doll she must have picked out for me sticks. She didn't know me then either.

"Bella," Marsha says as though coming to life, "I have some pictures of your…of Troy and Sandra."

I take another crunchy bite of my fruit. Fruit. Funny.

Grace Slick breaks out in my head, "When the truth is found to be lies, and all the joy within you dies." I've been listening to it over and over. I want somebody to love. I have somebody to love. So why am I stuck in the kitchen with these people?

"Well, the school called me," Charlie cuts through my music. He sits, keeping his hands in his pockets.

Marsha has found the envelope with the pictures in her big fat purse. But she's holding them now, in the opening, and she's looking at Charlie like she could kill him. Maybe she wanted a smoother landing, but the pictures are worse than Charlie cutting to the chase.

"Yeah, Sacred Heart," I tell him.

"I know the name of the school Bella," he says morphing into the cop right before my eyes.

"Oh," I say.

"I wanted to make sure," and he turns his attention to Granma, "that things were…," he doesn't say what, just nods his head at her.

"I have some tuna fish…," Granma says.

"Oh…no Ma, that's okay," Charlie says.

Marsha cuts in, "We were wondering if you and Bella would like to go out for a meal?"

"I'm a…grounded," I say, pitching the rest of the apple into the trash. It lands so solidly and wastefully I have to remember not to smile. Do they even imagine I would want to go to dinner with them?

Charlie whistles. "Good job, Ma." He means, good job Ma for grounding my daughter's ass.

My temptation to smile is officially over. "So you go," I say to Charlie, to all of them. "You all go. I'll be fine here."

"Do you really think we're going to fall for that?" Charlie says.

I don't answer.

"Where is that boy? The one they found you with?" he asks.

"Why?" I say.

"He's a good boy, just had it hard," Granma says going to the fridge and digging out the little bottle of cream.

"Federal prison is full of guys who've had it hard," Charlie says. He's sitting straighter, mostly looking at Granma, but every now and then, me.

"You don't know him. He's a soldier. He's only got two weeks here and then I may not see him again for years!" I yell this. I hadn't planned to, but it came out that way. He doesn't know Easy. He doesn't know anyone like him.

I see Marsha's hand move on the table and grip Charlie's arm. Does he need restrained? I am not afraid of him.

"You're fourteen," Charlie says loudly.

"I know how old I am! It doesn't matter!" I yell.

"Really?" he shouts.

Marsha's hand falls away and he stands up. "He going to pay your way in life because I'm not going to fund a….."

There is gasping. Granma and Marsha.

"Go on," I say. "Go on."

"What am I supposed to think when I get a call…found with a boy. A soldier. That's worse. That means he's too old for you, he's been around. Do you have any idea what a boy is after, especially one like that?" He looks at Granma, "Have you taught her anything about it?"

He looks at me. "Or we don't have to. She already knows," he flings his hand at me. "Just like her mother."

"Charles," Granma says weakly.

"You heard me right," Charlie defends himself. "Her mother…."

"Charles Swan," Granma says more strongly, "not another word. Not another one."

"All I am is a check every month," Charlie says. "That's all her mother wanted, and she's the same." He's making his way around the table. "She gets knocked-up," he says to Granma, "I'm done."

"I hate you," I tell him. I'm not waiting around to hear any more of this.

Granma is asking Charlie to leave and I am running upstairs. I get in my room and slam the door and go to my record player and put the needle on the forty-five and Jefferson Starship starts up. I turn the volume even louder and throw myself on my bed.

I scream into my pillow and there is hard knocking on my bedroom door and it comes open. I roll quickly onto my back. I didn't dream he'd follow me up here, but he has. I can hear Granma and Marsha speaking sternly to one another behind him.

"You will not run out of the room when I am talking to you," he says. He marches to my record player and turns the volume down. I am starting to feel a little wary of him.

"You will go back to school and you will not see this boy again. Ma said he goes back to Fort Ord. If I have to I'll call the base and complain to his commanding officer and make his life a living hell. They can't ship him to Nam fast enough to suit me. With any luck they'll blow his damn head off as soon as he lands."

I am up on my knees, facing Charlie. "Don't you…he didn't do anything. I'll never forgive you if you make trouble for him." I'm trying to push away the picture of Easy getting shot as he steps off a plane.

"Edward Cullen. He's that white trash kid whose white trash old man died on the tracks in sixty-three. I remember that case. He's scum. Did you have sex with him?"

"I hate you," I say quietly. It's so true in that moment it's one of the most powerful things I've ever said. Certainly to him.

He blinks like I've slapped him. I'm surprised I said it and surprised he felt it but it's terrible and satisfying and I don't take it back.

"I'll live," he says nodding but I know he's talking to himself.

I almost say, 'too bad.' I almost do.

"Did you?" as in did I have sex with Easy. "I can have you examined."

My insides explode. He can have me examined? It's beyond me. I can't keep up with my outrage.

"No you won't," I yell.

I'm just now realizing what I've been spared from being raised by Granma. I had no idea my father was this much of a maniac that he's threaten to 'have me examined.'

Granma is there calling his name, demanding he listen.

"Get out of my room! Get out of my life! I hate you!" I yell with such feeling, such truth.

He rears back his hand, threatening to slap me.

I fall back and roll off the bed, crouching on the other side of it. "Get out!" I'm screaming like he's already having me 'examined.'

"You think you can talk like that to me?" He puts a knee on the bed and lunges across it, landing on his stomach and reaching for me. I move backwards on my elbows and scream and kick at his hand.

Granma moves for Charlie, hitting him with both fists.

"You will not do this! You will not touch her!" she yells, and the sound of her voice is terrible. I've never heard that sound…in her voice. I've never seen her hit anyone.

He pulls back off the bed and stands. "Stop, Ma." He's breathy and worried.

"You will not do her that way. I know you learned it from him, but you will not lay a hand on her." I have never heard her voice like that, deep and terrible. She is breathing so hard she reaches a hand to the wall to steady herself. Some of her bun is streaming down.

"Bella, it's all right," she says to me in-between hard breaths. I have wanted her protection and finally it's here, but it's taking everything, too much. Now I want to protect her.

I get on my feet, one eye on Charlie, one on Granma. My bed separates me from them.

"Charlie maybe we should…," Marsha begins, two hands still gripping her pocketbook. She is still standing in my doorway and she is a scared rabbit.

"You all right Granma?" I ask. My granma looks so pale nothing else matters as much.

"I'll be fine. Charles you need to leave," she has a hand over her chest.

"What's the matter?" he says. He's worried. It's the first sign that he might be human, might be her son, might care, if this is caring. I don't know. I don't know him.

"You've upset…Bella. You need to go," Granma puffs.

"Here Ma," Charlie says leading her two steps to my bed. He helps her ease down. "Do you want to lie down?"

"Heaven sakes leave me be," she says waving him off. "You can't barge in here and try to take over."

"I'm trying to keep something worse from happening," he says, but not like a cop, not like a crazy father. He says this more like a son.

"Are you all right, Granma?" I say crawling on the bed to sit beside her even if it brings me closer to Charlie.

"I'm fine," she puts her hand on my arm but I can see she's not fine.

"You should go," I say to him. He has come in here and upset her. I'm so angry at what he's done, what he's threatened.

"Don't be telling me to go. This was my home long before it was yours," he says. "I'm still your father."

"Get out," I say more firmly. I don't know where it's coming from, this nerve. But I've changed since Friday when Easy came to my school. It's changed me.

Marsha's heels sound on the floor and she rounds my bed and steps to Charlie. "Come here for a minute," she says to him. "We'll wait downstairs."

Charlie is looking at me and Granma. "Go," Granma says.

Finally he listens.

"We'll be right downstairs," Marsha says, as much to Charlie as to me and Granma.

So he's not leaving the house but he's backing off for a minute at least.

I am sitting beside Granma holding onto her arm.

"I didn't call him," she says to me.

"What's the matter with you? Are you sick?"

"I get short of breath sometimes. Asthma."

This is the first I'm hearing of it. "Can you die from asthma?"

"No," she scoffs.

"Well I didn't know about it," I say.

"Why would you need to? It's just troublesome sometimes."

"Well you should tell me these things!"

"Oh my. So grown up."

"I am growing up, Granma. But…I'm sorry about…all this."

She pats my leg. "I know. I just…you worried me," she says. "I know you're good. You're…."

I turn to her and we hug one another. I am crying right off.

"I know it has to be hard to raise me."

"I never meant that. You've been my greatest joy."

"I have?"

"Of course you have," she says smoothing my hair back from my face.

"Please don't be upset with me. Easy didn't mean anything. He's the best boy I've ever known."

She just holds me, or tries to. She pulls back to breathe. "Bella…you're so young. And he's going away. I know he's a good young man. I know that. But he's not had…."

He's not had. He's not had anyone to love him.

"I love him, Granma."

"My Lord," Granma whispers. "I know you do."

"And he loves me," I say. "I'm…I'm waiting for him."

"Bella Christine," she says. She nearly groans it.

"I didn't…we didn't do anything in that church but talk. We haven't seen each other in four years, Granma. He's traveled and we were just worn out I guess. But Granma…we were telling each other our hearts. And now we're being punished for it and Charlie is threatening…and it's always been Easy who's done more for us…he doesn't even know Easy and he comes here like he's…I don't care if he is my father. I don't even like him."

We stare at one another and I see the first trace of a smile on my Granma's face and then she laughs a little, then a little more and I laugh too.

"Be careful of your asthma," I say.

"Oh my. My oh my."

We're quiet for a few seconds. "Your father got that way from his daddy doing him like that."

"Grampa?" The great and glorious grampa that she loved? The man who looked like Norman Bates…I mean Anthony Perkins?

"Yes. That kind of thing is passed one to another…bullying. He was a good husband to me…but he never took to Charles. And I babied him for it. Your father. He met your mother and…it was quick. Too quick. I knew that."

I sit back to better see her face.

She runs her hand over my hair, to the tip of my sloppy braid. "My girl. We are quick, impulsive lovers. Stubborn lovers. Can't tell us a darn thing about it. Not a one of us."

Maybe it's that way. But then neither one of them, not my father, and I guess not my granma, though it will take some long thinking to get my mind over this new information about Grandpa, but neither of them picked someone like Easy, apparently. Me and Easy are the exception. We won't have their kind of broken love.

"Granma, do you wish you wouldn't have married Grampa?"

She sighs, but it's cut short and she pulls in a breath that is also short. "Can't say. It doesn't work like that. Regret doesn't do anyone a lick of good unless you learn from it. So I've tried to do better with you. You've been…a second chance to get some things right."

"You have gotten them right. You're the best parent anyone ever had," I say with heart. I've been feeling so mean toward her these past few days, biding my time before I snuck out to find Easy. That was my secret power all along, the knowledge that I'd only put up with this for so long. And I'd watched at night and Easy hadn't come around so I knew he was biding his time too, trying to stay within the law until it was so ridiculous he said heck with that and came for me.

But now I just feel grateful for my Granma, like never before. "I'm so glad you raised me and not him. I would never want to be stuck with him."

She laughs a little, but she wipes at a couple of tears. "My girl, we got off, didn't we? We forgot who we were."

"Well, I think I'm still trying to find myself, but opposition makes you wake up," I say. I think I'm trying to say something brilliant and it's a big thought and I only understand the smallest part of it, but I could almost thank Officer Charlie right now for waking me up from my angry stupor and reminding me about who I might be. I am Granma's daughter. I am that exactly. I am in love with Easy. That might be stubborn-can't-tell-me-a-thing-love, but it's real.

And real is the only way to go even if it includes suffering.

Especially then.

1111111111

Downstairs there is a note. They have gone for lunch. They will be back in an hour.

That's when there is a knock on the door.

I know who it is before I ever look and see his outline beyond the lace curtain.

It's Easy.

Granma lets him in, a sweep of her hand and there I stand, halfway to the kitchen and as soon as I see him I go to him. He's in uniform and he drops his hat on the floor and I crash against him and it doesn't even move him an inch he holds me so tight.

"My," I hear Granma say on a sigh, longer this time because her breath is coming back.

We love stubborn.


	56. Chapter 56

Darnay Road 56

Aunt May knocks before I can let go of Easy. I have missed him so much, and it feels like safety now that he's here, like everything will be all right. His eyes hold the opposite of what I saw in Charlie's. Easy doesn't think he's good but he's the best man in the whole entire world.

He's so strong and handsome. He's what is right…about everything.

But he has to get out of here. He has to run.

Before I can say this Granma is opening the door again and I think it's Charlie but no, it's Aunt May.

"Oh my gosh I thought you were Charlie," I say stepping back from Easy but holding onto his arm. "You have to go. You can't be here when he gets back."

"What in the world are you doing here?" Aunt May asks Easy like she came here just to say that.

"I came to see Bella," Easy answers, "and talk to her father."

"No," Granma and I say in unison.

I'm running my hand over my braid. I've just been rolling around on my floor and fighting with Charlie. I'm a mess. We're a mess.

"You can't be here," May says to Easy.

"You're the one who called me," he says.

"I said to come to my house first," May says.

"What are you doing, May?" Granma says.

"I'm trying to help Easy with Charlie," she says.

"Why would you do that?" Granma says. "You have no idea…."

"I spoke to Charlie before he left with Marsha to go to lunch," May says. "He's upset but I think if he meets Easy he'll see what a fine young man he is."

"You need to go home. You can't talk to him," I say to Easy.

"Sure I can," Easy says.

"No…I mean…there's no talking to him," I say.

"I can try," Easy says.

"There's no point," I say louder because Easy is not hearing me or something.

"It would be better to invite him to talk to you at my house," May says.

We all look at her.

"A neutral location," May says.

"What are you talking about May?" Granma says. "You need to leave, Easy. Before he gets back."

"Can I wait on the porch Miss Vi? I need to speak with him. For Bella," Easy says looking at me.

"You're not going to ask for her hand or some nonsense?" Granma says alarmed.

"Well," Easy says putting his hand on my arm, "not now. But…."

"He could come back here any minute," May is saying.

"You don't need to ask him anything. I don't care what he says," I tell Easy.

"I care," Easy says. "He's your father. I don't want to…sneak."

"It's not his business. I'm not his business," I say. "I hate him."

"Bella Christine," Granma says tiredly.

"Go home before he comes back," I say to Easy moving a little toward the door that Aunt May is blocking.

"Can I wait on the porch Miss Vi?" Easy says to Granma like I didn't just give him his marching orders.

"You're not listening," I say to him.

"This whole thing is my fault and it's a big fix," Easy says but he's looking at Granma mostly. "Bella didn't do anything wrong. Everything that got her in trouble was my idea—my fault."

"There's no time for this," Granma says. "Go on to Disbro's."

"I'll stand out on the sidewalk if that's all right Miss Vi."

"No!" I say loudly. "You can't wait on the sidewalk. We just had a terrible fight in here and Granma has asthma. When Charlie is gone you can come back." Then I look at Granma, "Can't he Granma?"

"He can wait at my house," May says. "I'm going to ask Charlie to come over and listen to what Easy has to say."

"What do you know about any of it?" Granma says to May.

"I've…been talking to Easy. I've had a change of heart. I think…maybe we judged him too quickly. Too harshly." May folds her hands and lifts her chin.

"Thank you Aunt May," I say like I have asthma. I mean I'm kind of out of breath from what she said.

"For heaven sakes," Granma says rubbing her forehead. "Get in to the table all of you."

We file in there and Easy sits where he did that first evening when he came home and we hadn't messed it up yet.

Granma clears the two cold cups of coffee from Charlie and Marsha.

"I can ask Anthony to come over," Aunt May says kind of wringing her hands on the table.

"What in the world would you do that for?" Granma says pulling a chair.

"Father Anthony?" I say before I can stop it. We all know he's not father anymore, but I didn't know he was still in May's life.

"Just Anthony. The scripture says to call no man father," May says.

"Oh May," Granma says holding her head in her hands, elbows on the table like she always tells me not to do.

"I don't need his permission for anything," I tell Easy, just so he knows about Charlie and me. I don't know what he has in his head, but it isn't like that around here. Granma is the one he needs to keep in his pocket. Well mostly me.

The door opens then and I take a breath. "We're not asking," I say to Easy. "We are not asking."

I mean, permission. We are not asking permission from Charlie.

My father stops in the doorway, looks around. "What's this?" he says.

Marsha is peeking from around Charlie's shoulder.

I stand. "This is Easy. I told him not to stay, but he wants to meet you. You better be nice…."

"Bella," Granma says sternly.

I shut my trap and sit, my elbow a little in front of Easy because Charlie is not touching Easy.

Then I have to move a little because Easy is standing. He has that hat under his arm and he extends this hand over the table, kind of over Granma even. "How do you do, sir?"

Granma sits back more. She wants to see this, but Charlie should know, Easy is surrounded by friends—me for sure, my Granma, and Aunt May.

"I'm Edward Cullen," Easy says. I almost forget he's Edward Cullen sometimes but we're throwing his name all over the place today.

He waits for Charlie, his hand in the air.

"Well shake it at least," I say to Charlie also standing, nodding toward Easy's hand just extended there looking for something from my ass of a dad.

Charlie swallows, his throat working, his eyes burning into Easy, into me. He looks pushed as he takes an awkward step into the kitchen. I realize Marsha has pushed him.

Charlie clears his throat and takes another step toward the table and that puts him close enough. He looks at me and shakes Easy's hand.

And the roof does not even fall in.

I may not ever love Charlie. I really don't like him. But right then, it's okay that I came from him. I can live with it maybe.

"Got my daughter in all the trouble," Charlie says.

They just shake once, but it's enough for both of them. They let go.

"Yes sir. It was all my fault. I wanted to see the church. Guess I didn't know I was tired."

You can hear the clock on the wall making a whirring noise.

Easy sits back down.

Charlie has questions then, about the service. Charlie has his hands on his hips like he's interrogating a punk in his big blue uniform or something. But Easy answers Charlie with no problem. He sounds about so smart I'm very proud.

Then it takes a left turn, Charlie does. "That was some business back there with your dad," he says.

I feel it run through Easy then, this other thing that makes him breathe in twice as big. "Yes sir."

"Well, best thing you can do is try to make something of yourself," Charlie, in all his infinite wisdom concludes.

Easy doesn't say anything. No more 'sirs,' at least.

"He's a good boy," Granma says.

"Yes," Aunt May echoes.

I really can't believe it. Not that Easy is good because he is the very best. But the back-up for Easy.

"Easy is the very best person ever," I say to Charlie, very loudly. What I mean is, 'you don't come close dear old dad.'

Charlie is stewing on that a little. "You know Bella is too young for a boyfriend," he says.

"Well…," Easy looks at me, "we been friends for years."

"That's fine," Charlie says, "but I know what kind of a fool a sixteen year old boy is even if he wears a uniform. Now she's got punishment from your last little deal, and you need to get back to the base and keep doing that thing where you rise above your circumstances."

"I am going back, sir. Next week."

"In the meantime you don't be trying to cool your heels around here," Charlie says.

I stand up quick. My body ahead of my words.

"You go on back to your life in Chicago," I say. "Don't be cooling your heels around here. It may have been your home first, but it hasn't been yours in a while. We don't need you."

"You don't need me?" He gets red in the face and he's got a vein in his forehead filling up like a garden hose.

"Charles," Marsha says from behind him, just like a good woman, you know, one behind every good man or every asshole of a man. There has to be somebody to shit on I guess.

"I will pick my friends," I say hotly. I know I'm making it worse, but I've got so many words piling up in me I think they were hiding in there like an extra liver or something.

"Bella Christine, sit down," Granma says. Her soft voice pierces all that angry rambling in my head.

"Granma, I…." I don't even know how to explain myself.

"Sit down," Granma says. "Charles we are done here for today. Raising Bella, for all the mistakes I can make, has always come naturally to me."

"That why we got this trouble Ma?" Charlie says, that strange younger tone coming to him again.

"And what child do you raise that does not give you a few bumps along the way?" Granma says, voice louder and hands on the table to better turn her body so she faces him. "Should I remind you?"

She gets him with that one. Guess old Charlie wasn't so perfect. He's looking over the group now.

"Don't be foolish," he says to her.

"It's not my foolishness I'm talking about," Granma says.

Back to the clock, whirr, whirr.

Charlie glares at me a little, then he turns it on Easy. "I've been right where you are now. I'd tell you what a damn fool you are, but you wouldn't listen. You keep it in your thick head boy, she is not going to end up with you. She's got her sights set on bigger things and you don't even know it. You are not the big thing. Not those passable looks and not that damn uniform. Not going to war, getting shot at and buying her every piece of black market jewelry you come across. Not all the times you pass it up and hold out for her. None of it will make you enough. Fool. She'll always want more than you can ever, on your best damn day, give her."

"Charlie," Marsha says in an actual voice, one with weight, one that gives enough bone to his name it could stand there.

He looks at Marsha, and his face flushes red. He waves his hand at us. Marsha has a little white paw on his arm and that's all it takes to turn him. She pulls him out of the room like he's gone blind.

"That's you!" I yell at his retreat. "It's you!"

"Calm down, Bella. It's over. It's over now. You go on out the back door and make sure Easy gets down the road," Granma says to me. She gets up then and so does May.

"Why would he say that? Why would he say all that to Easy…about me? It's him. He's the fool!"

"Calm down," Granma says sternly. "Go with Easy."

I'm on it. I grab Easy's hand.

"Fifteen minutes," she says, then she goes after Charlie who is still in the hall with Marsha getting read the riot act from the sound of it.

"He needs to go!" I call after her and Aunt May waves like I need to shut-up and get.

But I can hardly care. I hold the door open for Easy and he puts his hat on his head and goes out first.

Once on the stoop he grabs my arm. "What's wrong with him?"

"He's an asshole," I say. I have hot, angry tears. What he said…to Easy. About me. I'm cursing now. I've been working on it. It's kind of powerful, and those words are just so right sometimes.

"Come on." I take Easy's hand and pull him down the porch stairs, halfway along the back of the house. I lift the cellar door.

"What are you doing?" he says. He knows what I'm doing.

"Come on," I say again, and he follows me just like always.

I haven't been down here in a while. Debris is in front of the door. I use my hip to push the door open and musty air and I go in and he follows.

We stand close and he pushes the door closed. It's dark, but we're breathing and here and real.

"He doesn't know me. He doesn't know you."

"He's nuts," Easy says. "He's…why would he say all that?"

"He's crazy. Wasn't your dad crazy?"

"Yeah," he says. "He was. But…I didn't know about yours."

I snort. "Truth? I didn't either. I mean…I don't want to talk about him anymore."

"I don't want you to go back in there until he's gone," he says.

"He's going. His wife finally said something."

"I mean it, Bella. I don't put up with shit like that anymore. I quit when I was young. After my old man."

I slide my hands up his chest. He groans a little. "Bella…you hear me right? You know with my old man. You know something."

I shake my head. I never wanted to think about that. This day is enough. What's been said…enough.

"You came on us. You had cake for your birthday. You saw us."

"No," I say. "No."

"I don't take it anymore Bella. You hear me? I won't let him hurt you."

"He won't."

"He's got that anger. I hated what he said. He knows how to do it, reach it and twist."

"He was talking about himself. He's a liar."

I am holding Easy's face. "He's a liar," I repeat.

"I don't know why you would wait."

"Shhh. I said I would."

I touch his neck, his face. His skin is smooth, damp, his hair, short, short bristles, smooth under my hand.

His forehead touches my own. His hands sit at my waist.

"I love you," I whisper.

Overhead the floor creaks and we hear the muffled voice of Charlie. Rat-a-tat-tat.

Easy's arms come around me and he crushes me against him and I hold him the same way, front to front, his heart smashed under my ear smashed over his heart. I love…I love…I love.

"I love you," I say louder, but it's soft, soft in this hard room with my father's voice overhead.

"Bella," he says, but it's breath and whisper. "Bella."

I lift my face and his lips find me, kiss their way over my face until my lips are against his.

We are sinking down, I don't know anything but him and moving and the floor, and him on his back and me over. "Easy."

Kiss and breathe and touch and love.

His uniform will get dirty. I don't see his hat. I don't care.

"You can't get hurt," I'm saying and I'm crying. I've disintegrated into that hot river of fear running under everything. I didn't even know it was there.

"I won't," he says. "I'll come back to you, Bella. I'll come back."

"I'll wait Easy. It's not like he said. He doesn't know me. There will never be anyone else. Never."

He pulls me to him, his hand on the back of my head and he kisses me long and his tongue, I'm shocked when it enters my mouth. I didn't…I mean…I…floating.

"Bella?" he's saying, soft so soft.

I am limp on top of him. He cradles my head against him with one hand. The other moves over my back, under my shirt. This is how people do it. This is how it happens. It hits like a storm and it lifts you up so high. This is how love rips you open. This is what they're all afraid of.

Well not me.


	57. Chapter 57

Darnay Road 57

All I can think about is kissing Easy. I want to do it again. And again.

I think of Alice. All those years we talked about when and where and with whom we would share our first kisses.

And now that it's happened, I feel differently. I want to keep it to myself long enough to let it sink in. He had said he would kiss me every day, and we'd missed two days, nearly three, and now, now I've lost count.

And it's private. I've been in so much trouble I can't afford to share it. I don't want it thought about or talked about, or worse…judged. It's mine and it's his and that's all.

Our love shields me from Charlie's cruel words. It shields me, but it can't take those words away, those words not said to me…but near me like knives thrown around the outline of my body in a carnival show.

In the cellar, I wanted to keep going. Easy's hand went over the back of my bra and I said, "You can touch it," but I'm so stupid cause he was already touching it, but he pulled his hand away and brought it from under my shirt and he smoothed it over and over and he said we couldn't keep going.

I wanted to. I would have, Charlie overhead. I would have gone on. But Easy told me no.

He told me it wouldn't be that way.

I said, "What way?"

"In this basement," he said. Then he laughed a little, "This bomb shelter with your old man running his mouth like thunder. Not like this."

I wasn't going to do it. Not everything. I couldn't do that, well no I just got kissed. Then he said, not like this and he pushed me up and I got on my feet quick and he got up and we dusted off and he tucked his shirt all around and grabbed his hat off the floor and polished the brim with his sleeve.

He hurt my feelings.

We got out of the cellar and sat on the back porch and he kissed my hand and asked me what was wrong.

"Nothing," I said my hand tingling.

"We have to do everything right so we can keep seeing each other."

He touched my chin and I looked at him. I wanted to.

"All right," I said. I put my head on his shoulder then and his arm went around me and that was more than I could imagine for good, for wonderful.

It's almost immediate that we hear Charlie's car doors slam and Charlie's car starts up in front of the house. Easy is supposed to be long gone and we stand and now I'm dusting off my backside again.

"You need to go back in the house," Easy says. He's going back to Disbro's.

I don't want him to, but he says, "We have to show Vi we can keep the rules. She said fifteen minutes and it's over that now."

I can tell he's been in the army because I don't think he worried about rules so much before.

So I salute and it probably looks so stupid, but that's what I do and he salutes back, way better, as he walks away, backwards so we can keep looking at each other.

I have to say, "Look out," because he almost walks into the flowerpot that has sat there without a flower for a couple of years.

He makes it to the gate, still turned around and he smiles and he says, "Aw come 'ere," and he holds out his arms.

I go to him and I leap up and my ankles are crossed behind him and he spins me slowly, so slowly. We are getting very amazing at hugging.

After a minute he sets me down and I look up at him.

"When will you be back?" I am asking that, and I get this flash that I'll ask him that a thousand times before he's with me for good.

"Soon as I can," he says and he kisses my nose and of course I want more, lifting my lips even, though I don't know it until he laughs, looking right at my kisser and I feel so stupid but before I can take it away he kisses me fast there.

"You're so cute," he says.

I hope he's telling me the truth.

So we wave about three times and I go in the house. I feel floaty and goofy and happy and sad too. It's just a somersault inside. There's the kitchen, and Charlie's words are still hanging around, but they are smoke now, falling apart, getting absorbed by every other bit of life in here.

Aunt May is gone too. It's just me and Granma now. "Saints alive," she says to me entering the kitchen. She holds her hand out and I go to her and she hugs me. "Pay your father no mind," she says.

"I don't," I say, but there are reasons, well a reason, and that is Easy. "But it's not okay," I let her know.

"No it is not." She lets out a breath, a short one. "I must lie down."

I pull back and look at her.

"We will talk about all of it, but not now," she says so tiredly. She breathes again, kind of wheezy. "You can lie with me and we'll talk in there."

I follow her into her bedroom, the old walnut furniture that she shared all her life with Grampa still shiny and unscratched.

I have spent many nights here, but not too many as in my tender years I worked on my cases and held so much vigil at my window the sill is marked up from the flashlight and the spirals on my many notebooks.

"First off, Granma, did you go to the doctor for the asthma?"

She sits on her side of the bed, gripping the edge of the mattress. "Yes. May took me."

"What do you do for it?"

"I have this," she opens the nightstand and shows me a funny thing that is as long as her finger and looks like a fat plunger. She also has capsules and she inserts one of these into the plunger thing and puts her mouth over the open end of it and plunges the medicine into her mouth.

She lays the plunger on the nightstand and sits on the side of the bed for a minute coughing a couple of times and breathing more labored than usual.

"What does that do?" I ask finally.

"Helps my lungs," she says. She lies back then, on the three pillows she keeps there. She rarely lays flat.

I notice she has her shoes on. On the white chenille bedspread that is usually a no-no.

I stop to untie them, slip one off then the other. I get the foot pillow. It's an old throw pillow, that radiant green she used to love and now she's stuck with. I put the pillow under her feet then walk around to the other side of the bed and kick off my shoes and lie down, also on top of the spread cause you never mess the bed up just to take a nap.

"Are you better now?"

"Yes," she says.

I look at her quickly and her eyes are closed. "I was on the porch with Easy cause he was worried about Charlie being here."

"For heaven sakes," she says softly, but she keeps her eyes closed.

The asthma I knew nothing about seems to have taken its toll on her.

She is very quickly sound asleep. I have the phone number for Disbro's. Disbro is supposed to be in school but I don't think he goes that much. If girls could call boys I might call Easy and tell him I love him. I'm telling him now…in my mind thanks to Susy Smith's book ESP for the Millions and thanks to Aunt May who doesn't know I borrowed the book via Alice May and read it thoroughly. Anyway, I'm working on reaching Easy, telepathically.

But my mother comes in, like an errant channel when a plane goes over, cutting into what I'm trying to watch. I think of my mother, my beautiful mother…he was never big enough. That's what he said. First time, I don't blame her for running away. I don't even blame her for leaving me behind…with my Granma. And in Easy's path.

No I don't blame my mother at all. I think she had a lover. I think she followed him. I think she followed love. Across the ocean. Bigger love than he was ever going to give. She waited on him first and it wasn't there and she left me, like an offering, left me to fill his emptiness.

But he couldn't love me either.


	58. Chapter 58

Darnay Road 58

Granma sleeps. I go in the kitchen and put the dishes in hot soapy water and wash them quickly, barely aware of what I'm doing. How can I be here, washing stupid dishes when Easy is so near? In a couple of weeks I'll give anything to get so much as a glimpse of him and now he's near and I'm washing cups?

Is it over? Has she lifted my punishment? It's enough I can't go to school, right?

I hear the double knock and the front door opens and I know it's Alice May. I dry my hands and we meet in the hallway.

She is in her gym suit with a letterless letter jacket over that. She's in the process of earning her letter for cheering but that will take the rest of the year. She quit growing two years ago. Five-foot-two, eyes not blue. That's what Granma sings to her with a slight modification on the lyrics. Then, "Has anybody seen my girl?" She means Alice. Alice always laughs and gives her a hug.

But right now her eyes are troubled. She wears her feelings like red lipstick Aunt May always says.

"Can I be here?" she whispers.

"Yeah," I say, motioning she should follow me upstairs. We go up and enter my room and I close the door.

"I've got so much to tell you. But first…you first," she says gripping my arms.

"Easy was here. I love him," I say. I can't believe I told her like that.

"You do? Well…that's pretty much like usual isn't it?" she says with a big grin, passing me by and taking off her jacket.

"It's real though. He's my boyfriend now. My real boyfriend."

"It's the big news at school. You being suspended too. That story is growing-the janitor catching you two doing it. In the church."

I pick up a china statue I got with my watch years ago. It's Cinderella and she's holding the sides of her dress like she's going to curtsy. If I throw it I'll lose it and maybe wake Granma. I put it back on the shelf.

"I hate school. I don't want to go back there."

"You have to go back," she says.

"I wish I could run away to Canada with Easy," I say hotly.

Her big eyes get even bigger. "You do?"

"I would," I say. "Who is saying this? What have you heard?"

"It's just talk. At the lunch table. I told them to shut-up."

"Who? Who says it?" I demand.

"I don't know," she drops onto my bed.

"I'm not going back there. I'll go to public."

She flops onto her back. "You can't do that. You have to go to Bloody Heart."

"No I don't. I hate it there."

She gets on her elbows. "I went with Jap."

All thoughts of Bloody Heart fly out the closed window.

"When?"

"Saturday. Sunday. Tonight."

"Wh…How?" I have that feeling like years before when she flew past me on Jap's bike, her arms raised.

"I tell Aunt May I'm doing regular stuff and I meet Jap."

She stares at me, not backing down, kind of proud. Here I haven't sneaked out to meet Easy and she's been going ahead and meeting Jap. I'm kind of mad and…jealous? I'm jealous.

"You can't be doing that," I say, but it's the other choice—if I'm not going to be honest I can always turn into her mother.

She blows that off, "Too late."

"What…what do you do?"

She falls back and spread her arms wide. "Whatever we want. He's so…."

"He's wild," I say. Just going by looks.

She's up and all over my room, flitting about in this kind of swirling dance, "He is. I love him so much."

"Love him?" I'm appalled. I'm the one in love. And my love is real, not some…joke.

She's giggling and…shining. "Yeah." She's playing with my Cinderella. "Yeah. Peace and love, right? Free love?"

"Free love?" Oh come on. We've talked and talked about it. We say shocking things all right, like we plan to do it someday when we're in college…if we go. But not with just everyone. Just with thee one. Well for me, just with Easy. But leave it to Alice to take it all seriously and start…whoring around.

"You didn't let him, did you?" I say.

She goes back to my bed and falls there laughing like a crazy loon. Her little butt is sticking up kind of quivering. I walk quickly to the bed and smack her a good one right on it.

She rolls over, her face flushed. "Ow, bitch."

We call girls bitches all the time, but just when we talk to each other. We're trying it out—that word and it's our favorite. But she never calls me one.

"You deserve it," I say. "Telling on me about the church. You big stupid fruit."

Her mouth is open and she moves her feet fast and gets herself sitting upright on my pillows and wrecking my bedspread. "I had to tell because I didn't know what happened to you. I got worried, freak."

"You weren't worried. You wanted to look important cause that's all you care about anymore—your reputation," I say squeaking out 'your reputation' like I'm mimicking her—which I am.

"At least I have one," she says lifting her chin.

"Shish-boom-bah!" I sneer.

"They were going to call the police," she says more loudly, "and you know what that means. Easy would be in so much trouble and then it gets into the paper and dumb-ass Charlie gets the paper!"

She's right. That's how Charlie keeps up. She's right. He'd have that much more on Easy. He'd make that call to Fort Ord. She's right. It could have been that same cop that pulled us over. It could have gone so much worse.

I plop on the bed, my head in my hands.

"He was so horrible," I moan, meaning Charlie.

I tell her what happened then. What Charlie said.

She turns on her knees, making the bed bob and wave like we're on the high seas, and she punches my pillow a few times. "He's such an old fart bitch jerk."

That makes me laugh. Then she laughs. She half tackles me laughing and pulls me down on the bed with her. She loves to do this, get on me and kiss my ear and be gross. She thinks it's funny and it always is and I hate it.

I try to get her off of me and she's laughing and so am I, and we end up on the floor and she's doing her barnacle thing and you can't get her off, but I'm trying and I'm yelling at her.

I hear Granma somewhere in there. We cut it out then and she leaps onto her feet and says, "Granma," all sing-songy, running to her and hugging her. She's just doing it to get her way. She probably shouldn't be up here without permission since I've been jailed.

"For heaven sakes you two are worse than a passel of boys," Granma says, but she's just pretending to be ticked off. She's patting Alice's back.

"Tell Crazy," I say flapping my hand toward Alice.

"Granma I'm so, so hungry," Alice says.

"Well it's not going to be fancy but you're welcomed to stay," Granma says.

Alice gets all giddy and jumpy. No wonder she loves cheering. Granma leaves and doesn't say a thing about Alice being up here and all I can think is maybe this means Easy can come over tonight too.

"So what are you and Jap doing?" I say.

Alice smiles this tight smile and flops back onto my bed and my teddy bear goes over the side. "Well the first time…Saturday, I was at the Five and Dime getting some make-up and I saw him out on the sidewalk." She looks at me, "Well I knew you were grounded. Aunt May said I couldn't disturb you. So I went with Jessica…well not with her, but we ended up walking uptown together."

I don't know what kind of face I'm making, leaning against my radiator with my arms folded.

"Well she was ahead of me so she waited and I caught up," she defends herself. "Anyway…."

"You were just hoping he'd come by," I said.

She laughs and gets all spastic and squeals. "Shut-up and let me tell it. I looked out the window while I was paying at the store and he was out there on the corner, leaning on the stoplight post smoking a cigarette. He looked so cute!" She has to roll around some.

"You're fixing my bed," I say.

She ignores it and sits up clutching my pillow. "So I put my make-up in my purse and go out there. I got some Sugar Babies so I wave at him over there and he nods…so cute. And my heart…."

She is so dramatic I could strangle her, but I can't move I'm so interested.

"So I hit the button and all the cars have to stop and I walk across toward him…."

"What are you wearing?"

"My plaid wool shorts and knee socks and I'm freezing to death but I love those shorts…."

"Go on," I cut her off.

"He finishes his cigarette and he's grinding it with his boot when I get to him and I say, 'Sugar Baby?' and hold my little box out and he says, 'Sure.' And then we just start walking."

"Where's Toady?" I mean Jessica.

"Back in the Five and Dime looking at magazines. I wasn't really with her or anything. So he starts walking with me and he says, 'Where you going?' and I say, 'The movies,'…."

"Did you see Romeo and Juliet?" I am ready to choke her. We have been planning and planning to see that movie together.

"No! We saw the Love Bug." She says folding her skinny arms.

Well I'm not happy about that either. "The Love Bug?" Making fun of her is preferable to telling her this whole story makes me green.

"So listen! I pay his way into the show because he's broke."

"He's like a hippie," I say. Does she know that?

"I know. He says he is a non-conformist."

"He says that?" That's pretty smart for someone like him.

"Well he isn't very serious. But will you listen to my story?"

"Go on."

"We're in the show and we eat all of the Sugar Babies."

"Wait…what did you do when you ran off with him on Friday?"

"It was so much fun!" she squeals. "We ran all over the girl's field and he tackled me and we fell on the grass and looked up at the stars. It was so fun. I did all my cheers and then Riley came and ruined it. That sausage. He is so mad at you."

"At me? He doesn't have any right in this world to be mad at me."

"I don't want to talk about him anyway."

"Well tell me the other—the show."

"Yeah, about halfway he says, and it's all kids and their mothers, but we're in back, and he leans toward me and says, "Hey taste this," and I get closer and he kisses me and leans away and he says, 'Taste like Sugar Babies?' and I can't say anything because I'm thinking we'll be making babies." She dies laughing then, but I'm pretty mad. I'm thrown too. I mean…she had her kiss on Saturday. Mine came on Friday. She's ruined my news. Ruined it. They've had so much time while I've been a prisoner.

"You better be careful," I say. "He's going to stay here and what are you going to do? He'll never be accepted by the crowd you run with."

"What crowd? I cheerlead. So what?"

Well I'm too mad to think about it.

"He's so free," she says all dreamily.

"Did he kiss you again?"

She is blushing and smiling and not looking at me, just at the ceiling.

"Alice May. You cannot go crazy with him." I feel like a hypocrite.

"Look who's talking," she snaps.

"Well I know what I'm doing and Easy is much more…grown up than Jap. Jap is fourteen or fifteen now. He doesn't even have a job or a pair of pants without holes!"

"He is not materialistic. He doesn't want his life to be about that!"

"Hogwash. He's just a bum!" I say.

"He is not! But he'll never go into the army like Easy. He loves Easy, but he will never let the establishment send him into their war!" she yells.

I can't believe this is Alice. She's talking like…like I did…before Easy came back. She's the jock. She's the one that sells out and doesn't apologize for it. At all. I'm the one trying to make her see…to make her listen and care about more than the next cheer or the next sock-hop and she says non-conformist, and establishment…to me? And now Jap…it's all about Jap?

I don't know why we're fighting. I feel the same about Easy.

"You're so mean," she says sitting beside me like she's had the air poked out of her.

"I know," I say like it's a revelation. "But I'm just…I don't want you to get hurt. Or pregnant like that one girl we heard about."

"I won't," she says. "I wouldn't do that. We've just kissed."

"But he's free love, right? He's probably been with lots of girls in Tennessee."

"Easy too then. They're brothers."

"But Easy…." I'm thinking how he stopped us. He's different from Jap. Jap wouldn't have stopped.

"I wouldn't do that," she repeats.

I look at her, and love is so powerful. I didn't know before, but I do now. "Promise," I say.

"I promise," she says.

I put my arm around her then, my hand on her still pointy little head.


	59. Chapter 59

Darnay Road 59

Granma calls us down to help with supper and my ears are tingling. Alice May has given me the many details from her time with Jap. He brought a marijuana cigarette to the trestle one night and she took a puff. I slapped her for it. Just hauled off and hit her arm.

So it's been a lot, a lot of talking.

"Lay the plates," Granma says first thing when we enter the kitchen.

"Granma…I was wondering," I'm not supposed to talk to her about me and her stuff in front of Alice or anyone, but Alice hears it all the time anyway, and I'm ready to pop at the seams so I say, "Granma I was thinking you could punish me all you want once Easy is gone. I'd stay in for a month if you said, and wash windows. I just don't think it's fair…."

"Easy and that other one are coming to supper. So is May and maybe Riley," Granma says without looking at me cause she's setting the timer.

I don't like Riley coming but I'm so so happy Easy can I can barely protest anything.

This big, fat joy hits me. "Oh thank you Granma," I say. I look into the big skillet of Stroganoff. Life is really good really fast. Just perfect.

"You invited all of them? We'll have a party," Alice May says doing the twirl even without a skirt.

But she seems to notice then, that she's in a jumpsuit that looks a lot like the sunsuits she wore a hundred years ago. She squeals a little and runs out of the room. I hear her on the stairs.

"Where you going?" I call from the hall.

"He can't see me in this," she says.

"He's not materialistic, remember?" I call after, but she's already disappeared upstairs to raid my closet.

Back in the kitchen I go to my Granma and hug her from behind cause she's working over the stove. "You're the best Granma in the whole world," I say. And I mean it.

She goes kind of limp and she's moving and I step away and she gets to a chair and pulls it out and drops and she's crying into her hand, her elbow on the table. No sound but shoulders…shaking.

"Granma," I get out. I'm almost crying too.

She sniffs big and sits straighter and wipes her eyes with her apron.

She looks at me, eyes so red. "I'm going to trust you. You haven't earned it after that stunt last Friday. But you haven't lost it either. I can't follow you around. I didn't raise you to be a fool. Did I?"

"No," I assure her.

"Then don't be one."

"You saying I can see Easy? Like…could we go to a movie and maybe do stuff?" I'm on my knees. I don't even remember, but here I am.

"I'm saying one thing at a time and if you don't give me a reason not to…I'm going to trust you. Can I?"

"Yes Granma. Yes, oh yes." I throw myself over her lap and cry a little. I love her so much I'd sign a paper in blood if she asked me.

She pulls on me a little. "Then get up. Lay those plates."

I get on my feet and just like that, it's over. I don't know when I've felt so happy…well seeing Easy. But I'm ready to burst with it.

"The plates," she says,still sniffing while she goes to the refrigerator and digs around.


	60. Chapter 60

Darnay Road 60

I have just loaded a stack of forty-fives on the living room stereo when there's a knock on the door. I start the music and pull on the sleeves of my navy blue dress. It is form fitting on the top but it's a scooter skirt on the bottom. So it looks like a dress but there are shorts built in under a front and back panel.

It hits above my knees of course, but it's not super short until I sit down, the shorts move up and you can't pull them down, but there's the panel in front that goes to my knees when I'm seated, but it's not wide enough to cover the sides of my thighs. It's kind of neat, a mini but not all the way.

I pretty much love this dress and the little belt around my waist. I had to make an extra hole because my waist is small and Granma says that is very much like my mother was. But I'm wearing this, and a pony tail with a scarf tied around it. I've got on navy blue knee socks and my Weejuns. I feel about sixteen, or just so aware of myself in a new way both self-conscious and kind of…powerful.

I pull the door and it's Aunt May holding a big chocolate cake and Riley standing behind her, his thumbs in the pockets of his jeans.

I step back and hold the door wide for Aunt May, then Riley. He looks me up and down. Ug.

I let him close the door himself.

"You did it now," he says after Aunt May makes it to the kitchen. "You and your little boyfriend."

"Little?" I say. Easy is taller than Riley.

Janis Joplin is rasping out Summertime from the living room. She's singing about a rich daddy, something neither one of us had.

"Alice tell you what they're saying at school?" he says.

"They say a lot of dumb stuff at school. Can't imagine who'd start such a rumor."

"Not me."

"Saint Riley."

He smiles, but it never quite looks happy. "I like that," he says low moving into the kitchen.

I turn back to the door to watch for Easy and Jap. They are just entering the yard. It takes my breath like a morning sky and I feel all that hope. Easy is in jeans and a t-shirt and his jacket. Jap is in his torn jeans but his long hair is combed and tied back. I pull the door and Easy is first up the stairs onto the porch. He comes to me and we join hands and he squeezes mine and I think to do the same but we don't need it he squeezes so hard.

"I…hello," I say to him.

He smiles big, and it's real, just like he is. He also looks me up and down and wolf whistles very softly and Jap laughs a little and I say hi to Jap and point to the kitchen and Jap follows the good smells and Easy pulls me in the living room, which just takes a little tug on my hand and we're there and the music, and he says low, "How's Sing-Sing?" and before I can answer his lips are so warm on mine and before I can breathe he pulls me back into the hall and it's almost like we didn't even miss a step.

In no time we're in the kitchen and it's crowded with seven people in that space but I am so so happy.

"C'mon, Granma," Riley says, "everybody gets an inch. Two inches," he is saying holding a bottle of wine Granma has had in the refrigerator for a year.

"For heaven sakes," Granma says and she doesn't even stop Riley from pouring everyone an inch and a half in seven Dixie cups.

May is laughing at Alice's reaction because she takes a little sip and says, "It's yuck."

Jap downs his and holds it toward Riley for a refill and Riley drains the bottle into Jap's cup and it looks like sediment in the dark glass bottle but Jap doesn't care at all, he downs it.

"Bella," Riley says handing me the cup, his eyes sliding to my chest and back up right before he swallows his.

"Bella," Easy says and he's holding his cup and wants to fake-clink cups with me so we do that and it makes me smile, but I only sip and it's so grody.

"Here," I say and I mean to hand it back to Riley but Jap says he'll take it so I hand it to him.

Granma is trying to protest that we're minors drinking alcohol but May is telling her they do it in Europe all the time, young children even.

We start to crowd around the table. Easy and I get chairs next to each other. Alice isn't so lucky, Riley gets next to her before Jap does so Jap is left on the corner beside Aunt May, and I'm not so lucky because Easy might be on one side of me, but Riley is on the other.

So May is telling Granma how she made the cake and bowls full of food hit the table, nothing fancy like I said before, but very substantial cause my Granma can just make the best food appear in minutes.

Riley goes to serve himself some green beans and May says, "Ah, ah, ah," and makes to almost slap his hand. So we have to bow our heads and May says, "Bless us oh Lord and these they gifts which we are about to receive through thy bounty through Christ our Lord. Amen."

Granma and Alice and I say, "Amen," and make the sign of the cross.

I look up at Easy and he smiles. I think he's been watching me. I pick up the mashed potatoes and set them between our plates and I give him a big spoonful, then another.

He laughs and everyone does like I gave him too much. But I don't care and I don't know why they are watching me anyway when this food needs passed so shut-up.

"I want some," Riley says holding his plate up a little.

"Well keep your shirt on," I say serving myself. Then I lift the heavy bowl and set it by Riley's plate.

Next it's green beans, Easy gets those and puts some on his plate and passes me that bowl. I serve myself and hand off to Riley. Riley touches my hands a lot. When I give him a dirty look he just smirks. He does it again with the corn so when the stewed tomatoes come by I just plunk them on the table with my elbow over his plate and no 'excuse me.' I don't hand off anything else.

Jap and Easy about love Granma's food. Everyone does. She doesn't cook like she used to, but tonight she's got a good spread. I'm just lifting my fork to my mouth when I feel it, Easy's foot next to mine, tapping against the side of my shoe. I look at him and he's eating away not looking at me. So what I do next is pull my foot back and move it around his like a hook.

He is wiping his mouth on his napkin then he looks quickly at me and almost no smile at all, just almost. I pull his foot just my way just a little, just an inch.

"This is delicious," Jap says and Alice giggles like he's said something funny.

Since he's across from her I can't help but wonder where her feet are. Hard telling with Alice May and she's very dexterous so anything is possible.

So then, from Easy's side I feel this light touch against the bare skin of my thigh where the shorts ride up. I am taking a drink of my water when that happens and I cough a little.

Riley looks at me and says, "Calm down Swan."

Now Aunt May is chattering on about cakes and frosting and Granma says you have to add sugar or something, and I have to remember to eat so I drop the hand toward Easy onto my lap and move it enough and his hand finds mine right away and we are holding hands under the table.

Then I feel Riley's knee hit mine. It's just a hit, then it happens again.

"Watch it," I say, moving side to side, trying not to disturb my hand-holding with Easy.

Riley laughs a little and keeps shoveling his food.

Then I feel his knee again. I point my knees more toward Easy.

Granma glances at me, but just a glance.

"Yes Ma'am," Easy says and I realize Aunt May asked Easy a question.

"Well that must have been hard work," May says.

"Yes Ma'am but I like to see progress like that," Easy says. She's asked about him and Jap working in the hayfields.

"Well they ran cattle, just enough. Had some horses too."

"Your family?" I say.

"My uncles," Easy says.

"You like that work too?" May asks Jap.

"No Ma'am," he says, same as Easy with politeness. I'm relieved.

May knows Jap some from earlier days. "What do you want to do with your life?" May says.

"Aunt May he's just a kid," Alice says. "He can't know what he wants to do with his whole life!"

Jap laughs and you can tell the way he looks at Alice May he thinks she's the cutest thing.

"Trash man," Riley says and he laughs and Easy bends forward to look past me at Riley like he's curious about him saying that.

Jap goes on the back two chair-legs, boys always have to do that. "Live off the land. Grow things."

"Mary Jane," Riley says under his breath and Alice laughs and Easy looks past me again at Riley.

"Be a farmer?" Alice says in a voice like, 'say what?'

"Yeah," Jap says. "Not a chemical using soil eroding one, but back to the land. You know."

"Should a stayed in Tennessee," Riley says forking away.

"I ain't going back," Jap says. "I like it here. Lots of small farms in Missouri."

I'm surprised again that he has any plan at all. Of course he could also say a hundred other things that could and probably will change. But I can see him as a farmer. Of sorts. I cannot see Alice May anywhere around a farm. And apparently, now that she's berating the whole idea, she can't either.

"I want to live in a city. New York!" she says. "I want to go to Macy's!"

Jap levels his chair and keeps eating. He keeps smiling at Alice too, but everything he does is what they call low-key.

Easy is playing with my thumb. He's one-handing his meal, like me.

"They're talking all over school about what went down Friday night," Riley is looking past me talking to Easy. "She's gonna have a real time when she gets back to school," he says.

Granma is paying attention. "She didn't do anything. Bunch of busy-bodies."

"I tell you this is my whole beef with Christianity. Most gossiping people on earth," May says.

"May," Granma says.

"It's true Vi. They put all the big sins underground but gossip and gluttony they've turned into an art form so they can keep right on doing it."

"For heaven sakes May," Granma says.

"It is not for heaven's sake at all. They worry about their do's and don't's and rip good people to shreds and don't give it a thought. That's not what my bible says. Wolves in sheep's clothing. Whited walls and empty wells."

I try not to groan cause ever since Aunt May got the bible in her hands…well I already said it. But she's got a point, maybe. Even though I know this is more about Father Anthony…just Anthony, I mean. Aunt May thinks he got a raw deal of some kind.

"Yes May. And I hope you're doing all you can to shut down any gossip spoken in your presence, Riley," Granma says.

There have been times in my life, maybe more than I know, where Granma has tried to make Riley protect me. When we were younger, at the swimming pool, or walking home. These days it's riding us home from games and dances. To his credit he has been protective. Sort of. We've just never had anyone to protect us from him.

"Do you think I should try to talk to the principal or something?" Easy says. He is holding my hand very firmly atop his leg.

"No," Granma says. "Bella you can handle yourself, right? You would go to a teacher if anyone got out of line?"

"Yes," I say. Granma can't imagine how cruel the kids at school can be. Aunt May is more correct but what she's saying can't help me in the pit of Bloody Heart. It may be true about Christianity, I haven't thought it out like she has, but it is still, what it is. And I have to go there on Thursday and face it.

"I'm sorry Bella," Easy says to me, not caring who else hears.

Riley snorts but I don't look at him.

"Don't go," Jap says. "If it's a bad scene just go to public."

I laugh and so does Alice. Jap can't know how it feels to have gone to the same place since kindergarten, that leaving it could not be casual, or even a choice as my Granma thinks me going to Bloody Heart secures my place in heaven and Aunt May, for all her disgust with Christians, thinks Bloody Heart is a better education than public. Least she used to think that.

"Maybe if I pick her up from school every day in my uniform," Easy says like that uniform makes him superman or something.

"No Easy," Granma says firmly. "I was going to talk to you about that. You are not to go on school grounds."

"Did the school say that?"

"I said it. Bella Christine is to come home on the bus just like always. You are not to show up at her school," Granma says. "I have to think of her. And it protects you too."

They are having a bit of a stare-off. His grip is almost too tight.

"Are you listening?" she says.

"Yes Ma'am," he says.

Granma's shoulders drop a little. "Good then."

"But I can't just let Bella suffer. It's my fault. This whole thing."

"Shouldn't have run away from me. Again." Riley says talking with his mouth full.

"Sometimes we put things in motion, and people get hurt. We have to learn to look at consequences not only for ourselves but for others before we act," May says like she's quoting another book.

"Like the war," Jap adds and I'm really impressed he could make that leap. He just keeps surprising me. And apparently Aunt May cause she does a double take looking at him.

But Granma keeps going, "Bella has a mind. She made her own decision and it got her here. Sacred Heart is her world just like the army is yours, Easy. She can't fix yours and you can't fix hers."

"Right here, Granma," I say weakly cause she's talking like I'm not around.

"I'm talking to Easy," she says without her usual care. Is she mad at me or something?

"Sacred Heart is my world too," Riley says. "So I got it, G. I. Joe."

I put my fork down and pinch the back of Riley's arm.

"Ow," he says too loudly. "What'd you do that for?"

"You're in my world," I say and Alice May is laughing.

Riley looks at me. He licks his lips and takes his napkin and rubs his hands and face. He pitches that in his plate. "I'm ready for cake," he says, his face flushed red.

"Bella is," Easy clears his throat, "important to me."

"And to me," Granma says.

Easy looks at her. "Yes Ma'am. I…know that."

"I ah…okay?" I say weakly and even Alice isn't laughing. What Easy just said…in front of everyone has quieted us down.

"You haven't seen her for four years," Granma says.

"Yes Ma'am. But it doesn't change how I feel about her. I'm going away again but it won't change it." He is so certain, so clear. I want to believe him and I'd say the same thing, if I had the nerve but it would be hard to just…declare it in front of…everyone.

May's chair scrapes back as she stands up. "Alice May you help me serve the cake."

Alice gets up, and with May's back turned and Granma's attention on her plate now, Alice pinches Jap's cheek as she passes him and he grabs at her and she quietly dances out of his reach toward Aunt May.

"That's my sister," Riley says to him.

Jap flashes Riley the peace sign.

Granma is blinking like Satan just stuck a pitch fork in her eye.

"Young people," Granma says like it's a disease maybe.

"We can't help it we're young, Granma," I say.

"I like being young," Jap says and he turns and does this lazy grin at Alice and she is looking at him like she was waiting for it.

"You need some sugar," Aunt May says setting the first piece in front of Granma.

"It's too big May."

May picks up Granma and Easy's plates and moves the dish of cake across the table to Easy.

"Thanks Ma'am," he says picking up his fork again. "I just mean I care about Bella."

"Well you're talking way ahead of yourself," Granma says.

"He's not," I say. "Easy is my friend."

"It's…," Easy starts but I squeeze his hand. He can't say it again in front of all of them—how important I am.

"You're a big talker," Riley says, "but you don't know the future. People change. She can change her mind," Riley says.

"Shut-up Riley," I say.

Easy leans forward again. "I mean what I say."

I stand and bring our hands into Granma's view. I let go quick and Granma doesn't say anything she just takes a quick bite of her cake.

I stack the dirty plates and move around Riley and Alice's vacated seat and round the table and pass Jap on my way to the sink. Alice is taking plates of cake and setting them where the dirty plates were. I put the dishes in the sink and I turn to look at Easy. He watches me but so does Riley. I ignore him.

"Get mine," I say meaning my cake.

Easy stands and has our two plates and I lead us into the living room. Once in there he says, "This is rude."

I take the plates and set them on the coffee table, on top of Granma's magazines. Then I turn to him and over the music I say, "Let's dance," and I get close to him and his arms come around me like at the sock hop and mine go around him, too, and the Doors, well Jim Morrison sings Light My Fire, the best song ever created. And it's just relief to feel myself pressed against Easy. I don't need or want another thing. Just Easy.

Rude feels so wonderful. So wonderful. I am leaving them all behind. I am waving to them as they stand on the shore. My family…and my school. I am choosing Easy. I look in his eyes and what I see there are his feelings. "I heard you," I say.

He swallows.

I may not say it in front of them all, like he has, but they can look in here anytime if they dare, and they'll see how it is, how we are. I choose Easy.


	61. Chapter 61

The song Cherish for Vagabonda. And thanks again to the marvelous and creative Jedigirlsc for making vintage style magazine covers from some of my story titles. They can be viewed at

: / / www. pinterest jedigirls / counselor-stories /

And thanks for reading and reviewing. I 'cherish' each of you. I do.

Darnay Road 61

"Watch the lamp," Aunt May says, moving protectively in front of the end table Riley jars when he falls to his knees beside the coffee table. It is only a few minutes after Easy and I have begun dancing to our second song, Cherish, by The Association, that the great arm-wrestling championship is about to begin here in Granma's living room.

This is Riley's idea. He'd entered the living room where I was dancing with Easy in a complete stupor as the song seemed just for us. He'd plopped on the sofa and Jap and Alice were with him and mine and Easy's happy bubble burst. Pop.

The record changed to Stevie Wonder's I Was Made to Love Her and those two immediately started to dance. Jap wasn't shy about trying anything Alice May suggested like the jerk or mashed potatoes. She even got him to do the funky chicken. He's just not self-conscious.

Aunt May and Granma squeezed in as soon as the dishes were done. By that time Alice May and Jap had pretty well taken over. Now Alice is showing Jap how long she can stand on her head. Good thing she still has her gym suit under the kilt she'd borrowed from my closet.

And here's how we got to the arm-wrestling-Riley had started in with Easy about whether or not he knew Karate and Easy said they learned some in basic, and Riley wanted to go out on the lawn and try some holds on Easy and Easy said no but he ended up agreeing to arm wrestle.

So now Riley sits at one side of the coffee table and Easy across from him in the gap between couch and table, but they widen it slightly because Easy has those long legs.

Riley is bossing how they should do it, and Jap gets interested in laying out rules, like they have to stay seated and can't get up and lean into it.

Granma sits in her rocker half shielding her face as she watches. Aunt May stands at the end table holding Little Bit, who has been hiding because we have so much company. Now she is trembling.

"Bella come dance with me," Alice says hardly paying attention to the wrestling match at all. She is so used to Riley and his friends and it is hard to ignore Aretha Franklin asking for respect.

But I can't take my eyes off of Easy. He sits on the floor and I am almost next to him on the couch. His arms look strong, and they felt strong when they were around me a minute ago. Now his elbow is on the table, fist locked with Riley's. He looks even older and it hits me again he is a trained soldier and that means he knows how to kill people.

Well…he knew how to survive way before the army.

So Jap says, "Go," and Easy and Riley push against each other and the muscles in Easy's arm start to pop.

I lean forward, my hands clasped on my knees, and almost at once I see the littlest sway Riley's way, and Riley's face is red and he grunts and takes a breath and grunts again as Easy slowly moves their clenched hands and straining arms toward Riley's defeat.

Then Riley's arm seems to give way thunking the last inch to the table and Riley loses. They let go and Riley yells, "We're doing it again."

I have my hand on Easy's shoulder and I rub over it cause it must be tired but I can feel how strong he is, just a layer of muscle there. I am so proud and happy. And Granma is watching me, but I don't give a care.

Easy looks at me also proud and happy. But he doesn't rub it in Riley's face. Alice does.

Riley says he wasn't ready when Jap said, 'Go.'

Alice says, "Don't be sore, Loser." And she does a cartwheel and Aunt May scolds her to be careful she has nearly knocked the rabbit ears off Granma's T. V.

They hold a rematch and Easy wins again and Riley is mad and Granma says, "No more," they are going to ruin her table. Easy is laughing and Alice May wants to play Password and Riley wants to see who can do the most push-ups.

This living room must be holding its ears there is so much…life.

1111111111111111111

Returning to school is worse than I thought. Upperclassmen are interested in me, that's the biggest surprise. And it's all rude and painful. It is all scary. I am content not to be noticed very much, not for just entering a room for sure. I don't mind being noticed for writing an article or because I have spoken up in class and said what I thought. I don't mind that, but just because of a lie, gossip about me and Easy that I had no say about, I mind very very much being noticed for that.

I am…an inside person. That's what Easy said. I live inside of everything. But now…I'm on the outside. I am pulled from the place I've always…nested in. I am held up…investigated…a specimen on the lens of Bloody Heart's merciless eye.

I am so so mad. Here's what I am pulled from most…an existence I'm not sure I ever liked.

I don't like them. I don't like the way they work and work to make their circles, their links on the chain, the older ones and the younger ones, get in line.

They hold to one another, braided arms. They give one another position. Insiders. No one on the outside matters.

I am my own group, a group of one. Older boys who didn't used to know I was alive I don't think, are looking at me now, whistling at me, asking me to go on dates. Older girls pretty much hate me. Like I'm trying to steal the boys from them by being loose and like a whore, but I'm not at all, of course.

Lunchtime is the worst. Freshmen have their own tables, their own pressure. There is the long line of tables for jocks only. To sit there is to eat at the king's table. Riley eats there. Alice May could too, but for the first few weeks of school she ate with me.

She tried to pull me along with her but I have always refused. The price to be one of them is too high. I can't lose my freedom. I tell that to Alice and she doesn't understand, but she knows it's useless to argue. "Go sit with them if you want to," I say. Everything they do is so calculated. I just want to eat, not kiss ass for some kind of position in the kingdom.

But Alice stays with me until I move somewhere else and she is forced—or free to take her place amongst their ranks. God save the king.

That first afternoon when my bus gets to the stop at the end of my street and the doors open, Easy and Jap are waiting, both of them standing there looking older and kind of tough, definitely about beautiful and perfect and such a feeling is in me all of a sudden, like power I guess and I get off and Easy is finishing a cigarette, he tosses it, and puts his hands in his pockets and he's next to me and hits me with his elbow, but he's looking at the passing faces in the windows and he's smiling and saying, "They treat you okay?"

I have no mind for them. First time all day they can't touch me. He's looking at me then, smiling.

"I'm gonna go," Jap says.

"Yeah. No trouble," Easy calls and Jap is already in the street with his thumb out. "He's going to watch Alice practice."

Well no one said Jap couldn't go to the school. It's not really fair that Granma says Easy can't come.

"She asked him," I say. She told me right off and she couldn't wait until he was in the bleachers watching her twirl.

"Anyone give you a hard time?" He asks thumbing my bag off my shoulder and putting it on his like he'd done last Friday.

"Um…no."

"You not telling me?" He takes my hand.

"Just…," I swallow.

"What?"

"Just a couple of jerks. Upper classmen. They think I do it now."

"What?" he says without his smile.

"You can't do anything about it. I said no and they left me alone."

"No to what?"

"Going out. Friday." I shake my head. They'd asked me to go to a party after. Two of them. Popular, in-crowd, talking to me like I was some greaser they met at Snowball, the hamburger joint where even the girls, hair teased to the sky, fight each other every weekend for boys that fight each other every night of the week.

We only have those two girls at Bloody Heart that do that, run with kids like that. Not me. I am not one of them. I told those boys no thanks. They'd confronted me at my locker, caught me off-guard as it's a girl's only section. So I said, no thanks, but I said it in a way that made the handsome one look offended. I don't think he'd been turned down before. Not in this school where he's a big catch.

His name is Paco. They call him that. I think his real name is Jim. I know he has a girlfriend. A senior like him.

He asks if I'm coming to the game on Friday.

"No," I say trading the books in my arms for the ones in my locker. I can't even think.

"You put out?" he says.

"No," I say loudly.

That's when Sister comes and asks those boys what they are doing in the girl's section. She knows them, of course, and she starts to scold. The one, Jim's sidekick Ben starts to move off, but Jim kind of ignores her. "Hey, I'll see you Friday. At the game."

I don't get a chance to say I have a boyfriend, not that he's asking to be my boyfriend, he's asking if I put out.

I'm so angry I stare after him and before he rounds the corner he turns and makes a kiss mouth at me. It barely registers that now Sister is yelling at me I'm so angry.

By Friday I am so aware of being painfully behind in a couple of my classes. It's my responsibility to catch-up so I've met with a couple of my teachers after school to learn about make-up work and I miss my bus. I know Easy is waiting at my stop.

I'm so mad at this stupid school. At myself. My choices are to walk to the field and wait for Alice to finish her shorter Friday night practice or to try walking home and it's a long walk for someone with such a stack of books as me.

I trudge to the cold field because the boys get the gym to practice lay-ups and whatever else and that leaves the great wintery outdoors for the girls.

I've been sitting on those bleachers trying to make an outline for a research paper for a half hour when Jap plops next to me. He has his usual ponytail and a cigarette behind his ear. "Hey," he says.

I'm looking around for Easy.

"He's not here. I hitched," Jap says. "He'll be here soon as he finds Disbro. I'm supposed to find you, set up a safe perimeter, hold off the enemy until he arrives with the big guns."

I laugh. It's amazing to have a friend after this horrible day. "Aunt May get you registered?" I say. I'm worried that Easy is coming here when he's not supposed to. I don't want another ride with Disbro either.

"Yeah," he laughs a little. Aunt May took it upon herself to get Jap registered at the public school.

"You start on Monday?"

"I guess," he says taking that cigarette and cupping his hands to light it. I add my hands too and he gets it lit. "Thanks," he says, breaking the no smoking rule but I don't think he cares. I know he doesn't. "There she goes," he says fondly as Alice May does a cartwheel.

We both laugh a little. She's already spotted him and she waves. Others look and they are already talking.

"I guess I'll go to the parking lot and wait for him," I say packing everything back into my bag.

"You'll hear that truck. Just stay here where I can do my job," he says. Then we laugh again. "He's worried someone gave you trouble."

"Oh," I blow through my lips, "nothing I can't handle," as my granma would say.

"Why don't you come to public with me?" he says. "I'll take care of you. Make Easy happy at least," he says.

I don't know what to say. "No offense, but I take care of myself. Granma says so."

He likes that. He offers me a hit on his cigarette.

"No thanks." I remember I have a Milky Way left over from lunch so I get that out of my purse and we split it and we're just finishing when I hear that old truck pull in across the way on the parking lot.

"Well, that's my bus," I tell Jap.

He stands then. It also looks like practice is finishing. I know we can ride with Riley. I say that.

"You go on. Tell Alice May I'll see her at home," he says jumping off the bleachers.

"Where you going?"

"I'll ride with them. See you at home." He means he'll go with Easy and Disbro and I can go with Alice and Riley.

"Jappie!" Alice calls, running across the field in her gym suit and letterless jacket.

Jap looks at me with a big grin then he walks toward her and they meet in the field, cigarette in his mouth as he stands so tall hovering over her while she yaps on about how happy she is to see him. I look back at that truck. I don't know if Easy can see me. I can't stand to go toward Riley's car with Easy so close. I take off for the parking lot because one way or another I need a ride. Maybe he'll come my way and Riley can drive all of us. They seemed okay after the arm wrestling, like Riley got it out of his system, this thing about wanting to beat Easy at something.

I wave then and he's out of the truck. He always takes my breath. I hurry toward him. Then I run.


	62. Chapter 62

Darnay Road 62

"Hey pull over here," Easy says to Disbro. He has his arm around me and my bag with all the books is at my feet stuffed like I'm Santa Claus or something.

We pull off the road. Disbro says, "Give me a cigarette." His very active good hand does all the work while the other is curled against his chest like a broken pigeon.

Easy pays up so we can get this time alone.

"Granma will know…," I start to remind Easy. As soon as Riley gets home Granma will know I'm with Easy because Easy asked her if he could go for me once I didn't come home on the bus. This happens sometimes, I miss and go home with Riley and she doesn't worry about it. But I don't want to push it now.

Disbro gets out and goes down to the river. We are near home, but parked near the woods around the trestle.

I don't know what this is about.

Easy is digging in the high pocket on his jacket. He gets out a velvet box and hands it to me. "I told you I'd get you something, right?" he says. He just seems so serious. He hands me this box. I look at him before I open it and smile but he doesn't smile back.

"Go on," he says meaning I should open the box, and I do and it's a ring with an opal. I know it is because I love opals very much and he says it. "It's an opal."

I take it out and it fits just right.

"Alice told me the size," he says.

Well she didn't spill the beans at all. I put it on my finger and I keep my hand in a fist because my nails are just plain Jane. I don't do much to them unless Alice and I do it together, but we haven't lately.

"Thank you," I say. I look at him. "Thank you," I say again because he can't have much money and there are a million places.

He takes in a big beath. "Well I wanted to," he says.

I look at his lips and he leans a little and kisses me. I am overcome.

"Easy," I whisper. I've got tears.

"What's the matter?" he says low.

"I…," I laugh a little, "never thought I'd get a ring from you in Disbro's truck." That's not what I was going to say, I don't know what I was going to say, but it's the truth about this truck.

He laughs too. "Yeah. I'm just looking for time with you when they aren't all around."

It has been that way. We're being watched.

"I'm," I lick my lips and try to keep my eyes off of his, "going to ask Granma if we can do something."

"Like what?"

"Like go to the movies or something." I look at him and he's waiting, "She said she would trust me."

"She told me that. On the phone when she invited me to dinner Monday night."

"I'm…going to hold her to it, I guess."

"Hey, let's walk from here," he says.

"My books…."

"Disbro can take them and we'll get them when we hit Darnay."

"Can he go by and tell Granma?"

"I don't know if he will. He'd tell Riley," Edward says.

I am shaking my head. That won't do us any good.

We get out and Easy calls Disbro. He comes up from the direction of the river.

"Hey anyone asks we're walking," Easy says.

"It's cold," Disbro says.

"We're fine," Easy says and Disbro doesn't say anymore.

Once he's gone it's quiet and Easy is holding my hand and we're walking along a trace path and it's rough, you have to watch your step.

"We ran all over here when we were kids," Easy says like he's thinking back.

"I've been around here a few times," I say. Alice and I more kept to the sidewalks and alleys.

"I like your shoes," he says and I think he's being sarcastic. They are my saddle shoes, well polished for school.

I laugh and stop to pull up my knee socks and then I take his hand. "Your hands are cold," he says.

Well not the one he's holding. I have the other in my pocket. "I'm fine."

He stops and tugs on my arm, "Bella."

I'm waiting.

"This time next week I'm gonna have to go back."

"I don't want to think about it."

"We have to. I think about it every day."

"I can stand it long as you're in the United States of America. But…Vietnam…Easy…."

"You been listening to the news? It's hell over there. There's no way I'm not going."

I'm shaking my head. "I don't know what I'll do."

"You'll keep going to school and…living."

"Not if you…." I can't say it.

"Hey." He makes me look at him, his fingers light on my cheek. "I'll always come back to you. Always."

But how? Alive?

"You want that?"

"Of course," I say. I wasn't not answering because I don't want him back.

"All the school stuff you'll have…."

"I don't care about that. I told you. None of it matters, Easy. All I care about is you. You better know it," I say. "You better remember it while you're over there."

He closes his eyes and nods.

"There is no one comes close," I say.

"Listen to me. I won't be here, Bella. And there's going to be stuff and they'll come around and ask. And no matter how it is with us you're fourteen."

"So?"

"You should just go if they ask. Don't sit home and wait."

"What? You're telling me not to wait?"

"I'm just saying go on and go. Just…have fun."

"Fun? I'm not halfway, Easy. It's you or someone else, not you and…everyone else." I'm mad that he doesn't know this about me.

"I just mean you'll be sitting home…."

"You don't think you're coming back."

"Yes I do. I'm coming back, Bella."

"You can't know that. You're talking like a dead man." I can't believe I said that word, that terrible word.

"I am not," he's holding my wrists. "I am not talking like a dead man. I'm thinking about you. Miss Vi said I have to think of you."

"When? When did she say that?"

"It was good. She made me think of things…I ain't been raised right."

"She said that?" I can feel my eyes about popping out of my head.

"No. Listen a minute. She said I need to think about you. You're just…young."

"You talking to her while I'm at school? About me?"

"No. Yes. I've been working at the house. We talked is all. There's nothing wrong with it."

"No. Guess not. Just…it's about me. And I don't get a say?"

"I asked her advice. I don't have…."

"You have me. If it's about you and me…ask me."

"I want to do right."

"I know right. And wrong. I know that."

"I asked her what she thought about us promising each other."

"Promising what?"

"I told her we're going steady. She sees it. She sees how it is."

"I don't care."

"You have to care. And so do I. We've learned that, right? You have to care."

"I am going along with all of their rules. Her and the school. I've been doing it right. So what are you talking about?"

"Us. She thinks you're too young. You'll miss stuff."

"I won't miss anything."

"Rite of passage stuff. That's what she says."

"She doesn't understand. I hate school and I hate all the rites of passage. I just want you. I want you, Easy."

"She," he says this loudly to be heard over me, "says we should just be friends and when I get back then you'll be older and if you still feel the same way it will be better and you won't have missed out…on stuff."

"I'm not…."

"She says," he's loud again, "I'm being unfair to you. She can see how you are…we are and it's not fair to you. I'm being unfair because I don't have much family and I'm trying to make you my family so I don't feel alone. I told you I do get lonely…that feeling of floating away…."

I scream. I turn in a circle and scream. "And you believe this?"

"I don't know…yes."

I scream again.

"I don't know," he says very frustrated. "I don't want to hurt you…keep you from things. I'd be using you then. I want to be good for you, good in your life. She's not a liar. She's not mean. She says this and I know she has always treated you so well. She's trying to protect you. From me. She thinks you need protected. From me."

I have my hands over my ears now. "I don't want to hear this."

"She says you're like in a crush. That there's no time to have a real boy-girl deal with me, it's always been mostly you having like a soft-heart toward me and that's not a grown person's love, not the good kind that lasts or something. It's rushed because of me, going away and you could have regrets cause it's all dramatic or something.

"She says I should go back to the base and leave you alone, give it some time, give you a chance to grow up and give myself a chance to accomplish something. Then…later…she says we could see. Until then, friendship is all a girl your age can really give and all a good man, especially one that's got a lot ahead and won't even be around…would ever ask for." He takes a deep breath.

"She doesn't understand," I say. "You believe this. All of it."

"I don't know."

"You gave me the ring."

"I would do that anyway."

"You're lying. You know what it was."

"From me…yes. From you? I don't know."

"I have told you."

"I'm not trying to get you to say stuff…."

"I love you. I don't want anyone else. If you do this to me…."

"Do what?"

"Leave. Say we're just friends. Expect me to go with others…."

"I love you, Bella. I always have. But if I thought something was for your best…."

"I'm telling you what's for my best. You're not listening. You're not going to even do this. You just want me to swear and swear because you're afraid I don't love you. Are you breaking up with me?" I have my fingers on the new ring, ready to pull it off.

"No." His eyes shoot to the ring and he's worried.

"You can't stand up for us? What do you think I've been doing every day at school, with those older boys, with Riley, yes I know all about it, how he feels, all about it, with my father and my granma, what do you think I've been doing and the first time you get a taste of it, you get mixed up? About me?"

I'm working the ring off. I know I'm being dramatic and I'm too upset to think but I work it off anyway. "Here."

"No," he says.

"You weren't ready to give this to me."

"Yes I was."

"No you weren't. Take it before I throw it into the weeds and you can't find it anymore."

"I won't take it back." He folds his arms.

There's no way I'm throwing it in the weeds. I make a fist over it and turn and start walking.

"Bella you're taking this all wrong. I just wanted to tell you."

"You told me."

"Stop it. Stop." His hand on my arm stops me. "She said it was partly pity. That's what got me. That and you sitting alone waiting."

"Don't…repeat it."

"Is it pity?"

I turn to him. "You mean like feeling sorry for you? I did feel sorry for you. I do now. You're headed for war, Easy, a war that makes the soldiers…they say don't go. Uncle Sam never had soldiers say that, but these are."

"Not all of them."

"And I feel sorry for you that you have to make your own way and that no one loved you, sorry that I saw bruises on you and I knew you were being hit and you weren't fed enough or ever given a pat on the back or clapped for or given anything to help you, or made to feel safe."

"My mom loved me…."

"I was sorry for you. I'm still sorry for you. I'll always be sorry about that. And so sorry…that night. I'm so sorry…that he died like that…and your mom…." I just can't say anymore. I wipe my eyes on my shoulder and I try to stop my emotions from growing so big I can't speak.

"You're too good for me."

"I'm not…."

"You are. I always wanted you. I couldn't help it."

"You're good. You told me you weren't but I always saw it, Easy. You're good inside. You're the best there is, the only one I want. The only one I'll ever want…."

He takes quick steps toward me and he's got me and we're moving backwards, all the way to a tree, it's rough against my back and he's pressing against me.

"I should let you go. I should let you go," he says, mad and miserable and serious and terrible.

I am crying now, but so is he. And I hold onto him, I hold onto him so tightly.


	63. Chapter 63

Darnay Road 63

We walk most of the way home in a battered silence. He holds my hand. I hold his. The ring is held tightly in my other hand, in my fist.

There is no fairy tale. We've stayed with the tracks, the obvious for too long.

When we pass the trestle we do not reminisce. We are too busy living the story, our story, too busy trying to reach resolution without being able to move toward it. We are stuck with what is.

We have established the truth. Granma's interference has dug all the way to the marrow. We have a love that's impossible to grow or fulfill in the regular fashion.

That doesn't make it go away.

It's alive like a new baby with a fatal disease. It's still sweet. You still want to hold it, cradle it, sing to it, cry for it. But it could die before it even gets to live.

No, I think, no, and it's like revelation what I know. The only obstacle to us is us. Nothing can separate us if we don't let go. Maybe not even death. Now that's dramatic, like Granma accused us of being, but it doesn't change how I feel and how I feel changes everything.

We've gone too far now. I just wanted to keep walking but we're behind Aunt May's. I can see Easy's old house over there. It looks even more faded, like it's going to disappear soon, fall into the ground and turn to humus.

We stop. He does. I do. "It hasn't changed," he says. "I think I dreamed that house. My dream house." He laughs but it's bitter.

"What happened to your dog when you left?"

"Disbro took him to the country and gave him away. No one around here would want him. The old man mistreated…that dog. Jap would cry. I'd try to get him to turn it on me."

"The dog?"

"No. His…anger."

He holds my hand so tight. I look at him in profile as he stares at that house. I see it now. I see what he did in his family.

"You're brave," I say. I mean it. He has always been the brave one. Forged into a hero. It's so deep in him he can't be anything else. He can't be a coward. Like his dad.

It worries me and comforts me all at once. He will be heroic when he goes to war. But it will be what he must do.

And he wonders why I love him…so fiercely.

I work my hand free of his and I still have that ring in my other fist and I let him watch me put it on my finger.

"What's it mean?" he says.

"I'll never take it off," I say, chin up, not blinking just staring. At him.

He holds my hand and touches that ring. He's not looking at that old house anymore. "I get back…I'll give you another. If I know you're waiting…if you want to…you have to promise you'll go ahead and do things. I won't hold it against you. Just…when I get back…if there's someone else…."

I start to pull away and he holds more tightly to my hands, "Hear me out Bella. If something happens while I'm gone…you'll have to tell me and I won't blame you. I'll do whatever you say. Just…don't sit around. And miss things."

He looks at me so sincerely and my hand with the ring works free and I touch his face. I know he likes this, when I touch him this way. He closes his eyes.

"The only thing I'll miss is you," I say.


	64. Chapter 64

Darnay Road 64

Part 3: 1970

Long white rows of headstones fill the landscape, each marker representing a life…someone's hope…someone's heart.

The ground is spongy from so much rain and this day is gray. Like Good Fridays usually are. This is a place where men who have performed military service are laid to rest.

Our small party has broken up. Granma is already in the car with Aunt May. Well she took it so hard.

I am determined to see a crack in the sky so the sun can wink at me, but I can't find that seam of light even though I know it's there.

I don't feel numb. I feel peace. The difference is vast.

The sun does wink then. I'm no different than any of these others laid here in silence like seeds planted in the earth while their lives continue to bear fruit through those who like me, in distant groups peppering this landscape, sow them in reverence and hope for the day.

Did his life touch me?

I'm here, aren't I?

1111111111111111

1971

If I could laugh, I'd be laughing right now. He's looking out the window and I know he's not finished. The history final hasn't been hard but it required preparation. He knows some history. He reads. But the way they teach it here, in public school, you have to memorize dates. I think that's so you can sound like you know something so they can feel good about themselves. But history is one big understatement. You read that a battle took place—the American Revolution, the Civil War, World War I, Two, Korea, Vietnam, and all that will come after. But you don't read the millions of stories, of children barely grown. The ocean is just grief, all the tears, noise that swells beneath the canon, the strafing, the M16, the ocean is the hum that builds and builds and calls on God and rails on Him and quiets down and swells again…it's an endless psalm.

I look out the window too. Like Jap. My test is finished. I think it's an A because I studied.

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We wear the flat caps and the flowing gowns. We move our tassels, he moves mine and I move his. We did it. Whatever we'll be in this life, it won't be high-school drop-outs. But there were times he nearly dropped out. Or I did.

I wouldn't let him. Granma wouldn't let me. And Alice May wouldn't let either one of us. Something about carrying on. It was what he would have wanted. Really?

We stand for pictures, Granma and Aunt May. Aunt May's develop in our hands. Oh look at you. Oh look at me. I'm so serious. We are serious. Even our humor is a weighty attempt…to be here.

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We leave in the morning. Bare morning. Alice May barely awake and grumbling. You never went to sleep and you pack light. You live light. Just barely. I have made decisions and what I don't need is less than what I don't want.

Aunt May's old car will make it. We'll ride it away from the solid things. Aunt May saying good-bye and Granma sound asleep. My note on the kitchen table. "I know you said to be sure and wake you up…." And the extra ten dollars sitting on top of my purse.

If I had tears, they would fall about now. They would splash on my hands and hold me to this fleeting moment.

But I carry Little Bit across the street and kiss her one more time and hand her to Aunt May. "Be good," I tell her, not Aunt May but my little trembling dog that has slowly become more hers than mine.

We get in, me in the back with my stuff. Jap and Alice in front and one glance at Aunt May, big gray behind her, big white calling to me for a kiss at least and Darnay Road carries us a few hundred feet…and lets us go.


End file.
